Three in the boat not counting the dog quotes. Quotes from the book "Three in a boat, not counting the dog"

“Women have a strange habit: to press the knife that inflicted a wound on them to their hearts.”

“Montmorency was, of course, in the thick of things. Montmorency's whole ambition lies in getting underfoot as often as possible and incurring curses on himself. If he manages to crawl into places where his presence is especially undesirable, and get sick of everyone, and get people crazy, and make them throw anything at his head, then he feels that the day has not been lived in vain.

To get someone to stumble over him and then honor him to the fullest for a good hour - this is the highest goal and meaning of his life; and when he manages to succeed in this, his conceit goes beyond all bounds.

“Harris always knows a place around the corner where you can get something great in terms of booze. I think that if Harris met you in paradise (let's assume such a possibility for a moment), he would greet you with the words: - I'm very glad you're here, old man! I found a good place around the corner where I can get first-class nectar.”

“It's a strange thing: as soon as I read an advertisement for some patented remedy, I come to the conclusion that I suffer from the very disease in question, and in the most dangerous form. In all cases, the symptoms described coincide exactly with my sensations.

“People who have a soft and meek character on land become rude and bloodthirsty as soon as they get into the boat.”

“You will never be able to tear Harris away from the prose of life. There is no impulse in him, no unaccountable longing for an unattainable ideal. Harris is incapable of "crying without knowing what." If there are tears in Harris' eyes, you can safely bet that he has just eaten raw onions or that his chop has been smeared too greasy with mustard.

“Night, like a loving mother, puts her hand on our hot forehead, turns her tearful little face towards her and smiles ... She is silent, but we know what she feels for us, we cling to her, and our little grief subsides.”

"Our world is a vale of sorrows, and man was created to suffer, like the sun - to shine."

“This is the whole of Harris: he willingly takes the heaviest burden and resignedly puts it on other people's shoulders"

“Of all the pointless nonsense that life annoys us with, the “weather forecast” swindle is perhaps the most unpleasant.

“Will the cheap trinkets of the past always seem like treasures”

“You should never allow a sense of justice to degenerate into mere vindictiveness”

"Woe with Suffering - Angels Sent by God"

“In this case, I had all the signs of liver disease (this could not be mistaken), including the main symptom: “apathy and an overwhelming aversion to all kinds of work.” How I was tormented by this disease - it is impossible to describe. I suffered from it from the cradle. Since I went to school, the disease has not let me go for almost a single day.

"I must be completely wasted, because after about half an hour I completely lost interest in food - this has not happened to me yet - and I have not even touched the cheese."

“But I myself am not like that. I cannot sit with folded hands and idly watch someone toil in the sweat of their brow. I immediately feel the urge to get up and direct, and I walk around with my hands in my pockets and lead. I am active by nature. There's nothing you can do about it."

“When you are buried, I will look at your grave anyway. That's all I can do for you."

They offered the public unrealistic heroes and situations unthinkable in ordinary life, the satirist Jerome Klapka Jerome (1859 - 1927) for some reason talked about completely ordinary people looking for adventure on their own heads. And he did it quite successfully!

The story "Three in a boat, not counting the dog" is still considered perhaps the funniest work in English literature. It was written based on real events, and the characters written off from the author's friends participate in it. Even during Jerome's lifetime, more than 200,000 copies of the book were sold in the UK and about half a million in America, the story was also popular in Russia.

One of the main features of "Three in a boat, not counting the dog" is eternal youth. The jokes with which Jerome K. Jerome generously supplied his work are still relevant today.

We have selected 15 quotes from this book:

The story "Three men in a boat, not counting the dog" is still considered perhaps the funniest work in English literature. It was written based on real events, and the characters written off from the author's friends participate in it. During Jerome's lifetime, more than 200,000 copies of the book were sold in the UK and about half a million in America.

One of the main features of "Three in a boat, not counting the dog" is eternal youth. The jokes that Jerome K. Jerome generously provided for his work are still relevant today.

1. I can't sit back and watch someone work hard. I immediately have a need to get up and start administering, and I walk around with my hands in my pockets and manage. I am active by nature.

2. Apparently, it always happens in life. One person has what he does not need, while others have what he would like to have.

3. I myself do not understand German. I studied this language at school, but I forgot everything to the last word two years after graduation and since then I feel much better.

4. We need to think not about what is useful to us, but only about what we cannot do without.

5. Everything in the world has its downside, as one man said when his mother-in-law died and had to fork out for a funeral.

6. This is the whole of Harris: he willingly takes the heaviest burden and resignedly puts it on other people's shoulders.

7. How good you feel when your stomach is full. What satisfaction you feel at the same time with yourself and everything in the world! A clear conscience - at least that's what those who have experienced what it is have told me - gives a feeling of contentment and happiness. But a full stomach allows you to achieve the same goal with more ease and less expense.

8. I always feel like I work more than I should. This does not mean that I shirk work, God forbid! I like the work. She enchants me. I am able to sit and look at her for hours. I love to save it for myself: the thought that someday I will have to deal with it breaks my soul.

9. For experience, as they say, no matter how much you pay, you will not overpay.

10. Once I went into the library of the British Museum to inquire about a remedy for a petty disease that I caught somewhere - it seems to be hay fever. I took the reference book and found everything I needed there, and then, with nothing to do, I began to leaf through the book, looking through what it said about various other diseases. I had already forgotten what malady I had plunged into first - I only know that it was some kind of terrible scourge of the human race - and before I could get to the middle of the list of "early symptoms", it became obvious that I had this particular disease.

11. I don’t know why, but the sight of a person who is sleeping when I have already got up makes me furious. I am outraged that the precious hours of our lives, these wonderful moments that will never return, are wasted aimlessly on bestial sleep.

12. What the eye does not see, the stomach does not feel.

13. It's amazing how early you get up when you sleep in the open air! If you sleep not on a feather bed, but on the bottom of the boat, wrapped in a blanket and putting a bag under your head instead of a pillow, then somehow there is no desire to carve out at least another five minutes.

14. Everywhere I notice the same thing; in every language there are two pronunciations: one is “correct”, for foreigners, and the other is its own, real.

15. In general, as I noticed, almost all things in this world look much better in pictures than in reality.

16. In this case, I had all the signs of liver disease, including the main symptom: "apathy and an irresistible aversion to all kinds of work." How I was tormented by this disease - it is impossible to describe. I suffered from it from the cradle. Since I went to school, the disease has not let go of me for almost a single day. My relatives did not know then that it was from the liver. Now medicine has made great strides, but then it was all blamed on laziness.

17. But for some reason, women love to stroke the knife that inflicted a wound on them.

18. - If I catch forty pieces, - he said, - I will tell that I caught fifty, and so on. But I will not add more, because lying is a sin.

19. I conscientiously went through all the letters of the alphabet, and the only disease that I did not find in myself was puerperal fever.

20. It's not good to go with the flow all the time. Much more fun, straining your back, fighting with him, going ahead against him - at least it seems to me when Harris and George are rowing, and I steer.

21. But who needs weather forecasts? The fact that it goes bad is bad enough in itself; Why else poison your life by learning about it in advance?

22. To our question, did he ever try to wash flannel suits in the river, George replied: - You can't say that I washed them myself, but I know people who did. It's not that hard anymore.

23. After a solid, well-digested meal, you feel like such a generous, indulgent, noble and kind person!

This is the only way to get the kettle to boil. If only he notices that you are impatiently waiting for him to boil, he will not even think of making a noise. You need to step back and start eating as if you were not going to drink tea. In no case should you look back at the teapot, then you will soon hear how he snorts and spits, desperately wanting to give you tea to drink.

I always feel like I work more than I should. This does not mean that I shirk work, God forbid! I like the work. She enchants me. I can sit and look at her for hours. I love to save it for myself: the thought that someday I will have to deal with it breaks my soul.

Jerome Klapka Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

For some reason, women love to stroke the blade of the knife that wounded them.

(Women love to have a knife that strikes them beautiful and terrible.)

Jerome Klapka Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

Everything in the world has its downside, as one man said when his mother-in-law died and had to fork out for a funeral.

Jerome Klapka Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

Alas, this seems to always be the case in our world. Each person has what he absolutely does not need, and what he needs, others own.

Jerome Klapka Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

Let the boat of your life be light, take into it only the most necessary things: a comfortable dwelling and modest joys; the one who loves you and who is dearer to you than all; two or three friends worthy of being called friends; cat and dog; one or two tubes; plenty of food and plenty of clothing, and a little more than plenty of drink, for thirst is a terrible thing.

Jerome Klapka Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

In this case, I had all the signs of liver disease (this could not be mistaken), including the main symptom: "apathy and an overwhelming aversion to all kinds of work." How I was tormented by this disease - it is impossible to describe. I suffered from it from the cradle. Since I went to school, the disease has not let go of me for almost a single day. My relatives did not know then that I had a diseased liver. Now medicine has made great strides, but then it was all blamed on laziness. - How? You're still lying in bed, you lazy imp! Get up and get busy! - they told me, not realizing, of course, that the whole thing is in the liver. And they didn't give me pills - they gave me cuffs. And surprisingly, cuffs often cured me, at least for a while.

Jerome Klapka Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

... the sword itself is a judge and a lawyer, a plaintiff and an executioner, he pays for what he takes by leaving alive the one from whom he takes, if, of course, he wants to.

Jerome Klapka Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

We need to think not about what can be useful to us, but only about what we cannot do without.

(We should think not about things we can somehow get by with, but about things we can't do without.)

About slavery at the stomach ...
How good you feel when your stomach is full. What satisfaction you feel at the same time with yourself and everything in the world! A clear conscience - or so I have been told by those who have experienced what it is - gives a feeling of contentment and happiness. But a full stomach allows you to achieve the same goal with more ease and less expense. After a plentiful intake of hearty and digestible food, you feel in yourself so much nobility and kindness, so much forgiveness and love for your neighbor!
Still, it is strange how our mind and feelings are subordinated to the digestive organs. You can neither work nor think without the permission of the stomach. The stomach determines our sensations, our moods, our passions. After scrambled eggs and bacon, he says, "Work!" After the steak and porter, he says, "Sleep!" After a cup of tea (two teaspoons per cup, leave for no more than three minutes), he orders the brain: “Come on, get up and show what you can do. Be eloquent, and deep, and subtle; look with a penetrating gaze into the secrets of nature; spread your snow-white wings - a trembling dream and a divine spirit - and soar above the vain world and direct your flight through the shining scattering of stars to the gates of eternity.
After hot buns, he says: "Be stupid and soulless, like livestock - a brainless animal with indifferent eyes, in which there is not a spark of fantasy, hope, fear and love." And after a hefty shot of brandy, he orders: “Now fool around, giggle, stagger, so that your neighbors can play on you; throw stupid jokes, mutter incoherent nonsense with a slurred tongue and show what a crazy nonentity a person can become when his mind and will are drowned like kittens in a glass of alcohol.
We are just miserable slaves of our stomach. My friends, do not rise up to fight for morality and law! Take care of your stomach vigilantly, fill it diligently and deliberately. And then, without any effort on your part, peace and virtue will reign in your soul; and you will be good citizens, loving spouses, tender parents, in a word, worthy and God-fearing people.

About the fight on the roads …
About half-past twelve we passed the Iffley lock, put the boat in order, made preparations for the landing, and set off for the attack of the last mile. I know of no more difficult section of the Thames than this mile between Iffley and Oxford. To navigate in these places, you need to be born here. I swam here many times, but I never managed to get used to it. A man capable of navigating the fairway from Oxford to Iffley without error would probably be able to get along under the same roof with his wife, mother-in-law, elder sister and the old maid who nursed him in his infancy. First, the current drags you to the right bank, then to the left, then it takes you to the middle, makes you make three complete turns around its own axis, then it carries you back and ends, as a rule, with an attempt to flatten you into a cake on some barge.
All this caused that during the last mile we kept getting in the way of other boats, and they to us, and this, in turn, caused both sides to show an increased tendency to swear words.
I don’t know how to explain it, but everyone on the river is unusually irritable. Little misfortunes that go almost unnoticed on land infuriate you when they happen on the water. When Harris and George play asses on land, I chuckle indulgently, but when they act like fools on the river, I use such curses that the blood runs cold. When another boat climbs right across my own, I feel an irresistible desire to grab the oar and kill those sitting in it - every single one.
Those who have a soft and meek disposition on land become rude and bloodthirsty as soon as they get into the boat. Once I happened to make a little voyage with a young lady. In ordinary life, she was an unusually sweet and gentle creature, to listen to how she expresses herself in
river, it was just scary. "Hey, damn you! - she shouted when some unlucky rower came across on the way. - Where are you going! Don't you see, do you?" And if the sail was not set in the right position, the eye would grab it, pull it roughly and say: “Oh, you damn pepper pot!” And yet, as I have already said, on the shore she was very kind and friendly. River air undoubtedly has a demoralizing effect on the human character. Probably, this explains why even the baroques are sometimes rude to each other and bend words, which in quiet moments they themselves, no doubt, are ashamed of.

About beauty...
On the third day of our stay in Oxford, the weather deteriorated. (Excuse me! I am returning to the story of our current journey.) We set off on our way back in a steady drizzle. The river - on the days when the sun is shining, the glare on the waves dance, wander along the forest paths, gild the tops of beeches, chase the shadow from under the trees, shine on the wheels of mills, send kisses to water lilies, jump into the water from the dam, silver bridges and walls, they light up all the villages, delight the meadows and arable lands, braid the willows with a net, rest in every bay, go afar with sails, fill the world with radiance - on such days our Thames seems like a magical river, full of gold.
But the river is in bad weather, in the cold, when the waves are dirty-stormy, the rain drops tears in them, whispers plaintively, like a widow, and around there are trees in pale shrouds of fog, they silently reproach for something, like dumb ghosts, ghosts with with a sad look, the ghosts of forgotten friends - on such days our Thames is a lifeless, shady, sorrowful river.
Sunlight is the hot blood of nature. With what dull, what lifeless eyes mother earth looks at us when the sunlight leaves her and goes out! We then feel sad with her: it is as if she does not recognize and does not love us. She is like a woman who has lost her beloved husband: children touch her hands, look into her eyes and cannot even make her smile!