Oksimiron bipolar. Studying at Oxford and bipolar disorder: Oksimiron gave a frank interview

Childhood of Miron Fedorov. Education and first creativity

Caught in a foreign environment without knowledge German language Miron was difficult. In the prestigious school named after Maria Wechtler, where he studied, he was humiliated by classmates who came from wealthy families. He later spoke about his attitude to this difficult period in the song “ Last call". It was rap that became the anchor of salvation, which helped the 13-year-old teenager overcome ridicule and bullying. He composed his first works under the pseudonym MC Mif.

MC Myth - "Al Ogon" (2000)

At the age of 15, the guy again changed his place of residence - he moved to English city Slough, which in those days was firmly entrenched in the glory of one of the centers of drug trafficking in Britain. According to Miron’s memoirs, there were many “chavs”, drug addicts and outcasts among the local guys, but that’s about local school at young man only fond memories remain.

It was the teacher who taught history there who noticed the guy's potential and insisted that he apply to Oxford. At that time, the most prestigious university in the country seemed to Miron something mythically inaccessible; among the other applicants in 2004, despite his good erudition and a worthy certificate, he seemed to himself an "uncouth peasant." It was affected by imperfect knowledge of the language, a German accent, the absence of any public and sports achievements. Apparently, due to innate stubbornness, Miron chose the faculty of English literature, specializing in "literature of the Middle Ages", and nevertheless entered - on the course he was surrounded by native Englishmen from the "top of society".

In 2006, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, as a result of which Miron was expelled from the university. However, he recovered and eventually graduated from Oxford, but the grades in the diploma were the lowest possible.

After graduation, Myron rented an apartment on the outskirts of London - this period of life is also often mentioned in his works - and tried to get a job, but it quickly became clear that without the right connections this is not easy even for an Oxford graduate, especially with such an unclaimed specialty and low grades. As a result, he got a job at a construction site - this decision was not easy, but he needed money to support his family and realize his creative ambitions. Subsequently, he changed many professions - he worked as a tutor, guide, entertainer, worked in the office, unloaded trucks, and even for some time was a "literary black".

The beginning of Oksimiron's musical career

In 2009, he took part in the 14th independent hip-hop battle from the HipHop.ru project, where he made a splash - his tracks in the rounds "In the Land of Women", "No Communication" and "Magician's Box" were recognized as the best among the performed within the battle of compositions. He also won in the nominations "Best Sparring", "Battle Breakthrough" and "Best Battle MC". Oxxxymiron reached the semi-finals of the hip-hop tournament, where he met with the rapper Chest. The latter won, which caused indignation among many listeners who considered Oksimiron a much more worthy opponent.

After winning the battle, Oksimiron was noticed by representatives of the Russian-language recording label Optik Records from Germany. This is how Oxxxymiron and Schokk (Dmitry Hinter) got to know each other, which resulted in a fruitful but short-lived creative union.

First solo album by Oxxxymiron. Vagabund

Oxxxymiron - "Tumbler"

Together with Shock, Oksimiron went on a long tour of the CIS countries, but soon there was a discord in the team due to a skirmish with rapper Roma Zhigan. After a quarrel, Shock left for Germany, and Oksimiron gave a free solo concert in Moscow, after which he went to London.

For some time he "went underground", but in 2012 he presented his first mixtape "miXXXtape I" to fans, a year later the following was released - "miXXXtape II: Long haul home".

During this period, he also actively collaborated with a number of prominent Western artists, including the Canadian rapper Madchild and the Germans Automatikk.

Oksimiron several times participated in the promising domestic project Versus - a hip-hop battle, where participants read their "disses" on the enemy without a beat, and the text of the speeches was prepared in advance and read out in three rounds. Rappers Dunya, Krip-a-Krip, Johnnyboy became his opponents, and each time he won an unconditional victory, as the audience responded, “flawless victory”.

Versus: Oxxxymiron VS Johnnyboy

The release of Oksimiron's second solo album has been delayed since 2012 and finally took place in November 2015. The disc called "Gorgorod" was a complete conceptual work telling the story of a writer named Mark, and therefore recommended for listening in strict order of compositions, of which there were 11 tracks in the album.

In 2016, Oxxxymiron held two big tours: "Takeover tour" and "Back to Europe Tour", and also participated in the recording of three joint compositions with rapper Porchy.

In June 2016, Versus Oxxxymiron vs. The video of their battle was posted on Youtube on June 19, and just three days later, the number of views exceeded 5 million.

Versus: Oxxxymiron VS ST

In August 2017, the long-awaited rap battle between Oksimiron and battle MC Purulent took place. Following the results of three rounds, all five judges voted for Purulent.

Versus X SlovoSPB. Oksimiron VS Purulent

A month later, the rapper broke the year and a half silence and presented the new track "Bipolarochka", which he wrote and recorded in one night.

On October 15, Oksimiron clashed with his colleague from the USA, the famous battle MC Dizaster (real name is Bashir Yagami). The verbal duel took place in Los Angeles. The opponents read in English, for Russian viewers the text was dubbed with subtitles. It is noteworthy that Disaster was the first to show interest in the Russian rapper, impressed by the multimillion-dollar number of views that the battle between Oksimiron and Johnnyboy collected.

Oksimiron opened his first round with words from Alexei Balabanov's film "Brother-2": "Tell me, American, what is the strength?" Oksimiron succinctly described his impressions of the battle on his Twitter: "I drop the West, y." Another entry appeared on Disaster's twitter: “Oksimiron, you were great!”.

Oksimiron's personal life

Oksimiron now

At the end of August, the rapper announced that he was leaving the Booking Machine, of which he had been the head for seven years. He also hinted that he would probably stop touring.

32-year-old Russian rapper Oksimiron gave an interview to the American channel VladTV. In a conversation with a journalist, he touched on many personal topics. So, the rapper talked about how he ended up in Germany at all, and then in England - their family moved abroad after their physicist father, who found work there.

I remember coming to Germany and seeing a toy store for the first time in my life. That was my introduction to capitalist Western democracies,” he says.

As you know, Oksimiron graduated from Oxford. He admitted that half of this is due to his immigrant status, and half to his own efforts. He studied at the simplest school and never thought about studying in such prestigious university. He gained self-confidence thanks to his teacher at school - she also graduated from this university. "At your place good language and knowledge. Try!" she told him. And he did. But then he flew out of the university for a year with depression, then returned. During this year, Miron visited many doctors and heard more than once that he had bipolar disorder: he was prescribed medication, but he never took them. He is not sure of the correctness of the diagnosis, but admits that all his life he has been balancing between states of excessive depression and extreme agitation.

Oksimiron has the track "Bipolar", in which he talks about his illness:

“But I am a living corpse, the flesh is choking me, and if you stab me, I will tear my stomach.
So pour the song, gypsy girl.
It became unclear what, there was a schoolboy with glasses.
But I'm not sad ***** (not at all. - Hereinafter the "translation" of the author), after all, he spit.
My bipolar girl loves me."

After studying, Oksimiron decided to devote himself to rap, although he began writing lyrics at the age of 13.

In a battle with Dizasterom (Dizaster) in Los Angeles. The rap battle was without judges, but Disaster claimed that his opponent won: “He won, as always. He held his own in the first battle in English against the best battle rapper in the world."

instagram.com/norimyxxxo

Oksimiron also became a guest on Eminem's Shade 54 radio and gave an interview project VladTV, founded by Vladimir Lyubovny (Dj Vlad). Miron spoke about his life in Europe, creativity and studies in England. “I was born in St. Petersburg. My father is a physicist and our family moved frequently because of his work. We came to Germany when I was nine. Then to England. There I graduated from high school and entered Oxford, ”the rapper shared. He became a graduate of the faculty of English language and Literature at one of the most prestigious universities in the world thanks to its school teacher. It was she who suggested Miron to submit documents, and he coped with the exams.

instagram.com/norimyxxxo

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Miron was fond of hip-hop from the age of 13, at the same time he began to write lyrics. “Music has completely changed my life. For a few years after university, I was unemployed, only composing and releasing tracks. At some point, everything worked out, ”said Oksimiron.

instagram.com/norimyxxxo

As it turned out, the popular rapper suffered from bipolar disorder, but is still not sure how accurate the diagnosis was made by doctors: “I have always struggled with something like extreme mood swings. Doctors told me about manic depression, then the name of the diagnosis changed. They gave me medicines, but I never took them.”

In which the texts of Oksimiron are analyzed from the point of view of the symptoms of bipolar disorder:

Myron's work betrays not only his philological education, but also all the nuances of the worldview of a person who is regularly thrown from a height-into the abyss-back.

I knew my diagnosis in advance - spontaneous combustion.
The doctor said, "Manic depression!"
("Spontaneous spontaneous combustion")

You are either shit or a genius, there is no middle ground!
(Darkside)

Myron throws from depressive hopelessness:

... Life is short, full of suffering, ends in death.
And I realized that everything is neither this nor that.
Smoke - everything, got married, got a job, quit, fled.
…
I entered into symbiosis with this swamp,
Like a youth with a raccoon, a senate with a synod, a cathode with an anode.
I know I lack self-organization
After all, I can only complain and snap.
("Tentacles")

... to a manic frenzy:

Deliver me from your panaceas
Home Paracelsus, because for me * * [plow] - an end in itself
Tired? we don't give a shit, Tony Stark as standard,
A couple of countries, highways, Krasnodar, Tatarstan,
Moskvabad, passports,
din of the stage, like hot cakes,
at least along the Moscow Ring Road to the start
even to Madagascar!
("City under the sole")

But all the joys of life are mixed with pain:

And why this pain from the experiment?
I don't even have the will to be rebellious.
I don’t understand why it covered specifically -
But covered specifically, and, like, for a long time.
("Girl * * [fam fatal]")

I know virgins will lead to problems
But your * under a hair dryer and ibuprofen;
When**** [completed] wept bitterly...
("Spontaneous spontaneous combustion")

And between these poles - melancholy, apathy and despair:

To live, people run back and forth, only the heels sparkle.
These people always know what to do, but I'm bored.
Life is boring, life is boring, I have nothing to do and therefore it is boring.
Living is boring, living is boring, living.
("I'm bored with life")

I need a doctor, better at home and immediately!
Watson, Freud, Kurpatov, Pepper.
The horizon was clouded and a window slammed somewhere.
By *** [no matter] who, but give me light: God or optical fiber.
("Signs of life")

Miron has stanzas about almost all the symptoms of a bipolar life.

For example, about suicidality:

People tell me: “Oxy, grow up!”
But I'd rather grow my nails
And from Gazprom City I would jump in a Hello Kitty suit,
God sees that he tried so hard to adapt, to be like everyone else.
Just like a classmate, friend or neighbor
But there's something wrong with me
I'm 26, but I develop with difficulty, like a mended flag.
("In the shit")

…and about jumping thoughts

I ... I can not convey,
What's in my cranial TV box.
I'm back, hold on, world!
("Signs of life")

About instability, the inability to stay anywhere for a long time. Quite a typical bipolar lifestyle - changing places, hobbies, relationships with each phase:

I spent the night in squats, wandered hitchhiking,
Turned off the roads and turned onto the trails.
And while my tracks were driving with might and main to the Neva,
He fired from everywhere, from where they were not expelled.
("Crocodile Tears")

There are a lot of texts - about survival, about struggle. Fight - with whom, with what? Miron grew up in the family of a university teacher and librarian, studied at a good British school, then at Oxford. So, about the struggle with oneself, with one's own craving for self-destruction.

I lost myself in a year and a half, friends: two are dead, the third is in intensive care.
("Bipolar")

I'm alive, thanks to fortune!
I balance across chasms on stilts.
I walk stooping and jumping like a fool
Through fate and storm, to the elusive Ultima Thule.
("Ivory tower")

About this anxious-depressive “everything is in place, but something is not right”:

Ok, what are you on? You have everything that an underground rapper could dream of,
You have grown from the mob, instead of calmly enjoying the rise - again a deplorable text.
("Bipolar")

It is curious that his nickname itself is about a combination of the incompatible. Manic depression is also an oxymoron.

Bipolar personality disorder (manic-depressive psychosis) - mental disorder characterized by frequent mood swings, energy swings. One of the main signs of the disease, in addition to problems with social adaptation, loss of sense of time and increased suicidal tendencies - an alternating combination of phases of "mania" and "depression". The symptoms of mania include euphoria, increased efficiency, insomnia, high-pressure speech, and an excessive sense of self-importance. Depression is expressed in despondency, loss of interest in others, a pessimistic view of the future and obsessive thoughts.

How does the excerpt from the description of mental illness relate to rap? Direct, because this is a description of the diagnosis of Oxford University student Miron Fedorov - the future performer of MS Oksimiron.

I knew my diagnosis in advance - spontaneous combustion.
The doctor said, “Manic depression!

In the song "Spontaneous spontaneous combustion" from the 2008 album "Eternal Jew", Oxy already addressed the topic of his illness, which, however, never prevented him from performing and "raising rap from his knees": numerous tracks, rap battles, new albums, performances . In a series of new events and headlines, the memory of the rapper's listeners about his mental deviation was erased from memory, so the track "Bipolarochka", published on September 14, became a revelation for many fans...

We ask in vain: give us all here not just an overnight stay (not sleepy living in a routine, but something more, spiritualized, being with meaning, ed.)
And what a nomad is waiting for, the light of the tavern will blink
We are the ones who sacrifice everything here to onlookers

You start listening - and the thought flashes through your head that the performer's voice seems to be similar to Oxy, but it sounds different: there is no longer that energy and charge that we are used to hearing in all tracks, regardless of the "stuffing". Suppressed voice of the patient, as if after a dose of strong drugs. Obviously, this is the notorious “depressive phase”. Chills and jet lag - loss of time sensation, like jet lag. The thought of a “tombstone” on which the year of death is already inscribed. Complaints about the difficult life of the "conqueror" of Russian rap, who, like the hero of "The Lord of the Rings", throws the "ring of omnipotence" into the mouth of the volcano.

“And what in return?” Myron asks himself. What is it for? What return does our hero get for “sacrificing everything”? Oksimiron never aspired to fame in the primitive sense of the word, always condemning those (like the same ST) who participate in battles in order to advertise their albums and increase concert attendance (“But I don’t try to surpass my opponent, but my own achievements from the past battle"); that is why it turns out to be offensive - in the course of introspection - and one's own desire to make money, break out from the bottom, and performance on the show "Evening Urgant" on the first channel (isn't it for PR?).

Second part: Self-digging of the unfortunate clown

Ok, what are you on?
You've got everything you could ever dream of, underground rap player
You have grown from the blackness, instead of calmly enjoying the rise -
Again a deplorable text.

In the second part of the track, the rhythm accelerates. Oxy moves from a "slow flow" to a quick reading and evaluation of his persona by the listener. “What would a fan from the provinces say after hearing all this?” Myron seems to be asking himself. Why these complaints? Yes, he has everything, he has achieved the highest heights of Russian rap: money, wealth, fame; his tracks are memorized, battles with his participation are gaining record views. You can relax and have fun, but here - "deplorable text". Does he understand that the way his environment lives - whether in St. Petersburg or Moscow - is the dream of all residents of the regions? Poor towns and villages, literal survival on miserable wages and pensions. Drunkenness and drug addiction. pseudo-social state. "We have alcohol cheaper than a textbook." Yes, if Oxy continues his whining after that, then he is not the “king of Russian rap”, but simply “sucking like Chandler” - an insecure and weak character from the American TV series Friends, hiding his insignificant nature behind sarcastic humor.

Third part: "I waited a year to give up the throne"

Here Oksimiron again "takes the floor" and refutes his own words. “Yeah, okay, they might be right, but don’t rush it.” “It’s too early for the boys to jump to conclusions.” Apart from happy life, overflowing with vivid emotions, successful performances, there is also a negative: problems with objective self-esteem, loss of the initial mood against the background of the death of friends and girlfriend - in intensive care. Here it is, a tweet in the account on September 9:

I didn't disappear, dude. It's just that a big misfortune happened to a loved one, in comparison with which everything else is such nonsense. But I'm here.

Nerves. Constant change of mood. Fear of making a mistake and losing the faith of fans, when "your every step is under a microscope." Recall again the lines of the battle with ST - this is quite appropriate, because, as I already noted, Oksimiron uses battles exclusively to express his thoughts and ideas, pronouncing fears and doubts along the way:

But the defeat from the Glory of the CPSU and the "given throne" - now we understand this from the words of Miron himself - gave some relief, removed the burden of responsibility, first of all, to himself. In the end, everyone gets tired of "fucking everyone in the mouth."

Here Oxy makes a reference to his past - the far shores of Foggy Albion, the "drifting island", where there was nothing to lose, because it was impossible to find a job in England as a philologist - even an Oxford graduate - was impossible. Hence - relaxation, simplicity, lightness: "You catch from the air, you bully adults." And then a return to today: pressure from the crowd, an inner desire to quit everything, a frankly inflated sense of responsibility (“still MC, Big Boss”, CEO - boss, chief executive officer).

Oxford graduate, fuck everyone
You are over the abyss in the rye, over the abyss of rye.

Oksimiron feels like a kind of Holden Kilfield, the hero of J. Salinger's novel "". Thinking about his future and choice of profession, the teenager admits that he would like to catch small children playing in the rye in the evening on the edge of a huge abyss so that they do not fall down. However, throughout the novel, Holden himself hangs over the abyss, because he is in an unequal confrontation with the outside world and its hypocritical values. So Oxy - as an "eternal teenager", the only "adult" among the "small" MCs - extols his originality and exclusivity and at the same time admits that he has not found any other use for himself in life. The lines of the track "Ivory Tower" immediately come to mind:

After all, twisted into a knot powers of the world this.
Until that stress, kipish, running, Quidditch.
I used to think that in thirty years - the finish line.
But I'm here, see?

Fourth part: "My bipolar"

The ending of the song again testifies to the nervousness of Oksimiron, which degenerates into a kind of “persecution mania”: “MCs are friends against, they circle and roam. They are already dancing around my carcass, ”as if every rapper is just waiting for his“ sunset ”. It is an inner feeling; it is impossible to say how justified this is. It is curious that Miron continues the idea that he is the same living person and also feels pain, like everyone else, through an oxymoron - "a living corpse."

In the last verse, the performer concludes that he - in a global sense - "do not give a damn about everyone", again focuses on the fact that "he was a schoolboy with glasses", but became a cool rapper. Going back into the manic phase again?

If you evaluate the whole track as a whole and ask yourself: “How will it affect further work?”, Then after some thought the answer comes: “In fact, no way.” “Bipolarochka” is unlikely to be performed at a concert: it is impossible to intentionally put yourself into such a depressive state. Even with a real diagnosis.

Оxxymiron spoke about the sore. "Psyched." Calmed down. And he continued to write tracks and prepare for the first international, Russian-American, rap battle with MC Dizaster.

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