Warmth in the relationship between a man and a woman. Warm relationships that devastate

The psychology of relations between a man and a woman is an immense topic that you can talk about endlessly, and never come to a common denominator. As a psychologist, I studied the theory of relationships for several years, and then in practice, working with clients who are in troubled relationships or on the verge of breaking up, I identified some of the most important relationship rules that can be easily applied in practice in order to achieve mutual understanding and long happy years of marriage.

In this article, I will tell you what you should never do in a relationship. You will learn three forbidden tricks, as well as six rules of what you need to do if you want to build a healthy harmonious relationship. What do they want, what are they afraid of and what do men and women dream about in a relationship - you will find out in this article.

So, the psychology of relations between a man and a woman.

How to never do - 3 forbidden tricks in a relationship

Most of us grew up in the Soviet era, and our parents and grandparents, who grew up in the Soviet era, passed on their way of thinking and beliefs to us. In the post-war period, people got married because it was impossible to survive alone, and many families were created on the basis of the proverb “be patient, fall in love”. There was no psychology of relations then, and therefore their relationship is for us rather an indicator of how not to do it, how not to communicate and how not to live. But unconsciously, we nevertheless adopted their behavior model, which successfully earned ≈80% of divorces. So, what did they do that we should never repeat?

Technique #1: "Losers"

The first thing that was almost accepted was to insult each other and inadvertently say that “you are a simpleton and a fool, and you won’t succeed”, “no one needs you except me”, “you have always been a loser” and everything like that. In other words, there was no support and protection in the relationship, and mutual jokes that degraded dignity and lowered self-esteem became rougher and more painful every year.

You must understand that popular psychology did not exist then, and the foundation of relationships was in most cases forced or forced. Many people did not know what a resourceful and healthy relationship is. But now you are reading this article, and it is your duty to pass on to your children and grandchildren a new, psychologically healthy model of relationships. After all, no matter how many smart books your children read about this, unconsciously they will still learn the model of their parents' relationships, that is, yours.

Mutual reproaches and insults, disbelief in your partner is a great power. A woman who does not believe in the success of her man, does not respect him and allows herself insulting words addressed to him, is able to turn a charismatic and successful man into a typical "sofa character" with a low standard of living and a complete lack of self-confidence. A man who does not put his woman in anything can also easily turn a beautiful blooming woman into a worthless hunched-up little woman in a few years or even months, which really becomes "no one else needs except him."

Why is this happening? Because anyone, even the most self-confident person with a steel rod, hearing the same words addressed to him, sooner or later begins to believe in them. Call your partner a loser every day, and after a while he will also begin to think of himself, and the hour is not far off when he will actually turn into a complete loser. As they say, whatever you call a ship, that's how it will sail.

Sometimes it seems that many people take pleasure in showing their partner that he did everything wrong, he did not succeed, and he is nothing of himself. Perhaps this is the biggest mistake in a relationship, and also the most traumatic thing for a person, to immerse him in a sense of failure and unfulfilled expectations. If you act in this way, you will never see a successful partner next to you. In this unhealthy atmosphere, your partner will fade away day by day, and will cease to be desirable and loved for you and for himself.

Technique #2: "We ourselves"

Another big mistake of that time, which we successfully adopted from our grandparents, is that you don’t have to rely on anyone, you don’t need to ask anyone for help, and you have to solve all your problems yourself.

The psychology of a person is such that he can and sometimes wants to solve the problems of his partner, in the depths of his soul it is pleasant for every person to help. But only in those cases when they ask him for help and easily accept it from him. If, for example, a woman makes it clear to a man that she refuses his help, he will most likely stop offering it over time. Because the refusal of help is perceived by a person as his uselessness, lack of demand.

What do we end up with? Infidelity, separation, divorce. And all due to the fact that the spouses, proudly declaring to each other that they do not need anyone's help, eventually begin to feel their lack of demand, the lack of need for each other. Women came to me for consultations who never asked their husband for anything, did everything themselves and believed that he should be grateful to them for this. And then, one fine day, the husband left for another. Because he did not feel his strength and indispensability, being next to a woman who did not need anything from him. And that other one probably needed his help, which means, in his opinion, he himself was needed. Any person is happy when he is asked to help, because this means that he is appreciated and cherished.

In the modern world, both a man and a woman can exist without a relationship, both can support themselves and, in which case, call a "husband for an hour." And, doing everything on their own and not feeling their own relevance in relationships, people cease to understand why they need relationships at all.

In the case when a man does not ask for help and believes that he must do everything himself, the situation is also deplorable. When such a man is in the office, it turns out that he shares almost nothing with his friends or his wife. Among friends, it is somehow “not accepted”, “I will look like a weakling”, “they will ridicule”. And the wife - “on whom will she rely, who will be her support and protection, if I myself need her help? She will stop perceiving me as a protector, stop respecting me.”

As a rule, after a few we find out that all these thoughts are delusions generated by the ancient negative attitudes of the father or grandmother. Having dispelled these misconceptions, we come to the conclusion that sharing problems and asking for help is one of the things that keep and fill the relationship with pleasant joy, connect people even closer to each other and give both partners an important reason to love each other.

Tactic #3: "Strong and Independent"

This mistake is similar to the previous one, but differs in that a person not only does not accept help from his partner, but also tries to compete with him.

We live in a world where long-term relationships are possible only in two opposite roles. Even for same-sex couples, roles are often distributed in two different directions, and both partners complement each other in everything. If one is better at cooking, then let the other fix the plumbing. And if two people in a couple try to be equally strong and perform the same roles, such relationships are usually doomed to failure.

Nature will strive to make opposites out of them. So, if a woman takes on male roles, her level of the male hormone testosterone may well increase. Such a pair of testosterones will have great rough sex for the first time. Then the level of testosterone in the man will start to fall, he will become weaker, he will begin to have problems with erection. Over time, he will lose interest in his strong woman. And it would be better for him if it happened as soon as possible. Otherwise, he may lose his job, self-confidence, besides, his body will weaken, he will become more fragile and feminine. So, it is completely unprofitable for a man to be in a relationship with a strong woman, otherwise nature, striving for eternal balance, will make a weak man out of him.

And this is not about the fact that a woman should be weak, and a man should be strong. This means that in a pair no one should compete with each other. If you caught yourself wanting to earn not just a lot, but more than your partner; on the desire to be brighter, better, more beautiful, more interesting than he is. The desire to stand out against its background. Or the fact that you are insulted and humiliated by his successes, while you are not succeeding. All this may mean that you unconsciously burn with a desire to be better than him, to defeat him.

So those were the three most common relationship mistakes. Of course, there are many more such mistakes in life. You can deal with them and understand how to build relationships with me at. You can sign up for it and see the cost. And in those couples where partners make these mistakes, discord in the relationship quickly sets in. Avoid them if you want to create harmony and comfort in your family.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman - 6 simple rules

How to build harmonious, mature, respectful and, most importantly, long-term relationships? Now you will read about six rules, six pillars that support psychologically healthy, resourceful relationships, and if you can build these rules into your family relationships, your fairy tale will have a happy ending!

Rule #1: Mindfulness

Due to the fact that people tend to unconsciously adopt the family model from their parents, partners often find themselves in co-dependent roles: victim, persecutor (aggressor) and rescuer. The victim is under pressure and coercion of the aggressor, and the rescuer wants to help the victim.

Everyone usually has their favorite role, but this triangle is dynamic, for example: the husband is dominant and aggressive towards the wife (husband is the persecutor, wife is the victim). The wife cries and complains to her mother, and the mother gives advice and tries to help (the wife is the victim, the mother is the rescuer).

Or like this: the husband drinks and comes home feeling guilty. The wife yells at him, swears and shows aggression. Because of the negativity dumped on him, the husband goes to drink. And at home he is again waiting for this punishment. The wife blames her husband for everything, and the husband, in turn, considers his wife to be the culprit of his alcoholism. And both are constantly changing roles in the triangle (victim-tyrant-rescuer). Such a phenomenon in psychology is called an endless conflict. This is the magnet that keeps husband and wife close to each other. As a rule, it is based on an unresolved and unconscious intrapersonal conflict and a neurotic relationship with a parent.

If you understand that you are also a member of the codependent triangle, then in order for the relationship with your partner to become conscious, psychologically healthy and happy, you need to fully realize this and get out of the triangle. Especially to help you with this, I wrote a book. It consists of tasks, completing which, you will become a conscious person, learn to defend your boundaries and gain the determination to change everything that does not suit you in life and in relationships. You will stop holding and enduring, understand your true desires and begin to fulfill them. You will change your relationship with others: you will easily talk about what does not suit you and change it.

Rule #2: "Winners"

What is required for this? Sincere, genuine faith in a partner. Words that enhance his self-esteem and his faith in himself. Actions to improve it. Thoughts on his success, growth and development, sincere wishes for all the best for him.

All this will give your partner energy and inspiration, thanks to which he will believe in himself, will achieve his goals and, most importantly, will love you more and more every day.

It is important for everyone to hear words of support from the closest person, to know that he has something to rely on and there is someone who believes in him. After all, if a loved one believes in you, do you really have chances not to believe in yourself?

A woman who gives a man energy and inspiration, believes in him and speaks openly about it every day, a man will never leave. He will appreciate her and will do anything for her, just to feel that she believes and know that she considers him a winner.

The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman is as follows: a sincere interest in the happiness of another gives rise to an energy exchange aimed at developing the abilities, talents, achievements of a partner, as well as increasing his emotional level and quality of life.

“You are talented, smart, efficient, skillful”, “you are strong, you know how to bring things to the end, capable, worthy of the best.” "You'll be fine."

It would seem that such simple words. Why don't most couples say them to each other every day, and persist in divorcing? It's good that you are no longer one of them, and soon your relationship will turn 180 degrees towards happiness.

Rule #3: Helpers

Recall the second mistake in relationships - do not do everything yourself. Learn to ask for help and then thank for the help. Any person wants to feel needed and in demand, and, as you remember, it is requests for help that make a person understand that his partner needs him, is in demand and irreplaceable. Ask your partner to help you and accept this help with joy and gratitude.

I also made a video for you about the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman:

Ask for help sincerely, and then your partner will know that you need him. It is so important for him to feel important. And sometimes it is so important for you to unload, relax and get help from a loved one. As a result of such an exchange, both partners win, and the relationship wins: one receives help, and the other is convinced of his importance and hears words of gratitude that inspire him to do even more and better for his partner.

Rule #4: "Fight the Right Way"

It is generally accepted that a quarrel or conflict is something negative, leading to not the most favorable consequences for relationships. But after all, a conflict is a clash of interests, which means a great opportunity to get to know each other better and take relationships to a new level. Now I will tell you how not only not to quarrel, but also to make a quarrel a turning point towards rapprochement.

Communicate politely but firmly. Never raise your voice to your partner. There is an opinion that a person screams when he wants to be heard. But it has long been proven that the human psyche reacts in exactly the opposite way: a person stops hearing you just at the moment when you raise your voice to him. Thus, yelling at your partner is only worth it if you want your conversation to lose all meaning.

Start any fight on a positive note: talk about what is positive about your partner and what he does for you and for the relationship. It is important that your words are sincere, and that you really thought so.

Talk about the feelings and emotions you are experiencing. “I feel bad because we don’t have this” ... “I’m offended that” ...

When you are sure that you have been heard, express your wishes. What do you want? "I would be extremely pleased if next time we" ...

The basic rule is that you communicate sincerely and frankly. They didn’t play around and didn’t look for workarounds, but they said what they think. But in a new constructive form. Do not pronounce the pronoun "you", because after it, just like from a raised voice, the person stops hearing you. “You couldn’t”, “you forgot” - is perceived as a claim, and the first reaction of the human psyche to such words is to defend itself, and not to listen.

Your task is to make sure that the person hears you and listens. Therefore, replace “you’re bad” with “it’s unpleasant for me,” and “how could you” with “it’s hard for me, I’m offended.”

Rule #5: "Love"

Myself. Only those relationships where everyone loves himself can be harmonious. Where everyone has their own territory, which does not depend on a loved one.

What does the absence of your territory and self-love look like in a relationship? The absence of one's own territory stimulates the desire to occupy the territory of another. Control, check, doubt, suffer in his absence, wait, worry, get angry that he came later or did not call back right away. Such a person does not love himself. He encroaches on the territory of another and, like a bath leaf, clings to his partner and begins to choke him with his “love”. He does not have his own territory, he does not have an interesting exciting job, his close friends, personal hobbies and hobbies, and he smears relationships into all the voids of other areas of life. If the other at the same time has his own territory and he loves himself, then such a relationship is doomed to failure. After all, it is impossible to force love. You can only inspire love. And the one who stands with a rolling pin at the entrance when you are three minutes late home does not inspire love at all.

A harmonious relationship is where everyone loves himself, has his own life, is himself a separate person, does not try to merge with a partner and control him, simply because he has his own life, which is of the greatest interest to him. Harmonious relationships are when you feel good together, and you give each other joy and pleasure. But you are wonderful without each other. You can read more about what self-love is.

Thus, the basis of any happy relationship is, first of all, a happy relationship with yourself. And in order for you to build relationships filled with love and respect, you first need to learn to love and respect yourself, to become a separate person with your own separate territory.

I have a practice book. I have included the most effective self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love techniques that have helped many of my clients build happy and healthy relationships by changing their attitude towards themselves. If you have problems with this, you can read the full description and purchase the book.

Rule #6: "Speak"

Talk to each other. Never think, do not build illusions from fragments of phrases and allusions. Leave no ambiguity between you. And stop thinking that your partner will figure it out. Men, for example, do not build canvases from illusions and conjectures, as women sometimes do. They are much easier to perceive direct conversations and practically do not recognize signs and omissions. And women who tend to think and guess are perhaps an even greater threat to relationships. After all, a man will ask, ask again, try. And the woman herself will come up with, she will be offended, and who knows what consequences this may have!

So speak, speak! Do it calmly, politely but firmly. Express your thoughts. Let your partner know what you really want. Talk about how you feel (even if mom said that you have to endure. Remember the beginning of the article - mom did not know psychology).

Nowadays, relationships are created in order to be happy. Do everything that is described in this article, and over time you will succeed.

Love is…

In this article, I presented a variant of what a healthy harmonious relationship should look like. But I didn’t talk about what most relationships really are, and how to move from them to “healthy”. Relationships happen, scandals can happen in them. Some have to live with their parents, and it also happens that as many as three generations live in the same apartment. Many unconsciously copy the behavior of mom or dad, thereby destroying their family. Problems can be completely different, and each of them requires a separate article. And even better - a separate conversation with a psychologist. Because your problem is not like anyone else's, and I can't cover and break it down for everyone in an article or video.

My name is Lara Litvinova, I am a psychologist, and I conduct consultations via Skype. Together with you in a consultation, we can understand your situation and decide how it can be changed. You can book a consultation with me via in contact with, instagram or . You can get acquainted with the cost of services and the scheme of work. Reviews about me and my work you can read or leave.

I work with relationship problems as well as the personal problems that cause them. I will help you deal with yourself and with your partner, build a mature, warm and happy relationship that will last for many years.

Conclusion

If you follow the rules I have proposed for the psychology of relations between a man and a woman, you will be able to build harmonious and healthy relationships and extend them until old age.

And do not forget to purchase my book "" on how to build conscious relationships, stop adjusting and enduring, and gain the determination to immediately change everything that does not suit you in life and in relationships. You can buy and read the full description

People are collective creatures and feel comfortable in pairs. To create a family, nature endowed them with different qualities, responsibilities, tasks. However, gender, mental, physiological differences, behavioral reactions often lead to misunderstandings. The subtleties in the psychology of relations between a man and a woman will help to identify the weaknesses and strengths of partners, to find common ground.

Common Mistakes

Nature provides that long-term relationships are possible only in a harmonious union. Even for same-sex couples, one takes care of the house, the other performs the function of a breadwinner. If both are trying to dominate, mutual understanding, friendship between a man and a woman in the psychology of relationships should not be counted on.

The union is doomed when the wife assumes the functions of her husband, is responsible for the finances, the life of the family. Due to the energy imbalance, the body begins to synthesize more testosterone, which enhances male character traits, changes the type of relationship. Many wives try to mold their husbands to fit their mold, mistakenly believing that they will have common goals that will strengthen the family. Some choose to covertly manipulate complex, multi-way communications to serve their own interests.

Quote!The beginning of love is in attention, then in election, then in achievement, because love without work is dead.

Subconsciously understanding the pressure or psychological superiority of the weaker half, the partner loses potential. From self-doubt, libido disappears, due to a decrease in androgenic hormone, weight gain occurs according to the female type. Who understands what this will lead to, sooner or later they leave the family.

Most often, interactions in a couple develop according to a patriarchal scenario with privileged access to power for the head of the family. This type of behavior is inherent in an emotionally depressed person who is afraid of the fear of defeat, asking for help, gaining false authority by tyranny of the household.

All of the listed types of interaction are stable, the existing scenarios are rarely revised. For many, it is easier to breed than to try to reorganize the model, to build a line of behavior based on mutual respect.

Scandals and relationship weaknesses

The stronger sex is identified with strength, freedom, masculinity - a set of beliefs, ideas and behavioral patterns that meet social expectations. At the genetic level, they differ:

• dominant psychotype;
• rational mind;
• the desire for self-realization;
• the desire to conquer and win.

The thirst for power forces you to remove obstacles from the road in the face of competitors and rivals. The excitement of a hunter makes you pay attention to other girls, even if Miss Russia is nearby. Weaknesses in the psychology of relations between a man and women china:

1. Unwillingness to openly express emotions. In their understanding, they evoke a sense of helplessness that is contrary to masculinity. The decision is always made by logical reasoning, not relying on intuition and feelings.
2. Fear of addiction. In their opinion, girls tend to infiltrate their personal space, limit freedom, so they are in no hurry to make an offer.
3. Chauvinism. Confidence in gender superiority, exclusivity by birthright makes it difficult to respond to the opposite opinion.

Important! The behavior of the stronger sex is predictable, orderly and logical. This is their essence, and it must be taken for granted.

Female psychology of relationships

Unlike them, ladies are irrational, impressionable, romantic, prone to idealization, sacrifice. In priority - feelings, family, children. The type of behavior with a partner is formed depending on experience, family scenarios, cultural traditions. Fairy tales about princes, demographic problems, and the Russian mentality have a great influence on the worldview.

In life, a woman-mother, a predator, a boss, a child and a friend are more common. The psychotype sets a subconscious control program that determines the psychology of relationships with each other. However, one should not forget about the duality of female nature. If necessary, takes a masculine position and successfully copes with its functions. The girl is ready to give up leadership in a pair if they feel that the partner is stronger in spirit. However, in both cases there is an internal conflict. If the husband is energetically weaker, the “weak side” suffers, if the couple dominates, the strong one.

Important! A healthy psychology of relations between a man and a woman is not built on the weakness of one of the partners. The task of the couple is to find a compromise, to learn to understand and give in.

Relationship needs of men and women

Every alpha male has a deep need for love, understanding, support. It is important for him to be accepted as he is, trusted, listened to opinion. The ideal wife should share his interests, have sex with passion, be infinitely devoted. A man in love wants to be proud of his beloved, to see a person with diverse interests next to him.

Important! One of the basic needs of a man in a relationship is admiration for courage, intelligence and physical qualities.

A woman is more sensual, thin and vulnerable. Lives in dreams, experiences, emotions. Worships a person capable of doing things for her sake, satisfying basic needs:

• in safety;
• procreation;
• providing for the family.

Appreciates care, attention, sensitivity. For the sake of preserving the family and the well-being of children, he often makes sacrifices. If natural features are taken into account, conflicts can be avoided and mutual desires can be better understood. . Psychologists distinguish 4 fundamentally different points.

1. It is important for a guy to feel respect for himself as a person, a girl needs love. He does not feel desirable if his opinion is not listened to. The girl's priority is romance and beautiful words. It’s better for him to say: “I’m proud of you,” to her: “I love you.”
2. The stronger sex expresses feelings through violent sex. Partners value foreplay more than the act itself, explaining this by the fact that there he emphasizes the value of relationships.
3. Guys prefer to communicate in the process, girls find out the relationship, looking into the eyes, violently express emotions.
4. He needs time to collect his thoughts, she deals with them during the conversation, often asking the question out loud and loudly voicing the answer.

Many begin to understand the psychology of relationships if the task is to keep a soul mate.

Stages of the relationship between a man and a woman in psychology

The first is love. The human psyche includes the feminine (anima), the masculine (animus), successfully interacting with each other. At this stage, each is looking for their projections in the other. According to Professor Fischer's theory, the romantic stage lasts from several months to 3 years. This condition causes an increased release of dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, endorphin.

Important! Hormones of joy, pleasure and excitement determine the psychology of relationships and type of behavior.

In this phase, men are just as concerned about appearance as women. When the opportunity arises, they demonstrate strength, biceps and courage. They give flowers to the lady of the heart, fall asleep with compliments, as befits a male. Girls openly express emotions, idolize the chosen one and point blank do not see shortcomings.

A period of unfulfilled hopes

The stage of recognition passes into the phase of satisfaction of needs as:

• hypertrophied desire for unconditional love;
• the need for acceptance and understanding;
• bodily contact;
• realization of sensory needs.

The guy and the girl expect appropriate actions in relation to themselves, they are disappointed if the other does not live up to expectations. Since each subconsciously seeks to solve a personal problem at the expense of the other, the unrealized energy of expectations breaks out and provokes quarrels.

Important! If a person projects personal problems onto another and waits for their partner to solve them, this leads to a break. In such cases, they usually say: "We are not suitable for each other or" We are different. If the couple manages to find mutual understanding, the relationship between a man and a woman psychology at the stage of acceptance goes to the next level.

Exchange stage

During this period, people are freed from projections. They see each other as personalities, also:

• accept shortcomings;
• appreciate the partner for his strengths and qualities of character;
• interact actively;
• easy to compromise.

The guy gives the girl strength and protection, she gives him respect, support and care. Relationships are built on the creative power of love. Everyone intuitively feels how a loved one treats him. If "one loves, the second allows", the union is doomed. A constantly giving person quickly loses energy, feels that on a subtle plane, a partner destroys him. To avoid illness or not lose business, he leaves.

Attention! To build harmonious relationships, you do not need to create energy blocks that block love and well-being. It is important not only to take, but also to give love through the manifestation of sincere care.

Harmonization stage

Not all couples reach this stage. People with great inner potential, driven by sincere feelings, can build the right line of behavior, develop relationships, respect the position and feelings of another. In this cycle of relationships, inner unity occurs.

According to universal laws, the weak half fills the strong half with the energy of the earth, since the connection to the upward flow in men is much weaker. They receive the energy of direction from above and transform both into material goods. The success of a partner in a career and financial prosperity depends on the inner strength, the energy component of a woman. Only such an energy exchange allows you to create strong bonds and give birth to healthy children.

Important! It is too early for couples who have successfully passed all the stages to relax. Marriage involves a permanent job. If you do not engage in strengthening relations, a dead end lies ahead.

The psychology of conscious relationships

Productivity of communication depends on the level of personal development and experience. Everyone is personally responsible for the development of relationships. Not everyone understands that the imposition of a subjective opinion, statements like “he is obliged” does not lead to anything. As soon as claims and emotions begin, the constructive component immediately leaves the conversation.

People switch to mutual reproaches and stop hearing the interlocutor. The dialogue is devoted to proving the rightness, is built on the principle of an accusatory speech in court. If no one gives in, the energy of negative emotions sweeps away everything in its path. The winner is the one who managed to humiliate the opponent more or came to assault.

Smart interlocutors intuitively feel the boundaries of what is permitted and do not invade personal space. A mature relationship is a lot like a business partnership. What will a businessman do if cooperation is no longer profitable? Will he appeal to his partner's conscience or accuse him of dishonesty? He'll just break the contract. This is exactly what couples do when the relationship becomes unprofitable.

How to develop family relationships

If a wife becomes a shadow of her husband and lives in his interests, she loses his respect and self-confidence. A man is also not always uncomfortable "under the heel" of a woman. If we reconstruct the model of interaction, we can find harmony. The main components of a joint happy life:

• novelty;
• emotions;
• respect for one's own and others' interests;
• the right to personal space.

An effective psychology of relations between a man and a woman can be built according to 2 scenarios.

partnership

People learn to negotiate and honestly fulfill their part of the obligations. The difficulty is that in our mentality it is customary to rely more on feelings than logic. If, apart from sex, people find other points of contact, they will be able to agree.

commonwealth

This relation format is more complicated than the previous one. People do not focus on agreement, but on the joint achievement of common goals. Today it is the best option for interaction in marriage, business, raising children.

Movies about relationships

We present you a selection of the top 10 films about relationships:

1. Road of change.

   Figure out what triggered another quarrel, what reasons caused indignation. Record it on the recorder, calm down, listen to the conversation. This makes it possible to hear the partner's claims and realize their own. In the emotional heat, consciousness fades into the background, the subconscious program begins to control the conflict. In these moments, people do not control their thoughts and speak the truth.

   Stop making claims, shifting responsibility for unsuccessful relationships to your partner and finding out who is more to blame. Intelligible explanations of the reasons for quarrels, readiness to forgive insults significantly improve relations. After realizing the problems, conduct a joint monitoring of the relationship.

   Important! Show the other person that he is valuable and dear, confirm in practice your personal willingness to compromise, the desire to change the scenario.

   
   

   Individual development of each partner

   In a healthy relationship, partners speak honestly about personal grievances, express dissatisfaction in a respectful manner. To psychologically grow to such a level, you need to improve yourself. In order to understand the reasons, grievances, claims, it is important to move away from the social patterns imposed on men and women by society, to understand the nature of things. Conflict analyzes, reading of specialized literature, seminars, trainings, mutual desire to overcome the crisis, common goals will save you from repeating mistakes.

   When a deep understanding comes that happiness is not a given of higher powers, but everyday work, multiplied by knowledge, experience, love and friendship, relationships are transformed into something more. People become one, accumulate healthy energy that makes the family happy.

   Harmonious relationships are work, but they are fun. Who needs a family where people constantly sort things out and cannot agree? If each of the partners will give as much as they give him, take care of his life partner, the union is doomed to success.

   
   

There are only two sexes on the planet: a man and a woman… Throughout the ages they have been trying to get along together, to understand each other, to overcome crises in their own relationships, despite the fact that their psychology differs significantly. Why, before reaching harmony, representatives of both sexes overcome many difficulties?

Features of the psychology of men and women

Men and women are so different in nature that they have to constantly balance between reason, feelings, emotionality, logic, rationality, intuition, etc. This is an endless circle of grinding, resentment, rejection and acceptance. But there are pluses here: opposites tend to complement each other, and this is the whole point of the psychology of relationships in a couple.

Unfortunately, harmonious relations between a man and a woman are very rare. Psychologists notice that every decade it becomes more and more difficult for couples to independently achieve the desired balance. This happens due to the shift in gender roles, when people, despite the nature of their psychology, are forced to solve tasks that are unusual for themselves. But first things first! So, what is the difference between the psychology of a man and the psychology of a woman?

Male psychology in relationships

If you try to abstractly represent the couple as the brain, then the role of the left hemisphere will be assigned to the man. This half is responsible for specificity, rationality, logic, reason, analytics, consistency, isolation, etc. Men are more stingy with emotions, they are focused on the “here and now” situation, more pragmatic, independent.

In the psychology of relationships with a woman, men cannot reach mutual understanding, because they think and perceive the world around them in completely different ways. When a representative of the stronger sex talks about his problems, he is looking for ways to resolve them, while women share their pain just to be listened to, supported, imbued with her experiences. Therefore, when a man thinks that a companion is asking him to find a solution, in response he receives accusations of insensitivity and emotionlessness. The main feature of the guys is to say everything directly, which is why conflicts in the family grow like a snowball. Men sincerely do not understand why they should guess the reason for a woman’s resentment, while the woman, in turn, is offended: her beloved has become too cold towards her (he has ceased to appreciate, love, understand her). She tries to speak out her feelings, which makes her chosen one annoyed, demanding specifics. Familiar?

And now let's look into the depths of male psychology in order to understand the true essence:

1. It is difficult for a man to talk about his emotional inner state. This is a centuries-old problem, the origins of which are taken from the psychology of parent-child relationships, where parents teach boys to be strong (be patient), patient (do not cry), persistent (this is not a problem), stingy with words (you are not a girl), etc. d.
2. Independence. It always seems to a man that his companion is encroaching on his freedom, hence the different perception of reality. That is why guys are afraid of serious relationships, and even entering into them, they continue to fight for the right to personal time (space, money).
3. A man is a priori a male, it is laid down at the genetic level. He always pays attention to other women, whether you like it or not. That is why it is important for a woman in a relationship to be able to be a lover, wife, mistress, girlfriend, mother. If any link falls out of the chain of needs, there is a chance for a third person to appear.
4. For a man, the key goal is to take place as a person, his self-esteem depends on this. If in a family they change roles with a woman (it's not just about making money), then the output can be a depressive, apathetic, "dry" partner.
5. Men always abstract from conflicts and showdowns. Quarrels introduce them into a stupor, give a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness. Therefore, anticipating a family scandal, they begin to lie, leave, close, get out.

But if everything is so easy and understandable, why do not all couples overcome the crises of family relationships? Because female psychology is so different that the union of two opposites can sometimes be compared with the opposition of natural elements. What is the female psyche?

Women's psychology in relationships

A woman is naturally assigned the role of the right hemisphere, where a whole emotional spectrum is collected: imagination, dreams, intuition, feelings, images, abstractness, unity. Girls in relationships with the opposite sex are destined to be the keepers of the hearth, caring and attentive allies, passionate furies, reasonable companions. Moreover, a woman would be happy to give herself to her chosen one, but collisions and waves of misunderstanding smash all desires to smithereens. Why is this happening?

It is important for a woman to surround her only one with care, attention, affection, warmth, for them it is natural, this is how love is manifested. Men are suffocated by this, they consider it an encroachment on personal space, for which they receive accusations of selfishness. Women, tired of fighting for frank family conversations, desirable leisure activities, endless attention, as a result, begin to consider men incapable of building strong relationships, callous, insensitive and cowardly. Family psychologists note that most relationship problems could have been avoided if men could show their weaknesses, and women, in turn, would be able to perceive a companion more objectively.

What is the female psychology in a relationship with a man?

1. A woman needs words. This is regarded as attention, love, encouragement, emotional release. It's simple: "I love you. I appreciate you. You are a beautiful, beautiful woman. I admire your charisma. I love your sense of humor. You are the goddess of culinary excellence." If men knew this secret, they would have lived in harmony long ago.
2. A woman tends to idealize the chosen one. This has been going on since childhood, when all the girls who have read fairy tales about princes dream of eternal romantic relationships. You don’t have to sing serenades under the balcony, but flowers, care, knightly zeal to protect, protect, groom and cherish are a must! And when her man shows feelings differently (smacks goodbye, buys products instead of flowers), disappointment sets in very quickly. “You don’t love me,” she cries, to which she receives sincere bewilderment.
3. It is important for a woman to be weak, such is their psychology. In a relationship, she should be engaged in the process: raising children, arranging comfort, cooking, gardening, needlework, caring for animals - this is how nature is supposed to. Let everything be transformed today and only a few are engaged in needlework, but the fact remains: a woman should be the rear, not the head! As soon as the "feminine nature" is infringed, the union collapses.
4. A woman needs to openly pronounce her inner state. If she is limited in this (taunted, devalued, dismissed, angry, annoyed), over time this leaves a negative imprint on the relationship in a couple. The companion closes, pinches, becomes depressed and melancholy.

So it turns out that, even having feelings, radically different views (expectations) from relationships build an invisible wall between people, which leads to suffering, and then to parting.

Stages of development of relations between a man and a woman

The relationships of young people never stand still, they develop, moving from one stage to another. And with each stage, the couple becomes wiser, stronger and stronger, if, of course, they can overcome love crises.

Relationships between a guy and a girl begin with falling in love. This is the most “blind”, pleasant step. During this period, young people idealize their choice, enjoy the time spent together, dream of the future and endlessly swear love. The couple communicates a lot, helps, supports, entertains each other. A man becomes braver, more attentive, more confident, takes care of himself, does crazy things for the sake of love. In women, activity, working capacity, mood increase. The stage of falling in love lasts no more than a year and a half. This emotional upsurge is associated with a hormonal surge, which is why such strong feelings are called chemistry.

When a girl begins to notice the shortcomings of her partner, the relationship smoothly flows into the second stage - satiety. Psychologists call this period stable, noting that a couple needs it in order to avoid emotional burnout. This is the time when people are still interested in each other, but are slowly returning to the reality of being. They devote less time to relationships, sad nostalgia for the past passion appears, and at the end comes awareness. If a couple maintains an alliance in the name of love, and does not chase emotions, it moves to the next stage of development.

The third stage of the relationship between a man and a woman is rejection. Psychologists call this time the stage of unjustified expectations. Rose-colored glasses break with a rattle, and out (suddenly) such qualities creep out from the chosen one that have never existed before. Young people begin to annoy each other's habits, characters, upbringing, words, and we only blame the partner for this: “You weren’t like that before. So you've been pretending before! Liar, rascal." This situation is exacerbated if the couple already lives in the same territory. The main thing here is to be able to find compromises, otherwise a bitter break cannot be avoided.

If the couple has the wisdom and strength to overcome the first crisis, the partners enter the stage of tolerance. This is a victory over illusions, vain disappointments, negative emotions. People grow up in each other's eyes and begin to think more rationally. It comes to the realization that a happy relationship is the complete acceptance of a companion by a whole person who has the right to his own opinion, mood, behavior and feelings. A person is no longer judged by his actions, no one is trying to remake him, mutual respect appears between partners, emotional adjustment is successfully performed. Here, already quite successfully, a couple can exist as spouses, planning the future and running a joint household.

Now that all the worst is over, the man and woman are moving on to the stage of service. This is a period of real mature relationships, where people have not only accepted each other with all the flaws, but also learned to appreciate a partner, invest their soul and knowledge in him, strive to develop relationships, help, respect and love for free. Service does not come from the word "serve", it has a different meaning. “To serve the interests of another person” - this is how psychologists interpret this stage. These relationships are deep, adult, trusting, grateful, where values ​​are completely rethought.

Psychology calls the last stage in the union between a man and a woman true love. As a rule, such relations reign between spouses who have lived together for at least fifteen years. This is a spiritual type of relationship - the highest possible, where personal development in a couple continues uninterruptedly, where they have long learned to understand each other without words, where not an act, but the person himself is of great value. In this case, people are connected by kinship of souls: to achieve this means to find inner harmony!

Psychologist's advice: in order to successfully go through all the stages of a relationship, you first need to work on yourself. As soon as you manage to work out your problems, a person will begin to cooperate with a partner, respect him, accept and competently balance the emotional balance in the family.

What prevents a man and a woman from building harmonious relationships

First of all, the psychology of relations between a man and a woman is formed in the family, where children unconsciously adopt the manner of behavior with the opposite sex from their parents. If a father and mother have constant quarrels, disrespect for each other, insults or indifference, they automatically lay down a similar model of relationship for the child. Because it is in adults that we learn to interact with people, solve problems that arise, and overcome stress. Therefore, the main task in the process of raising children is to teach them not a specific behavior, but mental mobility, where a person can psychologically adjust to each partner (situation) for successful interaction.

Further on psychology is influenced by personal life experience. If a girl used to have guys who drank alcohol, did not respect her companion, constantly lied, she will continue to see scoundrels and scoundrels in other potential young people. If a man met selfish or frivolous girls on his way, then, having met a decent woman, he will not be able to build harmonious relations with her. Can anything be done about it? You can, you just need to look wider, allow yourself to know and accept representatives of the opposite sex. Take life experience as an invaluable lesson that should help, not put up barriers to happiness.

The psychology of relations between a man and a woman is an eternal science, subtle matter, the most important area in the world of human relationships. Ideally, it should be introduced as a compulsory subject already in high school, so that people can successfully overcome interpersonal communication crises.

Why, already at the end of the candy-bouquet period, relations are rolling down, which cannot be done?

1. Change roles if one of the partners is experiencing an intrapersonal conflict. There are couples in which a woman invests money in the family, and a man invests internal resources. It's not bad. It is bad if a man experiences dissatisfaction, humiliation, doubts, etc.
2. Shower each other with reproaches and insults (even veiled). “A loser, a traitor, a resentment, a simpleton, a fool” are in no way acceptable in a harmonious union. There should be protection in a relationship, and not mutual jokes that degrade the dignity of their soul mates.
3. Don't trust your partner. Resource relationships are those where there is support and respect even when the spouse (s) is already running out of power. If it systematically sounds: “To be honest, you have never been lucky with work”, “It is unlikely that you will succeed”, “You are not allowed to manage a business”, then no matter how good your motives are, such an attitude is repulsive. And how can you call it "kindness"?
4. Reject the help of a man / devalue the actions of a woman. The psychology of relationships is such that when a girl gets married, she should become weaker, since now she is behind her partner (the same parallel with a man: he should not only accept the duties of a wife, but appreciate it, thank the chosen one, praise). If this does not happen, the disadvantaged partners acutely feel their uselessness, which ultimately leads to a break.
5. Compete. If a woman is visited by the thought: “I want not only to earn more, but to earn more than my husband,” this is the beginning of the end. When a husband deals with a child not for the sake of the child, but to punch his wife in the nose, this is a dead end.

Relationships are a constant work, even the last stages do not give us the right to give up. Love does not tolerate indifference, it does not need restrictions, it is subject only to constant conquest.

The main principles of a successful union between a man and a woman

Smart books say that the secret of relationship psychology lies in love, mutual respect, sexual, psychological and spiritual satisfaction. It all sounds very nice and correct, but you always want more specifics!

So, what needs to be done so that the relationship between a man and a woman becomes harmonious - the recommendations of psychologists:

In a strong alliance between partners, there is always room for concessions, patience, constructive dialogue, faith, energy exchange of positive energy and friendship. All this comes with age, the main thing is desire!

Relationships between a man and a woman often fall apart because they do not "leave" on one love. More precisely, people interpret this feeling in their own way, not being able to transform it and transfer it to other important stages of the relationship. Do not be afraid of quarrels, do not try to pretend that everything is fine, be more attentive to your words and more favorable to the speeches of your other half. Remember that a successful relationship is a building that needs to be remodeled regularly!

Useful video from psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky:

Everyone will certainly have acquaintances, communication with which inspires, literally inhaling strength, the opposite is also familiar: there is a kind of relationship that weakens, internally devastates us. At the same time, any person, depending on the situation, is able to alternately both give energy to others and absorb it, in need of spiritual nourishment.

“Each of us is a potential vampire,” warns psychotherapist Christophe André. - It's in our nature - to expect a lot from another, to desire it all, entirely. However, with the experience of real relationships, we understand: with such a strategy, we are unlikely to keep another person next to us, because he suffers and therefore will avoid us.

It is useful to understand more clearly where energy comes from and what takes it away, how we support and infringe on loved ones, then it will become much easier to build harmonious relationships with them. Christophe Andre analyzes in detail the mechanisms of communication, vampiric properties and those that give us strength, feeding us with their living energy.

Who should you limit your contact with?

Vampiric relationships are easy to recognize by the breakdown that overtakes in communication with a person. They give nothing, emotionally unsettle us. It is easy to outline several portraits of such people, with whom it is worth communicating less often.

• Forever mourning. They are debilitating because their need for sympathy is immeasurable and we can neither fill it, nor even reduce its depth. They entrust us with the mission of saviors, even if we have neither the desire nor the ability to do so. At the same time, they deliberately doom her to failure, since in their hearts they are not at all inclined to accept our advice.
• Dependents. They constantly want confirmation of love and a good attitude towards them, they ask for advice in making the simplest decisions. Childishly clinging, they put us in the position of parents, putting a disproportionate burden of responsibility on our shoulders. And when we try to move away from this imposed role, we are overcome by a sense of guilt.
• Hypersensitive. Their excessive vulnerability forces them to be constantly on the alert. Since everything that happens in a relationship, they are ready to perceive in an unexpected way and interpret in their own way, sometimes writing the plot of a real drama. In response, we are forced to be in constant tension, controlling ourselves in everything.
• Conflicting. They are used to solving any problems through aggression, which, however, does not cost them the slightest effort, because conflict is the element of their existence. On the contrary, those to whom this aggression is directed are devastated by this type of relationship.
• Border trespassers. Their own role in relationships and the boundaries of personal space are always uncertain, and this forces other participants in communication to constantly “tune in”. Since the rules in such relationships are not clearly established, each involved in them involuntarily encroaches on the territory of the other.

Set boundaries

In a vampiric relationship, it is important to keep the right distance so as not to let yourself be pulled into an energy hole. We run the risk of falling under the influence of the pathology of another person, bitterly feeling that we have become its victim, and responding with a stream of our own aggression. We often want to become a savior, and this desire is worth fearing.

Yes, we can often help another, but it is extremely rare to save him. When the irritation in us rises, it is worth asking ourselves two questions: “Am I the one who should play this role?” and “Should I do it alone?” In any case, the alarm signal is our emotions: if we are uncomfortable, then it's time to say “stop”.

What attracts us to such relationships

It is not known why such relationships nourish with bright feelings and encourage, sometimes even filling with a sense of bliss. Let's try to take a closer look at them.

• Pleasant trifles. A compliment from a stranger, a friendly question from a neighbor about how we are doing at work, a simple friendly gesture serve as confirmation that we and our life are interesting to others. We tend to underestimate such signs of attention, automatically responding politely to them. In the meantime, they reinforce their sense of self-worth. We need relationships of different levels, and such “superficial” connections are no less important to us than strong love or strong friendship. So, a lonely elderly person who has the opportunity to exchange greetings with a familiar saleswoman or a pharmacist of a neighboring pharmacy will find in these simple relationships the share of spiritual warmth he needs so much.
• Equitable exchange. Relationships that are built on open emotional exchange enrich us because in them we continuously build each other. By opening ourselves to others, we discover something new in ourselves. In such relationships, no one presses and no one obeys - they have only equality and reciprocity. If someone shares his secrets with us, is ready to accept our advice and follow it, then he trusts us, making us the chosen ones. Dialogue on an equal footing energizes both its participants.
• Gift as acquisition. Giving someone our time, help and love, we radiate positive energy. The reciprocal feelings of those who have accepted our gift always increase our self-esteem. And we get no less than the person to whom we give.
• Feeling of agreement with yourself. In what we do, we feel the meaning and benefit for others - having received confirmation of this, we are full of strength. The teacher, who by his labors turned a hopeless loser into a good student, is literally inspired by his success. Such efforts are rewarded in full: when we act in harmony with ourselves and in accordance with our own values, we feel that other people are needed, and we feel almost invincible.

strike a balance

To feel good, we need to emotionally “fill” ourselves from various sources. We get our daily “diet” by communicating with loved ones. But we also need other relationships - those that sometimes knock us out of the usual rut and force us to change.

It is they who awaken dormant desires and hidden possibilities. Aggressive, provocative people, of course, we do not like, but, annoying us, they encourage us to change, develop and grow. Sometimes such “uncomfortable” relationships are the most effective means to renew our strength.

When the romance is just beginning, the partners are in a state of euphoria. However, it is gradually coming to an end. This does not mean that feelings cease, just their emotional coloring fades: enthusiasm and awe are replaced by unconditional acceptance, mutual respect, calmness and harmony. It is important to know the stages of relationship development.

About the stages of the relationship between a man and a woman

Psychology describes the stages of love in a relationship from falling in love to a feeling that has been tested over the years.

Love

Relationships start with falling in love. At this stage, the young man beautifully looks after the girl, renders signs of attention. Partners attach great importance to meetings and carefully prepare for them. At this stage, lovers try to hide their negative character traits as much as possible.

Interesting. The stage of falling in love can last a little over a year, after which it is replaced by the stage of uncertainty.

Stage of uncertainty

This stage of relationship development is characterized by doubt and reflection. After hot sex, he considers the prospects for a joint future with this woman.

Separation of a man can lead to a temporary separation. Girls don't understand what's wrong in a relationship. It often happens that a girl regards the behavior of a man as the end of the novel. In desperation, she begins to annoy the man with capricious calls, angry text messages. Such behavior disgusts the young man.

It is important for a woman to understand that male psychology is different from female psychology, there is no need to draw hasty conclusions, it is necessary to endure this pause. This time is necessary for a man to listen to himself and decide whether he is ready to take responsibility for a joint future with this particular woman.

Jealousy

After the guy has decided to tie himself to a woman with a love bond, the woman develops distrust. More recently, a man disappeared, did not answer SMS and rarely called, today he is again on her doorstep, and even with a bouquet. How can you not suspect him of treason?

Scenes of jealousy make a man prove his interest in a woman and refute the accusation of treason. Words are reinforced by kisses, hugs, intimacy. However, it takes time to build trust, female jealousy makes a guy doubt his partner's fidelity. Therefore, for 3-6 months, lovers arrange checks on their partner, stealthily read correspondence and monitor pages on social networks.

It should be noted! Female jealousy, which is playful in nature, turns on a man. He likes the game of proving feelings, he enjoys conquering an impregnable woman. He feels like a hero, a winner. Such scenes of jealousy often end in sex - a man likes such an ending.

However, not all women have enough wisdom for playful jealousy. Some impulsive persons throw real tantrums, do not want to listen to any arguments from a man, cry, break dishes. Such outbursts frighten the guy and force him to reconsider his plans for this girl.

It should be remembered! Jealousy is not proof of love. Most often, people who are emotionally dependent on a partner are jealous. It usually turns him off. To take relationships to the next level, you need to show your self-sufficiency and joy in life.

Tolerance

The period of mutual distrust and jealousy ends with the stage of tolerance.

This stage of the relationship between a woman and a man is characterized by harmony. Partners stop getting emotional and proving something. Now they are capable of a compromise solution to any issues.

Analyzing the relationship, the guy and the girl come to the conclusion that they are good together, because they are different. They perfectly complement each other, forming a harmonious pair.

Important! A woman can help a man come to that conclusion. A wise woman will make a man think that this is his merit.

Acceptance of a person

At this stage of love in psychology, it is assumed that partners accept the chosen ones as they are. Having come to terms with the shortcomings of a loved one and leaving all attempts to remake a partner, a man and a woman will learn to appreciate the individuality and originality of the chosen one.

Interesting fact. As soon as a person is no longer reminded daily of his shortcomings and weaknesses, he immediately has a desire to develop and fight his shortcomings.

Sympathy, respect and friendship

A tolerant attitude and unconditional love give rise to long-term sympathy, mutual respect and the ability to be, in addition to lovers, also friends. The participants of the couple like the company of a loved one, he is interesting to them as a person, as a representative of a particular profession.

The need for reciprocal psychological stroking disappears: by doing something pleasant for a loved one, lovers do not expect reciprocal gratitude. They care about their loved one because they appreciate and respect him. The happiness of one is determined by the state of happiness of the other.

Interesting. According to foreign psychologists, the phase of friendship in a love relationship marks a high level of intimacy, which is not available to all couples.

This is the highest degree of evolution of relations. As a rule, spouses over 30 years old come to her. By this time, they already have a rich common past, where there were different situations. Perhaps in their love story there were serious quarrels and temporary separations. The fact that they saved the marriage speaks of the psychological maturity of this couple.

If the relationship stopped at one of the stages

Stops in the development of relationships happen for various reasons. "Sticking" can occur at any of the initial stages. This is due to the partner's lack of psychological readiness for a more serious relationship.

Sometimes a man and a woman meet for a long time, stay overnight with a partner, but the issue of cohabitation is not raised. As a rule, there are logical explanations for this:

• Housing issue. If both adults live with their parents, then moving to him or her will embarrass close relatives. It is not always possible to rent or buy your own housing due to financial problems.
• Many are afraid of independent housekeeping, they are afraid to get into debt.
• The need for personal space. If a person lived alone for a long time, he got used to his habits and his order. He is afraid that the usual foundation will be violated, that the territory will have to be divided.

Is it possible to accelerate the development of relations

Advice. If the relationship is frozen in its development, do not jump to conclusions. It is better to try to bring novelty to them.

However, there is no need to rush things. The thirst for a speedy marriage usually ends in the search for a new love. Everything must happen in its own time. Jumping one of the stages in the development of relationships with almost a 100% guarantee will lead to the completion of the novel.

How to understand that love has arisen

The signs of love are:

• Interest in a partner as a person, and not just as an object of sexual satisfaction.
• Tolerance for the shortcomings of a partner. Sincerely loving people will not constantly point out to a partner his weaknesses.
• The manifestation of tenderness and care in a relationship, even after several years of marriage.
• The desire of partners to improve themselves and delight a life partner.
• Forced separation increases the desire to be with this person.

Important! Love gives a person a lot of positive emotions. Therefore, the stages of love in psychology should naturally change. It is better to enjoy every new day. This is the only true path to happiness.

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