How to save a family. How to keep a family on the brink of divorce: practical advice I want to save my marriage

How could it happen that your close-knit family is about to fall apart? What was the reason: betrayal, cooling of feelings, insurmountable everyday problems? And most importantly, how to save a falling apart marriage? Many couples are looking for answers to these questions, being on the verge of divorce. After reading this article, you will learn the opinion of family psychologists on how to save a marriage and avoid divorce.

Reasons for divorce

Unfortunately, Russia is one of the world leaders in the number of divorces. According to statistics, every second officially concluded marriage breaks up. There are many reasons for divorce.

The main ones are:

The reason for divorce can also be sexual dissatisfaction, the inability to have a child, separation, different interests and upbringing, and even passion for computer games and the Internet.

How to save a family?

It is difficult to determine which of the reasons becomes the starting point for the collapse of the marriage. Perhaps there are several such reasons. The answer to the question: “Is it worth saving a falling apart marriage?” each person can only give himself. But efforts to save him should be made by both spouses.

The initiative usually comes from the woman. It is no coincidence that she is called the keeper of the hearth.

Actions to save relationships must be thoughtful. Try to look at the situation from the outside, exclude screams, scandals, violent scenes to sort things out. Make an informed decision: to be or not to be your marriage union. If there is love, children, you have a lot in common, of course, such a family simply needs to be preserved. If she remains tired of unsuccessful relationships, life with her husband becomes unbearable, then think: is it worth keeping such a marriage?

This terrible word: treason

The statistician claims that in the first place among the reasons for divorces or situations when a couple is on the verge of breaking up, there is betrayal. Cheating, oddly enough, is different: out of stupidity, under alcohol, due to the fact that a person is brought up like that and infidelity is not something immoral for him, because he fell in love, and so on. In any case, treason is insulting and painful.

Forgive your husband? Is it necessary to save a marriage after an infidelity has happened? Only the woman herself can answer these questions. Answer carefully and calmly.

The most important factors in favor of family preservation here are:

the desire of the spouse to save the marriage;
the presence of love and respect between partners;
the willingness of a man to break off relations with his mistress and never renew them.

If you decide to save your marriage even after infidelity:

Don't tell anyone about the change. Even your mom or best friend. The intervention of third parties will only aggravate the situation;
Don't lock yourself in. If you are able to talk with your spouse on this topic, try to discuss it without scandals;
Try to sincerely forgive. Don't pretend to forgive if you haven't. Better wait a while.

It all depends on the woman

At the end of the article, we repeat once again that the preservation of the family is the effort and work of two. And yet a woman must take the first step on this thorny path.

The advice given here for women on how to save a marriage is not new, but by following them, you can avoid the most common mistakes and save relationships.

What women should not do if they want to save the family:

Do not scold or criticize your husband in front of strangers, especially friends, relatives, parents. This will only cause anger and alienation.
Do not criticize his relatives, especially his mother. It is better not to touch on the topic of bad relatives at all.
Don't live on past hurts. You don’t need to remind you all the time that your husband is “terribly” to blame for you.
Do not criticize the man's dignity and business qualities of the spouse. Don't compare him to other men, especially sexually. He will never forgive such criticism.
Don't manipulate your husband. Attempts to evoke pity and sympathy with tears and pleas only irritate. Especially if children are involved in the process.
Do not let your husband see you unkempt and untidy. Watch your appearance. You must be the most attractive.
Don't lose interest in life. Find a hobby, read a book, get a new job. Let the husband see that next to him is a self-sufficient interesting woman.
Do not leave children and household unattended. A good mother and a wonderful hostess - that's what your spouse will lose in the event of a divorce.

But remember that you should not save a relationship when there is no mutual respect in them, if coldness and rudeness follow all your efforts in response. If the husband suffers from alcoholism or uses drugs, and does not want to be treated.

If he raised his hand to you. The only way out for a woman in this case is to get a divorce as soon as possible and find her happiness with a worthy man.

It's easy to blame your failures on a partner who failed to appreciate us. But what if the reason lies deeper? The temptation to stomp your foot and break all ties leaves no chance to win back the time - too many claims have been accumulated, too many nerves have been spent. But if the family is dear to you, if the feelings have not completely faded away, why not use the tips of psychologists to improve relations? Let's show divorce statistics to Kuz'kin's mother.

10 tips to save your marriage from divorce

1. Rediscover yourself

The truth is that personal happiness is the work of our own hands. A partner can walk alongside, help, share experiences, but he cannot fill us from the inside. Thoughts, mood, self-esteem - all this depends on us, and dissatisfaction with life also extends from there. Think about how long you took care of yourself, set aside time for soul and relaxation? How long have you been doing your favorite hobby? When the internal resource is exhausted, then there is nothing to give to others, we are empty from the inside. That is why you need to get enough sleep, walk yourself, dress beautifully, feed deliciously and defend your own. Remember who you are!

2. Talk to your husband

If you keep everything in yourself and silently swallow tears, the situation will not change, you need to share your experiences and emotions. What specifically worries you, what does not suit you, what do you want, what do you resist? Call your spouse to talk, discuss problems, look for solutions that would suit everyone. It is important to do this in a calm mood, without accusations and claims, while maintaining respect. Not "got me with his football", but "I feel unnecessary when you spend all your free time on football." Are you freaking out? Take a break, calm down and return to the problem. Just don't let anything go.

3. Don't try to remake it

It is difficult to part with bad habits and negative traits of your own character, what can we say about trying to remake others? We are all imperfect, each of us has our own set of “cheburashkas”, it is important to be able to accept and let go of this. The framework of the worldview, relationships with others, the level of intelligence, habits, interests - look for what unites you, what you can admire and be proud of, and then just focus on it. Do not put pressure on your partner, but encourage the manifestation of his best. Softly and carefully.

4. Avoid ultimatums

Do not try to put something really important on the scales, threaten, manipulate, or even put pressure on guilt. Be wiser, look for compromises, negotiate. Do not make yourself a substitute for the whole world around you, this restricts, suppresses freedom, forces a person to give up part of himself. Love in this game and does not smell. Are you threatening divorce? Be prepared to pack up and share belongings, because at some point the string of patience can break: why hold on to a person who does not value you?

5. Get to know your spouse from a new perspective

How long have you been just talking heart to heart on a variety of topics? Do you know how your husband lives, what he thinks about before going to bed, what was the last book he read? Share his hobby with him, try to feel his mood, find out how the day went? Get involved in his world, take an interest in business, cook his favorite breakfasts, take him for a walk under the starry sky, make a little dream come true. All these are important, they make us discover and re-evaluate a lot in each other, help us find understanding and support. And that means so much...

6. Learn to forgive

Understand that both of you are to blame for your conflicts, you cannot transfer all responsibility to one. People are not perfect, we can lose our temper, do hurtful things. But you can’t accumulate pain, otherwise you risk forever breaking down under this load. Look for the practice of forgiveness, meditate, write letters, at worst, go to a psychologist and work on the mistakes of the past. Just don't get stuck there, don't waste your life energy!

7. More sex and romance

Intimate life is important, without it there is no intimacy that both partners need so much. Have health problems? Solve them, get treated, but do not start the sexual sphere, both of you need a release. Watch your figure, make yourself sexy, learn to relax, experiment with new sensations, just don't stop, age is just a number. Is it hard to swing for sex? : make signs of attention to each other, arrange evenings for two, hold hands more often and just say gentle words to each other. This is an important part of happiness.

8. Learn each other's love language

It is no secret that each of us is tuned to his own wave of perception: someone is focused on helping in business or encouraging words of support, the other is waiting for gifts, the third is for touches. Find out what wavelength your partner is on and use it. Likes surprises? Do something simple but romantic, leave notes, buy chocolates and souvenirs. Waiting for care? Ask how you can be useful and participate in his affairs. It's simple and effective!

9. Never compare

Understand that the people around you are not completely frank, they also play roles, trying to seem better. Instagram stories are only part of the truth, no one will post their tears, resentment or real life. A bouquet of flowers, a luxurious fur coat, a sandy beach in Goa - just a picture that says nothing about happiness. Don't compare your family with other people's families! The personal is not shown. Perhaps the bouquet was a ransom for treason, and the diamond was bought on credit? Stay realistic and trust pictures on social media less.

10. Do not make the child the center of the family

Being a parent is cool, as long as you don't sacrifice relationships for upbringing. anyway, they will not appreciate such dedication, they will grow up and leave to build their own life. Then what are you both left with? Be for each other in the first place, do not forget about the love that binds you, support the fire of passion. You must become an example, not a nanny without personal boundaries. And when the nest is empty, it will be easy to rebuild life for the two of you. Saving a family is not a job, but a great art!

Any family, sooner or later, can face a crisis. Unfortunately, a large number of couples are unable to cope with it, which leads to breakup. But there are those who successfully fight for family happiness. This is not an easy task, it requires the participation of each of the parties. A person who creates a family must understand that for a happy marriage you have to stop being selfish and put your desires first. Now you need to be ready to understand the needs of your spouse and make compromises.

For a marriage to be successful, you need to learn how to build family relationships and be honest with your loved ones, but above all, with yourself. Sometimes keeping a family is not the right way out, if there is only one appearance left of it, and feelings are gone. How to save a family on the verge of divorce or just improve relationships?

Why marriages break up

Reasons suddenly ended love there may be many. The main ones are:

Every family will face such problems sooner or later. But some couples overcome difficulties with honor, while others run away from problems and part. If you don't want to be among the last, listen to the advice of psychologists.

When people meet and fall in love, they go out of their way to show only their positive qualities. They take care of each other, show understanding and do not allow themselves unnecessary reproaches, and even more so swearing. But time passes, and the couple begins to get more and more used to the fact that they are together.

When a woman and a man get married or just start living together, it seems that everything, the beloved is conquered, now you can relax. But it's not. Right now it starts the main job of building the right relationship. You need to learn not only to be happy in marriage, but also to make your partner so. Psychologists on this occasion give the following advice.

Learn to understand

Your man will not be able to come home at the same time all his life. Someday he will be late at work, and someday he will want to meet friends. Sometimes he will sit at home all day, but will not wash the dishes after himself. Or maybe forget about the date of your first kiss.

The wife may not cook dinner or forget to iron her shirt. Someday she will get tired at work and will break a bad mood on her husband. And she can be offended by any nonsense.

But is this really reason to be angry? Is it not possible to turn one situation into a joke, and simply show patience and understanding in another? It's actually very simple. The main thing is not to boil with anger, but to put yourself in the place of another. Even if it seems to you that you would never do such a thing, you probably have some properties that annoy your soulmate. Just understand and accept it.

Thank you sincerely

Another situation. The husband decided to give his wife a huge bouquet, or the wife suddenly prepared a chic romantic dinner for no particular reason. Don't take it for granted! Thank you sincerely. Even if it seems to you that this is an extra waste of the family budget or is inappropriate for other reasons. The man tried for you in order not to discourage him from such a desire in the future, appreciate this gesture.

You need to be grateful not only for something global. For a washed cup or a carefully ironed shirt, you also need to thank. And at least sometimes be affectionate with each other and talk about the positive qualities of loved ones. Even if this is not visible, such words please the partner and make him imbued with similar feelings. Yes, and you yourself thoughts about the positive qualities of loved ones will bring joy. You will remember why you fell in love with your spouse and why he is worthy of respect. Think about it more often, and not about how you were underestimated or offended. Mutual respect and good mood are the key to strong relationships.

Be honest and open

Sometimes we cannot understand ourselves, how can we demand this from others? If something does not suit you or upsets you, you want to receive something from a partner, just say so! Just not in the ultimate form.

But also you need to learn not only to speak, but also to listen. If a claim has been made to you, you do not need to take everything with hostility. Or guess what was not said. No need to immediately pour reciprocal claims on a person, this will surely quarrel you. Try to understand what your spouse wants from you, and ask yourself if you can help him with this. Even if you disagree with his claim, explain your opinion calmly.

Look for compromises

For family well-being, you do not have to always agree with your spouse. Even if you live soul to soul, there are certainly issues in which you have diametrically opposed opinions. It is possible and necessary to argue and defend your point of view. But try to do it in a civilized way - without scandal. Imagine expressing your opinion at work in front of your superiors. You will not be there to hysteria and stomp your feet? Keep a low profile and at home. Do not get personal and do not criticize the person you love in general. Thoughtless words can bring great resentment and disappointment.

The result of the dispute should be a compromise and resolution of the problem, not its aggravation. Make sure that emotions do not take precedence over reason. If you feel like you are starting to lose control, or if a heated discussion has been going on for more than 15 minutes and no one is going to give in, take a break.

Express your opinion politely in a conciliatory tone. First of all, talk about your feelings, and do not blame your partner for everything. Gently point out what upsets you. Try to understand what he answers or objects to you, stand in his place. Before attacking your spouse, evaluate your claims. Are they justified?

Respect your partner

Respect for a partner is, first of all, respect for one's own choice. No one forced you to associate your life with him. Therefore, you will have to take care, help and be faithful to your soulmate, as well as consult before making any decisions. You will have to delve into all the problems of the spouse and try to solve them together, or at least show sympathy. In this case, you will be treated accordingly, which will make your marriage even stronger.

It's great if your family never faces this disaster, but no one is immune from betrayal. It can be a new love or a momentary impulse, depending on the circumstances, and a decision is made whether to come to terms with the problem or end the family relationship on this.

If you were regularly cheated on, there was only one appearance left from the family, most likely there is nothing to save here. If it was an accidental mistake, you can try to find the strength in yourself to forgive. But in the latter case, you will not be able to be reminded of how the partner stumbled. You cannot tell a person that he is forgiven, and every day heaps on him an increasing burden of guilt. Are you sure that you can forget about the offense, or at least pretend to be? If not, then such a strained relationship will only delay the breakup, but will not help to avoid it.

Some forgive betrayal quite easily, others - consider it a betrayal. These are the internal values of a person, which do not depend on the strength of love experienced for a traitor. Do not step over yourself if you cannot understand, it is better to leave a person and continue to move forward than to stay and hate him for it.

But even if you want to save your family, get ready for the fact that this will not be easy to do. In addition to the fact that you will not be reminded of the betrayal, you will also have to take steps to improve family life. Yes, yes, and you too.

Of course, it seems that since you forgive such an insult, the guilty person must go out of his way to make amends for his guilt. But it is not so. Since you have decided to forgive, then you will have to continue to fight for family happiness together. If the weakness was not momentary and the spouse experienced strong feelings for a new woman, then you need to fall in love with each other again, and for this you will need the following tips.

Time passes, and feelings calm down. It may look like they are fading away. People stop trying for each other and enjoying meetings, because they see each other every evening after work. All conversations gradually come down to family problems and everyday life. What to do in this case?

Psychologist's advice: is the family worth saving for the sake of the child

Of course, it is best for children to grow up in a complete family, with loving mom and dad. But what if the parents no longer love, but only tolerate each other? Isn't it better in this case not to rattle the nerves of yourself and the child, but to let go? If neither spouse has any desire to be together, it's not worth saving a family for the sake of a child. And that's why.

In any case, the decision whether to save the relationship or leave, everyone must make their own. Even the happiest marriage can be destroyed, but happiness can also be restored even in the most hopeless family. The main thing is to determine if you need it. Will it be saving for the sake of children, not wanting to leave the comfort zone, or because of love for each other? If the answer is the latter, fight for your happiness and appreciate it, because it's so easy to lose loved ones and regret it later.

Attention, only TODAY!

At first, the man says tender words less and less and hardly touches his wife. Then he begins to forget about very significant dates and elementary signs of attention to his second half. Every now and then it gets delayed at work. As a result, quarrels over trifles begin, which gradually develop into scandals. The relationship was firmly “sucked in by life”, and instead of the former tenderness, only routine and boredom remained. A woman suspects her husband of infidelity or begins to go crazy from his coldness. Partners make claims to each other. Carping, squabbles, constant showdowns, “silent games” begin. Reconciliations are no longer so quick and not so stormy. The dear ones are no longer "amusing" - they are terribly tired of each other. And, it would seem, there is no way out of this - a divorce looms ahead.

Usually, nothing happens just like that, and all of the above was to be resentment, omissions, scandals, and, possibly, betrayal. How to relate to the latter, each woman decides for herself, but it is worth remembering that as soon as she herself changes in a relationship, her partner inevitably changes with her. It cannot be otherwise. Sometimes it’s worth taking a chance to return lost passion and tenderness to a relationship. Bring back old feelings.

Of course, no one needs a marriage that will have to be forever built and kept only thanks to their own patience and wisdom. Any woman wants the same reciprocity in response from her beloved man. So that he values \u200b\u200bthe relationship, appreciates and loves her. But it is often enough to take a couple of steps towards the husband, even on the verge of a divorce, to dramatically change his attitude towards her for the better and already begin to make attempts to save the family.

The advice may seem trite, but it is time-tested and simply cannot fail to work, unless the woman's marriage was one hundred percent accidental with a completely inappropriate partner. But in this case, there will be no need to be upset. More precisely - not about anyone. It makes sense to use these recommendations in order to increase your self-esteem, to save, if not your marriage, then at least normal human relations with your ex-spouse. This is especially important if common children remain in a disintegrating marriage.

But in most cases, if a lot of things connected the spouses in the past, and the woman will do everything right, then there is a huge chance that even half of all of the above will help her renew her former feelings. And this applies to both the feelings of her husband, and her own. After all, a wise woman often understands that even what she herself experiences can be false and temporary. You just need to make a little effort and the situation will change. And when the husband begins to treat her with tenderness and attention and again sees in her the desired and beloved woman, then her feelings and resentments will already seem insignificant, and it will become much easier for her to forgive her unfortunate husband. And there are many motives to forgive and save a marriage. Common past years, children, bright and pleasant moments in the past. And most importantly, the hope that all this can still be repeated in the present and in the future.

So, here they are, these 8 secrets on how to save a family from divorce.

Throw out all the rubbish from your head, all past experience associated with your loved one, and look at him with a “non-soapy” fresh look. Forget about treason, scandals, vicious and harsh words, his unseemly deeds. Moreover, the offended wife should also forget about how other men offended her before him, if this is the case. The memory of this bears an imprint on the whole subsequent life of a woman, forcing her to commit the wrong actions, to say the wrong words, not to trust, to be jealous and to experience self-doubt. And even the word “chastity”, so unpopular in our age, actually reveals the essence of female happiness. When there is no integrity and clarity in one's views, there is no purity and trusting attitude towards one's husband and the whole world, then there is no wisdom. Wisdom is not complete. Something is missing. A woman rushes about in an attempt to please, then to take revenge, over and over again she commits stupid actions and deeds and pushes her beloved away from herself even more.
This is the most complex and difficult point in terms of feasibility, but it is not for nothing that it comes first in a row. Everything else without the implementation of this advice alone will be ineffective. Sometimes it is enough to follow only one of these recommendations so that the husband and relations with him begin to change for the better on the same day. And this is not surprising. When a woman stops blaming, becomes smiling and cheerful - she is much more attractive in the eyes of men, and in such a house where no one makes claims, her husband will want to return again. But it is very important not to pretend, but to really get bad thoughts out of your head. Sincerely and wholeheartedly forgive all male offenders, traitors and traitors, presenting them as little boys who are more worthy of pity. Only by forgiving deeply and wholeheartedly all those who hurt in the past, you can heal your present relationship.
Change the stereotype of your behavior. At least for one day. So that the spouse recognizes his other half and from a new unexpected side. What’s more, it will benefit her as well. For example, if a woman has always been silent about the reproaches and ugly actions of a man and hid her negative feelings, it will be effective to “turn on” a real fury - scream, blame, express everything that has accumulated, and then you can break a couple of unnecessary boring cups for persuasiveness.
But the scandal is only possible for one day. And before this scandal, you need to follow the first advice - to sincerely forgive him everything. The meaning of such a scandal is to convey to the partner in a different form your desire to be understood and understand him. But being a "fury" for one day is not bad for a closed, reserved woman. And if all this has long been familiar to him, is unlikely to have the desired effect and does not surprise him at all, then you can play in quiet indifferent silence or friendly calmness. No complaints, a detached smile, and even cooking what he likes for dinner. The bottom line is to react to all domestic and other situations not in the way she did before, but in a completely different way. Surprise - that's what needs to be done first. To surprise is to attract attention and arouse interest. And then…
Buy yourself a new perfume. And to do this always when boredom and crisis are brewing in a relationship. A fragrance for a woman is her invisible weapon, giving charm and some secret known only to her. The man feels that something has changed in her, but he cannot immediately understand what exactly.
Often the fragrance changes the woman herself. Sweet and musky fragrances set you up for bright sensations and impressions, light and weightless - instill the same light attitude to everything and make a woman feel slim and young, businesslike and elegant fragrances help to get together and feel confident. It is important that the aroma is radically different from all the previous and familiar ones. She preferred fresh and floral ones, which means it's time to try musky and oriental ones. She loved sweet and tart ones - you have to look for citrus fruits and cool sea ones on the shelf in a perfume shop.
Image and appearance. Give yourself a polish. The fact that men love with their eyes is only partly true. Love in general does not always lend itself to common sense and logic, they love even the unkempt, sick and ugly. And how many lonely beauties who are constantly abandoned and betrayed? But the feeling that men had for them could hardly be called love. However, a beautiful and well-groomed appearance, multiplied by the fact that a woman, in principle, is dear to a man, spiritually and mentally close to him (even if he himself forgot about it), creates incredible things. Female beauty awakens in a man that sensual and tender that can save relationships, no matter what crack occurs in them.
But it is worth repeating that it works when something has already connected people initially and in addition to the sensual basis. If the partners once loved each other, and not just shared a bed. If a man was carried away only by female beauty, and then the feelings faded away, then it makes no sense to bang his head against the wall and try to renew relations by changing his image and some external parameters, such as the situation in the bedroom. No joint trips to sex shops and advice to do “it” in a fitting room in a store or on board an airplane will also help. If a man left because there was no deeper basis, that feeling that this is “his woman”, then only the presence of everything that he did not receive is capable of returning him. But, alas, this cannot be imitated in any way. You can only give him choice and freedom, try to be sincere, let him see himself, the way he is.
But if this does not help, then you should not pretend to be someone else all your life. After all, it is much more difficult to remake your soul, your inner essence than going to the hairdresser or buying aroma candles for the bedroom and aphrodisiacs.
Give him a chance to be bored. But it is in this order - first look at him with new eyes, change the stereotype of relations, change outwardly, etc. , and only then disappear for a while. For a day, two, a week. Under some plausible pretext. At this time, do not call, do not bombard him with SMS, but answer his calls, but every other time. A woman needs to become a little inaccessible. But there is no need for any laughter "behind the scenes", male voices and attempts to create the illusion that she has someone. It is enough that she is not next to him. Help him figure it out himself, is it so good for him without a “boring” wife? The mere fact that he suddenly realizes that he is at least uncomfortable is already 70% of the case.
Do not be afraid that he will understand how good it is for him alone. He'll figure it out anyway, if that's the way it is. And it's better if it happens sooner. In addition, almost all men (like women) for about the first two days of separation happily rest from the second half, and then, when loneliness drags on for an indefinite period, they begin to experience anxiety. But depending on the relationship and the nature of the man, this period may be different. From three days - and up to six months, if there is a deep crisis in the relationship. A spouse may at first rejoice in his sudden release, even begin to build relationships with another lady, and then, after time has passed, suddenly begin to yearn for the past. That is, for his wife. And this experience does not hinder him at all. It is better for a woman to even allow him to “compare” her with another than to feel unloved and unwanted all her life. The quality of relationships in marriage after such an experiment always changes for the better. Six months is perhaps the maximum period after which, if a man does not regret separation, it is unlikely that anything will change.
Find a common link. Often such a common thing for spouses who have lived for more than one year in marriage is repairing an apartment or arranging a summer house. A child fantastically pours life into dying feelings, restoring their former tenderness and cohesion. Children, like cords, often keep spouses from sharp and hasty decisions, make life together more meaningful, and give depth to relationships. A man and a woman become truly dear people in the good sense of the word.
However, planning a pregnancy initially without enlisting the support of a husband when the marriage is bursting at the seams is, of course, complete madness. Still, it is better to prepare your relationship in advance for such an event. A child is able to unite chilled spouses, but this does not always happen. Often a woman herself is able to guess how her husband will lead in a given situation, if she has been living with him for more than a year. And you need to draw conclusions based on this. And above all, the child must be desirable in and of itself, and not just as a lifeline for his marriage.
Common hobbies, caring for pets, and even common enemies (neighbors who do not stop repairs or a “type from the opposite house” who parks a car in the usual place of a married couple) can also unite.
Start living your life. Be interesting, especially to yourself. Find a hobby, reconnect with friends. Do something unusual or sign up for a dance. Dancing awakens female sensuality, which is reflected in the gait, the timbre of speech, and even the look. A man is simply not able not to notice and appreciate the changes.
Starting to live your own life also means that thoughts and hobbies are not only within the framework of your home and family interests: cleaning the apartment, helping the children with homework, preparing dinner - but also outside it. To have something that is not connected either with caring for children and the house, or with relationships with your own husband. And you need to do this first of all for yourself, and not in order to influence your spouse. Passion for something relieves stress, gives confidence, a sense of satisfaction and joy. And a woman who is happy and interesting to herself is a real magnet for men. And my own husband is no exception.
Realize in the depths of your soul a deep confidence that her man will never leave her anywhere and never. And even if he leaves, then for a day, two ... six months. But he will still return if he is her man! The essence of this deep confidence is that when a woman is confident in herself and in the love of her husband, then this strengthens the relationship. And, on the contrary, when fears and distrust live in her, she begins to suspect, be jealous - this destroys the marriage. The logic is simple. On an intuitive level, this is read by a partner as "if a person is confident in himself, then he himself knows what the opposite sex likes, that is, he is a worthy partner." And if on the contrary, the man subconsciously perceives this as “there is some kind of defect in her, since she is so afraid of losing me, apparently, I am better than her, and she is unworthy of me.”

And, finally, the last - not every marriage makes sense to "save". If there is no respect left in the relationship, no female manipulations work, or a man spits in the soul after each “step towards”, then it is better to direct all your efforts to get out of the union so destructive to the psyche as soon as possible and find happiness with someone else .

What to do if the family is on the verge of divorce

All tips in this category are generic. They are designed to eliminate the most common family conflicts.

When she leaves

Give her more attention. Joint walks, compliments and tenderness - all this and much more can significantly improve your situation. After all, if a woman hears the words of love, then she begins to feel real significance.
talk more. Now take the position of the listener. Be sincerely interested in her affairs, opinion, etc. This is how you will get closer again.
Make friends with her friends. But you need to do this thoughtfully so that your wife does not think that you are flirting. You can cheat by getting down to business right away: tell her best friend (and preferably several), about how painful it is for you to see such a relationship, how you love her and don’t want to lose her, etc. Rest assured that all this information will be shared with your wife soon!
Try to give her what she wants. This is not about whims, but about the most serious problem. Understand the essence of her unwillingness to live with you, and then act in this direction. She lacks attention - give; your jealousy kills her - control yourself; she is tired of your bad habits - give up. Start trying, she will definitely appreciate it.

Do not think that somewhere "the grass is greener". Let now you leave your spouse, find another man, time will pass, and romance will also disappear, everyday life, disagreements, etc. will appear. Is it worth wasting time and breaking fate?
Start paying attention to its positive aspects. For example: let him earn little, but he is always ready to stand up for you, let him not be so good in bed, but he is gentle and attentive, etc.
Analyze your behavior. Perhaps it is your fault that he behaves in a way that you do not like? For example, there are women who communicate very relaxedly with friends, and then are perplexed when the spouse does not control himself in fits of jealousy.

When he leaves

Important!
Never try to keep your spouse with lies, pregnancy, pity. These are the most ridiculous ways that later lead to irreversible divorces, suffering and spoiled destinies.

How to save a marriage. Lights of a psychologist

Live your life without intermediaries. First of all, stop telling others what is wrong in your family. So you not only give a reason to discuss your problems to everyone who is not lazy, but also fall under an unconscious influence. How do you let your emotions out then? The best way is to direct all your energy into a serious conversation with your spouse. And then you will tell here, speak out there, and then, having come home, you no longer want to discuss this topic with your husband / wife - you have already splashed out all your emotions ... So omissions accumulate.
Don't listen to anyone. In any case, you will still fall under the influence of someone: parents, sister, friend, colleague, etc. Everyone will advise you something “extremely correct”. But they do not fully know how your family affairs really are. It is up to you to judge whether to make a certain decision or not. In addition, the world around us is full of envious people or simply those people whose opinions are very different in relation to family policy: for example, some love a strict order in the family, prefer to command, others - a constant change of events, they see nothing wrong with concessions to their beloved person, etc.
stop. During the next scandal, calmly admit that you are tired of screaming and quarrels. And then just sit quietly. Surely, this will turn something in the head of the spouse.
Start talking again. Although you have been living together for a long time, get to know each other again: ask something about childhood, find out details about work, friends, plans for the coming years, ask about dreams, opinions, etc. It will be very effective if all this happens over a romantic dinner.
Learn to compromise. Surely this is the most relevant decision when you are on the verge of a divorce. What if you often have situations where you want exactly that, and your chosen person is quite the opposite? The answer is simple: learn to think about how to find the middle option. There is also nothing wrong with making some concessions. This is one of the components of a good relationship in a couple.
Learn to admit mistakes. Both are to blame for any disagreements: one said wrong, the other misunderstood, the first did not consider it necessary to restrain emotions, the second did not stint on offensive words, etc. Conduct introspection, and one day you will be able to bring another quarrel to nothing.
Get rid of household. Make time for yourself to relax together. A banal trip to an entertainment center or to the cinema will help you look at your soulmate in a slightly different way, not with a “hackneyed” look. And how many interesting things can you think of to get away from the ordinary for a while!
Break up for a while. If your relationship is no longer good enough, do not rush to divorce. Try to live separately, relax from each other. And there is a possibility that after a certain time, new wonderful feelings will wake up in you for your husband / wife - a person who until recently was “extremely bad”.