How to establish an intimate life in marriage. How to improve relations with your wife - basic rules and tips

The most common causes of problems in the sexual life of spouses are a mismatch of temperaments and physiology. The process of arousal and subsequent ejaculation in a man takes on average from two to fifteen minutes. A woman needs at least half an hour to be aroused.

During arousal in a woman, the vagina is moistened, the uterus moves back a little. The impatience of a man in this case can lead to pain in the partner and injury to the cervix (erosion). It must be remembered that sex is not a physical exercise: you fell, did push-ups, for everything about all three minutes. It is recommended to aim for quality rather than results.

In addition to the rush, sex does not tolerate routine and schedules. According to psychologists, the first serious crisis of sexual relations occurs after the birth of a child, when a woman subconsciously ceases to feel her body as a source of pleasure for a partner (for example, the breast is no longer an erogenous zone for a husband, but a vessel for feeding a baby, etc.).

Often a woman after childbirth experiences a complex about the imperfection of the figure and refuses her husband intimacy, fearing to disappoint him with her extra folds, etc. All the time is devoted to motherhood, and one of the days off is allotted for sex. A man is either forced to humbly endure this state of affairs, or to find satisfaction on the side.

The way out of the situation for the husband: re-seduce the spouse, support in caring for herself and the baby, open up new horizons of intimacy for her, without prejudice to the interests of the child. Although the first two months after childbirth, a woman should avoid sexual intercourse so that the tissues of the vagina can fully recover. However, you can get by with a long foreplay and oral sex without penetration.

For sex to bring mutual pleasure, the process must be given entirely, without a trace. Nothing should interfere with privacy. There are times when you have to share an apartment with relatives. There is no need to talk about full-fledged intimacy, the spouses are forced to restrain their impulses, afraid to be heard or seen.

You can diversify your sex life by arranging dates outside the home. For example, rent a hotel room for a day. Or experience the thrill in the bushes by the river/beach at night, weather permitting. Or you can stay at home and send relatives to the theater or cinema, giving them tickets.

A problem on the way to sexual harmony can be a mismatch in the biological rhythms of the spouses. The strongest erection in men is considered morning excitement. However, a female owl is unlikely to be happy if she is woken up at 6 am for sex. And the lark man, in turn, will not tolerate nighttime adventures and will want to sleep at the moment when his half is at the peak of passion.

Do not immediately conflict or rush to change your habits. Watch each other, catch the time interval when the overall activity is at its maximum. Do not be afraid to surprise and delight.

Be spontaneous. Try offering to have sex in an unfamiliar place (elevator, changing cabin, car, public toilet, etc.). Watch your appearance - train your muscles, take care of your face and body skin, buy stylish clothes. Constantly explore your body and the body of your partner, because the most desirable person is the one who is not shy about his fantasies and loves to give / receive sexual pleasure.

Family psychology: expert advice on how to restore the harmony of sexual relations if the spouses have been married for a long time.

After a few years of marriage, spouses are much less likely to have sex than at the beginning of the relationship. According to the results of one survey, 10% of people do not enter into intimacy with husbands or wives at all.

Of course, there is no certainty that the respondents were frank, but the general trend is clear. Often, couples turn to family psychologists for help, and then it turns out that the causes of their problems most often lie in the field of psychology, and not at all sexopathology.

Paradoxically, many loving couples are gentle with each other, kiss before going to bed, and after that they just wish good night and fall asleep. It often happens that a husband and wife , fight and criticize each other. Disharmony in sexual relations can lead to infidelity and, as a result, the breakup of families.

Platonic love is possible but difficult

Noticing the cooling of partners in bed, spouses usually perceive it as a temporary phenomenon. But there is nothing more permanent than temporary. The absence of sex becomes a habit, and every day it becomes more and more difficult to return passion to the marital bed.

People get stuck in platonic relationships. And the consequences are disappointing:

• . It is more difficult for them to initiate intimacy, they are more afraid of failure. What fears lead to is well known: they are realized. If the woman also emphasizes that the partner is not up to par, intimate relationships gradually come to naught.
• The peculiarity of the female hormonal system is the ability to "fall asleep". If there is no intimate relationship for a long time, then the woman begins to feel that she no longer needs them. At the same time, irritability, rudeness, quarrelsomeness, and hysteria begin to appear in her character.
• Along with the increase in the distance between the bodies of partners, the distance between their souls also grows. People are less reverent towards each other, consider their marriage not particularly prosperous.
• It happens that one of the partners is satisfied with abstinence, but the other is not. In such couples, cheating on a husband or wife is logical, because. people are looking for sexual satisfaction "on the side."

How to save a family and intimate relationships in it?

Almost all couples go through periods when sexual harmony is the norm, so there is a misleading impression that it is enough just to love, and intimate life will be wonderful without any additional effort. This attitude is strong, and few couples understand that harmony in intimate life does not come from the mere feeling of tender affection.

Physical and spiritual intimacy is almost an art that has to be learned.

There are several techniques that help spouses meet each other's needs:

1. Talk. Marital sex is considered almost a duty, but talking about it is almost a taboo. Partners are embarrassed to discuss this topic. In addition, often such conversations turn into quarrels with mutual accusations. Spouses will have to learn how to discuss intimate difficulties so that in the future they do not have to learn to forgive betrayal.
2. pay attention tactile contact. Sex is traditionally considered proof of love. This is due to the abundance of tactile sensations that partners give to each other. Touches are associated with care, tenderness, set in a romantic mood, so try to touch each other more often. Another reason to touch is to stimulate the production of the fidelity hormone oxytocin.
3. Change the environment. Vivid impressions dispel the routine that often accompanies. Spouses get the opportunity to see each other in new conditions, circumstances, images.
4. Mentally go back during the period of sexual harmony. Remember more often interesting moments that you associate with a period of passion. If you can bring back some image or significant detail, be sure to do it.
5. Break stereotypes. Your partner is used to seeing in you some one trait - Do not be afraid to show other properties of your personality - passion or even sexual aggression.

The psychology of relationships is multifaceted, and the theme of the family is inexhaustible. Every couple has both happy memories and skeletons in the closet. If you want the unpleasant moments to stop bothering you, and the joy to become more, sign up for a consultation with a family psychologist. Together we will figure out why passion is leaving your relationship, and find ways to fix the situation.

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Many couples who have lived together for more than three years note that their marriage relationships have become filled with gray everyday life and have lost their novelty. At the same time, intimacy between spouses is no longer distinguished by its former brightness and is not sensual and passionate, as on a honeymoon.

Statistics show that not all couples experience favorably crisis of sensuality and break.

But, there is also a certain percentage of couples who, after many years of living together, were able to open new horizons in relationships and return the old emotional.

Today, psychologists note 10 options for the revival of sensuality and romanticism in marriage:

1. Restore the brightness of intimacy.

If you are already over thirty, then sexual relations may no longer be distinguished by their former diversity and passion. Indeed, over the years, the external data of the spouses change, and with them the confidence in their own attractiveness and capabilities. For example, the first wrinkles appear or one of the spouses gains extra pounds. In addition, constant family chores, going to work and taking care of children take a lot of energy and time. As a result, each of the spouses strives during the day to set aside time for a good sleep, and not for violent intimacy.

What to do in this situation?

To begin with, each of the spouses must sincerely answer the question:

• Does he feel comfortable with a partner?;
• Does he have disagreements and confrontations with a loved one?

If you feel a general dissatisfaction with the relationship in your marriage, then every effort must be made to restore the lost consent and respect. After all, the sensations of sexual intimacy depend on the general state of relationships with a partner in the areas of family life.

In addition, some sexologists draw an analogy between sex and a duet of singers. So, singers can perform a lyrical piece of music in two ways - in unison or each will lead a separate part. If they perform a song together, they feel each other perfectly, as their voices take on a new sound, and this duet can also improvise wonderfully. Make every effort in marriage to restore interpersonal relationships with the second half, and your life will be filled with new sensations and emotions.

2. Give signs of attention.

It has been experimentally proven that spouses who show tenderness and attention to each other in everyday life do not experience problems in intimate life. If you have lost interest in your partner, remember the last time you went to the cinema together or had a romantic candlelight dinner. After all, domestic problems can destroy even the happiest. To rekindle the fire of passion and love, do not forget to say nice words to your chosen one, show signs of attention and radiate only positive energy. Come up with your own "recipes" to help restore harmony in sexual relationships.

3. Choose the right time for intimacy.

Often the quality of sexual relations between spouses is reduced due to the fatigue of one of the partners. What to do in this situation? First of all, give each other the opportunity to rest. Be sure to choose the best time of day and day of the week for intimate meetings with your spouse. Some couples devote weekends to sex, having pre-determined children with grandparents.

Other married couples, on the contrary, pay attention to each other after midnight or early in the morning, before the start of the working day. The main condition in these relationships is sincerity and a real desire to "dissolve" in each other, forgetting about everyday affairs and troubles.

4. Do not bring work problems into the house.

To relax after the end of the working day, do not take home important documents that you did not have time to fill out at the workplace, and also do not schedule urgent telephone calls. These events will steal a lot of precious time from you, as well as charge you with negative emotions. If you urgently need to resolve any business issues, then it is best not to plan a romantic dinner or a date with your loved one that day.

5. Avoid the Same Scenario in Intimate Relationships.

Sexologists say that married couples with "experience" for a certain period of time fully study the intimate characteristics of their partner. As a result, sexual relations develop according to the scenario familiar to partners, and lead to a loss of novelty and passion in the relationship. In order not to fall into this trap, experts recommend diversifying intimate relationships and avoiding constancy in them. Saturate every romantic evening with new sensations and vivid emotions.

6. Do not focus on your own shortcomings.

Every woman should remember the golden rule that next to her there is always a man who needs to be seduced and conquered daily. At the same time, all men love a woman with their eyes. In this regard, you should not complain to your husband about the appearance of gray hair, cellulite or extra pounds. He will take this information literally, and you will not wait for a compliment: “You are the most beautiful and beautiful!”. Try to pay maximum attention to your own appearance, and also go in for sports. Your chosen one will appreciate the desire to keep fit and give you unforgettable emotions and vivid sexual relationships.

7. Add humor and fantasy to intimate relationships.

Sometimes the best option to return the former passion and tenderness is to laugh and let your imagination run wild. To do this, come up with a script for an exciting sexual adventure with your partner, where you will play the main roles. Use revealing costumes and sexy underwear for this purpose. As a result, you will restore the lost passion and spend an unforgettable night with your loved one.

8. Use the memories.

To revive vivid emotions, psychologists recommend plunging into the world of past life memories with your spouse. To do this, together with a partner, you can review family photos or a video archive of the most important events in your life. At this moment, tenderness and love vibes will pass between husband and wife. Vivid memories will remind them of the most unforgettable moments of life together and kindle the fire of a new passion.

9. Learn to flirt with your own husband.

Use various methods of flirting with your chosen one: say kind words to him, smile languidly, throw loving glances, wear sexy underwear and arrange romantic dates. As a result, your intimate life will acquire versatility and sensuality.

10. Talk about your desires.

Learn to discuss with your partner your feelings and emotions received in bed. To improve the quality of intimate relationships, create the appropriate conditions: cook your favorite dish, buy sexy lingerie, and also radiate positive.

In an intimate setting, tell your partner about your desires and expectations from sex.

Thus, every married couple should remember that it is always possible to return the old fuse in intimate relationships. To do this, you just need to blow off the dust of everyday problems from him and learn to enjoy life again!

If the question is in this way, then in your family not everything is as you would like. Let's see what you can do to improve your relationship with your wife and improve your family life.

If you still cherish the relationship, keep love in your heart, a small cloud of alienation will surely pass. The wife can become cold, silent, aggressive and implacable. This is a manifestation of extreme emotions, indicating that she is far from indifferent to the cooling of your relationship. What to do?

To improve relations, it is best to change your attitude towards your wife. If you don't understand what's wrong, then you need to sit down and talk to her.

Ask what is happening, why she has become so unhappy, and then you listen to all the complaints. Just don't go over the top. Listen quietly without interrupting her. Let him speak out, and then you will immediately understand what the reason is;

In order not to bring your wife to such a state, it is necessary to show signs of attention more often, to show the sincerity of your feelings. But this alone is not enough;

A wife needs support in difficult times like air. Not only in words, but in deeds. Help her with household chores more often, don’t be lazy anymore to raise children;

Meet your wife from work more often with a cooked dinner and a cleaned apartment. So you will interest your beloved wife even more, and soon everything will work out;

Don't abuse your freedom. If you and your friends went out for a walk or go to a sports match, then you should come at the time you promised your wife;

If you and your wife are at a party, don't pay too much attention to other women. The wife may think that during working hours you are also passionate about others, and not about your wife.

The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife

What else can be done to improve relations with your wife so that the atmosphere in the family improves and everything becomes the way it used to be? Try the following ways:

A man should reconsider his behavior lately, and if he has anything for it, ask his wife for forgiveness.

Start fighting together for your family, give your relationship another chance.

Re-evaluate your relationship completely. Before it's too late, set new rules that will help you live together not only long, but also happily.

Appreciate the time spent with each other. Despite domestic problems, work, children, find time to be alone to improve relations with your wife. Otherwise, your relationship can be put an end to. Use the weekend, the help of your parents, so that they sit with their grandchildren, become as close again as in your youth.

Fill your life with joy and leave room for crazy deeds. Arrange pleasant surprises for each other. Replace pastime at home with exits - to the cinema, to visit, to cafes, and just to take a walk in the park. You will have time to calmly talk. And the TV and the iron will not run away from you anywhere. Do not change your family happiness for them.

Always be together in sorrow and in joy. Such moments are very close and help to cope with troubles and misfortune together. Do not close yourself alone, share any grief with your wife. Get over it together. If you were in a quarrel, but misfortune happened, forget about pride - help her cope with trouble. This will help you improve your relationship with your wife.

End all quarrels and conflicts until the moment when you go to bed. Let your bedroom be a place not meant for conflict, but a place for love and relaxation.

Sometimes take a break. Have different friends. This will help you stay interesting to each other, and a little separation will only benefit.

Remember touch. Touch each other. Let there be hugs and kisses every day in your life. This will strengthen the bond between you and no quarrel can destroy it.

Your employment at work should not interfere with family relationships. You may not be able to spend every evening together, but take a moment to call your wife. Your short call will once again remind you that you need it and are not indifferent.

How to have a sexual relationship with your wife

Both women and men tend to ignore the fact that they are emotionally very different and see things differently. Very often they simply do not know how to approach their wife in order to improve relations with his wife, support and reassure her.

For example, if your wife is upset, it would be a big mistake to tell her - why are you so worried about nonsense? After that, no matter how reasonable advice you give, the woman no longer perceives them, because she is absolutely sure that you do not take her problem seriously and do not share her feelings. You just speak different languages.

Patience, patience and more patience. Keep in mind that women are very sensitive to the words of their beloved. It is very important for her to understand that you really want to delve into her problems and want to share them and help her in a difficult situation.

Only when she feels your sincere interest will she fully open up to you, without fear that you will not be able to understand her and reject her. At the same time, she herself will begin to listen to you more, not trying to criticize your view of things or impose her own will on you.

Yes, perhaps her problems really seem to you not serious and not worth such experiences. This is not surprising, because a man and a woman are responsible for different aspects of relationships in the family. A woman lives more with emotions that are difficult for a man to understand.

That is why her irritability and nervousness can be caused by the fact that she is simply tired and needs to recover emotionally. Help her with this, take on some of her housework, let her feel your love. Isn't your family's happiness worth it?

Psychology of family relations

How to improve relations with your wife if she is a businesswoman? Try to explain to her what is very important when a project, a report or a huge number of people depends on her decision. This makes her a whole person. But is such a vital rhythm of relationships in the family worth it? Try to convince your spouse that there are no irreplaceable people. Try not to provoke or irritate her once again. Everything will calm down on its own.

How to improve relationships during menopause? At this time, you may notice a cooling on the part of the woman. Hormonal restructuring of the body sometimes causes an effect on the psyche. Patience and participation will help both of you deal with this problem.

How to build a relationship with your wife when the children are grown? When the children grow up, and between the spouses there is a cooling of relations. To improve your relationship, invite your children to visit more often, take your grandchildren. Or you can get a dog or a cat. Taking care of the little creature will help you socialize and go out more. Be more caring and involved. Be careful and often say nice words to your spouse. Then nothing can threaten your family happiness.

keep the flame alive

Do you remember how you felt when you dated your future wife? The wait was so tedious, you couldn't wait to spend time with her. Back then, you could date her just to see how she looks today. You were pleased to please her with a good dinner in the city center or a nice little gift.
You can spice up your marriage by bringing back those same feelings by dating your wife. Marriage is like fire. If the flame is not maintained, the fire will go out; marriage will die. Spice up your marriage doesn't require big, big events; small, simple things can do the trick just as well. Here are 4 easy ways to freshen up a marriage by dating your own wife.

Expression of love
You must have told your wife “I love you” hundreds of times a day when you first started living together. After several years of marriage, some men may not only for several days, but even several weeks, not tell their wife that they love her. Men make excuses that they do not say words of love to their wife, because they already demonstrate their love to her by working hard, providing a good family and helping with the housework. Of course, love can and should be shown through actions, but women also need to hear words of love. For them, words of love are a kind of spell.

When was the last time you told your wife that she looks good, that she is beautiful? This is especially important to do when the wife is going somewhere. I go into my wife's boudoir while she's dressing up, several times, not because I can't take the time, but to tell my wife how well she takes care of herself and how beautiful she is. Even if you constantly think that your wife looks like a "hot thing", she cannot read your mind. Open your mouth and tell her about your thoughts, cast aside false shame.
In addition to words of love, write little notes that express your feelings. My wife loves it when I leave her a short note or a message on her cell phone or email about how beautiful she is or how much I love her. This shows your wife that you thought about her during the day and continue to think about her all the time.

Courtesy

When you asked your wife out on a date in the old days, you tried to act like a gentleman. He opened doors for her, offered her a jacket if she was cold. Do these things now that you are married if you want to win her again. Most likely, this gallantry ended already a few weeks after your wedding.
Gallantry is not limited to the period of courtship. Courtesy and consideration are just as important to your wife after marriage as they were before. Every day do something kind and kind for your wife. Open the door for her, pack her lunch, and always be on time for her due date.

Present

When was the last time you gave your wife something for no reason, just to surprise her and make her like you again? Small gifts will show your wife that you think of her, love her. Find a trinket that is sure to make her happy and buy it for her. If she likes flowers, let her get them from time to time. Don't wait for an occasion like Valentine's Day to buy flowers for your wife. She will be ten times happier if you buy them just because you thought of her.
Just do something that will please her. For example, get out while the wife is out or listening to another complaint about life from her friend.
Be careful with gifts: do not give them only when you want intimacy. I read a sad story about a woman who cried and screamed every time her husband brought flowers home because it meant he only wanted closeness, only her body. The wife is not a prostitute, so don't treat her like a soulless body trying to buy her favor with material things. Give gifts just to please her. If she is happy, then you have reached your goal.

Be sure to spend time together

When you first started living together, you probably dated her every weekend. It may have been Chukotka Aviation Day or Bastille Day, but at least you clearly understood that you wanted to spend the whole evening with her. When was the last time you took your wife out for a romantic evening alone with her?
Come up with some special joint day, and treat it as inviolable. When you're planning your weekly routine, set aside time for a date with your wife. If the business meeting falls during this time, reschedule the meeting. If you have children, hire a nanny. If you can't afford a babysitter, find another young couple with children and offer to take turns babysitting each other. They take your kids when you and your wife go on a date, and you take their kids when they go on their date.
Your evening doesn't have to be fancy. Even a trip to the ice cream shop can be a great time together. The idea is to get out of the house and spend time together - just the two of you.

Surprise your wife from time to time by planning a fancy evening. Women love it when men plan. Choose a restaurant she likes and book a table there. Choose the dress she should wear and lay out the outfit for her on the bed. When your wife comes home from work or school, surprise her with a flower-decorated door. She will melt.