Spiritual father - who is it? About the relationship of a woman with a spiritual father.

Archpriest Vladimir Volgin, rector of the church of Sophia the Wisdom of God in Srednye Sadovniki, answers questions from viewers. Transfer from Moscow. (Revisited July 8, 2014)

Hello dear viewers. On the air of the TV channel "Soyuz" the program "Conversations with the priest". In the studio Sergei Yurgin.

Today our guest is the rector of the church in honor of Sophia the Wisdom of God on Sofiyskaya embankment in Moscow Archpriest Vladimir Volgin.

Hello, father, bless our viewers.

Hello. God bless.

- The topic of today's program is "Confessor and spirituality."

Who is a confessor?

In a sense, I share the terms "confessor" and "spiritual father". This is my personal understanding and maybe I'm wrong.

A confessor is a priest who constantly takes confession from a given person. People go to church and regularly confess to one priest. They consider him their confessor, because they ask him for advice, regularly open their souls to him. Probably, spirituality is limited to this.

A spiritual father is a kind of secret relationship between a spiritual child and a priest. This relationship is sometimes compared to marriage. We remember how the apostle Paul says about marriage, that husband and wife are one flesh, and this mystery is great. That is, neither mother and son, nor mother and son, nor father and daughter or son, but only husband and wife. Only here is a mysterious spiritual union. Such a spiritual union is concluded between a priest whom a Christian chooses to be his spiritual father.

A spiritual father is a person who educates a person in the spirit of Christian Orthodox piety, who betrays himself into his will, on the one hand, and on the other hand, concludes these relationships. How we were brought up by our father and mother from day to day, and, perhaps, our parents still advise us something from their great deep experience, and we listen to them. Moreover, we should listen to the spiritual father. The spiritual father must convey a special experience connected with the narrow path to salvation. The spiritual father fosters the human soul, nurses it. A spiritual father gives birth to a spiritual child into spiritual life and the spiritual world. This is the secret of the relationship between the spiritual child and the spiritual father.

Undoubtedly, when a person elects his spiritual father as his leader, he, first of all, must decide at all costs to fulfill everything that his spiritual father advises him to do. In this obedience he must see the object of his spiritual growth.

I will give an example from my own life. I very much obeyed my spiritual father, Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), and if I did not obey, then because of my spiritual eclipse, when for some moment I was spiritually blind. Moreover, he did not obey once, it would seem, in the most insignificant matter, but then he realized that he had made a big mistake.

Between the ages of 40-45, I was very sick, there were very strong stomach pains, the body sometimes did not even perceive liquid food and water. My mother kept asking our confessor for blessings to do a thorough examination of my body in order to choose the right treatment. For a long time the priest did not bless, but he was by no means against medicine and treated people who were not treated with great contrition. He said that the sin of refusing treatment is tantamount to the sin of suicide, called on everyone to be treated and was treated himself. And suddenly he did not bless me to go to the doctors.

I have a hunch that the father, by his perspicacity, knew that as a result of the examination, an operation would be proposed, and that the operation should not be allowed.

My mother and I arrived at the Pskov-Caves Monastery and were expecting a meeting with Father John. I could not find a place for myself: I would like to lie down, but I can’t, I can’t sit, and I sat exhausted in a corner on my haunches. Father John comes, talks to one of the visitors and turns to me with a request to run to the Archangel Cathedral, find a monk there, take something from him and bring it. Since I understood that in order to fulfill the assignment, I would have to make at least four heavy marches - the Archangel Cathedral is located on top of the bowl in which the Pskov-Caves Monastery is located. I perfectly understood that already on the second march my soul could fly away from my mortal body, but I could not fail to fulfill the obedience given by my spiritual father.

I managed to get to the Archangel Cathedral, the soul, as you see, remained in the body, but I did not find the monk and returned without salty slurping back. Father John only grinned into his mustache in response to my story. Perhaps some point of no return has been passed. Surprisingly, from that moment on, my illness began to recede.

And now, after some time, Father John says that I must conduct a thorough examination of the body, and if an operation is required, do not hesitate and agree to it. The examination was done, nothing was found, no operation was required, and the painful symptoms practically disappeared.

Your obedience served to further your healing. There is a saying in the Orthodox environment that obedience is higher than fasting and prayer. Is this true or is there some nuance?

This saying is based on a correct and deep understanding of obedience. But from a human point of view, as in the example of Father John, who did not bless me for some time to go to the doctor with my pains, this is higher than fasting and prayer. Any obedience to a spiritual father who knows the will of God becomes higher than fasting and prayer.

This in no way denigrates either fasting or prayer. We remember how in the Gospel the disciples of Christ could not cast out a demon from a boy and asked Christ why they could not do this. He answered them: because you are of little faith, and this kind is driven out by prayer and fasting. So fasting and prayer are the virtues we should strive to fulfill.

Skill in performing fasts and constancy in them, of course, train the soul of a person so that a person, to some extent, still imperfect, can control his passions. In the most extreme case, it will not let you fall into one or another passion.

Let me give you one more example. Fr. John once said in my presence to a venerable clergyman, who was also exhausted from illness, a celibate priest, not a monk, who had not eaten meat for 30 or 40 years:

You need to drink chicken broth, otherwise you will be so exhausted that you will die.

I saw the reaction of this venerable father, he did not say anything, but there was a spark of amazement in his eyes. And the father says:

He began to use this broth, began to feel better, gained strength and is now very physically stronger. This is what obedience means above fasting and prayer. For many decades he did not eat meat, and the priest gave him a blessing to drink the broth until he recovered.

- Can all issues be discussed with the confessor, for example, issues of personal life?

The relationship between the spiritual child and the spiritual father should be extremely open, especially now. If Father John Krestyankin possessed the spirit of clairvoyance, and I knew many elders who possessed this spirit, then we, the modern generation of priests, are not clairvoyant. Of course, according to the movement of the grace of God, sometimes we say what pleases God and what hits the target. Sometimes you even wonder about it. And people think that this father is so far-sighted.

The Gospel describes the prophecy of the Jewish high priest Caiaphas, the Antichrist, who sentenced Christ to death on the cross. He says: it is better for one man to perish for the whole nation than for the whole nation to perish. The Apostle, Evangelist John the Theologian writes that he uttered this prophecy because he was high priest for that year. It would seem that he was a theomachist, but by the grace of the high priesthood he uttered a prophecy.

So we sometimes prophesy without realizing it. If the God-bearing elders, being bearers of the Holy Spirit, knew what they were saying, they were somehow informed of the will of God, then we will say it and immediately forget it. That is, the grace of God, by the grace of the priesthood, also acts through us, only it acts not within us, but through us. We are, as it were, in some cases the conductors of the will of God.

Because we are not perspicacious, in order to better see and understand the spiritual difficulties of a person, a person must reveal himself to us. Like a patient who tells the doctor in detail where and how he hurts, he tries to tell about himself in as much detail as possible so that the doctor makes an objective diagnosis based on them. In the same way, we need to know the soul of a person, so that this cooperation would be good and blessed in the life of that spiritual child who wants to succeed in spiritual life.

If, for example, a person says in confession that he does not know how to pay off a mortgage loan taken, can a priest answer such a question?

When a certain young man tells Christ about the property that he must share, Christ answers him: who appointed me to divide someone else's property? Christ came to teach the Kingdom of God, not how to take loans.

When spiritual children turn to me with a question whether it is worth taking a mortgage loan, I answer that here it is necessary to measure forty times and cut once. Because any loan is associated with interest, and you need to calculate your capabilities, strength, force majeure circumstances that may be.

I remember that I started some business without asking for the blessing of Father John, who was our common spiritual father with my mother. After some time, I asked if I should continue this business, to which he replied:

You yourself have decided this, now what to ask.

I would answer:

You yourself took a mortgage loan, and did not ask me to take it or not to take it. Why do I have to answer now what to do, due to the fact that you cannot pay this loan.

Some spiritual children ask to bless the rest somewhere despite the fact that the tickets have already been bought. This is such a funny and often repeated story. I sometimes even dissuade people who confuse days and fasts and take tickets for fasting. Christians should lead a more focused life. The elders did not even like it when spiritual children came to them during fasts, believing that the road scatters the attention and spiritual life of a person.

Question from a viewer from the Belgorod region: St. John Chrysostom says that the soul of a priest must be pure, like a ray of light. The Apostle Peter warns:

- Shepherd the flock of God, setting an example for the flock, and not for the sake of self-interest.

What are the criteria for choosing a spiritual father?

Of course, a priest must lead a virtuous life, must strive to fulfill the commandments of God and love the Divine Liturgy, fulfill all the fasts blessed by the Holy Orthodox Church.

To be not irritable, be sure to be magnanimous, to understand that there is no person without sin. I often turn to the Lord with this prayer:

Lord, You commanded Your disciples to forgive their loved ones sins up to seven times seventy times a day. Trusting in Your infinite mercy and love, I ask You, Lord, for forgiveness, maybe for the millionth time, but Your mercy is inexhaustible.

Be kind to people as well as to yourself.

We live in a difficult time: on the one hand, we see the resurgent Church. When the law on religious freedom was passed in 1990, no one imagined that the Church would flourish like this. The spiritual land was scorched, along which the skating rink of cynical atheism passed more than once. People were afraid to profess the faith, they propagandized that the Church was the lot of illiterate old men and women. And suddenly such a flourishing of Orthodoxy. The church is now filled with people of science, creative intelligentsia, people holding various positions in the hierarchy of Soviet power. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin considers Orthodoxy to be the state-forming religion and speaks about it publicly. We see children and youth taking communion. This is an amazing stormy flowering of Orthodoxy.

Until 1988, there were approximately 46 churches in Moscow, now there are about 1,000. Priests now have more than one education: both higher secular and spiritual, they defend both candidate and doctoral dissertations. All this, of course, falls on the religious transformation of Russia.

On the other hand, we are spiritually feeble and weak. I pray for the repose of 11 clairvoyant elder monks whom I knew. From my point of view, these are holy people, and they are praying for us, who are passing here now on a very difficult path to God. The Monk Sirach says: with the Monk you will be reverend. And in another place he says: bad customs corrupt the soul of a person, and we live among bad customs. It’s good that priests like me are busy all the time from 6 in the morning until 12 at night only with matters related to the Church, it’s good that we communicate mainly with believers, and there is absolutely no free time left. Because as soon as there is a backlash, passions appear, inciting not at all good. We live in such a world, and even the priests who celebrate the Divine Liturgy and constantly partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ feel it.

Thank God that we have such a lamp as the confessor of the Patriarch, Schema-Archimandrite Eli, but this is a different generation of elders. Whoever searches may not find anyone. Pachomius the Great spoke about the time in which we live in the 4th century. He said that in ancient times, that is, during the first four centuries, Christians not only fulfilled the commandments of God, but also imposed additional labors on themselves. But we, says Pachomius the Great, only fulfill the commandments of God, and in the last times - he is already talking about us - Christians will not fulfill the commandments of God, but whoever endures to the end will be saved and receive greater crowns than we who fulfill the commandments of God. The brethren were upset: how then? why is that? Pahomy replied:

If one of us falls now, several strong-willed men will gather around him, who by prayer raise his brother from the fall. And in recent times, and for thousands of kilometers, there is no such thing.

We are living in such difficult times. However, we do not need to be disheartened. In Soviet times, when we became priests, it was difficult to get a Bible printed in the Moscow Patriarchy. We bought one copy by special order of the bishop. And now the Holy Scriptures are available to everyone. How many books of the holy fathers have been published. It seems to me that there was no such diversity and such circulation of spiritual literature before the revolution. We are flooded with very good spiritual literature, although of course there are books with wrong views that we do not recommend reading.

When Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov spoke about these difficult times, he said:

Do not be embarrassed, dear brothers and sisters, then surround yourself with the holy fathers, read and draw from the holy fathers the experience of spiritual life.

But there are other ascetics who turned, in fact, to the world: both St. Tikhon of Zadonsk, and Theophan the Recluse, and the Optina elders, and Father John of Kronstadt. In them we can emphasize very important answers to the questions that we raise in connection with our spiritual life and human life in general.

Despite the severity, we have a lifeline in the form of the Holy Fathers of the Russian Orthodox Church.

Question from a TV viewer from Yekaterinburg: Why in recent times most Orthodox people do not have spiritual fathers. Does a person's salvation depend on whether he has a spiritual father or not?

The spiritual father conveys the spiritual experience he has gone through. When a person advises what he has suffered through his spiritual experience, the power of the word becomes different.

On the other hand, whether we have a spiritual father or not, we can still be saved. We remember the rich young man who asked Christ how he could be saved. The answer was: keep the commandments of God. Those commandments that were given to the prophet Moses at Sinai. If we keep the commandments of God exactly, we will be saved.

- Can a confessor impose his will on a spiritual child?

There are such confessors. Maybe in my time, when I was a young priest, I was zealous and sometimes wanted to impose my will. Then I grew up and realized that I was doing wrong.

After all, the Lord gave man freedom, this is a great gift that we should cherish and appreciate not only in ourselves, but also in another person.

I remember how all the elders, headed by Elder John Krestyankin for me, never imposed their will. They dealt with the souls of people very carefully.

From my own life, I know how delicately Father John Krestyankin treated human freedom. But, of course, he never encouraged sin, he burned out sin in a person with his word. I think that when he denounced a person - of course, he did not do this in front of everyone - he was, as at the Last Judgment. But in all other circumstances of life, he always tried to rely on the free will of man.

- Please tell us more about Father John Krestyankin.

Of course, you can talk a lot about Father John Krestyankin. Archimandrite Tikhon Shevkunov devoted many pages to Father John in his brilliant book.

First, it was the bearer of the Holy Spirit, the bearer of divine love. As a Christian, I understand that the main thing in the life of a Christian is love for God and man. I always tried to personally work on this and treat people with love, as many priests do.

If you see your brother, - says the apostle and evangelist John the Theologian, - and do not love him, how can you love God, whom you have not seen? So you are a liar. I will not talk about other clergymen who have succeeded in love much more than I have, but my love is human, perhaps blessed by the grace of the Holy Spirit, the grace of the priesthood, I am sure of this. But this is not the divine love that Father John Krestyankin was the owner and bearer of. He was a bearer of the Holy Spirit, he was a God-bearer.

Without exaggeration, I can say that when I even from a distance of two hundred meters saw Father John Krestyankin talking to people, then some clouds of divine love emanated from him and pierced you along with those who stood next to him.

He possessed the spirit of clairvoyance - a vision of what is happening or has happened in a person, a vision and understanding of his capabilities and strengths. Father John wore glasses, and when he tilted his head to one side and looked at a person through his glasses, it seemed to me that the heart life of a person passes through his X-ray. He said exactly what the man needed.

Once he was asked:

Father, are you an old man?

And he answered:

Not an old man, but an old man.

He was so filled with God's grace that he once said in front of me to a woman who was in serious trouble:

Don't worry, I'll pray for you.

She answered:

Father, what can you do, because I live in Novosibirsk, we are so far from each other. How can you help me?

And the father suddenly says:

I am an old man - the wall is falling.

And to another he said:

I will appear to you on the air.

He saw not only human souls, but also the future of Russia. Thank God that the prophecies connected with Russia were patristic in nature. We know that both the Monk Seraphim of Sarov and the Holy Righteous Father John of Kronstadt spoke about the great significance of Russia for the whole world, about the spiritual rebirth of Russia. Father John Krestyankin on the 1000th anniversary of the Baptism of Russia said in his sermon that Russia would shine like a lamp all over the world, calling people to repentance.

- Is it true that the head of state himself came to Father John for spiritual light?

Yes, it was 2000 when Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin was acting president but had not yet been elected. He came to the Pskov-Caves Monastery and talked with the elder for forty minutes. I was told about this by eyewitnesses, monks. After a conversation with Father John Krestyankin, he walked and thought aloud, and, apparently, the words that he uttered touched on the spirit of the elder's clairvoyance. I know that after that, Vladimir Vladimirovich treated the elder with great reverence, praying now for his repose.

There are spiritual works of Father John, for example, "The Experience of Building a Confession." How should Orthodox Christians view this work?

I think this is invaluable work. It is an encyclopedia of our passions and sins. Not just an enumeration, but a deepening into all the nuances of violations of the commandments of Moses and the commandments of beatitude. Even unbelieving people, reading this book, are amazed at the depth of knowledge of the human soul and the fact that this book helped them, unbelievers, to see their own, personal shortcomings.

Father, unfortunately, the time of our transmission has come to an end. Thank you for such a meaningful conversation. What would you like to wish at the end of the program to our viewers?

First, do not lose heart, even if we fall. Never justify yourself in these falls: small or large. Always ask God for forgiveness, as children ask for forgiveness from their parents. Believing and feeling that as soon as we look at the Lord with the eyes of repentance, He, in His inexhaustible mercy, like a loving father, will embrace His prodigal son and again clothe him with purple, that is, with royal clothes.

God bless everyone for all the good that we strive to do in this life. God bless you all.

Host: Sergey Yurgin.

Transcription: Yulia Podzolova.

- Father Vladislav, tell us: a confessor, a spiritual father - what kind of person is this? What is its role in the lives of believers?

– If such a question is not directly expressed aloud, then in silence it is born in the soul of every person who takes the first steps towards the Church or in the Church. It is almost inevitable, judging by the life of the contemporary Russian Orthodox Church.

Very many people, if not almost all, in the past 20 years came to the Church and to church life in adulthood, or were baptized from childhood, but did not receive the appropriate church upbringing at home. Or, even if they did receive it, then at some point there still came a feeling of the need for true self-consciousness and true free one's own, but at the same time in line with the church life of behavior.

And then people who have a lack of knowledge of the Church, a lack of understanding of the Church, a lack of understanding of themselves, a lack of knowledge about what means to live the church life, and more broadly, the Christian life, the lack of knowledge even of what relates to the field of moral life, and how the norms of moral life should be fulfilled, begin to feel the need for spiritual guidance. Many beginners in church life are immediately drawn to ascetic heights. But we note that in the modern understanding, this area and the content of spiritual life, which is called asceticism and which was previously considered separately from ethics, is now, as a rule, increasingly considered within the framework of ethical knowledge and, accordingly, ethical behavior.

Many questions related to how to understand reality and how to live in relation to this reality are hidden in the conditions of an inexperienced and illiterate consciousness for someone who is looking for both true experience and good literacy. Of course, for comprehending both of them, there always remains such a great opportunity as books An opportunity that never goes away. But books are not always available. Because, let's say, the situation in Moscow in this sense differs sharply from the situation in many provincial and even large cities - if here the absolute wealth is bookish, then there is absolute poverty. And, besides, in the current wealth - in the sea of ​​​​books - it is rather easy to choke and become disoriented than to swim out and get the right bearings. If only because the books reveal different approaches and different understandings of what Christianity is in general and in relation to many particular ones.

All this naturally leads to consciousness, or at least to the feeling that you cannot cope with this situation yourself, and you cannot cope with the help of books either. Therefore, people who are the most conscious and understand that they are faced with the tasks of the true formation and restoration of spiritual life, and those who go to the fulfillment of tasks blindly, and who use various fragmentary materials, realize that there is only one possibility for genuine Christianization.

Difficulties entering the parish

This is an absolute entry into the life of the Church, and thus into the life of the parish. Because entry into the life of the Church is not a theory, and it is carried out through entry into the life of the parish, since the parish is the realization of the revelation of the life of the Church in its entirety. But this turns out to be a difficult task for many, even psychologically, because there are people with an introverted content, for whom communication itself is a great difficulty, and even more so, joining a community.

Even if they managed to enter, they can more or less move further, but the initial steps are extremely painful for them. Especially when they feel ignorant, and there are a lot of know-it-alls around, and everyone already seems to be so freely oriented that just a hint of a word is enough, as another listener immediately perceives the word as a whole and rushes somewhere to fulfill this word. And this leads to even more confusion.

It's good when people are open, extroverted. When they also have a willingness to humbly accept their imperfections, and blows that can sometimes be painfully given from different sides. Then things will go well for them. But different circumstances can only partly contribute to the formation of their true experience of life, and partly, on the contrary, do not favor them. In such cases, almost the only option is to live under guidance.

But it is precisely here that most often a stumbling block occurs, since even people who truly know well and fully what belongs to the field of personal psychology and, accordingly, the field of a certain understanding of people, are not so many. Because most people are based on general ideas about human nature and basic moral standards. The diverse experience of life and these people themselves does not allow them to be true leaders, because although they have somewhat more experience, knowledge and understanding of life, but almost no one does not understand, but does not enter into such a simple, obvious thought, that each person's experience is unique. Everyone messes around with traditional recipes, and traditional recipes are only half right. The second half lies in the individuality of a person.

The most honest people are looking for faster development of their church life. Those who are less exacting take things easier. They stand in church, pray as best they can, carry out some kind of communication, read books, and things move forward by themselves. But still, the most honest and prompt people want the work of establishing their church life to proceed faster.

In such cases, the search for someone who will help find the right path is natural. But are there always such true paths, as well as people who can help find them, this is the next, very big question. First of all, what is needed is not so much a confessor in that exact, deep, old sense of the word, which was previously understandable and known (and now would rather be a romantic embodiment of this old knowledge), but a person, sometimes not necessarily in the holy order, but with experience having knowledge, having love, doing good. Having human attentiveness, readiness to sacrifice one's time, readiness to show, to help those who come to see what they really need. And if necessary, answer his questions. Respond with humility, realizing that it is not safe to answer different questions without having "sanction". Moreover, the questions are deeply internal.

Although those questions that relate to the mediocrity of church and spiritual life, many who have several years of experience know the answers and can answer them. Because in this respect the answers are pretty standard. And you can answer standard questions without any special personal talents, except for the gift of being intelligible, convincing and reasoned in your answers. In this sense, implicit and widespread work is going on - in some churches there is more, in others less, but there are always those to whom the newcomers approach and ask something. Another thing is that this is done randomly. But it would hardly be good in such cases, the finally adopted system, or maybe it would be better for everything to happen somehow so spontaneously.

– Are there any peculiarities in the relationship between the spiritual father and spiritual children?

– Most often, the main thing is not really understood, that the relationship between a spiritual father and a spiritual child is a concept and reality that is deep and substantive. But for this, neither the conditions of obedience and obedience, nor the demands and claims that spiritual fathers must unfailingly and as quickly as possible teach everything that they know themselves are absolutely not necessary.

The spiritual father's soul hurts for spiritual children

The spiritual father actually enters inwardly, not necessarily with long words and reflections, into the life of spiritual children. In the life of those who is with him- simply because he loves them, and his soul hurts for them. And just by the mere fact that their soul hurts, and it is a great joy for them, they find themselves together and walk the path of salvation together. And he tries to lead them to Christ.

The spiritual father is always a little ahead, because this is how he was placed both by the mysterious manifestation of his spiritual life as the first person and by his love, which has an extensive direction. Because the expanding heart contains everyone. In any case, everyone who resorts to it. Thus, in the community, that spiritual content of life is realized, in which the spiritual father, by a privately spoken word, a preached word, by all the example of his life, simplicity in communication, modesty, unpretentiousness, undemanding - but not spiritual, but undemanding for himself, achieves much greater than constant teaching and demanding obedience.

Because then his spiritual child sees before him an example of a good experience of spiritual life, which, moreover, is not distant by the pages of a book or some story, but, on the contrary, is extremely close by direct and personal communication. Then this is a real spiritual father who takes care of his children. Takes care of the very fact of their common movement.

– The Orthodox Church begins with the apostles. But they, as you know, did not have spiritual fathers. How did they appear? Were there confessors in the Church before its separation, or is this a purely Orthodox phenomenon?

– The apostles had one Teacher – Christ. As for the spiritual fathers, they have been known since antiquity. The Church then was one. In the modern sense, apparently, spirituality appeared rather late. Because there were simply priests as performers of the sacraments, but these were not clerks, but individuals filled with a special fiery life. Each sacrament for them was a manifestation of spiritual divine fire.

At the beginning, in the first centuries, such burning during the service was also due to a special situation, a special charisma. Pay attention to how extremely simple the requirements are offered by the First Apostolic Council for Christians who are baptized from pagans: do not eat strangled things, do not eat things sacrificed to idols, and do not wish for others what you do not wish for yourself. That's the whole set. Now even the general confession includes more requirements.

– Were these requirements applied to the clergy or to all Christians?

- To all those who are baptized from the Gentiles. And spirituality appeared mainly in the monastic environment. His real triumphantness belongs rather to the fourth century and beyond. And for the monastic environment, obedience, in addition, had a necessary disciplinary character, without which it was impossible to do. Then these demands of obedience then began to acquire a spiritual and mystical character. The famous example from the Paterik, which was used by Tarkovsky in his film, when a novice carried water in order to only have time to water the tree in the morning and grow the tree of obedience, with its magnificent fruits.

This story is hardly a mere legend, rather a real past, recorded incident. Of course, such a case cannot be universal, but in some respects it is exemplary. And such obedience, which requires a common spiritual and mystical feeling, being unique on the one hand, on the other hand, is like a beacon. Simultaneously both a model and a type of movement. Dynamic type and dynamic pattern.

Of course, not in the sense of achieving the same goal directly, but in order to know that this is a good model for understanding, for comprehension. But it was possible precisely in the situation when the confessor and the novice both had special divine gifts. One is clergy, the other is obedience. In addition to these gifts, everything turns into a theater.

Beware of being addicted to confessors

“Establishing human relationships is never easy. It is even more difficult when such soul-spiritual connections are affected, such as a spiritual father - a spiritual son. What should be warned about on both sides?

– I can say that I am inclined to treat modern clergy with some caution. Having been brought up from a young church age on the appropriate care of St. Ignatius (Bryanchaninov), who turned out to be the first spiritual writer whom I began to read, and therefore he remained forever one of the most dear to me. Sometimes in his letters there is no longer just a precaution, but he directly says: "Beware of being carried away by confessors." In the same letters, the theme of a cautionary nature runs in red. Even then, he began to see the possible and most common (and this then, in the most prosperous times) distortions of the right order and the right relationship.

What can we say about how often the addictions to the confessor work subtly, and the confessor not only does not notice these addictions, but also continues to cultivate them in relation to himself on the part of spiritual children. This is how idols grow up in the eyes of spiritual children, and this is how the whole undertaking of confession perishes. Especially when it tries to be built on some principles that are outwardly connected with the feelings of the ancient priesthood, with the feelings of its significance.

And then it seems to people that they come to the real primary sources of spiritual life, which are manifested in the priest and in their relationship with this priest. But in fact - one caricature and disgrace, because these confessors do not have the high gifts that the ancient holy fathers had. And the demand for obedience that comes from them and is often perceived by spiritual children as devotion, in fact, for the most part, is not based on anything.

Obedience is sometimes considered obligatory even in those cases when it comes to everyday life, when they ask for advice in everyday matters. And then, with complete peremptoryness, such confessors give advice right and left. As if each of them, at least Ambrose Optinsky, to whom the same Ignatius Brianchaninov (or rather, in general to Optina's experience) treated with some caution, fearing if there was acting there. “Soul-destructive acting and the saddest comedy are the elders who take on the role of the ancient holy elders, not having their spiritual gifts” (1.72). He was very cautious in terms of the possibility of any, even the slightest, acting, which immediately disgusted him deeply.

But it is even worse when confessors “take on the role,” and these are again the words of St. Ignatius. “They take on the role of the ancient great elders and lead in matters of spiritual life,” which they themselves understand very insufficiently and superficially, if not mistakenly, and, thereby, turn out to be blind leaders of the blind guided. And "if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into the pit."

But it certainly does not follow from this that in general the experience of spiritual guidance, when it is the simplest, is useless. On the contrary, the simpler and more undemanding, and more undemanding on both sides, the relationship between the spiritual child and confessor, the more likely the success of this work. If a confessor is humble enough, has a good moral experience of life, great inner firmness, deep, real, without any caricatures, churching, then even with his appearance and behavior, he sometimes teaches more (without even striving for any kind of teaching) than seeming teachers teach with pompous words. great confessors of the present time.

And besides, he gradually brings their communion to the most important thing, that both gradually enter into the true and simple experience of the Christian life. This experience is more or less corrected by the communication of both of them with each other, because mistakes are still possible on both sides. For example, in the form of incorrect spiritual advice, or because the priest did not see some of the personal characteristics of the one who approached him, or, even after seeing, did not realize an alternative answer, which in some situation would have turned out to be more correct.

Nothing, a mistake is not the situation when you need to immediately begin to finally “weep your misery” and fall into unconditional despondency, turning into despair. A mistake is just a good reason to improve and be on the path of the perfect. Because the path of the perfect is the path of constant rectification.

Can a priest be wrong?

- That is, the confessor can make mistakes?

- Of course.

– And how should his spiritual son or just a parishioner feel about this, realizing that the spiritual father was mistaken?

– If the priest is happy and humbly ready to quite concretely see and agree with his mistakes, if, on the other hand, the spiritual child does not make a tragedy out of these mistakes, realizing that the confessor, although he has greater spiritual experience, is not absolute, and therefore can also make mistakes, and mistakes must also be corrected, then a correction is obtained.

If the confessor, being a proud person and completely unaware of his mistakes, continues to insist on his mistake, there can be very great harm.

– In that case, how complete should obedience to the confessor be? Because sometimes I had to read about literal, absolute obedience. For example, according to the recollections of the spiritual children of the same Optina elders, advice was asked about everything, down to mechanical actions - what book to read or which direction to go.

- What book to read is just not a mechanical action. This can be a very good way to guide and help in the spiritual life of a person for whom some books may not be useful (even quite normal ones with good Christian content) as untimely. On the other hand, the offer to neophytes to read « Philokalia », so necessary for the monastic experience, can ruin beginners.

By the way, what is also very important for a confessor is the understanding that the world constantly raises new problems. And you need to try to see the solution of these problems, just like new, if not in essence, then at least in terms of forms, new principles, new content. Starting from such simple things as the attitude to the Internet, to television.

- And the attitude towards sins is changing?

– The attitude towards sins fundamentally remains the same. It cannot change, and in this sense, the slogan of the ancient fathers “better death than sin” can be left forever as a slogan and banner. Better death than sin.

Another thing is that, entering into the realm of a concrete examination of the sinful life of the person who approaches the confessor, one must see and help him see his sin, which for the time being can be treated more or less condescendingly, let it go as not something that is due, but as temporarily allowed. So, on the one hand, not to indulge in sin and not to cultivate it, and on the other hand, to know the measure, so that, knowing that the energy is not unlimited, not to let a person break down from his own despondency and impotence.

In order to see what is important, one needs a spiritual mind, and it does not necessarily coincide with a practical mind, with an estimate, if the confessor has it, or with his knowledge of ancient traditions. But, in any case, the experience, when there is an automatic demand for absolute obedience, does not at all lead to the fulfillment of the main task, which is to educate in a person who comes to a priest, true spiritual freedom.

Otherwise, he came from one kind of slavery and falls into another kind of slavery. And he will never know what spiritual freedom is. Moreover, this matter is rather delicate and requires a very serious approach. Moreover, not even all priests understand what this spiritual freedom is, and therefore they simply cannot educate their disciple within the framework of spiritual freedom. All these obediences are actually important as long as they bring up in a person an understanding of how a spiritually free life is realized. And obedience does not really limit freedom - it gives it a certain framework, like the form of a sonnet, where a very strict definite form is needed, within which the highest manifestations of creative poetic possibility can be realized.

Obedience puts some limits for the spiritual creativity of the person himself. Many are even frightened by such words as spiritual creativity. Meanwhile, the “creation of a new creature”, which a person carries out by ascetic methods and experiments in himself, is the moment of creativity, one of the highest creations and arts. And where they follow the path of simple autonomous obedience, in which there is nothing else - no free do not bring up a new creature. It turns out the old, dilapidated, unfree creature.

Maria Sveshnikova spoke with Archpriest Vladislav Sveshnikov. To be continued.

How is an elder different from a confessor, a spiritual father, just a priest?

First of all, charisma - a special gift of grace, when the elder is led by the Holy Spirit Himself. An elder may not have a dignity, but he can lead the soul of a person, lead him to salvation; he is fully responsible for the soul of his novice disciple. Not only the elders, but also the elders had novices. The novices confessed their thoughts, revealed the secrets of the heart and were under the full guidance of the elders. The relationship "old man - disciple" has not been preserved in our time. There is a "spiritual father-child" relationship, when, by agreement, a novice or layman entrusts himself to the spiritual guidance of a priest and tries to follow his advice. These relationships are based on recommendation, advice, not obligation. In the relationship of a simple priest and flock, there is also spiritual advice, spiritual recommendations on how to be saved. Most often they are addressed to the entire flock, and not to individual parishioners.

We know from patristic literature that without the spiritual guidance of an elder, a confessor, it is impossible for monastics to be saved. Does this condition apply to the laity? Is it necessary for a lay person to have a spiritual mentor, or is it enough just to go to church and participate in its sacraments?

Every layman needs to have a confessor to whom he could open his life. So it has always been with us in Russia: for the soul - a priest, for the body - a doctor and teacher. Each family should have a confessor so that everyone can resolve life issues with him, especially issues of saving their souls. It happens that everyone who lives in this area and visits this temple confesses to one priest. Someone wants to get married, turns to the priest. He says: "Is there a girl?" - "There is". - "And who is this girl?" If a girl and a boy constantly go to him for confession, the priest knows both, he can say whether they should unite lives or ket.

What qualities should a confessor have?

To be a confessor, to perform the sacrament of confession, a priest must have a bishop's blessing for this. He must be humble, lead a moral life, be able to kindle the soul of another person with faith, zeal for God.

It is important that the spiritual father not only pity and praise us, but also instruct, cut off everything unnecessary, proud, conceited. Then a person will achieve spiritual purity: he will stop reacting, who said what, how he looked.

Can every priest be a spiritual leader?

The Lord gives His gifts to everyone: to one the gift of words, to another the gift of prayer... The most difficult obedience is confession, not everyone can help people: painstakingly deal with each person, help open the soul, give instruction, guide his life. Others, it happens, will simply listen to a person who repents of sins, they won’t ask anything, sometimes they won’t even give instruction, just “I forgive, I allow”, and the person leaves unsatisfied. What it was, and remains so.

To what extent does obedience apply to the relationship between confessor and parishioner? Does a layman need to obey his confessor in everything?

When a priest speaks in accordance with Holy Scripture, he must be obeyed, and if he goes beyond the framework of Holy Scripture, the holy fathers, contradicts the spirit of the Church, the spirit of salvation, it is dangerous to listen to him,

What is the relationship between freedom and obedience? Doesn't a person lose his freedom by obeying his spiritual father?

Holy Scripture says: all freedom is in the spirit, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" (2 Cor. 3:17). When a confessor is guided by Holy Scripture, by the Spirit of God, he cannot restrict the freedom of his child. In addition, each person can choose to act as the confessor advises him, or in his own way. The confessor must know the spiritual powers of his child: can he contain what has been said, does he have a calling, for example, to monasticism? It is impossible to commit violence against a person: a person wants to marry, but he is persuaded to become a monk. It is necessary to coordinate everything with the spiritual dispensation of the child, his condition.

How do confessors lead their children? Where do they get their knowledge from? Is there a difference between spiritual wisdom and worldly wisdom?

Wisdom must be both spiritual and worldly, and especially bestowed from above. To receive this wisdom, every priest must pray to the Lord. For example, if a sermon needs to be delivered, he should ask: "Lord, I don't know what to say, act in me yourself, give me wisdom." After all, the Lord Himself said: "Ask and it will be given to you" (Luke 11:9).

When a child asks a question (and a child is the one whom the priest turned to God, whom he instructs, nourishes, helps to grow spiritually), the priest, having prayed, must resolve the issue through prayer, through the Lord, invoking his spiritual experience, worldly experience, knowing the disposition of the soul of this person. But even a child, before going to a confessor, should pray that the Lord, through the priest, would reveal God's will.

Is it always fulfilled what the spiritual father blessed?

Not always. A priest may not know the will of God, for example, bless him to go to college, but the Lord sees that this is not useful for a person. There he will depart from God, lose his faith. Then the blessing is not fulfilled. We repeat: it is important for the one who asks himself to pray fervently before taking the blessing, so that the Lord, through the priest, reveals His will.

Are there any rules for parishioners to communicate with a confessor?

The most important thing is to try to maintain an even relationship with the confessor, not to rush to extremes: do not put

confessor to the place of God, not to demand the impossible from him. The confessor is also a person; he, like everyone else, can have weaknesses, some imperfections, they must be tried to cover with love.

Everyone should remember that the goal of the devil is to separate the confessor from his flock, to turn the child against the confessor. The devil inspires thoughts that the priest is not good, he does everything wrong. A person listens to the devil, loses faith in the confessor, falls away from him, from God, from the Church - becomes an atheist. But he does not remain alone, he immediately begins to create a group of like-minded atheists around him ... What the devil did in Heaven, he does the same on earth: he fights with God through people. It has long been noticed: if we consider a priest to be a saint, if someone says something bad about him, we immediately accept this lie, immediately change our opinion about him. But the apostle Navel said: "Do not accept an accusation against a presbyter except in the presence of two or three witnesses" (1 Tim. 5:19). True Christians must be reasonable and understand that without a helmsman they cannot be saved in the sea of ​​life. Ask the Lord for a confessor, a good shepherd, who could lead you through life to a quiet harbor, the Kingdom of Heaven, and, having appeared there, say to the Lord: "Behold, and children, even thou hast given me."

How to choose the right confessor?

Usually people turn to a priest when they first come to confession. Less often, when a celebration happens at home (wedding, christening) or grief (someone gets sick, dies).

Many who desire salvation travel to monasteries, go to churches. Some of them approach the priest and say: "Batiushka, be my spiritual father!" Should I ask for it? Let's say we have a father. We never turn to him: "Be my father!" This will not come to anyone's mind. He is our parent. It is the same here: if some priest helped a person, converted him to faith, began to instruct him in spiritual and earthly matters, lead him to salvation, then he raised us from the dead, gave birth spiritually for the future age. If a person constantly goes to him, then their relationship becomes the relationship of a spiritual father and his child. And there is no need to ask: "Father, will you be my spiritual father?" The Lord Himself controls it, blesses it.

When I lived in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, at first I did not know any of the confessors. When he came to confession, he approached the one he saw. I will confess, I will take communion, I will go.

And then the time came when I wanted to have a spiritual father, and only one. We confessed under the Assumption Cathedral. I prayed at the Trinity Cathedral, asked the Lord, the Mother of God, St. Sergius: "Lord, now I will go where they confess, and whoever I see first who goes to confession, let him become my spiritual father." I went to the place of confession. Got up. There are no priests. I see: the archimandrite is going to confession in a robe with the Gospel and with a Cross, and in my head there is a clear thought: "Here is your spiritual father."

Many tempt the Lord when they boast and boast of their confessors. They say: "In the Pochaev Lavra I have a confessor father such and such, in Pskov, Father John Krestyankin, on the island of Zalit, Father Nikolai, and in the Sergius Lavra, Father Naum." This is the same person speaking. That is, he has "spiritual fathers" in all the monasteries! But this does not happen: on occasion, you can confess to them, ask for prayers, but the spiritual father must be alone.

Others tempt the Lord in a different way. Ask:

How will you, father, bless me: I want to change an apartment?

The priest, thinking, says:

Well, well, change it, but so that the church is nearby. If everything suits you and you have the strength, please change. God bless you.

Do you think she's comfortable with that? Nothing like this! Goes to the island to about. Nicholas:

Father, I'm thinking of changing the apartment. How will you bless me?

He can say, "I don't bless." Then she will go to Fr. Kirill, to Fr. Naum, another priest, and all with the same question. She begins to calculate how many priests have blessed her to change apartments, and how many not. And, of course, there is no blessing of God here. If you take a blessing, then remember: the Lord has already blessed you with the first confessor. Stop searching, and there is no need to blaspheme the blessing! No need to look for other priests, other blessings and tempt God.

And so it is in almost every case. Even if the father blessed not according to our gut, but for humility the Lord fulfills this blessing for the benefit of man.

With the adoption of monasticism, a person leaves his free will. By whose will does he begin to live - by the will of the confessor?

The will of the confessor is the will of God. We see this in the example of the Sacrament of Confession. How do we know if the Lord has forgiven our sins or not? We approach the confessor, repent of sins, and the Lord visibly forgives us sins through the confessor. Thus, the will of God is accomplished through the confessors. In the Old Testament, the Lord sent prophets to save the people. Now He appoints bishops, priests, and through them He saves His people.

How to find a spiritual father? What should be the relationship of the spiritual father with the children?

The main thing is that the spiritual father shows the way to the Kingdom of Heaven, so that he properly scolds us. You know, a gardener, if he is a master of his craft, tries to cut off all the extra dry branches near the tree. Everything that does not bear fruit, cuts off. So the confessor should be such that he not only strokes his head and consoles, but also helps to get rid of passions, cut them off. I will say from my own experience: if you say about some ascetic that he is a strong, humble, good prayer book, you look - he falls into despondency, he lies sick. There was no prayer, no peace in the soul. And when you scold a person, then demons do not approach him.

Tell us about the spiritual connection of the spiritual father with the children.

The duty of a confessor is to give a helping hand to a person drowning in the sea of ​​life, to point out the right path to the Kingdom of Heaven.

The gardener, growing a fruit tree, takes care of it: he takes scissors and cuts off the unusable branches that do not bear fruit. He cleans the tree, fertilizes it so that it grows properly and develops better. When necessary, vaccinates. In the same way, a spiritual father, if he sees in a child something that interferes with his spiritual growth, helps to get rid of vices and passions, to become spiritually healthy. And when a person achieves spiritual purity, he stops reacting, who told him what, how he looked ... Kind people, striving to improve, pay money to be scolded by those around them. So they educate themselves, get used to hardships and troubles. One man worked at the mine and paid his comrades to scold him and insult him. One day he went to the city. On the road I saw a "wise man" sitting; he began to scold, insult him. This man came closer, stood beside him and began to smile. He was surprised and asked: “What are you happy about? After all, I scold you!” “Dear man, how can I not rejoice? For being scolded, I pay money, and you scold me for free.

See how many people scold us for free, clean us! A person from the side is sometimes more visible to our vices, passions. They are more visible to the confessor. Therefore, it is good when the confessor does not praise us, but scolds us.

How does a confessor pray for his children? Can a spiritual father beg for a dead child?

It is impossible for man - everything is possible for God. If the confessor asks, he will beg, because during the celebration of the Divine Liturgy, the most powerful prayer is going on for people, and a Sacrifice is offered to God for them. Imagine - a man at home prays alone, and in churches there are tens of thousands of people praying. All pray together; here is the Mother of God, and all the saints, and Cherubim, and Seraphim, and Thrones, and Dominions, and Forces, and Powers, and Principles, and Archangels, and Angels, the whole Heavenly Church! And the Mother of God brings this common prayer to the Throne of Her Son - because all litanies and all stichera end with an appeal to the Mother of God. She is our Intercessor before the Son, our Prayer Book... Can you imagine what power the prayer of the Church has? And the priest is at the head of the Church. He takes out the particles, lowers them into the Chalice, praying for the dead and for the living; he reads special prayers in which he asks the Lord to remember all those standing in the temple, all those who have passed into that world. And if a person does not go to church, then he is not in the Church. He is in darkness, in the power of the devil, but considers himself a believer, says: "I pray at home." Yes, church prayer cannot be compared with any other, it is the Ecumenical prayer. How many billions of people passed into that world, and how many people are now praying in churches! And all these prayers are combined into one. And God is served around the clock. In one temple it ends, in another it begins. The flood must go to church all the time. To whom the Church is not the Mother, the Lord is not the Father.

What to do if you have lost faith in your spiritual father?

A person cannot lose faith in a spiritual father - he stops believing in himself. It means that he went the wrong way - he lives according to his own will, according to his passions. When Satan was still Sataniel - the closest to God, he became proud, wanted to be equal to God, and fell away from Him, dragging away a third of the Angels. The angels were kind, but he managed to deceive them so, to pervert everything so much that they believed that God is unfair, does everything wrong. And the good angels (hear - good ones!), those who served God, listened to the slanderer - the devil. The angels accepted his false thoughts, slander and rebelled against God. The third part of the angels was overthrown from heaven, and they became evil spirits - demons. And led the fight with God Himself. Which way? They see: a person goes to church, prays, and suddenly he stumbled, began to fall away from God. In order to return to God, he needs to approach the confessor - to repent. And he is ashamed to repent to God through the confessor - he also falls away from the confessor. And the devil inspires him with the thought that the confessor is not good, he does everything wrong. A person loses faith in a confessor, falls away from him, from God, from the Church - he becomes an atheist. But he does not remain alone, he immediately begins to create a group of like-minded people around him - atheists ... What the devil did in Heaven, he does the same on earth: he fights with God through people. It has long been noted that if we consider a priest to be a saint, if someone says something bad about him, we immediately accept this lie (we accept any lie so easily!), we immediately change our opinion about him. But the apostle Paul said: "Do not accept an accusation against an elder except in the presence of two or three witnesses" (1 Tim. 5:19). True Christians must be reasonable. The devil can send a man who will tell you about such a priest!

I know a woman, she was specially placed in the Transfiguration Cathedral by the authorities. She knew many prayers, the Holy Scriptures, she knew everyone in the church, she approached young people; who had just begun to come to God, said: "Hello, dear! Oh, it's good that you came to church - the Lord loves the young!" And he begins to tell something spiritual. A man sees that a woman knows everything well, and trusts her. And she suddenly says: “Here, that priest who serves is a drunkard. He doesn’t believe in God. Somehow I caught her "at the crime scene." She began to ask me to become spiritual children, right from the first day. I polished my speech, explained everything clearly, I see that it is unclean here. I told her: "Good. Write a statement that you want to be my child." She wrote. I ask her:

Do you want to be a child?

I want, father, I want! - replies with warmth.

And will you obey?

Then stand at the end of the temple at the cross, do not leave your place, do not talk to anyone for two years.

Okay, I'll stand.

I'm at the altar, and occasionally I watch her. I'm already watching the market with someone. I go out and ask:

Why were you talking to one woman today?

From what?

With a bag in her hands, standing next to you.

How do you know?

Well, if I put you in, then I control you. What kind of child are you if you don't have obedience? You consider yourself Orthodox, a real Christian. But now Great Lent is underway, and you are eating milk and sausage.

And how do you, father, know?

Yes, I know a lot about you and more. I know that you don’t even have an icon at home, only a small icon on the window in the corner. Repent to God: how much do you get paid?

150 rubles, father.

Did you sell your soul for these 150 rubles?

I tried very hard not to betray anyone.

Indeed, she did not so much betray as corrupt people, she worked for atheists.

When the Vvedensky temple was opened, a lot of people gathered, about a thousand people. Everyone is discussing the issue of transferring the temple to believers. I went out in the evening, I hear her say: “Why do we need this church? We don’t have anyone to go to the Transfiguration Church, we don’t need to open this one ...” Continues its “work” - sets people up. She still goes to church...

To what extent does the decision to become a spiritual child bind us, to what extent does it leave us free? What attitude towards the confessor is wrong? How what if you don’t have a leader in your spiritual life yet? Is it possible to have a "confessor by correspondence"? What if the husband and wife have different confessors? Is it possible to move from one confessor to another? And what is this secret of confession that makes special relationship between father and child?

We are talking about these and other nuances of the topic with the famous Moscow priest, who for 35 years was in obedience to Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), the rector of the church of Sophia the Wisdom of God in Srednye Sadovniki, Archpriest Vladimir Volgin.

Photo by Alexander Perlin

Time For checking

- Father Vladimir, why should a person who has just come to the Church start looking for a confessor?

First of all, you need to pray about it. St. Simeon the New Theologian advises to pray a lot so that the Lord would send a confessor. Another tip: don't rush. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) said the following: when a young man and a girl met and have sympathy for each other, then three years should pass before the issue of marriage is resolved. Of course, there should be friendly relations between them, chaste ones, and by the end of the third year, young people should decide: can I live with this person or not? Spirituality is also, in a sense, marriage, only spiritual. And therefore, it is not immediately necessary to ask for spiritual children to the priest who has come to your liking and meets your inner needs today. Tomorrow it may not be so!

You need to look at it very carefully, to see the positive aspects - and we, the priests, being human beings, also show our biased, negative sides. It is necessary to observe how the priest guides his spiritual children, whether he totally imposes his will, whether he insists on it or leaves the person free. Even the Lord does not limit our freedom, He knocks at the door of the heart, he does knock, but does not order: “Open the door for me!”

- You can immediately trust a spiritually inexperienced person, a “young old man” ...

Yes. Young elders are young, inexperienced priests who consider themselves people who know the will of God, understand everything, see everything. And in fact it is not.

Yes, of course, there are exceptional cases: the Monk Alexander of Svir was already considered an elder at the age of 18, the Monk Ambrose of Optina became an elder at the age of 38. And in our ordinary life, people come mature to this charisma, to that obedience that the Lord can impose on a person directly or through a spiritual father. But if we do not see something, but affirm that we see, and insist on it, then woe to us, priests, confessors!..

Therefore, I repeat, there is no need to rush.

I have been serving as a priest for 36 years already, and many people have passed through me and stayed with me as a confessor. But before, I prematurely established relationships: a person asks for it, “fell in love” like with a priest at first sight and thinks that everything will be fine. There were also cases when people left me, probably disappointed, probably because I could not answer their questions deeply enough. Or maybe he answered in such a way that the questioners were not interested in listening. There are various reasons for the departure of believing laity from their confessors. And in order to prevent this from happening, I gradually, with experience, began to establish some period, so to speak, of “abstinence” before entering into a relationship. I say, “Watch me. I will not refuse you in any case, I will now have the rights of an “acting” spiritual father. But I won’t be until you look at me long enough.”

- At the same time, you confess these people?

Yes, of course, I confess, I talk, I answer all the questions that they put before me.

- What is the difference between a spiritual child and a person who simply comes to confession?

How are your children different from other people's children? Probably the same. Your children obey you, at least they must obey you up to a certain age. And then, perhaps, obedience is preserved, if it will be useful. And other people's children do not obey you. They can turn to you for some advice, for candy, relatively speaking, for an explanation of something. So the confessing person, who is not a spiritual child, is approximately at the same level of relations with the priest.

Obedience and freedom

Strictly speaking, absolute obedience is a monastic category. And to what extent can obedience be observed by a worldly person?

Of course, it is necessary to take into account the capabilities of a person.

There is a certain range of problems - not very versatile and extensive - that people living in the world usually put before us priests. These questions essentially concern the code of moral Christian life, and when it comes to them, the spiritual child, of course, must show obedience.

Well, for example, life in the so-called “civil marriage”, in relationships that are not fixed by state authorities and the Church is not consecrated. This is fornication. Some say: "Yes, I'd rather get married, I won't go to the registry office." But these people do not understand that before the revolution, the Church combined two institutions: the registry office (parish registers) and the institution of the Church itself, where the sacraments or rituals were performed. And, of course, a person who asks you for spiritual guidance should listen to you and stop living in such illegal cohabitation. Or legalize it. It's simple, right?

There are problems on another level. For example, is it right or wrong to move from one job to another job? I know that the elders never advised simply to move to another job, for example, because of a higher salary, but they recommended their spiritual children to remain in their previous job. And, in general, experience shows: this is correct most often. Why? Because when a person moves to another job, he must adapt, he must be accepted by employees, colleagues, and if they are not accepted, this may result in dismissal. Here's an increase in wages for you! ..

- Should a person discuss any issues of family life with a confessor? Why not solve them yourself?

I think any discussion should start in the family. There are questions and problems that the husband and wife themselves can handle. And there are those that have to be taken out for the blessing of the confessor, when, for example, the husband does not agree with the point of view of his wife, or vice versa. And you need to understand: I ask this question only if I am ready to fulfill the blessing of the confessor. If I don’t comply, because I don’t like the answer, then this is a profanation of relations. It is better not to approach the confessor with this question and live according to one's own will, than to ask and not fulfill.

About games into spiritual life

Is there such a danger here: a person, having become accustomed to asking a confessor about everything, will lose the ability to independently make decisions and, most importantly, take responsibility for them? Since the confessor blessed, he is responsible for everything ...

In my practice, I have not met people who would like to entrust their entire life and care of themselves to a spiritual father. There are some deviations, distortions, irregularities in the relationship with the spiritual father. For example, when spiritual children ask about some trifles. Let's conditionally say: "Bless me to go to the store today, I have nothing in the refrigerator." But what surprises me more is that sometimes people ask for blessings, let’s say, for a trip somewhere, already having a ticket, having a ticket: “Would you bless me to go there during Great Lent?” In such cases, I say: “Such a request is profanity. I can only pray for you on your trip, since you yourself have decided this issue.

I think the danger is not in the inability to make decisions, but in the fact that we are quite proud, conceited and used to solving problems on our own. And therefore it is good when people bow their heads under the blessing of the spiritual father.

And there are, of course, difficult questions that a person cannot answer on his own. And the priest, by the grace of God given to him from above, in any case, is able to give very reasonable advice.

It turns out that a person is not completely free as a spiritual child, does he have certain obligations in relation to the spiritual father?

Like children with their parents. But these duties are not burdensome. Now the situation is such that many young Christians who have graduated from, perhaps, not even one university, but two or three, are very self-confident: they often consider themselves competent not only in those areas in which they received professional knowledge, but also in spiritual life. , where supposedly you can figure it out with half a turn. No, it's not. Father John (Krestyankin) said about such people: “Today’s children of the Church are completely special… they come to spiritual life, weighed down by many years of sinful life, perverted concepts of good and evil. And the earthly truth assimilated by them rises against the concept of Heavenly Truth that comes to life in the soul.<…>saving cross<…>rejected as an unbearable burden. And outwardly worshiping the great Cross of Christ and His Passion,<…>man will dexterously and ingeniously shun his personal saving cross. And then how often begins the most terrible substitution of spiritual life - a game of spiritual life.

- Where does the border between eldership and clergy lie?

The elders differ from us, ordinary confessors, not at all in their clairvoyance. Foresight, of course, accompanies eldership. But eldership is more than insight! Indeed, among people who serve not God, but dark forces, there are clairvoyants who can also predict the fate of a person.

The main thing in the elders is something else: they are the bearers of Divine love. Not human, which is biased and often deceitful, but Divine. And when you feel this love, you understand that it is true and no other love can replace it. Since in my lifetime I have met 11 elders, it seems to me, although I boldly say now, that there is a certain “indicator” in me: whether this or that person is a genuine elder or not. And I can say that the elder is recognized by this love - all-covering, all-forgiving, non-irritating. The very one whose properties are described in the First Epistle to the Corinthians of the Apostle Paul: Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not act outrageously, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love will never end…

My obedience for life

How did you meet your spiritual father, Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), and Shegigumen Savva?

Unfortunately, at one time priests paid very little attention to us, youth, because in Soviet times it was dangerous for them to enter into communication with young people. Although there were such Moscow priests who communicated with the youth, they were few in number. I, not yet being baptized (I was baptized six months after this trip), came to the Pskov-Caves Monastery and met Father Savva (Ostapenko). I don’t even remember Father John (Krestyankin), although they said that he was and we met him. And a year later I came to Pechory again.

And somehow Father Savva, knowing that I was engaged in literary works, suggested that I edit his book. And he put a prayer about the spiritual father there. I asked: “Do you want to accept me as a spiritual child?” He says: "If you want, I can accept." I knew that he was great, that he was a special person... And I was very vain and, in general, I still probably remain so, so it was certainly prestigious for me to have such a spiritual father. I still didn’t understand what spirituality was!

So I asked Father Savva to be my spiritual father. Which I don't regret at all! I thank God that for some time, not very long, he guided me and marked such important reference points in my further path of spiritual life.

- For example? What do you mostremembered from his advice?

After my first, general, confession, he told me: “I will give you obedience, which may seem difficult to you, but this is the work of a lifetime: do not judge people.” I somehow tried to fulfill this, and indeed, this is an obedience for life. And this is the way to love.

- How did you become your confessor?father John (Krestyankin)?

Several times I turned to Father Savva, and in parallel I began to develop some kind of relationship with Father John (Krestyankin). So I confessed to Father Savva, he told me: “I bless”, or “I do not bless” - and did not explain anything. Father John never contradicted Father Savva, their points of view, of course, coincided, but Father John, as it were, “chewed” everything to me: why exactly, why not in a different way. And it turned out to be much closer to me than just: “I bless”, “I don’t bless”. So gradually I “relocated” to Father John, who accepted me as a spiritual child.

In the absence of elders

- What is the situation with clergy today?

Complex. I think that not all priests, unfortunately, have the gift of clergy.

- And what is the gift of clergy, what does it consist of?

I would say this: this is the reasonableness of the requirements that the confessor makes to the spiritual child. In no case setting myself as an example, I can say from my own experience that I have always been guided by the possibilities, the strength of the human soul. And if I felt that I could crush and break, I stopped. If I felt that there was still a reserve of some spiritual strength, then I went even deeper into the soul and gave some advice, which at times, perhaps, was not easy to follow, but spiritual children, as a rule, strove to adhere to them.

- What happened now - why are there difficulties with clergy in our time?

The main thing that is happening is the disappearance of the elders.

At one time, Father John (Krestyankin) told me: “We knew such elders, similar in spirit to the ancient elders. And you know us. And then others will come who will not be distinguished by any special gifts and spiritual strength.” So, probably, this time has come, we are now experiencing it - the time, as it is now commonly called, apostasy, that is, apostasy. It is only by the grace of God that our Russia and the Russian people are reborn and become believers. And just for the modern generation, St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, reflecting on eldership and its disappearance in the future, said: there is no need to grieve over the disappearance of wise spiritual leaders, you need to focus on spiritual books, on the fathers of the Church.

And you know, it's amazing, because I became a believer, I was baptized when I was 20 years old, in 1969. A little over 20 years have passed, when suddenly changes took place in Russia - a law was passed on freedom of religion and freedom of conscience. And from about that time, or rather, from the end of Gorbachev's perestroika, in 1989, Orthodox books began to be published: holy fathers, lives. And now - the sea of ​​these books and a huge number of publishers! And we have the opportunity to get acquainted with the works of St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, St. Theophan the Recluse, many Optina elders, Glinsk elders, modern elders, like Father John (Krestyankin), and others who left behind their works. And they, in general, answered for us all the questions that are now facing modern humanity. So, for example, Father John (Krestyankin) has a "Spiritual First Aid Kit", compiled as advice on various problems of spiritual life. Now the works of the holy fathers are systematized by themes, for example: about humility, about prayer, about pride, and so on. We may well look for spiritual guidance in them as well.

Moreover, I do not advise my spiritual children now to delve into the ascetic works of such ascetics as, for example, Isaac the Syrian, because the ancient fathers, desert dwellers, were guided by monasticism, by people living a deeply ascetic life. We don't live like that. And if we try to follow their advice, on the one hand, it can certainly be good for us, and on the other hand, we can find ourselves in a trap of misunderstanding and inconsistency between such experience and modern life. From this, spiritual obscuration is possible, up to mental illness. Therefore, I orient those who turn to me to modern elders and domestic ascetics of piety, who have already died, but left us their precious works focused on modern society.

- What are these books - Can you name a few more?

Father Nikolai Golubtsov, holy righteous father Alexei Mechev, of course, Glinsk and Optina elders, holy righteous father John of Kronstadt, Theophan the Recluse, Ignatius Brianchaninov. Their sea, you can't re-read them all! And now people are very busy - you spend a lot of time on the only way to work or to work. You cannot reread everything, but this will be enough for guidance in spiritual life.

Confessor by correspondence

Can a modern person have a confessor at a distance? Call up, correspond on the Internet, rarely meeting personally or not meeting at all?

Of course, there can be such relationships, and they are very common. I heard that such well-known confessors as Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov, Archpriest Dimitri Smirnov had with a certain eldercorrespondence - they took advice from him in writing and received answers in writing.

And it seems that none of them has ever seen this old man. Is it possible. We were lucky to get out to the Pskov-Caves Monastery when we wanted to, at first we came to the elders with “sheets” of questions, then there were fewer and fewer questions. And some no longer came, but asked the elders in writing and received answers. And guided by these answers.

We are again talking about the elders, people of special talents, perspicacious, who could solve certain issues at a distance. And what about ordinary confessors?

There are questions that, I think, ordinary confessors-priests, not overshadowed by such spiritual, senile grace, cannot answer. The questions are complex, which require not only attention and deepening into the soul of a person, but also some kind of parallel knowledge, spiritual knowledge, given only from above, only by God.

But suppose I have spiritual children whom I have known for a long time, and this knowledge helps me, not being an old man and a perspicacious person, to solve, perhaps, much more complex problems. And if you, an ordinary priest, do not know all the complexities and nuances of the life of your spiritual child, how can you answer his questions and difficulties?

Over time, a person begins to need a confessor less, to ask less questions, to confess in short. Is it normal?

I think it's ok. Of course, one is learning. Of course, any subject in which we gain knowledge is much more extensive than, say, an institute program. But nevertheless, the institute gives systematic knowledge about this subject, quite solid. The foundation is laid in you, and, relying on it, you can develop further. If a person has an inquisitive mind, and he continues to strive for knowledge of the subject of interest to him, then gradually, gradually, there are less and less questions. It is the same in the spiritual life! When we recently came to Father John (Krestyankin), I strained out of myself, like a mosquito, 2-3 questions. I had nothing to ask, there were no problems!

And I understand that Fr. John answered almost all the questions for our rather long spiritual relationship, which spans three and a half decades.

- How do you feel about the change of confessor?

You know, when I was younger, I was very zealous about this, and I was quite worried when my spiritual children departed from me. But if they went, for example, to Father John (Krestyankin) or to such pillars of the Church, the joy from this overcame the pain that was in me. And now I am free.

Guided by the saying: the fish is looking for where it is deeper, and the man is looking for where it is better. Man is free! And to focus on me, a person who is not a saint and knows, perhaps imperfectly, but the price of his spiritual life ... I would not want this, I would not like to say about myself: "Here I am - the source of knowledge." Nothing like this. There are people much wiser than me. And if my spiritual children get to such people, I now rejoice at this and do not feel pain.

Wrong relations

- What kind of relationship with a confessor can be wrong? How do you know if they're wrong?

For example, if a person sees in a priest - I'm talking about personal experience - an elder and addresses him as an elder, this is a false attitude. I am not an old man. It is not true when a person elevates an ordinary confessor and puts him on a pedestal of holiness. We, people, I am a man, a sinful man, and I would like to get rid of passions, like my spiritual children. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, but I pray to God all the time to free me from passions.

It is very wrong to collect information about a spiritual father as a miracle worker: here he showed insight, and here, through his prayers, someone recovered. Most often, this contains a fairly large element of fantasy, and a person, a confessor, begins to be deified. And then, when we suddenly show weakness, our fall is great in the eyes of such people. And our memory perishes with noise, as it is said in the Gospel.

Is it necessary for a family to have a common confessor, and what if the bride has one and the groom has another, what should they do?

I adhere to this view, although I never insist on it, that it is more correct to have one confessor. Let's imagine the following picture: there are many wonderful confessors in Moscow now; they are also remarkable in that they have experience of communicating with the elders, who passed on some of their experience to them - and you can’t get it in any books!

But nevertheless, due to the difference in characters, personal approaches, they sometimes look differently at this or that problem and at the means of healing from this or that mental illness. And this can be a stumbling block! Suppose your confessor says one thing in connection with a certain problem in family life, and your husband's confessor says another thing to his husband in connection with the same problem. And you are faced with a choice: what to do? And you get lost, because you love your confessor and consider him to be the “last resort”, and your spouse trusts his confessor. And now the conflict.

- What to do?

I would advise such families the following. If there is no choice, then the wife needs to listen to her husband. Because she is behind her husband.

Secret confessors

- What is the most difficult thing for you in spiritual work and what is the most encouraging?

The hardest thing about being a spiritual father is that my soul is not an abode for God. This is how the elders differed from confessors like me: they saw the soul of a person, by the grace of God they saw it. And they gave such advice that was healing specifically for this person. This is what brings me pain, but in no case disappointment, but pain, because in spirituality I see great opportunities for my soul, and it is spirituality that brings me great satisfaction in itself. Because sometimes I see how advice - not mine, but "licked" from someone - benefits another person. This is a huge relief! It is a joy when the advice you have learned from the holy fathers and the elders has a healing effect on the souls of your spiritual children.

- Is this the secret of confession?

The secret of confession is precisely this secret. Since we call it that, it means that we cannot deeply penetrate it with our mind. I noticed, especially in the first 10-15 years of my ministry, that when a person entered into these spiritual relationships with me, my heart not only contained him, but became akin to this person. A certain thread immediately formed, and I was even more worried about such people than for those who were not and are not my spiritual children. Look, the apostle Paul says: "Husband and wife are one flesh, this mystery is great." I would say this is the secret. But how to explain it? Don't explain.

The Lord implants in your heart, in your soul some special love for this person and special care for him. More than others. And, of course, I deeply believe reveals much more about spiritual children than about other people.

Father Vladimir, let's summarize our conversation. A person, having come to the Church, should strive for such spiritual guidance, which implies obedience, since it is difficult to understand the spiritual life on your own. But, if such relations do not develop for him, he should not force this process and should be guided by the books of the holy fathers.

Yes that's right. And yet, a person should also have a “temporarily acting” confessor. Sometimes we may encounter something that we cannot understand, and then it would be more correct to consult such a priest in order not to get lost in the wilds.

Mikhailova (Posashko) Valeria

* Archimandrite John (Krestyankin; 1910-2006) - one of the most famous and most revered modern elders, who was a resident of the Pskov-Caves Monastery for about 40 years; confessor, who took care of a huge number of laymen and monks. - Ed.

** Schiigumen Savva (Ostapenko; 1898-1980) - a resident of the Pskov-Caves Monastery, a well-known confessor and author of books on spiritual life, revered by the Orthodox as an elder. - Ed.

The spiritual father is obliged to pray for the spiritual child, he must monitor his growth, give him advice based on the Holy Scriptures and the words of the Holy Fathers, and he must be the main representative before God about his child. The confessor is responsible for the spiritual child to the extent that he obeys him. It is impossible to be responsible for a spiritual child when he does not listen to advice, he is not even a spiritual child then. The spiritual child must pray for the spiritual father himself, obey in everything that does not contradict the will of God, he must perceive the spiritual father as a teacher who helps to go to Heaven. If a spiritual child decides to go into conflict with the confessor, then one must understand that this is not a spiritual child, but a relationship of bickering. This is not a relationship between a teacher and a student, but a relationship of a debater who will never learn anything. Now many spiritual children consider it their personal duty to correct their confessor. Nothing good will ever come of such an approach. ( priest Daniel Sysoev)

When you go to ask your spiritual father about something, read: "Lord my God! Do mercy on me and inspire my spiritual father to give me an answer according to Your will."

Can an experienced layman be a mentor in the spiritual life?

The leader in the spiritual life for every Christian must necessarily be a priest - confessor, to whom one must resort not only for confession, but also for teaching.

Is it a sin to be jealous of a spiritual father?

Guard against addiction to a mentor. Many were not careful and fell into the network of the demon along with the mentors. Advice and obedience are pure and pleasing to God as long as they are not defiled by addiction, and good deeds die with addiction.

One must love spiritual fathers, but do not forget that the spirit of the flesh is not far off.

Jealousy for a spiritual father is a grave sin. He pays little attention to you, and to another more - like a child, humble yourself. For this you will be more loved by the Lord and your spiritual father.

What to do if there are few experienced priests and it is impossible to get to them. Is it possible to ask for advice from a young priest, or is it better to rely on the Holy Books?

If the confessor himself did not experience virtue, then ask anyway, and for your humility the Lord will have mercy on you and keep you from all unrighteousness, and if you think that the confessor is inexperienced, that he is in vanity and that it is better to be guided by books yourself, then you are on dangerous path and not far from charm. There are many people who have been so deceived in their thoughts and have not succeeded because of their contempt for their confessor. They forget that the grace of the Holy Spirit works in the sacrament.

What to do if you see the shortcomings of the confessor and this confuses you?

It must be known that the enemy does not try so hard in monasteries and parishes as to break the connection between the spiritual father and the brethren and parishioners. To do this, he destroys the virtues of the fathers in the eyes of the brethren and parishioners, and increases and even invents their shortcomings, characteristic of our human nature. Most of the monastics are captivated by this temptation, although not all to the same extent.

The antidote to hostility towards the spiritual father is a frequent mental exercise in calculating the merits of the spiritual father and then thanksgiving to the Omniscient God, who made you worthy to be under the guidance of His chosen servant.

Remember: whoever condemns the priesthood, he puts the sins of the priest on himself and will give an answer on the day of the Last Judgment of God.

Is it allowed to reveal to others the teachings of the elder at confession?

In general, do not tell anyone what you are talking about with the confessor. Don't trust anyone but him about your temptations. You will not get relief from stories, and you can only bring harm to another: they will listen to you out of curiosity, and then they will be tempted and condemn you. Keep all the commandments and instructions of the confessor in secret, and it will be good for you.