What does the word coming out mean. What is a coming out? Coming out: meaning

The phrase coming out for the inhabitants of Russia is still new and unusual. But in the circles of Western stars it has become quite popular. Today, on the Internet, you can easily find out what it means to “come out” in simple words.

Where did the expression come from

Coming out - a situation in which a person admits to homosexuality (love for a representative of his gender).

The name of this phenomenon comes from the phrase coming out of the shadows. The literal translation is "get out of the shadows."

The expression appeared in the United States in the middle of the 20th century. American psychotherapist Evelyn Hooker added the expression coming out to the list of official scientific terms.

Coming out is the most popular topic for research papers in psychology and sexology.

Recently, the expression "coming out" has been used not only in relation to non-traditionally oriented people, but also to any person who has publicly declared his unusual personal views, preferences or habits.

The loudest coming-outs in history

More recently, coming out of popular personalities was a rather rare occurrence, but now it is quite natural.

Ian McKellen participated in the boycott over the fact that so far no openly homosexual person has won an Oscar

The actor made his coming out one of the first, back in 1988. During a conversation at the radio station, Ian stated that he was gay. This loud statement was made in response to a government decree to ban the promotion of homosexuality. Since that moment, Ian McKellen has been an ardent defender of the rights of representatives of sexual minorities.

Cynthia Nixon's own daughter is also an extraordinary person, she recently changed her gender and turned from Samantha into Samuel

Actress Cynthia Nixon is best known for her role as Miranda Hobbs in Sex and the City. The celebrity has long cohabited with teacher and researcher Danny Moses. For 15 years of marriage, the couple had two children. However, in December 2004, the popular actress openly admitted that she prefers women. Her soulmate was Christine Marinoni. 7 years after they met, she gave birth to a son, whom she is raising with Kristen to this day.

Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne have an impressive age difference of 14 years

The actress starred in the films "Night Gardens", "Battle in Seattle" and "Resident Evil". In October 2013, Michelle told in an interview with a representative of a well-known video blog that she was dating model and actress Cara Delevingne. The news received wide publicity and made a splash on the Internet.

After this high-profile statement, the actress posed for a spread of a magazine for the LGBT community.

Kevin Spacey never agreed with Anthony Rapp's accusations

More recently, under the influence of circumstances, an American actor, film director and screenwriter Kevin Spacey was forced to confess his love for the same sex. His colleague Anthony Rapp gave an interview and talked about how Spacey tried to seduce him as a child. As a result, the actor was charged with pedophilia and harassment. Kevin apologized, but denied nothing. The actor admitted that in his life there were connections with representatives of both sexes. Now he openly declares his unconventional orientation.

Recognition influenced the career of a celebrity. Because of the charges, he lost the American television Emmy Award, and the Netflix film company stopped filming the new season of the series about an ambitious congressman, in which Spacey played the main character.

Kristen Stewart also dated French singer Soko

The star of the Twilight film series after filming began dating her colleague on the set, Robert Pattinson. All the fans of the couple were delighted. However, after a high-profile breakup in 2013, Kristen first began dating director Rupert Sanders, and then with her former assistant Alisha Kargile. The paparazzi tried with might and main to catch the star couple together, and they did not even think of hiding. The actress herself did not comment on this situation in any way and in one of the interviews she stated that she was a defender of the rights of the LGBT community. Kristen's official coming out took place only in 2016. Relatives and friends support the actress, and her mother even met with her new beloved daughter.

Kristen Stewart is currently dating Stella Maxwell, New Zealand top model and Victoria's Secret Angel. Love for women did not affect the career of the actress in any way, she still acts in films, participates in fashion shows and even became the face of the Gabrielle Chanel women's fragrance.

Jim Parsons and Todd Spivak officially married after 14 years of relationship

Jim Parsons is an actor who played the brilliant but very eccentric physicist Sheldon Cooper in the television series The Big Bang Theory. In 2012, the artist openly stated that he had been dating producer and graphic designer Todd Spivak for more than 10 years. In 2017, the couple officially registered their relationship.

One Byron claims that his co-star Ivan Okhlobystin is a real homophobe and has repeatedly made harsh jokes about the young actor

The 30-year-old actor, who played in the Russian TV series Interns, only recently made a shocking statement about his sexual orientation.

“I have always been honest. They ask me the question: “How do you like girls from Russia?” - I say that they are all beautiful. When they ask if I have a loved one, I honestly answer no, ”says the actor.

The confession of Odin Byron had no effect on his life in Russia. He starred in the final season of the series about doctors, and now works at the Gogol Center, a theater created by Kirill Serebrennikov.

The life of the stars is constantly monitored by paparazzi and their every step is recorded on camera. Therefore, the details of their personal lives often become known to ordinary people and contribute to a voluntary coming out. Love for representatives of the same sex of some celebrities was completely revealed against their will.

The section is very easy to use. In the proposed field, just enter the desired word, and we will give you a list of its meanings. I would like to note that our site provides data from various sources - encyclopedic, explanatory, word-building dictionaries. Here you can also get acquainted with examples of the use of the word you entered.

The meaning of the word coming out

Wikipedia

Coming out

Coming out(other spellings - fireplace-out, coming out and coming out, from - " disclosure», « exit"") - the process of open and voluntary recognition by a person of his belonging to a sexual or gender minority, or the result of such a process. The term "coming out" is used primarily in relation to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people (abbr. LGBT) who have ceased to hide their sexual orientation or gender identity from others. The expression "coming out" is a direct borrowing of the well-established English expression coming out .

Outing, that is, forcible disclosure of the relevant circumstances of a person's personal life, is not a voluntary coming out. Outing is the public disclosure of personal information about a person's orientation or gender identity against their will and consent, which can be regarded as a violation of the law. As a result of such actions, it is possible to transfer people's attitudes towards sexual orientation or gender identity of a person into the social and professional sphere. Such an effect can be used to compromise a person, damaging his personal or public reputation, as well as calling into question his professional competence.

Some representatives of popular culture use coming out or the image of a person with a non-heterosexual orientation to increase interest in their own person, as, for example, did the Russian group Tatu.

Coming Out (film)

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Let's imagine: an ordinary average family lives - mom, dad, one or more children. Children grow up, study, mature, and parents are already beginning to dream of grandchildren ... And suddenly, like a bolt from the blue: mom, dad, I'm gay!

Coming out. What it is? Who, how, why and why does it commit? More on this later…



Coming out(coming out, or coming out, or coming out) - the process of an open and voluntary recognition by a person of his belonging to a sexual or gender minority or the result of such a process (Wikipedia tells us).
The word “coming out” comes from the English expression “coming out of the closet”, which literally translates as “get out of the closet”, and figuratively means “get out of the darkness, open up”. Having arisen as a slang term, this word in the late 1950s, at the suggestion of psychologist Evelyn Hooker, migrated to scientific terminology and entrenched there. Since then, coming out has become the object of research in various scientific disciplines.
This term is used mainly in relation to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transsexuals (abbr. LGBT), but in recent years, by analogy, it has become actively used in other areas. Thus, it became possible to talk, for example, about the coming-out of an atheist, a monarchist, a vampire (in fiction), etc.
Coming out should be distinguished from outing, which is a forced, without the consent and permission of a person, the disclosure of personal information about sexual orientation or gender identity.
You should not think that coming out is only a direct message about your sexual orientation to others. This complex and lengthy process begins with the realization of one's own desires and the acceptance of one's non-traditional sexual orientation (which may not be achieved due to hostile social attitudes), ending with the identification of oneself as a representative of sexual minorities.

“The most terrible thing happens on the inner level - this is the moment of understanding who you are.
First you need to accept yourself, and then it's easier to convey to others,
who you really are."
(Kira Mataeva)
*

Coming out is not a one-time event, but an evolving process. In most cases, homosexuals prefer to open up first to a close friend or family member, and only then gradually tell other close and not so close people. Often people know about the orientation of some people at work, but do not suspect in the family, or vice versa. In any case, coming out is not limited to a single confession to one person or group of people.

"Coming-outs will last a lifetime,
because you have to face more and more new people.
(Anastasia Khudoleeva)


Who and how?

As the experience of Western countries shows, the most emotionally vulnerable age category, teenagers, most often comes out (according to statistics, the average age of coming out in the United States is 13 years (in Russia, such statistics are not kept), then everyone else up to the elderly Adolescents are in dire need of help, however, knowing about the sharply negative attitude of society, and even specifically their own parents or other close people, most of them are afraid to open up and ask for it.Because of this, according to statistics, cases of suicide among homosexuals There are many more adolescents than among heterosexuals.A sharply negative reaction of parents (other close people) to a child's coming out can also lead to suicide.

“You forget that a very important element for relatives
is the social component: how others will look at it.
When we confess to a parent, we must be sure
that the parent is willing to accept all social pressure
and come out with your child."
(Olga Lipovskaya)

Assistance in this critical situation is provided by special services (“helpline”), in addition, there are LGBT websites dedicated to these problems. On them you can find recommendations for a successful coming-out in front of loved ones. For example, it is not recommended to open during a quarrel or on the days of some serious events - holidays, funerals, etc. First you need to prepare your parents, it is better to do this over a long period. You need to be internally prepared for any, even very sharply negative, reaction and give parents the opportunity and time to get used to this news.

“If we expect tolerance from other people, we must be tolerant ourselves.
We must clearly understand that, most likely, we will meet a negative reaction
from the closest people. And we must not think that these people are bad,
that they are stupid, that they do not like us. No, they're just scared
and not informed. And so, going to come out with loved ones,
need to be patient. You gotta keep loving your loved ones
no matter what. It gets hard. In addition, you must understand
that your desires and the desires of your very close people are different things.
You should not be guided by the desires of your parents, by their programs.
You have your own program. And the third point:
For a successful coming out, you need to get rid of the slave in yourself.
(Igor Petrov)


Coming outs aren't just for teenagers. The statements of celebrities receive the greatest resonance in society. It is logical to assume that other motives are pushing them to this, but about them later.
Among the popular and influential people who made their way out of the closet, mainly representatives of creative professions: ballet dancers, pop singers, designers, actors, directors, less often - politicians, officials, etc. Some representatives of show business use it for PR purposes (group "Tatu"), but many suffered as a result of this, losing popularity. This happened, for example, with the British singer Elton John, whose name nevertheless became a symbol of openness on the issue of sexual orientation.
Coming-out in Russia became widespread after the collapse of the USSR in 1991, when the article for the criminal prosecution of sodomy was repealed. The first to come out in 1992 was the singer and showman Boris Moiseev, who, however, in 2010 declared that he was not gay, but only created a certain image for himself. The last loud coming-out to date was made on the air by TV presenter Anton Krasovsky. In general, among Russian celebrities, coming-outs are rare.

Why and why?

People who are far from the LGBT world often wonder why representatives of sexual minorities come out? This is often seen as a desire to “advertise oneself”, or even a desire to “propaganda of homosexuality” in order to “attract undecided youth into their ranks and undermine the moral foundations of society.” All, of course, is not so.
The main reason for "coming out of the closet" was very accurately expressed in 1951 by Donald Webster Corey in the work "Homosexual in America": all walks of life."
Some people who experience homosexual experiences but are not ready to accept them, in fear of being judged by society, enter into heterosexual relationships, including long-term relationships and marriage. Other people who hide their sexual orientation do not have any heterosexual contact and simply want to protect themselves from discrimination or rejection by hiding their sexual orientation or attraction.
It is clear that such a life with an eye, life in a lie negatively affects the human psyche, leads to stress and neuroses, which intensify over time and can lead to psychosomatic illnesses, depression and even suicide. Under such conditions, the desire of homosexuals to open up, if not to the world, then at least to some close people, among whom they could be themselves or to whom they no longer want to lie, is quite understandable.

“Coming out should be done when you need it,
when you love your parents so much that you can no longer
hide the truth about yourself from them.
(Igor Petrov)

On the other hand, it is important to understand that there would be no need for coming out if society did not have negative attitudes towards non-traditional sexual relations. It is they who turn coming out from a personal matter into a social act. This idea was expressed back in 1869 by the German lawyer, journalist and defender of the rights of sexual minorities, Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, who believed that homosexuals were a minority, deprived of their rights and oppressed, and a secretive existence reduces the possibility of their influence on public opinion, therefore he called on homosexuals, first of all, influential people, become more visible by coming out.
In many countries, the concept of coming out is used as part of community programs to reduce homophobia. For example, in the United States, National Coming Out Day is celebrated annually, which is becoming more and more widespread in the world. The result of the implementation of such programs was the fact that in an Internet survey of almost 3,000 Americans, it turned out that 70% of heterosexuals aged 18 years and older personally know someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (for comparison, in Russia this the figure according to the statistics of the Public Opinion Foundation is 10%). What's more, 83% of those who identify as members of the US LGBT community reported being openly gay. Thus, "getting out of the closet" is a powerful weapon in the fight against homonegativism.

The sexual revolution gave men and women the freedom to choose their sexual partners. This was the impetus for the creation of same-sex couples. Along with this, new concepts have appeared regarding some aspects of life and behavior of people with non-traditional sexual orientation. As a rule, these words are of foreign origin and are not entirely clear to citizens who are far from the "blue" and "pink" topics.

For example, not everyone knows what a coming out is. What is its difference from the similar concept of "outing". Meanwhile, in certain circles, this is a frequently used expression, which even has its own holiday in the year. But first things first.

What is a coming out?

This word is borrowed from the English language and in translation means "disclosure", "exit from the closet". A man or woman who openly and, what is very important, voluntarily confesses their non-traditional sexual orientation or their attitude towards a gender minority, performs an act called coming out. As a rule, this definition is applied to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals (this group of people is called LGBT for short) who openly admit their sexual preferences or that their body does not correspond to their mental state.

Outing is also exposing to the public the fact of an unconventional personal life, but by other persons in a violent form, against the will of the homosexual himself. Usually this is done to compromise a person, ruin his reputation, career, change people's attitude towards him, because in any country there are homophobic sentiments. Even in modern society, not all people are ready to open the doors to their bedroom, but there are those who deliberately arrange a public coming out in order to attract attention and gain extra popularity, while being heterosexual individuals. This phenomenon is very common in show business.

Some historical facts

The first time people thought about the basic idea of ​​coming out was in 1869. This was done by a German lawyer and journalist who defends the rights and interests of minorities, Karl Heinrich Ulrichs. He was of the opinion that if you want to become noticeable, you need to loudly declare yourself through a coming out. The significance of this act, according to the German, is great, an open homosexual will be able to have a greater influence on people and enjoy authority.

The first publicly important person who was not afraid to tell the truth about himself was the American poet Robert Duncan. He came out, and soon he was reduced from the army. After that, in one of the magazines, he said that in the country and throughout the world, minorities are being oppressed.

In the middle of the 20th century, the concept of "coming out", thanks to the psychologist Evelyn Hooker, who devoted much of his work to the study of gay communities, ceased to be jargon, moving into the section of scientific terminology.

The importance of coming out

Moral satisfaction from life occurs only if a person lives in complete harmony not only with himself, but also with society. To achieve such a result, you need to muster up the courage and openly declare your sexual preferences. If a man or a woman is really homosexual, they have accepted this fact and are confident in their choice, then you should not hide it, camouflage it with heterosexual relationships, even marriage against your will for the sake of society. This negatively affects the mental state of the individual. Only a coming-out can help here. The value of the deed will positively affect the state, mood, and the long-awaited relief will come.

This is in the case of understanding from the audience. But, as practice shows, this is not always the case. That is why there is a lot of literature on the topic "what is a coming out", how and when it is better to do it. One of the most famous is a guide written by the American organization Parents, Families and Friends of Gays and Lesbians.

Recognition process

Coming-outs are complex multi-stage processes. Psychologists advise gradually revealing your sexual orientation to everyone, preferably starting with a close friend or family member with whom you are the warmest, strongest. It often happens that all colleagues and friends know about a person’s unconventionality, but close relatives do not guess. Sometimes it's easier to tell someone else than your own.

Some dedicated to coming out and the general openness of a person to society showed that the less a person hides from others, the less he has to lie, get nervous, and worry.

Confession to parents

One of the most difficult stages of coming-out is the confession to the parents. They are unable to receive information correctly, with understanding. Parents are shocked to learn that their child is not like everyone else. They need time and help from a psychologist. Most parents refuse to accept this fact, they can punish children, ignore them, kick them out of the house, abandon them. Some try to avoid any conversations related to sexual topics for some time, believing that all this is a whim, the costs of age, and if you do not focus on this, then everything will pass by itself.

Other parents seriously consider homosexuality a disease and begin to treat their children with the help of reparative therapy. With all these actions, mothers and fathers cause serious harm to the psyche of the child, only heating up the situation.

2013 - coming out year

October 11 is considered the official day when everyone remembers what a coming out is, and also observes public confessions of not only friends, relatives, but also important famous people from the stage. From year to year, the number of LGBT politicians, musicians, athletes and actors is growing, which suggests that people are less and less afraid of popular condemnation, and unconventional choices are becoming the norm. We can safely say that in 2013 they did not limit themselves to one day of confessions, extending it for all 365.

It is impossible to tell about all the confessions, there are a huge number of them, but here are the most anticipated and loud statements:

  1. Jodie Foster made her coming out during her Golden Globe Awards.
  2. American actor Wentworth Miller announced his homosexuality in a letter refusing to come to Russia, as there are many homophobes here.
  3. British diver Tom Daly filmed a video of his confession and posted it online.
  4. The Canadian actor and singer admitted that he is gay and has been in a relationship with a man for 14 years.
  5. NBA basketball player Jason Collins, who decided that he needed to be honest with everyone.
  6. Filipino singer Charris.
  7. Robbie Rogers has stated that he is gay and retired from football.
  8. Irish actor Andrew Scott, who stopped learning Russian because of V.V. Putin's speeches after he issued a homophobic law.
  9. Professor of Psychiatry Dinesh Bugra.
  10. Figure skater Brian Boitano.

Photo pexels.com

We tell in plain language what coming out means, why it is needed, how to do it, and we also give as an example 10 celebrities who have this difficult experience behind them.

Coming out: what is it?

Coming out, in simple words, is an exclusively voluntary disclosure to someone of one's true sexual orientation or belonging to a gender different from what was assumed before, from the English “coming out” - “disclosure”, “exit”.

Not to be confused with outing. Outing is the public disclosure of information about a person's sexual orientation or gender identity without their consent. Basically, outing is an unacceptable invasion of privacy, never do that.

What is a coming out?

It depends on a lot of factors, including what country and city a person lives in, how society is set up in this place, what kind of people surround him.

There is no “right” or “wrong” coming out. It happens that a person who hides his orientation from others gradually increases the number of loved ones who know the truth. For example, he tells about it first to his brother or sister, then to his parents, later to his friends. So .

However, it also happens differently when a person declares his identity to everyone at once - for example, writes an open post on social networks, shoots a video or declares this in an interview. Sometimes for this they gather acquaintances and friends in one place or take the opportunity and tell the truth at some holiday.

The British organization Stonewall reminds on its website that coming out does not have to be extended to all areas of a person's life at once. It is important not to put pressure on this issue either on others or on yourself.

Photo pexels.com

Why do a coming out at all? This is a private matter for everyone!

“Why stick out your orientation at all? This is not normal”, “Why set a bad example for others?”- such phrases, as you can easily guess, do not contribute to coming out. Meanwhile, it is important and necessary to tell at least the closest people about yourself. Why?

The fact is that for a person, as a social being, it is quite natural to want to be open and want a trusting relationship with his parents. Psychologist Ekaterina Petrova, who has worked with LGBT organizations for many years, including the Russian LGBT network, is sure that when people have to hide such an important and significant part of their lives, this causes serious emotional suffering.

Imagine that you need to constantly hide, hide something, lie, live a double life. Because of this, you constantly experience strong tension, pressure, which, among other things, affects your health - both psychological and physical.

“There is a study according to which people who come out in front of loved ones are less likely to abuse alcohol and drugs, and also generally feel more comfortable psychologically, compared to those who did not,”- said Petrova in an interview with the Russian LGBT Network YouTube channel.

Photo pexels.com

10 celebrities who came out

Hodor from Game of Thrones - Christian Nairn

In an interview with Game of Thrones fan site Winter Is Coming in 2014, actor Christian Nairn, best known for playing Hodor, admitted that he was gay.

“When someone talks about the gay community, they are talking about my community. I have never hidden my orientation from anyone, on the contrary, I have been waiting for a long time to be asked about it in an interview. I could not take it and for no reason at all declare that I am gay. A couple of times I even tried to direct journalists to this question, but there was no sense in it!” Nairn says.

Shot from the series "Game of Thrones"

Apple CEO Tim Cook

Tim Cook first came out openly about his homosexuality in 2014 when he wrote an op-ed for Bloomberg Businessweek.

"I am proud to be gay and consider my homosexuality to be one of God's greatest gifts" he wrote.

According to him, the orientation gave him the strength to be himself, follow his own path and fight difficulties and hypocrisy.

“I don’t consider myself an activist, but I understand how much I have benefited from people who have had to make sacrifices,” Cook wrote. - So if knowing that the CEO of Apple is gay helps someone accept themselves for who they are, or calms those who are lonely a little, or inspires people to insist on equal rights, then it is worth sacrificing your personal life for this. life."

Tim Cook and Lana Del Rey. Photo by @tim_cook, twitter

How I Met Your Mother Star - Neil Patrick Harris

Harris came out in 2006, and the reason, in his own words, was a happy relationship with David Bartka, which the actor was tired of hiding.

"I'm happy to dispel any rumors by stating that I'm 100% gay and I'm also happy to work with fantastic people in a business that I love." Harris then said.

Recognition did not affect his work (he continued to play one of the leading roles in the series), nor the ratings of the show. The couple got married in 2014, and soon Neil and David had children.

Neil Patrick Harris with his husband David Burtka and children. Photo by @nph

Model and actress Cara Delevingne

The muse of Karl Lagerfeld declared her bisexuality in 2014 immediately to the whole world, joining the project about people who have made a coming out, "The Obvious Truth".

The girl published a post on her Instagram, where, among other things, she wrote: “It doesn't matter who you are or what you believe. The main thing is that we are united! I'm already late for International Coming Out Day, but better late than never."


@caradelevingne

Everyone's favorite Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings - Sir Ian McKellen

Ian declared his homosexual orientation back in 1988, during an interview with a BBC radio station. Since then, he has been actively fighting for the rights of the LGBT community around the world.

“Many people expected me to become the leader of the gay movement. But I’m much more impressed by the role of an ordinary fighter, ” he once said.

American designer Tom Ford

In 1997, Tom Ford gave an interview to The Advocate magazine in which he stated: "At this point in my life, I'm undeniably gay."

Now Ford is married to his business partner Richard Buckley - they have been together since 1986, and in 2012 the couple adopted a child.

Tom Ford and Karl Lagerfeld. Photo by @tomford

Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory - Jim Parsons

The winner of the Golden Globe and Emmy awards was revealed to the public in 2012. Then he spoke about his ten-year relationship with graphic designer Todd Spivak.

In 2014, the couple tied the knot after 14 years of relationship.

"I met this guy 14 years ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me"- he wrote on his Instagram.

Actress Kristen Stewart

“In my opinion, it's great that my fans see that I do not hide my orientation. I'm always real Stuart said.

@kristenstewartx

Musician, ex-lead singer and founder of Savage Garden Darren Hayes

In June 2006, Australian singer-songwriter Darren Hayes unexpectedly entered into a civil partnership in London with his friend Richard Cullen, whom, as it turned out, he had previously met.

A month after the ceremony, Hayes posted a video message on his official website, where he openly spoke about his preferences and about the marriage.

Director and actress Jodie Foster

Two Oscar winner Jodie Foster came out when she was 44 years old. She gave a moving speech at the 2007 Golden Globe Awards. By the way, at that time the actress already had two sons.

“One fragile little girl opened up to her most loyal friends, family and colleagues, and then, gradually and proudly, to everyone she knew,”- she said.

In 2014, the actress married photographer and actress Alexandra Hedison.

Frame from the film "Contact"

1. Assess the risks to life and health

Psychologists advise taking into account the level of homophobia and transphobia in the society where you are, as well as the possible reaction of relatives. Alas, often - even loved ones can use psychological or even physical violence against you.

“Remember that you don't have to come out to anyone - if you feel physically or mentally unsafe, it's probably worth postponing 'coming out of the closet'. For example, in Russia, many open up to relatives after they start living separately and gain financial independence. Although at the same time there are host parents who are immediately ready to support their homosexual, bisexual and transgender children,” Sasha Kazantseva, co-founder of the LGBT zine Open, says.

Photo pexels.com

2. Think about escape routes, seek help

The head of the psychological service of the LGBT initiative group Vykhod and the Russian LGBT Network, candidate of psychological sciences Maria Sabunaeva advises first to prepare a springboard for retreat.

“Talk to your friends in advance to understand that you can stay with someone. Maybe you can collect some basic things in advance. It's very similar to briefing victims of domestic violence - unfortunately, coming outs often elicit violent responses, and so we have to instruct people as if they were being abused." Sabunayeva said.

Before coming out, it is advisable to find out if there are special organizations in your city, whether it is possible to sign up with a psychologist there, whether it is possible to go to a support group meeting or call a hotline to consult with a specialist. There is such a line in the Russian LGBT Network, it works every day from three to nine o'clock Moscow time.

You can also get a free psychological consultation at the Moscow "Resource" and the Moscow Community Center, the St. Petersburg "Exit" and "Actions", the Yekaterinburg Resource Center, the Perm "Rainbow World", the branches of the "LGBT Network" in different cities. If you live in another city - in these organizations you can find out the contacts of local LGBT-friendly specialists or just talk to a psychologist on Skype.

Photo pexels.com

3. Think ahead about what you will say

First, decide on the form of coming out: will it be a face-to-face conversation, a handwritten letter, a social media post?

If we are talking about a conversation, think about the best time to start it so that nothing distracts you. Try to imagine at least approximately what you will say, where you will start.

Think about the answers to the possible questions that you will be asked. As a rule, they are always similar: “How long have you had this?”, “Have you tried it with a girl?”, “How did you understand?” These are standard questions, so you can imagine in advance what you will answer.

4. Know that you have nothing to be ashamed of

Coming out is a completely normal action and there is nothing "wrong" about it. If there were not so many xenophobic ideas and a hostile atmosphere in society, this would not even require a separate special word.

“There is no need to make excuses. It is necessary to explain, to educate, but not to stand in the position of a person who did something terrible, ”- says Vitaly Bespalov, editor-in-chief of Guys Plus.

“We have the right to call ourselves whatever we want, to designate our identity, to communicate it to other people and expect them to react calmly - and if they react in an unhealthy way, then we have every right to defend ourselves in any way,”- says Maria Sabunaeva.

Photo playboy.com

Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, in turn, believed that freedom in the country is impossible without the freedom to express one's sexuality. He always fought archaic views, as well as any manifestations of discrimination, especially nationalism and homophobia. Few people know, but his work in this area has been recognized by historians as one of the most influential in the field of the gay rights movement.

By the way, not so long ago on this topic, given on the eve of the American elections in 2017.