How to stop envying someone else's happiness. How to get rid of envy of people

To stop envying other people is quite real and it is necessary, because envy prevents us from getting what we can take from life. Judge for yourself: while you are angry because a friend bought an apartment for herself, it is quite possible to build your own house.

Where does jealousy come from

It is worth reconciling with the fact that, alas, everyone has unequal opportunities. At the same time, some people know how to rejoice in the happiness of their neighbor, while others only know how to rage with envy. What is the secret?

Some soul scholars believe that jealousy is purely hereditary.. There is something in this, but most often we acquire hereditary character traits simply because we consider our parents to be an ideal. So, envy is not a trait that can be adopted from mom and grandmother.

Another reason is low self-esteem.

Before you learn not to envy, you need to develop self-confidence and make it a habit not to give up at the smallest setbacks. When you realize that you deserve better, envy will leave your life.

You just don't appreciate what you have.

You want everything at once

And if your desires do not coincide with your capabilities, you begin to get angry and envy other people;

You don't know your true desires

There is no one to blame here, except for our parents, who from childhood told us how to live, that you need to be an excellent student, learn to be an economist, not an actor, relax on exotic islands, and not in the country, earn a lot of money, go to work in our own expensive car, not on the bus ... but in fact, we have a purpose and our own idea of \u200b\u200bpleasure. But we believe that if we do not buy a car, then we are losers. Hence the envy of those who earn a lot of money ...

Everything is clear with the reasons, but there are ways to learn not to envy.

Do your thing

One of the most reliable ways. Firstly, if you enjoy your business, then what difference does it make who bought what. Secondly, you simply will not have time to look at the achievements of other people. Make your own action plan, achieve your goals and enjoy the process.

Also, think about what area you can become successful in. By the way, if you are jealous of those who travel a lot around the world, then know that people who do their job and succeed in it travel even more than those who just make money. Known fact.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

If you feel sorry for yourself, then by definition you recognize yourself as weak, and therefore selfish. And egoists are most often envious. Weakness and self-pity will keep you from getting what you want out of life.

See to the root

Don't judge candy by its wrapper. Behind the external successes of the object of your envy often hide problems worse than yours. Perhaps you envy your girlfriend's beauty, her fashionable outfits and jewelry, but do not even think about the fact that her husband is constantly cheating on her.

And your colleague, who received a pay raise and a promotion, has a son suffering from drug addiction. We often do not know the other side of the coin, moreover, not the happiest people often embellish the outside. Do not think that people who are happy in your opinion have an easier life than yours.

Rejoice in other people's success

This is the hardest part, but if you share someone else's joy, you will share some of it.

Use envy as motivation

It’s also not easy, but think for yourself, if someone could, then you also have a margin of safety. Take a cue from successful people and be more persistent.

Boost your own self-esteem

Those who are confident in themselves simply have no place in their souls for envy. Remember all your achievements and understand that you can also oh how much.

By the way, many people envy you too. If you have managed something and achieved something, then there are probably envious people. And if you believe in your talent and attractiveness, then success will come to you faster. Let envy become a goal.

Learn to appreciate what you have

Yes, people's opportunities, alas, are unequal, but this does not mean that your opportunities are bad. You can do a lot too, but if you don't appreciate it, you will never get satisfaction from life. In this case, even if you get what you want, you will find another object for lust and envy.

Think about whether you need what others have. Everyone has their own style of life and their own needs, and not those prescribed by the standards of modern society.

Remove envious people from your social circle

They definitely are and they envy you. What does it mean? Yes, just that they will constantly do everything so that you turn off your path. Such people will definitely pull you along, tell you that someone has a better life, and also put spokes in your wheels and try to do everything so that you do not achieve success.

Communicate only with purposeful friends, because such will support and motivate you.

Learn to relax, calm down and be grateful

To get rid of sudden bouts of envy, learn to meditate and relax. This will help you to be alone with yourself and answer any questions that concern you.

Be yourself

This is the most interesting and the most important. Live your life the best you can, don't compare yourself to others, and meet your own needs, not the needs of your parents or society. Just enjoy the fact that you are relaxing in a hammock in your country house and do not think that your colleague is resting in Cyprus at this time. Feelings are the same and it makes no sense to pay more.

Some more tips

Realize that you don't owe anyone anything. It only means that the world doesn't owe you anything either.
Do not consider your "I" the most important thing in the world. If you are worthy of something, then the people around you are worthy of it;
Learn to compliment. By saying your admiration, you learn to compliment yourself.
Envy is a thing that destroys us greatly. Think about what is more important for you personally: a neighbor's jeep or you are safe and sound. You can always buy a Jeep, but if you lose yourself, then no amount of money is enough to buy yourself again.

Everyone knows that jealousy is bad. But not everyone can control this destructive feeling in themselves. Very often, and for many, it takes over the mind, subjugating all good emotions. There are even people for whom envy is second nature, it has such a strong power over other feelings. Sometimes a person understands how harmful the influence of envy is, and sometimes not. In a sense, these people are hopeless, because they do not recognize and are not aware of the presence of such negative qualities in themselves.

And this means that they do not want to change, develop and grow as individuals. Everyone else - sane and adequate people - wants to know how to stop envying in order to defeat their "dragon" and gain inner freedom. This is done not only out of fear of (envy is a sin), but also in order to improve the quality of life.

Negative ones poison the existence of the person himself: they do not allow to move forward, they destroy from the inside, they are the causes of depression, neuroses and, as a result, diseases of the physical body.

How to stop jealousy: where to start

It is interesting that there are people who do not have a feeling of envy at all. Many of them never suffered from this "disease", and someone just managed to overcome it. It may seem that this is impossible to do, but development experts say that a person can defeat envy and all other unsightly things. All you need is desire, perseverance and a certain strategy.

If you are serious about breaking this habit (to some extent, envy is the same habit as smoking, drinking, overeating, etc.), then you first need to sit down and think about what exactly you envy.

There are people who are jealous of everything in a row simply because they do not have what others have. And others are characterized by envy in one thing (material well-being or a beautiful body, career, apartment, personal life). When you figure out what kind of envy is eating you - global or specific - this will already be half the way to how to stop envying. You will understand what you are not satisfied with in your own life, as well as what you can do about it.

How to stop envying others: small tips

If, for example, you have determined that envy devours you at the sight of someone else's property, car or wardrobe, then do everything to get the same or even better. Direct your energy in a constructive direction in order to ultimately improve your own life. Even if you don't get such benefits, following this path, you can acquire such qualities as purposefulness, perseverance, grasp and endurance. You will be so carried away by this process that there will simply be no time and energy left for envy.

How to stop envying others in other ways? You can choose a philosophical approach to life. The next time you are overwhelmed by another bout of envy, think that everything in our world is perishable, transient and not at all eternal. That no one has yet taken anything with them to the other world, and in this life the main thing is harmony with the outside world. Such a strategy is not suitable for everyone, because material goods for a modern person come first.

Another method to stop being envious of people is to learn to control these emotions and be aware of them. As soon as you realize that the "attack" begins, do not drown it out, do not run away from it, but at the same time do not allow it to completely take over. You must live it, feel it, looking at yourself from the outside. This detachment will allow you to control the feeling of envy, and in the future to bring it to nothing at all.

Hello, dear readers, today we will talk about how to stop envying other people. You will know what jealousy is. You will know the reasons for its occurrence. Find out how it might manifest.

What is this feeling

You need to stop thinking about what happens in someone else's life. It's important to focus on yourself. You need to realize that what you think is ideal is not always so. Very often people are mistaken, looking at their neighbors, they think that everything is in order, they have an ideal family, but in fact, behind the wall everything is not as safe as it seems.
Learn to celebrate your own victories. No need to be overly self-critical, praise yourself for even the slightest success.
Set goals for yourself and achieve them. Don't think about material things. Remember that there are such values as generosity, love, support, empathy. Develop these feelings.
Realize that it is in your power to achieve great success if you engage in self-development and stop criticizing yourself for mistakes and failures.

You do not need to compare yourself with someone, you need to evaluate yourself today with what you were before and do everything to make positive changes appear in your life.

How to stop being jealous

When you grow up in a family where your parents have achieved some success, and you consider yourself a failure, the statement “I envy mom or dad” can form. Often, envy occurs in adolescents who consider themselves unattractive, especially if their parents are very beautiful. In particular, this feeling can disturb the daughter, who cannot calmly look at the elegant, chic woman who is her mother.

It is very important to defeat envy in yourself, especially if it arises in relation to family members. It must be understood that this feeling interferes with normal relationships, creates an unhealthy atmosphere.

Determine the reasons that influenced the formation of envy. It may be enough for you to make quite a bit of effort in order to achieve your goal. It's time to realize that nothing is given just like that, water does not flow under a lying stone.
It's time to believe in yourself, in your strengths, stop listening to what others say if they compare you with someone else. Accept that you too can be successful and achieve great things.
Realize that you see only the virtues of the person you envy and do not understand that she also has flaws, and possibly serious problems in life. Most likely, there is nothing to envy.
Treat the feeling you are feeling as a call to action. It's just time to do self-improvement, the realization of their needs.
Learn to sensibly assess your strengths, correct your shortcomings.
It is important to focus on your uniqueness, on the talents that need to be developed.
There is no need to think that someone is unworthy of something, for example, to consider that a neighbor does not deserve the salary that he receives. And this opinion is fundamentally wrong. So you only generate your dissatisfaction and hinder your own development.
Try to be kind to other people, do not put yourself above someone, feel compassion, think about the fact that there are people who are much worse than you and they need someone's support and help.
Set yourself goals that will make you happy and strive towards them.
If a son or daughter is jealous of their parents, then the realization should come that they are directing their negativity to the closest person. You need to realize that mom or dad, in order to become successful, spent a lot of effort, and did not sit still with their hands folded. So everything is in the hands of children, they can also change their lives for the better.

You need to understand that getting rid of the feeling of envy will not be so easy. This will take a lot of time. Sometimes a person cannot cope with this on their own, then the help of a specialist will be required.

Now you know how not to envy people. Surely, in the life of every person there was such a moment when envy woke up. If for someone this feeling was short-lived, pushing him to improve his life, then for someone it could become destructive, interfering with normal development, and sometimes even turning into a pathological state. Remember that you can’t compare yourself with someone and it’s unacceptable to envy, especially close people.

One of the seven deadly sins, which means that it has long been a well-known human vice that eats people from the inside at all times and in all countries, is envy. Someone boasts that he is not subject to her, knowing that he keeps her in his heart, the other calls her "white", trying to whitewash his own name. One way or another, at least petty envy, perhaps, everyone has experienced at least once in their life. We are all not saints. But this is wrong, especially if it develops into a constantly experienced feeling. So how do you get rid of it? How to stop being jealous?

What is this?

Envy is dissatisfaction with the success of others. This is a feeling that gnaws at the heart if a neighbor bought an expensive car, and a friend has a new boyfriend. If instead of us they put an objectionable colleague in charge of the project or a distant relative goes abroad, but we don’t! All this is defined precisely by the word "envy".

People say that a person is interested in someone else's life only when he does not have his own. And they also say that the neighbor always has a brighter sun and greener grass. All this suggests that it is not for nothing that envy was dubbed a mortal sin long before our century, and it was known even in pagan times, since it was preserved in proverbs. In addition, there are also quotes about envy. And they are also known from ancient times. Religions even provide for prayer from envy. However, why people are jealous, this does not explain at all.

Who is worse off for this?

Envy is a very sad feeling. Indeed, in fact, only the envious person, who only "spits poison" at everyone, and then for the most part harmless, is worse from her only. Because he poisons life only for himself, suffers, sometimes complains, but this is not something that usually causes sympathy among those around him.

The problem comes from childhood

Many people have a bad habit of comparing themselves, their lives and everything else with someone else's. Why? Do people envy because of comparison or do they compare because they are jealous? It's worth looking into this.

The subconscious perception of "me and others" is laid down in childhood. Unfortunately, too many parents try to accustom their child to, in general, good things, using not very good methods for this. They say: "Look how cute Kristina is, that's how it should be!" or "Study like Masha", or "You see, Petya goes in for sports, and you ... Eh." And the child is faced with the problem of what he cannot do as someone else, because he is he, but this does not suit the parents.

So a child grows up with a constant thought that the other, whoever he may be, is obviously better. And he begins to envy those who do not have the shortcomings that his mom and dad reproached him with.

Psychological theories

According to Jung, by the way, there is a certain sense in such actions of parents. A well-known psychologist believed that envy can awaken a thirst for new achievements in a person, turning shortcomings into virtues. Say, a closed child grows up to be a famous politician, poor health is sometimes a catalyst for sports and victories in this field. Carl Jung claimed that all famous people had some kind of flaw. Maybe it is so, for example, in some cases this will tip the scales towards something good. But for the most part, unfortunately, it turns out exactly the opposite. At least because children do not have a mature enough personality to be able to manage their vices.

pathological envy

A perpetually envious child will inevitably turn into a perpetually envious adult. And he will suddenly have much more reasons for this feeling. Any phrase from another person is boasting, and any luck is a reason to come out with anger, because "Well, everything is different as always!".

Therefore, one thought on how to stop envy is already the first step towards victory over your vice. After all, many are not even going to improve, and this is very sad.

Black and white envy

"I envy white envy!" - the girlfriend affirms, pursing her lips and turning her nose too high. Why is that? There is only one answer: because there is no white envy.

Any feeling of annoyance that arises at the mention of other people's successes is defined as envy. And it’s better not to deceive yourself that a fallen mood at the sight of a thinner girlfriend is just a coincidence. Yes, they say "envy silently," but hiding a vice does not mean getting rid of it. And, in the end, only sincere joy for the victories of relatives and friends is the real absence of a sin on your part, without any impurities of black and white envy.

Competition

In economics, there is the concept of pure competition. Without going into details, we can describe it as a perfect model of this phenomenon. It also applies to real life. Healthy competition allows you to improve and keep yourself in good shape in order not to lose to your opponent. The bottom line is that it should not become a meaning, but simply be a kind of motivating assistant.

If the competition reaches the peak where it becomes envy, you can no longer expect help from it - only harm. For example, its motivating effect will definitely no longer be felt. It's a fact: envious people do little to get what they want, they just envy silently!

Separate species: envy of other people's talents

Why is it necessary to highlight this in a special paragraph? Let's start with the fact that talent is a gift from above. And talented people are born like that, whether they use this gift or not, develop it or bury it in the sand. An exceptional variant of this phenomenon - genius - is a very rare event. Therefore, envy of someone else's talent obviously only destroys the envious from within.

Heightened sense of justice

This is how envy is called by those who believe that the other has received his blessing undeservedly. And they are completely wrong. Justice is when you tell the cashier that he gave more change than it should be. Or when he divided something equally among all. And if someone else's good does not let you sleep peacefully, this is no longer justice. This is undisguised jealousy.

"I'm a little jealous"

It is worth remembering once and for all - "a little" envy will not work. Either you're jealous or you're not. And if the first option, it is better to admit it to yourself right away. Let go of the negative. And say goodbye to this once and for all.

How to fix everything?

And here it is, the main question: "How to stop envy?" The first step is to recognize the problem and not wait for easy solutions. By the way, this applies not only to this topic, but to almost everything. For example, prayer from envy is one of the options for solving the problem for believers (Lord! Deliver me, the servant of God (name), from the influence of dark forces). Building a harmonious personality is a painstaking and important matter, and it requires a lot of diligence. You can read quotes about envy ("Envy knows no days off", "Envy is poison for the heart", etc.), you can take only the first step as much as you like, but you still have to go further.

"No" to comparisons!

Even if the problem of comparison was laid down a long time ago, and maybe not even by you, alas, you will have to deal with it. Stop thinking about what others have there. Others have a different good, but the problems are different. And it's their life, not yours. So much has been given to you - the freedom is to be concretely yourself and not somebody else. You can’t get enough of someone else’s good, and, believe me, if you had the same thing as a friend, colleague, neighbor, you would not become happier from this.

Ask yourself one simple question

Why envy? Think about this question. Does it make sense? Because, as we found out, there is absolutely no benefit from this. So is it worth spending life on something that only poisons it? Isn't it easier to let go of this vice and allow yourself to enjoy the fact that you live on this earth?

Let go of pride

One sin leads to another. Envy is inextricably linked with pride. Thinking that you are better than others is just as bad as thinking that you are supposedly worse. Since it’s only worth hurting your pride, if someone buys something better, and here it is - envy, welcome, but you didn’t expect it at all, did you?

Be humane

Envy sees other people's virtues and does not see shortcomings. Take a closer look at your loved ones, who, in your opinion, have an ideal life. Perhaps they need help more than ever? Your ideal will inevitably stoop. Because it doesn't exist. And mutual assistance is the basis of strong friendship, while envy is its clear enemy.

be careful

Notice your victories in the same way that you were vigilant for strangers. Every little thing, every success - isn't this a reason to rejoice? If your zeal was enough to catch the reasons for envy, it will be enough for happiness, joy and gratitude to fate and to yourself. Don't underestimate your worth. False modesty is just as dangerous as arrogance. Adequate self-esteem allows you to get rid of many vices, including envy.

Turn jealousy to your advantage

No matter how rosy it all sounds, living by the principle of "never envy" is not that difficult, rather, impossible. In this sense, the notorious aphorism "Never say never" will fit the topic. Therefore, you can extract the best from this vice. Perhaps you are jealous because you really want this, but still did not dare to take action? Get started today, right now. At least start by thinking about how you will do it - all great things start with ideas. But do not let envy drag you into the abyss of idleness and self-oppression, it deserves to be benefited from it, and then thrown away.

You can't get everything

The fact that getting everything is unrealistic can sound very sad until you realize that you don’t need everything. You must know who you are. What you want, what you have achieved and what you will achieve. Why do you do what you do. And then envy someone else's happiness will not even come to mind. Who said someone else's light is better than your darkness? After all, for you it is brighter than thousands of foreign suns!

Learn to trust yourself

Only within yourself can you find what you personally need. People are afraid to trust the voice of their mind, because they believe that others know better. Or they don’t count, but bend under this pressure. Be stronger than public opinion, go your own way, no matter what and no one.

Consequences

Some people will never even think about how to stop being jealous, because they will not see the reasons for this. Pathologically unhappy, driven to a dead end by their vice, who began to be proud of it - a model of people in need of help. To say that jealousy is bad will no longer be a sufficient argument in favor of change.

The main consequence of envy is unrealized dreams and talents buried in the ground. You will not be able to achieve your happiness if you follow someone else's path. Or, even worse, not to go at all, just to watch others pick the best fruit from the tree and maliciously envy why they are taller than you.

Envy is the enemy of harmony. Harmony is the key to happiness. Do not deprive yourself of it voluntarily. Ultimately, everyone deserves it. You are no worse and no better than others.

Finally

Don't beat yourself up for jealousy. Do not reproach yourself for your vices in principle. But don't let them lead you. They are yours, not you theirs.

Envy is unlikely to disappear from the world, as well as the other six sins that accompany it. They walk hand in hand, ready to take everyone into their arms. But let them pass by and forgive us our happiness.