Self confidence. How to be confident in yourself - psychologist's advice Become confident and not afraid

Control your posture

Ask someone close to you to observe your posture, or even better, take a video of you so that you can evaluate your own demeanor. Your confidence directly depends on your posture - and it's not just that a person with a high head and a straight back outwardly wins compared to an eternally stooped one. Modern researchers argue (in particular, the social psychologist Amy Cuddy talks about this in her TED talk) that good posture causes the body to produce hormones that are responsible for a sense of self-confidence. So if you're concerned about how to become more confident right now, the solution is simple: keep your back straight!

Get inspired by music

It is difficult to overestimate the influence of music on our emotions - it is not for nothing that many of us have playlists for different moods: this serene melody is good for a calm morning breakfast in a sunny kitchen, this song makes you want to walk in the rain and be sad, and this one wants to listen in anticipation of a romantic goodbye ... Get a special playlist of songs that will fill you with self-confidence, help you feel more collected, more cheerful and more determined. Themes from the soundtracks of films about superheroes or athletes (classic - "Eye of the tiger"), stadium hits like "We will rock you" and other driving life-affirming compositions are perfect (Pink's work is the best fit - for example, the song "Perfect" as if created for girls who are wondering how to become strong and confident).

Remember your minutes of success

The most important thing in this method is to remember not just your achievements (although this is very useful), but the vivid emotions associated with them: a sense of pride in the result achieved, a feeling of deep satisfaction from a difficult task solved, the joy of victory - look in your memory for situations in whom you experienced such sensations. Remember how you finally ran the marathon, for which you have been preparing for so long, or how you did bungee jumping, or how you managed to finish that burning project in a short time. Try to feel these emotions again, as if those events are happening to you now - this will help you recharge with the necessary confidence.

Ze García dress, Aquazzura sandals, earrings, bracelet, everything - RL Jewel

Pay attention to the choice of clothes

Dress for success is perhaps the most obvious answer to the question of how to become a confident woman. And not only because they meet us all, as usual, by clothes, but also because the right wardrobe elements can add confidence even to the most shy and indecisive. Carefully approach the choice of image for a situation when you need to be on top: you need to feel irresistible, while remaining yourself. Take the time and effort to find your own style, ask your friends for advice, or even seek the help of a professional: perhaps all you need to become more confident is a slight change in image.

Get some exercise and sleep

Trite, but true: those of us who devote at least half an hour a day are much less likely to wonder how to become more self-confident - like those who skillfully plan their schedule and still manage to get enough sleep, despite a busy schedule and stress . The logic here is simple: in order to recharge with confidence, you must first recharge your body with vigor. And he will not remain in debt, providing you with the right portion of endorphins. In other words, a healthy mind in a healthy body.

Roberto Diz dress, earrings, bracelets - all RL Jewel

Speak slowly

Restless, confused speech is one of the first signs of insecurity. Pay attention to how Hollywood celebrities make speeches at the Oscar ceremonies - expressively, but slowly, majestically, with feeling, with sense, with arrangement. Not surprisingly, for those who want to look and feel more confident, psychologists recommend developing the habit of speaking slowly: this way it will be easier for you to control your speech, and the impression will be much more advantageous. Avoid long confusing phrases - this will make it easier for you to keep the right pace of speech.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes

Bouts of uncertainty often coexist with perfectionism: it’s hard for us to gather our courage because we constantly remind ourselves that this and that could have been done much better - the presentation could have been made more interesting, negotiations should have been prepared more carefully, information it would be nice to collect a little more ... This is exactly the case when the best is the enemy of the good: no matter how much we want to improve everything to infinity, reality rarely matches the ideal, we all make mistakes - and that's okay. As a rule, no one expects perfection from you - it is enough to do everything in your power to conscience. So take a deep breath, exhale - and act.

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Makeup, hair: Lena Yasenkova

How difficult and long way you need to walk in order to educate and grow it in yourself?

I wonder how faith in one's own strength and trust in one's own personality begins? Your opinion?

It turns out that confident behavior is the result of confident thinking. How a person presents himself, so he looks. And he acts on the basis of internal attitudes, ideas about himself.

How to become confident?

You can start with the simplest thing - to portray a confident person in any life situations. In the supermarket, in the pool, on the street, among colleagues, in the subway. Here the well-known law of the transition of quantity into qualitative changes will work. You will show more, with each action you will become more confident. Step, one more, next. And the process has begun! With every step better, more natural, more persistent.

So you can outsmart your thinking, fixated on patterns. You can easily and unobtrusively rebuild, imagining yourself as an actor who selflessly and talentedly plays a role. You decide when to release the actor on stage, when to turn the "switch" to turn it off. You are in complete control of the situation. We decided that at the party you will be embarrassed - there will be strangers there, so go ahead. Feel good! With all my might! Tired? Flip the "switch" - choose confident behavior, communicate on an equal footing, with dignity and self-respect.

How to look confident?

Absolutely in the history of your life there were moments when you were a confident person.

Remember them.

Perhaps in childhood, when you helped your little sister fasten her sandals, or at school, when you recited a learned poem with pleasure. Or in your youth, when you won in sports.

Or in situations where you were among close and dear people, when you spoke to an audience or talked with some person.

Reproduce in your memory the intonations, how you spoke, how you breathed, how you moved, how you gesticulated, what position were you in? How did the voice sound, what did the face express, what were the sensations?

Now, in order to “turn on” a confident person in yourself, repeat all this, copy the posture, pace and volume of speech, gestures - enter the desired state. There is no need to invent anything, you have already been in this place - in the body, you were such a person, now you remember this and make it your natural state.

When you are self-confident, others perceive your dignity, self-confidence, self-respect. And they strengthen you even more in these feelings.

1. Space. A confident person settles well in space. Fully occupy the proposed chair or armchair, lean back, use the armrests. Make broad gestures, on a grand scale, expanding your area of ​​​​influence. Differ from the insecure one, who, on the contrary, tends to shrink, shrink, take up as little space as possible, sit on the edge of a chair, limit himself to mean gestures.
2. No fuss. Is there a model of a confident person for you? Who is this? Margaret Thatcher? Angelina Jolie? Ivan Urgant? Sylvester Stallone? Or someone else? Imagine your ideal, which nervously bounces in a chair, fidgets, intensely fiddling with a tie, pounding a drum roll with his fingers on the table. Yes, it's hard to imagine. Confidence is incompatible with vanity. Take her away.
3. Straight posture. In any position, standing and sitting, maintain an even posture. It allows you to radiate confidence, feel it and look like a confident person. Practice: chest forward, shoulders back, keep your head level in a horizontal and vertical plane. Imagine that a string comes out of your crown and pulls you into the sky. Remember this posture and merge with it.
4. The pace of speech. When someone chatters, speaks quickly, it is difficult for him to be confident and independent. A confident person speaks with feeling, with sense, with an arrangement, without tension. He knows that he will not be interrupted, he will be allowed to speak. The pace of speech is average, smooth. Take it as a rule, the more you worry, get nervous, the slower and calmer you speak, pause. Speak as if you are communicating with a child and it is important for you that he understands you.
5. Me, me and me again. Speak in the first person. Use phrases: I think, I think, I decided, I found out, I support, I disagree, I think differently. Feel free to express exactly your opinion, do not hide behind the streamlined and impersonal “we”, “all”, “joint decision”, “everyone”. Avoid excuses!
6. Eye contact. A confident person shifts the focus from themselves to others. He is not fixated on himself, he is interested in the interlocutor and the world around him. Therefore, a direct open look is very important and helps to be confident, makes people understand your interest. In communication, you connect not only your hearing, but also an additional channel of perception, “listen with your eyes”, perceive and understand the interlocutor more clearly.
7. Dignity. Take the example of the king of beasts, the lion. What plasticity, strength and power he has in his movements. Slowly, with dignity, confidently, elegantly. To be more confident, slow down your movements. Move like a king. Your movements should be smooth, meaningful, thoughtful, unhurried.
8. Acceptance of yourself and others. Be calm, friendly and benevolent, even if the interlocutor does not agree with you or you with him. Believe in yourself, in your point of view. Yours doesn't make people think the same way you do. Yours is to be respected.
9. Gesture of a confident person - spire gesture. The fingertips of one hand touch the tips of the other hand at an acute angle, forming a spire. This is a signal of confidence and calmness. Use it as an additional way to confidently behave.
10. Don't try to please everyone. You need to be good, first of all, for yourself. Your confidence should not depend on how, when and how they evaluate and accept you.
11. Pauses. Insecure people are afraid of silence, they are afraid of silence and quickly break it. You do not need to "get out of your skin" to fill every second, albeit meaningless, but chatter. Pause before answering. small. One or two seconds. Think about what you heard, what the interlocutor wanted to convey to you. This will give you confidence and help you master the situation in communication.
12. Laughter. Don't giggle. You are not in the circus. Giggling is a sign of insecurity and instability. Appreciate good jokes: smile or laugh quietly.
13. Nodding disease. If you listen to the interlocutor and agree with him, you do not need to continuously nod your head - you are not a "Chinese dummy". You are a serious, confident person. A couple of head tilts in agreement are sufficient.
14. Secret and obvious. Being in any situation: in or with people, in the rays of the sun or in the dark - do not do what you will be ashamed of in front of you. Act in accordance with your principles, do not prevaricate, and she will reward you with the foundation of the foundations on which self-confidence and high self-confidence will be kept.
15. I don't know and I'm not afraid. If you want to be trusted, never be afraid to admit that you don't know something. “I have not yet faced such a challenge. Right now I don't have an answer to that question." It is impossible to know everything. Realize this and speak boldly about what you do not know. This will help you further build your confidence.

Friends, everyone has absolutely everything they need in order to be sure, starting today, from this moment. You do not need to read additional literature for this, make an appointment with a psychologist, or undergo trainings. Just decide to be the confident person, flip the switch and turn on the new personality. Good luck!

Video for you "Confidence is the key to victory."

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Of course, we know that water does not flow under a lying stone; in order to get or change something, something needs to be done. In this article, I just want to suggest that you do something that will help you overcome low self-esteem and begin to form a sense of self-confidence, a positive self-perception.

You need to understand that these steps are not a one-time pill, but a process of working on yourself, which will take time and organize your efforts to significantly improve your life. This new way of thinking will change for the better communication with close people, colleagues, facilitate the perception of events, allow you to stop mentally "getting stuck" in difficult situations and evaluate yourself more favorably.

Fifteen Steps to Self-Confidence

Do not attribute negative traits to yourself: “fool”, “stupid”, “bad”, “unlucky”, “incapable”, “nasty”, etc. To do this, you can make a list of all the abusive words that you say to yourself in order to know “the enemy in the face” :-). And every time such a word or thought wants to come true, you will remember that you no longer scold yourself.

2. Feelings of guilt and shame are bad companions in life.

They significantly impair the quality of our lives, hinder our progress, steal our time and energy. Tell them "stop", save it for later. If this is still difficult to do, try to allocate a specific time of the day for "suffering", for example, 30-60 minutes from 18.00 to 18.30. Or as much as it is not a pity to kill time for it.

3. Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses.

In this step, it will be good to analyze all your achievements, starting from childhood, and determine those qualities that made these achievements possible. Make a list of these qualities and reflect on how they can help you solve your current problems at the present time.

4. Now you can formulate real goals for your life,

Those. real, and not invented or imposed on you by someone, then what you want is exactly what you want. Despite the fact that it may not seem too grandiose from the position of significant others. Formulate a minimum and maximum program. To do this, think and write what is valuable to you in life, what you believe in, how you would like to live.

Our values ​​are the main motivators of our achievements and goals. They “indicate” what is really important for us, what we are ready to invest in, in which direction to move. Assess where your goals are and determine how you can tell when progress is being made.

5. Stop blaming yourself for everything.

Do not look for the causes of events in your shortcomings. Believe me, you are not so omnipotent and neither are your shortcomings! :-) Please note that there are physical, social, economic, political and natural aspects of situations that affect you and your life. Remember this every time you "pull" to take responsibility, for example, for someone's behavior or ... for the tsunami in Thailand :-).

6. Reflect on the fact that any event can be evaluated from a different point of view!

Objective reality is not at all what each of us individually sees and interprets. What we used to call reality is just the result of an agreement between people. An agreement to call things by certain names. A view from such a position will allow you to treat people more tolerantly and philosophically, to be more generous to yourself. Do not hang labels: "this is unfair", "humiliating", "men / women do not behave like that", etc. because of which we like to worry, get angry and torment ourselves.

7. Don't let others criticize you by getting personal.

You have the right to give feedback to the person, explaining that you do not want to keep the conversation in this format. You will not discuss your personal qualities in a negative context. While your actions may be subject to evaluation. Especially when it's constructive criticism, as it can be used for your own good.

8. Analyze your past, figure out what led you to the current state of affairs.

Often, as adults, we blame our parents, teachers, or someone else for our failures. We hold on to our past, do not let go of it, although the past is no more.

Of course, when we were small and defenseless, many people could offend us and offended us. Of course, parents and other significant people often have too much influence on the child, suppressing his naturalness and forming a negative attitude towards themselves. Dealing with the consequences of these influences is not so easy.

In these cases, there is a reason to turn to a psychologist. But I am writing a self-help technique, so I propose to look at the negative moments of our past from a different angle. Now, when we are adults, we can not look back at our parents and take responsibility for our lives in our own hands.

Now that you are an adult, you can make choices about how to live and what to do. Decide what your adult life will be like. Because now you are strong and big. You can hit back the offender, physically or psychologically. You are no longer the little child who is so dependent on all-powerful parents.

You have a lot of available resources: information (Internet, books, press, trainings, seminars, etc.), physical (autonomy and independence in movement and self-care), human (the ability to get help from any specialists, other people), financial (an adult can earn), temporary (the ability to independently plan your time). And I want you to think about it carefully. And you made your choice of an adult, today you have this opportunity.

9. Pay attention to the fact that some defeats are good luck.

Thanks to other defeats, you can draw conclusions about false goals, reconsider the concept, determine whether you are spending your strength in the right direction. And so to avoid bigger disappointments and troubles.

10. Do not put up with circumstances, activities and people that make you feel inferior.

If, despite efforts to change yourself or them enough to feel confident, you do not succeed, it is better to look for other places and roads. Life is too short to waste it on gloom!

11. Start practicing your communication.

Communication is an opportunity to exchange energy, emotions and information with completely different people who are different from each other. Imagine that these and other people, just like you, may experience fear and insecurity, try to help them. Decide what you can give people and what you want to receive from them. Let others know that you are open to such an exchange: smile, compliment, praise, talk.

12. Allow yourself to relax.

Learn to listen to yourself, to your desires, feelings, sensations. Set aside regular time for yourself to be alone with yourself in order to gather your thoughts, hear yourself, and understand yourself better. Take care of yourself in small steps: Every morning, ask yourself what you want today. It can be the smallest thing, for example, take a walk, make yourself a beautiful tasty sandwich, do gymnastics or buy some small change.

13. Try not to constantly use strategies to avoid failure, guarding your "I".

Try to challenge and accept the challenge of growing up and moving forward. Staying idle and isolated is not the best choice.

Learn to give feedback to people, say what you like and what you don't, but do it calmly, specifically and on time. Use "I-statements", without accusations and claims to the other. Do not accumulate resentment, because often their reasons lie in our expectations about the behavior of other people, which are not justified.

Think about how realistic your expectations are. Stop fantasizing that others should guess everything themselves, understand and feel everything. The shortest way to get what you want to ask for it. But what about the fear that they will refuse? :-) Remember how many times you were refused? It’s just that we carefully “collect” refusals in a special basket and do not remember all the other times when we received what we needed. Many simply do not ask, so as not to be refused. When you have bounce statistics, then argue with me!

14. Think about your goals and choose for yourself a few serious distant goals, on the way to which it is necessary to achieve smaller and intermediate goals.

Outline what means, resources you need in order to take these steps and come to these results. Estimate where you can get these resources, get them, ask for them, etc., what needs to be done for this. "Spread the nets" more widely, look for different options. Praise yourself for every step you take, because it leads you to the goal. You have done the work and you can be proud of yourself, even if this is just the beginning of the journey.

15. Imagine yourself as a person who, having matured, already has a lot of experience.

You have gone through and been able to overcome a huge number of difficulties. You grew up and learned to walk, although it was very difficult. You resisted and persevered in difficult situations, defended yourself, fought, achieved. We graduated from high school having overcome an endless whirlpool of difficult events, conflicting requirements, psychological pressure and stress.

You accepted and challenged, relying on your strengths and capabilities, all the while moving forward. Think about the fact that you are not at all a helpless and weak creature, but an active person who managed to survive and win. And these are not grandiloquent words, because starting from the very beginning of the birth of your life, supported by the powerful forces of nature, you developed and were born, despite the numerous dangers that lie in wait, which means you won!

Starting to do something new, it is difficult to cover everything at once, so I suggest that you move forward progressively, but surely, mastering slowly, step by step, each point. Give yourself plenty of time, be calm and patient. You can choose the items you want to start with, there is no need to move in chronological order. Taking one or more steps will bring about positive change, sooner than you think. Take action by praising yourself for your smallest successes.

Self-confidence gives you many benefits. It will help you do your job better, get recognition and appreciation for it, and get promotions and pay raises. It will also help you attract the attention of the opposite sex. Simply put: it will help you get what you want out of life.

On the other hand, shyness and self-doubt can seriously hinder your efforts and keep you from getting what you want (and deserve). That is why we decided to dedicate an entire article to helping you become more confident in yourself. But you should not forget that this is a rather complicated process. You can't turn into a confident person overnight.

Uncertainty has destroyed so many opportunities.
Erich Maria Remarque

12 ways to become confident as a woman

1. Use Positive Affirmations

You can write positive affirmations on a piece of paper and put it somewhere visible (stick it on the wall or on the refrigerator), you can also write it with a marker right on the mirror. I do exactly that. When I wash my face in the morning, I have no choice but to look at these inscriptions. I have another interesting idea about how to make positive affirmations a part of your life. I already mentioned this in an addendum to the previous article.

2. Fake Confidence Until You Really Are

The more you do and say something, the more you believe in it. If you want to be more confident, act like confident people do! It will seem a little strange at first, but don't let yourself get discouraged. Time will pass, and you will notice that your behavior has become quite natural.

3. Dress smart

4. Speak loudly

There are other people who say little; they stand quietly, and even if they are asked a question, they answer in such a way that they can only be heard with great difficulty. The next time you speak in a meeting, project your voice, speak louder. You will see for yourself what effect this has on your self-confidence.

5. Sit in the front row

When you sit in the front row, you place yourself among these people. You let others know that you are one of the most important people, so they treat you accordingly. You will also notice that you yourself have begun to behave differently. In this way, you put yourself in the spotlight - outside your usual comfort zone. All attention is on you. You have no other choice but to feel confident. Once in a situation where there is no alternative, we adapt remarkably quickly.

In this life, you need only ignorance and self-confidence - and success is guaranteed to you.
Mark Twain

6. Body language

We try to become as small as possible so that people do not notice us. We are trying to curl up, thus trying to reduce our exposure surface. This behavior shows a lack of confidence. You can achieve an increase in self-confidence if you use the “body language” inherent in a person who feels confident. There are many articles on this topic, some of which can be found on our website.

7. Take care of yourself

Do the same for yourself. Change your hairstyle. Tidy up your nails. Update your wardrobe. Start exercising to become more alert. When you feel comfortable in your body, you will begin to project your good mood onto other people.

8. Use your strengths

We rarely say just “thank you”, without any “buts”. But think for yourself. After all, if someone spends his time to tell you something nice, then he actually thinks so. Why can't you just accept kind words? Why do most of us tend to downplay our accomplishments? If you have done something good, put it on your track record. After all, you deserve it! Allow yourself to believe all the good things people say about you. This is the easiest and least expensive way to boost your confidence.

In many cultures (including mine), it's not considered very polite to simply accept a compliment. This is perceived as rudeness and arrogance. So for people coming from such cultures, this task is more difficult. However, it's worth a try.

Self-confidence is sometimes a big folly. Only fools don't doubt.
Benicio Del Toro

10. Avoid perfectionism

Take a look at some of the confident people around you. Are they perfect? Treat yourself more fairly and be more tolerant of your mistakes and shortcomings. They do not deprive you of your talents and strengths.

11. Appreciate what you have already achieved.

No matter what position you are in right now, it's safe to say that you've had a lot more accomplishments in your life than you think. We tend to look to the future and always compare ourselves to the perfect model of the person we would like to be. Or with the model that we need to achieve our goals.

You are looking into the future, where your ideal person has a lot of money, a happy and beautiful home. Then you come back to the present and become depressed, start to feel like a failure because you are so far from your dreams. However, we often forget about how much we have already come and what we have achieved. We rarely look back to remember who we were a few years ago and compare with who we have become.

12. Set small goals for the near future.

A great way to deal with this problem is to set smaller goals, which are milestones along the way to solving one big problem. With this approach, each goal achieved helps you regain confidence and self-confidence. The next time your boss approves of your idea, consider it a success. A handsome guy / man asks for your phone number for further communication? Arrange a holiday! Have you finished everything you were supposed to do today? Congratulate yourself! Fill your life with small pleasures, and in return they will make you feel like a successful person.

Your turn

How to become a successful, confident and happy person in just five minutes? Want to try?

You can quickly become more confident and significantly increase your self-esteem. The 3 main principles of self-confidence will help you with this. These are the advice of a well-known psychologist, relationship expert Irina Udilova.

1. The principle of "Translator"

The first of these is the principle of the “Translator”. The principle of the "Translator" is to, using, broadcast in your life, spread around you only those things, those values, those knowledge that you yourself are very pleased with. For example, of course, it is very important for you to receive respect, it is very important for you to live among people who appreciate you, love you, respect you, and even if they criticize you, they do it with love. Most important, most basic: be sure to distribute exactly what you most like. Do not talk about those things that make you sad, depressed, disappointed, throw you into some kind of state when you don’t want to do anything at all - your hands drop. Don't allow these things in your life. Be sure to broadcast, broadcast what you yourself really like. What we broadcast, we ourselves multiply in our lives. This is the magic wand that greatly affects your confidence, your success, how you feel.

2. The principle of "Clay pots"

The second principle that will definitely allow you to become self-confident is the principle of "Clay Pots". It sounds, of course, tempting: what kind of pots? And it turns out that back in the nineties, American scientists conducted an interesting experiment. They got two groups. One group was given the task: "Make pots, as many pots as possible." And the second group was told: "Make good pots, high quality, so that each pot is perfection." And what do you think was the outcome? Which group made the most quality pots? It turned out that there were more of them in the first group. Those people who did not bother, those people who acted, everything turned out much easier for them. And, of course, you also noticed that when you are in any creative process, when you act, you have more energy, more joy. And when you doubt, measure, prepare, then tension and fear increase. The future result is constantly in my thoughts. And all the doubts, fear, stress - this is exactly what prevents us from doing what we want in life, and doing it at a good level. Remember that all the doubts, all the improvements, all the improvements that we usually really want to make in any of our business are just marking time. We do not allow ourselves to act in this moment. And microsteps are your precise progress towards what you want, towards the goal that inspires you. Allow yourself to make mistakes, allow yourself to “walk”, act and enjoy it.

3. The principle of "Sufficiency"

And the third principle that will definitely allow you to become self-confident is the principle of “Sufficiency”. It is based on the principle of insufficiency, that everything will not be enough. This is our childhood. When we were little, we always wanted someone to give us something else: candy, sweets, attention. And in this position we always remain children. An adult knows for sure that right now he has everything he needs in order to improve his life, in order to help someone else. When a person gives, he has a feeling inside him that there is a lot of it, it is enough. And the more often you are in this position, the more effective you will be in your life, the more effective you will be in what you do for other people. With a sense of sufficiency, a feeling that you have enough of everything, you have the strength to share this with others. And this is what allows us to change our world in a radical way, allows us to contact each other, be useful to each other, unites the whole world.

And these were exactly those 3 principles that right now, within five minutes, will allow you to feel more confident, happier, because you have everything you need:

• You can broadcast those things that are important to you, valuable to you.
• You have your sufficiency.
• And the third is to sculpt pots, act and do it with pleasure, with joy.

This is what will affect your world and the world in general.

Be confident in yourself and everything in your life will be tip-top!

Artur Golovin


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