Partners with a big age difference. A big age difference in a couple - is it a husband or dad? Useful videos about psychology in relationships in couples with an age difference

Usually, a large age difference between partners is perceived negatively by society, they say, relationships because of money, inheritance and other material benefits. People believe that 15-20 years is a huge unbridgeable chasm, not only for intimate life, but also for relationships outside of the bed.

However, stories are known for happy love affairs that broke out between a man and a woman with a colossal age difference.

So the union of the hearts of Salvador Dali and Gala went beyond the usual framework: she was 12 years older than him: refined, restrained, educated. He is an extravagant young man with terrible manners and a stupid laugh. For the sake of a crazy youngster, Gala dropped everything and moved from Paris to a tiny house in the Spanish wilderness. There she inspired Dali and protected their love until her death - the marriage lasted 53 years.

Later, Salvador said: "I learned to use a brush only because of the fear of touching Gala's face."

So is it really worth focusing on the numbers in the passport and social stereotypes, giving the decision to the prudent brain, and not the trembling heart?

Psychologists are of the opinion that the ideal age difference for a couple is up to ten years, due to the fact that women develop faster. By this time, men become wiser, they do not react so emotionally to women's whims, they know how to compromise.

But the larger the “chasm”, the more significantly the interests, sexual libido, attitude towards family values and common life differ.

15 years difference

Such relationships are often built on the principle of "parent-child". If a man is older, the girl expects paternal wisdom from him, help in solving problems and life advice. The husband feels responsible for his wife, as if she were his daughter.

Entering into such a relationship, a woman hopes for stability, calmness and a reliable man nearby. The experience gained in such an alliance cannot be compared with what peers can provide to a girl.

20 years difference

By this time, a man wants a measured lifestyle: start a family, have children, build a house, and in the evenings bask by the fireplace.

A woman is still interested in adventures, adventures, unrestrained fun.

By the age of 30, girls' libido increases, sex becomes a priority, and in men, by the age of 50, there is a decline in sexual activity - it is on this basis that disagreements occur in a couple.

Advantages

a more mature partner is aware of his sexual desires: how, where, with whom he wants. Such lovers pay attention not to the quantity of sex, but to the quality, so they will gladly deliver sensual pleasure to their mistress;
The experience that an older person conveys is priceless. In such relationships, you feel like behind a stone wall, because all the "young" problems are solvable;
financial situation is more stable than if both of you were students who just received diplomas;
reverent attitude towards his soulmate. Love is no longer a “hookup”, a disco until the morning and an alcoholic hangover. The older a person is, the more he appreciates his loved ones;
the opportunity to learn from each other: on the one hand - worldly wisdom, and on the other - a fresh mind, not burdened with old-fashioned stereotypes.

Flaws

difference in worldview: what is good for one is death for another. A woman puts on a miniskirt and fishnet tights, and a man does not understand why dressing up so frivolously;
excessive jealousy: fear that a woman will find herself a younger, more active and sexy man;
problems with the birth of a child: a woman still does not want to, and a man can no longer endure. Or vice versa: the girl has a request for motherhood, and her partner already has three children and a grandson.
a different lifestyle: she wants to go to parties with her friends, and he wants to sit at home and, wrapped in a blanket, watch a new series;
public opinion: it is unlikely that a mother will appreciate her son-in-law, who in 10 years can be called old. And people around will look askance and whisper about self-interest.

Love for all ages

And although it is believed that a happy relationship and a big age difference are incompatible things, history knows examples of successful love relationships that did not depend on numbers and public opinion.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher 16 years apart. The romantic story lasted six years and although it ended in divorce, it was once truly beautiful and filled with love.
Woody Allen and his stepdaughter Sui-E Previn, 35 years apart. After a scandal, public criticism and passion, the couple got married and adopted two children. They have been happily married for over 20 years.
Bruce Willis and Emma Heming - 23 years difference. Married since 2009, they have two children and seem to be happy.

In real feelings, you should not be guided by the "optimal" age and imposed stereotypes - love has no boundaries ... If you are 20 and you are really happy with a man twice your age, or you are a young man who is sincerely in love with a woman "over 30" - is there any difference What do strangers think of you?

Marriages in which there is an age difference between a man and a woman always cause increased interest from others, as well as a lot of controversy and discussion. Is it good or bad? How does the age difference affect the development of relationships? Are these alliances strong? What are guided by a man and a woman entering into such a marriage?

When relationships between partners of unequal age are just beginning to take shape, few people think about how this difference can affect. As a rule, feelings always come first in such a situation. Only after a certain amount of time, spouses can feel the impact of age inequality.

The success of unequal marriages depends on a number of factors.

Among them:

Was this marriage deliberate, planned or chaotic, created in a fit of feelings;

What underlies it: sincere love or strict calculation;

Are the husband and wife satisfied (emotionally and physiologically) with each other in marriage;

What kind of relationship do spouses have with members of opposite families;

Whether a man and a woman remain faithful to each other throughout the marriage;

Are they ready to overcome all the difficulties that may be associated with the condemnation of their marriage by others.

Perceptions of marriages characterized by age differences

A woman is older than her husband ... A situation that has been condemned by the public at all times. Stereotypes have always had a strong influence on the perception of unequal marriages.

In general, society is more condescending towards unions in which the man is older, even if by twenty years.

And, accordingly, more condemned situations when there is a big difference in age, and at the same time the woman is much older than the man.

This is due to the fact that biologically such a marriage is considered unnatural, since a woman, being no longer young, cannot realize her childbearing functions. And the spouses themselves usually behave differently in society.

A man is always proud of his young darling and strives to be with her in public more often, to acquaint others with her. But a woman, on the contrary, is most likely to try to hide from the public the details of her marriage to a young spouse; questions about him can cause her embarrassment and discomfort.

What is the psychology of relationships in marriages with different age differences?

A marriage in which the spouses are of the same age

Mutual understanding in peer relationships is developed in the best way. Often, spouses have similar interests and behaviors. This is the most common marriage union. Newlyweds are usually not in a hurry to have children. For the first time after the wedding, they want to live for themselves (of course, provided that the marriage was carefully planned).

Of course, the same age is not a guarantee of an eternal union. According to studies, 53% of marriages created by peers break up after two or three years, which can be problematic. Therefore, do not rely on an impeccable start to a relationship. They need to be constantly reinforced and refreshed. Spouses can maintain interest in each other with the help of surprises, unusual gifts, exciting joint pastime and recreation, sexual experiments. And also, over time, marriage should already be based not only on love and passion, but also on friendship, support and patience. Then such a union can be called truly strong.

Marriages where the husband is older than the wife

Traditionally, at all times, such unions were encouraged by society. And in some historical periods there have even been trends towards marriages between a young girl and a very mature man. This was especially true for times when there was no freedom of choice, and the decision about who would be a life partner depended on the parents.

In the modern world, such marriages are not at all uncommon, moreover, now they represent a conscious choice of both spouses.

The positive aspects of such a marriage:

Psychologically, a woman feels more protected and surrounded by care and attention if a man who is older than her is next to her. He, as a rule, is inclined to pamper her, make gifts, admire her beauty and elegance. A woman experiences pleasure from this, and a man asserts himself in this way and reinforces his self-esteem.
A mature man is usually accomplished in life. Therefore, the family in which he is the head, most often "stands firmly on his feet." A woman can afford to do what she loves, even if it does not bring much income. A man, on the other hand, feels his indispensability and is glad that he can provide for his family and be a support for her.
Men psychologically mature later than women. Therefore, in unequal marriages, the values of spouses usually become similar. An older man is more ready to raise children than a younger guy. He is no longer so subject to instincts, does not seek to seduce as many beauties as possible, family and stability come first for him. This is what is often lacking for a young woman married to a peer
In such a marriage (especially where there is a large age difference between a man and a woman), the likelihood of male infidelity is much lower. This is quite understandable. Next to the man is a young and attractive wife, so he does not need to be convinced on the side that he is still capable of much

The main plus for an old man in such a marriage is the opportunity to recharge with energy from a young wife, maintain good spirits and be in good physical shape. A woman in such a union usually ages earlier.

Negative sides of unequal marriages when the man is older

When the husband is 5-7 years older

This difference is considered optimal, since it is not very noticeable from the outside, but it is useful for relationships. Spouses may have similar interests and values, which implies the opportunity to spend leisure time together and have mutual friends.

The man has already managed to gain important life experience and is ready to start a family. Usually he takes part in the upbringing of children on an equal footing with his wife. A woman recognizes his authority and feels protected. Marriages that are 7 years apart often end up being pretty strong. And according to statistics, they usually have several children.

Man older by 8-12 years

Marriages in which the age difference is 8 years or more can already have a stronger influence on the development of relations between spouses. A man who is older in age (by 10-12 years) looks much more confident and reliable in the eyes of a woman than her peers. He is completely independent and has serious life experience. Relations are usually complicated by the difference in tastes and the desire to spend leisure time in a certain way. But this is quite fixable, if you really want to. 12 years is still not such a big gap.

Man older by 13-16 years

When the average difference between a man and a woman is 14 years, then this, of course, is noticeable both for the spouses and for those around them who are watching the development of their relationship. Such men are well versed in the psychology of women, imagine what they want and are often ready to give it to their spouse, which is what usually attracts their chosen ones. An adult man takes a rather balanced and responsible approach to creating a family. He is no longer the young man he was 15 years ago. A woman married to him will most likely feel like behind a stone wall.

Problems may arise in intimate life. A young woman has a higher need for sex than a man who is 15-16 years older than her. There may also be an acute issue related to the birth of children.

The difference between a man and a woman at 19-20 years and more

The difference between such a marriage and the above is that the spouses in it already probably belong to different generations, which often reduces mutual understanding in the family.

A girl usually decides to marry a man who is 19-20 years older than her, in cases where in childhood she did not have enough attention and care from her father.

In such marriages, such problems as the husband's jealousy of his young wife, the birth of children, and a serious difference in the interests and hobbies of the spouses become even more aggravated. But if the feelings are sincere and satisfaction with the marriage is high, then the chances of saving the family are very good.

Marriages where the woman is older

Unequal relationships in which a woman is 10-12, or even 19-20 years older than a man, always cause powerful public outcry. Although at present such marriages are becoming more common, and among them there are quite a few examples of successful and long-term unions. You can read about the reasons why guys choose elderly life partners in the article:

Advantages of a marriage in which the wife is older than the husband

A woman slows down the aging process if a young spouse is next to her. Inner energy helps maintain outer beauty as well.
The wisdom and poise of a woman of a more mature age will help smooth out conflicts and create stability in marriage.
The sexual life of spouses can reach a high level, since the period of male sexual activity falls on youth, and the woman "blooms" in this regard in adulthood.
A woman who is older than her husband, as a rule, strives to take care of herself, be active, constantly learn something new, even in situations where the age difference is more than 10-12 years.

Negative aspects of marriage

In such relationships, a woman often takes a leading position, can take care of her young spouse and take care of him unnecessarily. Such a situation may eventually cease to please a man, and he will want to become the head of the family. Is it only in this family?
Negative attitude on the part of the husband's parents (mainly mothers), friends. The situation is similar to the one when a man is much older in marriage, only the condemnation of others in this case is many times stronger.
A woman will unwittingly be labeled "mother" or "big sister" when she is next to a young husband in society. And this is always unpleasant for the female half of humanity.
Overcoming jealousy can be a serious test for a mature woman. Fear of infatuation with young girls and infidelity on the part of her husband can become a constant companion for a woman in an unequal marriage.

When the wife is 5-7 years older

The difference of five or seven years in marriage may not be felt by the spouses, especially if they have similar interests and needs. Others may also not notice this difference, since a woman usually looks young and energetic. Sexual activity in spouses most often coincides. And they may even have a common circle of friends. Therefore, such marriages in most cases are lasting.

When a woman is 8-12 years older

When the average age difference is 10 years, it is usually noticeable to others, which often causes discomfort in a woman and a desire to be less likely to be together in public. The patience and wisdom of a woman, as well as the true love of a young spouse, will help overcome all difficulties and save the marriage.

When a woman is 16 or more years older

Such marriages are usually entered into by men who, in childhood, did not receive maternal care and affection, and subconsciously try to fulfill this need in adulthood. Rarely does this relationship last. A happy and long union with a difference, for example, of 19 years, is the exception rather than the rule.

Despite public condemnation, a mature woman in an unequal marriage should, first of all, listen to her heart and be guided by personal values and interests.

You can't judge a happy relationship based on the age difference alone. It is stereotypes that often become a stumbling block in unequal marriages, when a man and a woman themselves stop believing in the depth of their feelings and the ability to overcome all the obstacles and limitations of the current situation. But the main thing is understanding each other and mutual development, no matter what the difference in age may be.

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Unfortunately or fortunately, already in school years it becomes clear that not all girls fall in love with pimply peers. Some like high school students more, while others are completely dry for teachers. It is often said that falling in love with a mature man can be associated with a lack of paternal attention: the girl seems to be trying to catch up in childhood and find not only her lover, but also her dad. Another version is that girls mature faster than boys. At some point, they simply become uninterested in communicating with their peers, so they begin to be drawn to older and more experienced men.

The stereotype that falling in love with a man who is your father's age is terrible seems to be ineradicable. And marriages with a big difference in age are even more incomprehensible and unacceptable thing. But true love knows no conventions. No one says that, having fallen in love with a mature man, you will not encounter any difficulties. But, as practice shows, most of these difficulties in relationships with a large age difference are quite surmountable. There would be a desire.

About relationships with a big age difference

Different interests

Common interests are tricky things. The fact that you are interested in several different things may become clear almost immediately, or maybe only after a few years of living together. You are drawn to a disco, and he wants to go to the country. For the second month you have been dreaming of calling your friends, but he wants to have a quiet Saturday evening. If such conflicts of interest occur regularly, frequent quarrels cannot be avoided.

In fact: Even peers may have different interests. If you want to build a strong family, you have to learn to give in. At least sometimes. This is the psychology of relationships, not only with a big age difference.

Problems with parents

Experience shows that the percentage of parents who approve of their daughter's marriage to their peers tends to zero. In fact, your dad and mom are not enemies of the people at all, they sincerely wish you happiness. And it seems to them that there is no way you can be happy "with this old man." Try to convince them that this person is your destiny. And yes, you are sure of it. It may not be easy to convince, but sooner or later, looking at how happy you are, they will understand everything, because they love you very much.

Popular

In fact: Parents may be skeptical of any of your chosen ones. Your job is to prove to them that you were not mistaken with the choice, and the big difference in the age of the spouses is not a hindrance.

Problems with children. His children

Be prepared for the fact that his adult daughter will not be delighted that the new "mother" is a couple of years younger than her. However, it all depends on how often and how closely his children communicate with their father. Perhaps they have had their own life for a long time, and they only wish dad a Happy New Year. Or you will be lucky and his son or daughter will turn out to be progressive modern people who will happily come to your wedding.

In fact: Problems in relationships with children from previous relationships can arise regardless of the age of your chosen one. The key point here is the presence of these very children. And whether they are 5 years old or 25, it does not matter much.

Health problems due to the big age difference

If you are going to marry a man who is noticeably older than you, then you will probably hear more than once that in ten years you will probably “have to endure the vessel for him.” Of course, anything can happen, and you need to be mentally prepared for the fact that after a while your chosen one can give up a lot. But life expectancy in the modern world is growing, and its quality is improving. Therefore, perhaps, you should not panic ahead of time: if he takes care of his health, then nothing threatens his youth.

In fact: People get sick not only in old age. Sad but true.

Problems with society

Your friends, his friends and even this sweetest aunt in the registry office. They all look at a man and a woman with a big age difference with suspicion. Public opinion is perhaps the most feared enemy you will have to face. There can only be one piece of advice here: never mind. If you truly love a person, you are unlikely to seriously care what strangers think about this. True friends will surely support and accept you, and those who look askance are not friends. In the end, this is not Masha, not Marina Ivanovna from the 64th apartment and not the aunt from the registry office to live with your man. The main thing is that you yourself feel comfortable in his company.

Nowadays, there are a variety of options for age combinations in marriage. Spouses can be the same age, have an age difference of 1-2 years, or have an age difference of 20 years or more. Does such a difference affect the relationship of the spouses or is it not at all important?

We need different pairs

Today, public morality has softened inexpressibly: few people look askance after a couple where a woman is 15 years older than a partner or one in which a young wife is suitable for her own husband’s granddaughter . Society today for the most part believes (and rightly so) that the main thing in relationships is that they are built on mutual love and the consent of two. And if so, then these relationships are considered full and normal. Indeed, the number of couples in which, for example, a woman is much older than a man, has increased markedly today, but before that it was not only forbidden, but somehow “not accepted”. There are more so-called "civil" marriages, which are most often short-lived, and play the role of a kind of school for building relationships. One or two such marriages often precede a “real” marriage, which a person enters into, already understanding which version of a partner (including by age) suits him the most.

The number of couples where the age difference is 20 years or more has increased. Sociologists largely associate this trend with such a prosaic reason as a mature man having a lot of money, which is precisely the cherished dream of many young girls.

With all the variety of marital age combinations, there are some psychological nuances of building relationships in marriage, and here not only the age of the partners is important, but also each of them, and the value system of both, and many, many more characteristics, - explains family psychologist Natalya Zimina. “I wouldn't tie marriage relationships to age alone,” she says. Marriage options depend on a lot. Age is important only in one case: if it is so large that it refers the spouses to two different generations.

From a psychologist's point of view

To begin with, let's look at some types of marriages, - suggests Natalia Zimina, - and those points that are important for the preservation of each of these types.

For example, those spouses for whom sex plays a predominant role in marriage, regardless of the age difference, run the risk of facing a crisis after 3-7 years of excellent emotional and passionate relationships. The fact is that sexual desire for a particular partner, unfortunately, tends to fade away if something more important does not join it: friendship, respect, common interests. Although, if we talk specifically about the age difference, then this version of marriage implies a relatively young husband and wife, who are either the same age, or a couple where the woman is younger, which means she is more sexually attractive to her husband. When a wife ceases to be such for her husband, he invariably starts a relationship "on the side" ... that's right, again with a young woman.

For mature and intellectually developed people, it is important how the partner is like-minded and an interesting conversationalist. Therefore, a young partner is unlikely to suit such a man. And not at all because she is stupid, but because each age category has its own range of interests.

As for couples with a very large age difference (20 years or more), a man who plays the role of a mentor and a woman who plays the role of a student most often converge here. If these roles really suit both spouses, then such a marriage can be happy, because both can realize their subconscious desires. One is to obey, the other is to lead. If one of the parties does not feel comfortable (as a rule, this is a “student”), then there is a risk that such a couple will develop dissonance in almost everything: in the intimate sphere, in everyday situations, in ordinary communication. Such spouses, as a rule, have different lives, different life experiences, horizons and intelligence, and, finally, an emotional mood, because it’s not that sex hormones are mood hormones, but their declining level makes a person sad and touchy pessimist. A pessimist, on the other hand, is quite difficult to endure for a young person with a stable emotional background.

What do the doctors say

As we can see, and in fact, from the point of view of family psychology, it is very difficult to make a summary that would clearly define that the age difference should not be more than a specific number of years. However, doctors also have their own opinion about the age difference of spouses in terms of their sexual and reproductive health. And from this point of view, doctors believe, the optimal age difference is no more than 5-10 years. Judge for yourself: suppose a man at the age of 30 marries a 20-25-year-old woman. In addition to sexual compatibility, they have another advantage - about 10 years to conceive healthy offspring, because today every third couple has problems with reproduction, and the age of a man from 40 years and older only exacerbates these problems. It is the man in a couple today, as a rule, that is the cause of infertility, and not vice versa, as it was 30 years ago. Although, an old-timer (as obstetricians say) a woman “over 35 and older” is also a rather problematic mother, and the health of the child, respectively, largely depends on the health (and therefore, to some extent on age) of the mother. Even if healthy offspring appeared in such a pair, the mutual understanding of the child and then the teenager with his aging father is a very big question, although there are, of course, exceptions. However, a big difference between the spouses will not add trouble to anyone if the couple does not plan to have children already.

As for couples with a large age gap, according to doctors, the negative influence of public opinion on the psyche of a woman, who is always more emotional than a man, may not be in the best way. So, some studies conducted in the USA have shown that if the age difference between spouses reaches 20 or more years, this shortens a woman's life by 2-4 years precisely because of her strong feelings due to unflattering statements about their couple by others.

No matter how fantastic it sounds, but in couples with a very big difference, the following phenomenon is observed - the younger partner “gets” the age of the spouse, that is, subconsciously he seeks to look older, adopts the spouse’s manners and his worldview. In addition, some kind of sexual energy also plays a role here. An elderly spouse, as it were, "gets younger" after sexual contact with his young "half", but the "half", alas, is completely exhausted and feels like a squeezed lemon. No wonder emperors, kings, shahs and other powers that be preferred young concubines, almost girls. This allowed them to age longer.

Let's summarize, if there are any.

Thus, having gone through all the pros and cons, let's remain convinced that every union, every couple has the right to love, relationships, life together, regardless of how old they are, and what is the age difference between them. However, as we have seen, there are still some general trends, both in terms of physical health and in terms of psychology. They tell us that a marriage where the difference between spouses is no more than 15 years has a chance to become more harmonious.

They say that all ages are submissive to love, that you can meet a truly close and dear person at the age of 30 or 50. Happy celebrity couples are watching us from the TV screen, where husbands are twice or even three times older than their young companions. All of them do not get tired of repeating that their marriage unions are the happiest and most reliable. But then on the screen, but in real life, any girl who decides to connect her life with a man 20 years older than herself is really at risk. Will her prince on a white horse turn out to be an ordinary boring old man after 10-15 years of marriage, will the age difference of 20 years seem to her an insurmountable obstacle to a happy family life?

Agree that when a seventeen-year-old girl falls in love with a man 20 years older, we all shake our heads and hope that this “wind in the head” will soon pass, that the girl will switch her attention to another object that is more suitable for her age. But when a completely adult, mature woman makes the decision to marry a man twice her age, we secretly “hold our fists” for her, hoping that she does not make a fatal mistake. 20 years of difference are practically different generations, where each of the spouses has completely different interests and temperaments. Despite this, unequal marriages with a large age difference are far from uncommon, moreover, they are becoming very popular.

Why girls decide on an unequal marriage

As long as you are 25 years old, and he is 45, then everything seems to be normal: he is still young, full of strength and desires. Girlfriends with curiosity and bewilderment consider a pretty uncle, gently holding your hand, and you just glow with love and happiness. But what happens when you turn 40 and he turns 60? It is unlikely that at least one woman who has decided to connect her life with a man much older than her does not think about it. But why, despite all the apparent difficulties, they climb into this pool with their heads, what is the reason?

Sadly, but most often women and girls agree to marry a man about twenty years older than commercials for quite mercantile reasons. Men at a respectable age have already achieved certain heights in their careers and received the status of a wealthy, respected person by society. Financially, they can afford much more than young people, and this factor is decisive for many ladies. Hundreds of young girls are in a state of active search for a rich "daddy" who will solve their financial problems once and for all. Most often, such an alliance resembles a business contract, where the roles of each of the spouses are prescribed in advance: she gives him her youth and body in exchange for material well-being.
Very often, young girls pay attention to men twice their age because they lacked fatherly love in childhood. Every little girl needs a smart, kind dad who will take care of her, give advice in difficult situations, give gifts. If all this was not in the girl’s life, then she involuntarily strives to warm her soul next to someone who is almost like her father. With him, she will finally feel what she lacked so much in her childhood - reliability, protection, affection. But can these feelings be called true love, will she eventually understand that she needs not a “father”, but an ordinary loving man as her husband?
It has long been known that girls mature much faster than boys. And now, having reached the age of puberty, the young lady does not even look at her peers, who have only computer toys and cars on their minds - give them an adult, "who has seen life" boyfriend. It is much more interesting to communicate with him, he is able to see that behind the appearance of an excellent student lies a quivering female soul. Fortunately, such hobbies usually pass quickly, and adult men can soon get tired of relationships with such young girls.
There is a category of men who prefer to play the role of a mentor in family life, and there are women who like to act as students. If these two meet and decide to create an alliance, then he may have every chance of success, despite the difference in age. Such girls, as a rule, are not interested in communicating with peers in principle, because they need a wise man who has rich life experience in life.
Of course, it also happens that two people who have a difference in age of 20 years just have real feelings for each other. They love, despite the fact that they are separated "not by years, but by life." This does not happen so often, but these people can be really happy in marriage. A brilliant example is the famous singer Celine Dion and her husband Rene Angelila. The husband is older than Celine by as much as 26 years, their relationship has been going on for a quarter of a century. When Rene fell ill with cancer, the singer immediately stopped her singing career and nursed her husband until she fully recovered. Doesn't this mean that marriages of unequal age can be happy if they are built on love and mutual understanding?

Cons of an unequal marriage

Why is society so negative about marriages, where the age difference between a man and a woman is very large? A couple of hundred years ago, no one would have been surprised by the union of a wealthy elderly nobleman with a young beauty. Moreover, this state of affairs was considered absolutely normal, and the mercantile interests on the part of the bride were not considered something shameful. In our time, the attitude towards such unions is quite different. It's no secret that with age, men are drawn to young girls, they are attracted to their freshness, naivety and inexperience. But what is it for the women themselves, who have entered into such a union, what can they expect from such a marriage?

The most serious problem in families where the man is much older than his wife is the difference in interests. With a certain age, the character and habits of a person change, and this is not surprising. Gone are the days when he danced in discos until the morning, when he wanted to go every day in search of new experiences. Closer to fifty, men prefer to lead a quiet life, and instead of fun and folly, they consider it better to read an interesting book or watch a good TV show in a cozy living room. But what to do if a young woman's blood is still boiling, if she wants to enjoy life, meet friends, lead an active lifestyle? This is where the moment comes when two people who love each other cease to understand each other.
Very often, a man who marries a girl 20 years younger than himself, painfully experiences his aging. He sees that his health and temperament no longer allow him to keep up with his young girlfriend, and this gnaws at him from the inside. Hence - groundless jealousy, nit-picking, fear of losing a loved one. Not every married couple can overcome such a barrier, the constant self-discipline of a partner can destroy a marriage.
Let's face it: with age, male potency weakens, which means that it becomes more and more difficult to satisfy a young woman with a partner. After a couple of decades of living together, sexual relations in such a family become very rare. Unless the wife belongs to that rare category of women who are completely indifferent to sex, then this problem can become a real disaster for family life. And the point here is not only that the spouse is gradually losing his masculine power - aged men often lose interest in the process itself and fulfill their marital duty “for show”. Hence - either betrayal on the female side, or parting with an aged spouse.
Many young ladies who are married to men of respectable age complain that their husbands do not want to have children. What is surprising here? They already had all this in their lives: sleepless nights, children's crying, diapers, undershirts. Most men who have such experience behind them are content with children from a previous marriage, they simply do not need these physical and moral problems at their age. Therefore, it often happens that young women face the question: either give up motherhood and continue to live with this person, or look for another life partner.
Sometimes in marriages where the man is much older than the wife, children do not appear for completely different reasons. After the age of 40, the reproductive ability of men falls, the chance for their companions to conceive healthy offspring is sharply reduced. Of course, there are exceptions, and quite frequent ones, but for the most part the situation is just that. If 30 years ago a woman was the “culprit” of a fruitless marriage, in our time everything has changed: now it is men who have problems with childbearing. And, unfortunately, with age, this negative situation only gets worse.
Be that as it may, society often condemns marriages where a man is as much as 20 years older than his wife. They look askance at such a couple, discuss behind their backs, pour barbs. A girl who chooses a man twice her age as her husband is accused of either commercialism or stupidity. For most women, this situation is rather unpleasant, they are in constant stress, experiencing the attitude of others. And what can we say about the opinion of the parents: it is not at all easy for them to survive the fact that the daughter's husband is the same age as the pope himself. In a word, negativity is pouring from all sides, and not all women are able to overcome this stressful situation.
Unfortunately, this is the law of life: women who marry a man 20 years older outwardly become much older than their years, while their husbands, on the contrary, become younger. This is not surprising, because each of the spouses adapts to his soul mate, wanting to match her. Every man at a respectable age subconsciously experiences the fear of death, and having found a young, energetic woman as a life partner, he literally adjusts to her biological clock. A young wife becomes a kind of donor: her husband is getting younger before our eyes, but she is outwardly fading. Surrounding rather quickly notice changes in the appearance of a recent beauty, and their sympathy and pitying glances do not add a good mood to a woman.

Advantages of an unequal marriage

If marriage, where men are much older than their women, had only minuses, then they would hardly exist at all. There are many married couples in the world who have overcome all the difficulties of living together related to the age difference. Sometimes such unions turn out to be much stronger and more reliable than those of families where spouses are the same age. So what are the advantages of such an unequal marriage?

One of the significant advantages of marriage, where the husband is 20 years older than his wife, is that the man has rich life experience. He is no longer as reckless as in his youth, and is well aware of what needs to be done to save the family. Unlike young guys, he will carefully protect his family hearth from petty quarrels and troubles that can destroy relationships. He knows what PMS is, knows what gifts women love and what they expect from a man in bed. In addition, such a husband is an excellent adviser, he is wiser and more prudent than his wife's peers. Of course, in our time, young people are surprisingly perspicacious and smart, but they lack patience and flexibility. It's just that these are the qualities that come to people with experience.
As a rule, most men over 40 have already gained financial stability, they are able to provide their young companion with a decent life. You no longer need to save up for an apartment and a car - by this age, men usually have time to become successful and financially independent. As a result, a woman receives financial stability and can safely study, pursue a career or do what she loves, without fear that her needs will ruin the family budget.
If the husband is much older than his wife, then he is very proud of his young wife and is afraid of losing her. Hence - his constant signs of attention and attempts to keep his young wife nearby. Such people value relationships unlike more than male peers. And, you see, any woman is very pleased when she is so highly valued and protected.
It is unlikely that a man whose wife is 20 years younger than himself decides to go “to the left”, because at home a beautiful wife is waiting for him - young and sexy. And why look for adventures on the side, if he has a young, elastic body full of fire and passion at his disposal? Of course, there are exceptions, but there are such “gulens” in any marriage, and the age difference has nothing to do with it. In an unequal marriage, where a man is much older than his wife, male infidelity is a very rare phenomenon.
If a man at a respectable age was lucky enough to become a father, then you simply will not find a better dad. Agree that the attitude towards children of young parents and grandparents is quite different. People of the older generation are much more conscious in raising kids, their joy from communicating with them is simply enormous. With age comes the understanding that children are a great happiness, a miracle that needs to be loved and protected. Young daddies are not always capable of showing such feelings towards their children. But a man who became a father at a respectable age will be an incredibly caring and loving parent.

In the modern world, there are many happy married couples with a big age difference. In order for such a relationship to last for a long time, it is necessary that a man and a woman have similar psychotypes, common interests, love, in the end. If you are truly in love, then all the problems and difficulties of an unequal marriage can be overcome. But if you have made the decision to marry a man 20 years older than you, you must understand that sooner or later age will take its toll and your husband will grow old. Someday, from a brutal forty-year-old macho, he will turn into a gray-haired old man swallowing pills and demanding a heating pad. And at this time you will still be young and good-looking, and attractive men will continue to pay attention to you.

Are you ready to become for your adult husband not only a loving wife, but also a caring mother all rolled into one? If so, then you can very well count on a happy family union for many, many years. If not, then try to look for your happiness elsewhere - otherwise in a couple of decades it will be unbearably hard for you to see next to you an aged copy of the person you once loved.

Talk 11