How to respond to ignored messages. Ignoring a person - emotional abuse and not only

Secular people are so accustomed to being looked for acquaintances with them that

anyone who avoids them seems to them a curiosity and completely captures their attention.

Marcel Proust. At the Guermantes

Ignoring as a quality of a person is a tendency to deliberately not notice, not to take into account a person, information, facts.

A young man was riding in a shiny new Jaguar in a good mood, humming a tune. Suddenly he saw children sitting by the road. After he carefully drove around them, was about to pick up speed again, he suddenly heard a stone hit the car. The young man stopped the car, got out of it and, grabbing one of the boys by the scruff of the neck, began to shake him, shouting: - Bastard! Why the hell did you throw a rock at my car! Do you know how much this car costs?!

Forgive me, the boy replied. “It was not my intention to harm you or your machine. The fact is that my brother is disabled, he fell out of the wheelchair, but I cannot lift him, he is too heavy for me. For several hours we have been asking for help, but not a single car has stopped. I had no choice but to throw the stone, otherwise you wouldn't have stopped either.

The young man helped to seat the disabled person in a chair, trying to hold back tears and suppress a lump in his throat. Then he went to his car and saw a dent in the brand new shiny door left from the stone. He drove this car for many years, and each time he said no to the mechanics to the offer to fix this dent in the door, because every time it reminded him that if you ignore people, a stone will fly at you.

Ignoring - to pretend to Madrid that you have a veil over your eyes. Deliberately not seeing, noticing and not communicating, such as Your subscriber temporarily does not like you.

In dictionaries, it is usually interpreted as a type of relationship between people to each other, a method of influencing a person in order to control his behavior, consisting in inattention, neglect, non-recognition of him, his actions and words. Ignoring in education is used as a method of punishment for misconduct, as a method of excommunication, alienation of a person from communication with significant people, from participating in significant cases. Children are very sensitive to the influence of this method, so you can’t use it for a long time: “It’s the most offensive when they don’t pay attention to you. Here, honestly, it would be better to swear. (Max Fry)

In a word, ignoring is one of the most involved ways of protecting a person from circumstances, as well as a way of punishing another person, that is, one of the types of emotional abuse.

Doctor, everyone is ignoring me! - Next! Ignoring - avoiding decision- ignore: - I can't see you at point-blank range! For example, a girl, for some reason, "does not notice" a guy.

Summer, sea, south... The guy has just arrived, he is walking along the beach and, oh, he sees a naked girl sunbathing. The guy is seized with tetanus: his eyes are rounded, his jaw is lowered, saliva has flowed, his lip has rolled. The girl relaxed raises her head: - New? — Aha! "So I haven't given it to you yet?" - Nah ... The girl puts a combination of three fingers: - ON!

Why resist something when you can ignore it? Excesses with ignoring can lead to indifference. It is dangerous to keep your distance from problems. Avoidance in the form of ignoring is good in moderation. You have to make some decisions about how to respond to a problem. For example, the father’s constant disregard for domestic problems - at first because of fatigue, and then out of habit, but they don’t bother him anymore, “let the wife figure it out.”

An amazing phenomenon: a person, completely ignoring his problems, spends as much energy on self-justification as if he really solved the problems that have arisen. Ignoring the laws of the universe always ends sadly. I do not recommend joking with objective laws that do not depend on our will and consciousness.

They say that laziness is a fear extended over time. And excuses can serve as the cause of this fear. There is a phrase - "Only an idler could get so tired." People call such states: “tired of living”, “life has become a burden”, “I carry a load on my shoulders”, etc. The box opens simply: there is an equal sign between the energy of action and the energy of justification . The person who justifies his inaction gets tired just like the person who solved the problem. To keep excuses in your mind, you need to spend an equivalent amount of energy with real action to solve the problem. With this explanation, it becomes clear why fatigue accompanies laziness. Laziness is a form of accumulated fatigue due to the expenditure of energy holding onto your own excuses. A lazy, that is, a person making excuses, faces a choice - either action or excuses. The need to choose causes fear. The importance that a person sees in a problem only increases fear. If excuses are taken away from laziness, then, even scary to say, you will have to make decisions and act.

How appropriate is ignorance? Psychologist Alena Voronets writes: “For example, the mother-in-law answered somehow rudely to the question of her daughter-in-law. It is worth considering whether this is typical behavior or the person was tired, irritated and out of control. If the latter, then why focus attention on this and respond with aggression to aggression. It would be wiser to let the rudeness pass by. But if this is the norm for the aforementioned mother-in-law and she consciously leads to conflict, then there is a problematic situation that needs to be resolved in order for normal communication to be possible. Serious problems are categorically not recommended to be ignored. Moving away from them, you will not be able to find a solution, which means that they will remain and over time will acquire unnecessary facts that clog the situation even more.

The same mother-in-law, for some reason dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law, will continue to use rudeness, include other members of the family circle in the conflict, until the strength of the daughter-in-law comes to naught. As a result, a grandiose scandal or, worse, the quiet withering of the daughter-in-law due to fear of a frank conversation and solving the problem with the mother-in-law. The reason for ignoring serious problems can be a banal fear: the fear of failure, the fear of losing time and money for solving the problem.

Ignoring is one of the types of not listening. You can actively listen and hear a person, you can pretend that you are listening, you can listen with a pretension, or you can simply ignore, that is, ignore, interrupt, mock, ridicule. Listening with disregard is disrespect and ignorance. A person does not see a personality in another person, rejects it in advance.

A person who ignores spiritual reality shows one-sidedness and superficial thinking. If there is matter, then there is antimatter. Ignoring the spiritual reality greatly hinders timely embark on the path of spiritual development. This is a fat minus of ignoring.

Petr Kovalev

People are emotional by nature. Nature endowed woman bright colors feelings, and the man - muffled. Everyone is capable of feeling, but they know how to express their feelings in different ways. A man tends to go into his cave, close himself there from prying eyes and think. There can be many reasons for this: from troubles at work to conflicts at home. A woman does not need a cave, she needs communication, a scandal, if you like.

If a man feels bad, then he should be left alone, if a woman feels bad, she should never be left alone. From this follows silence and ignoring the woman by the man, and she, in turn, requires conversations. And silence is perceived solely as indifference, and a decrease in sympathy for her from the partner.

All this is true only if a man likes a woman. Otherwise, ignoring it should be considered as honesty and decency. A real man not an animal that takes everything that is given in "paws". Contrary to popular belief that men are polygamous creatures, there are exceptions who are able to be faithful and love one woman. Usually such men are well-mannered, polite and responsive. They know how to love, and therefore respect a woman. They love their one, but they know when to give a hand to the other, throw a jacket over their shoulders and say a compliment-fact. In this case, you misinterpreted his habits and standard courtesies, and ignoring him is justified.

He probably saw interest on your part, and decided to completely disown you so as not to give you false hope.

Doesn't he like you? Step aside, don't change yourself.

So, if your man began to ignore, then, firstly, you should not panic, and secondly, you should understand the reasons for what happened.

Possible reasons: 1) I'm not confident.

Perhaps the man is too timid, he has low self-esteem and he simply does not believe in his victory, i.e. in response feelings. If you think that you live with a man, and you have already told him a hundred times about your reciprocal feelings, then this will strengthen his self-esteem, then this approach is not justified. A man can be married to you, but be shy, not to mention those relationships that are just starting to develop. It is common for a woman to blurt out unpleasant things in the heat of passion, purely from emotions. A man perceives such words at face value. Ignoring in this case acts as a shield, it is a defensive reaction of the partner. Representatives of the stronger sex are afraid to be rejected, so they prefer to keep silent and do nothing. Often men turn on "ignore" based on past bad experiences.

If, by nature, he cannot think of anything better than “playing dead,” then think about whether you can live with an eternal deserter. 2) Likes to wear a crown.

Often a man forgets that climbing into the windows of his beloved women is their prerogative. They begin to expect a feat from a woman. Let, they say, she first begins to put up or come up on the dance floor. The classic said: "The less we love a woman, the more she likes us." The classic said, and women to disentangle. The man turns on the cold in his heart and waits for his "lioness" to bring prey to his feet, while he will lie imposingly and ignore. This tactic is used to elevate oneself in the eyes of a woman who has been liked (or has long been dearly loved). 3) Waiting for proof of your feelings.

Perhaps the man is not sure of the reciprocal feelings and is waiting for you to start proving it and give him a special sign. In this case, the man does not expect obvious feats on your part, a smile, a look and affectionate words are enough for him. 4) Interest did not grow into love.

A woman can really like, but not be the only one. Sympathy is not love, so a man can look closely and not be encouraging. On lack of fish and cancer fish. But you don't live in a lake! 5) A man does not share the views and behavior of a woman.

It is likely that main reason Alienation is your behavior or deeds. He does not share your views, and it is likely that he is simply offended. Perhaps you did not respect his friends or did not respond to telephone conversations. Maybe he doesn't like you new haircut or Short skirt. It could be anything.

What should a woman do if a man ignores her?
Tip 1

Don't doubt yourself

You are amazing, you deserve to be loved, and you deserve the best. If ignoring is significant, for example, if the partner does not love you, but is simply friendly, then let him go and let new meetings into your life. One guy doesn't like your hairstyle, that's okay, the other will really like it.

Don't change yourself into a man. When your soul mate appears in your life, then be sure that he will like both your loud laugh and blue strands of hair.
Tip 2

The man is the conqueror, not you

There was a princess in the tower guarded by dragons! Not a prince! And fighting is his destiny, and yours is to sit and wait until he defeats the dragon. Let him turn on the future prince and turn off Ivanushka the Fool.

Decided to ignore you? Let! You sit and wait for him to start conquering you again. And if he does not decide, then he is not yours. Don't call first, don't text a ton, and don't be seen more often than the traffic police on the highway. Of course, if you are sure not only of his feelings, but also that you offended him the day before, then go ahead, to him, and with apologies.
Tip 3

Turn on the philosopher in you

Everything that is not done is all for the better. Yours is not going anywhere from you. And everything else is in the same vein. Think positively, draw pictures of yourself happy and know for sure that people do not come into life by chance, just someone for experience, and someone forever.

Be sympathetic to temporary cooling, perhaps a man needs to be alone for a while, so that later he can “stick” to you more tightly. Give him time to sit in your cave. It will come out and start to conquer you, you'll see.
Tip 4

Learn from your experience

Any situation is given to a person for positive conclusions. Even the worst situations provide useful lessons. Review the past, find your mistakes and understand how to avoid them in the future. If you offended a man, then have the courage to admit it and do not do this in the future.
Tip 5

It's not about you

It often happens that a man does not ignore you, but is simply confused, in problems and in minor troubles. For example, he broke the bumper of his beloved car, so he ignores not only you, but the whole world, except for the broken iron horse. Don't take everything personally. Ignoring can be caused by a bad mood, heavy sleep, or simply heartburn or problems with male power. Try to find out what is the reason and only then take offense at his coldness.

Tip 6

Don't push the man

It is women who need a ton of tenderness, words, signs of attention, a hundred thousand kisses and hugs. The stronger sex needs respect and understanding, and not an enveloping marshmallow of emotions. Put it aside - "musik-pussy", "temochki", "bunny". And repeated pleas to say out loud how beautiful, best, sexy, charming, etc. you are.
Tip 7

Get away to another love zone

Did a man decide to play silent? Go to the movies, theater or shopping with your friends. Do not get hung up on a man, you should have your own hobby and your own recreation area. It happens that a woman is so close to a man that he just wants to move away a little. And not because he fell out of love, but because he needs personal space.

Ignoring the person emotional abuse and not only

July 2, 2016 - 4 comments

In psychology, there is a phenomenon that we call "ignoring a person." How can psychological neglect manifest itself in communication between people? Is it possible to call a complete disregard for a person emotional abuse?

Ignorance is a multifaceted phenomenon. Therefore, the answers to these questions will be ambiguous.

Reasons for ignoring a person

Consider the reasons for ignoring a person in terms of systems-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. Groups of innate desires and mental properties are called vectors, there are eight of them in total. Each vector sets its owner the ability for certain types of activities, his own type of thinking and value system.

Such a psychological technique as ignoring a person is used by people with different vectors in different ways. Ignoring may have different reasons and motivation. Sometimes it's resentment or just disinterest. They can also ignore a person in order to teach a lesson, mock, just torment. Let's consider each case.

It must be clarified that ignoring can also be a lack of interest in people in general. This happens to the owner of the sound vector, because subconsciously he feels himself "above all." In addition, the sound engineer is so immersed in himself that he simply does not see those around him. He is busy thinking about the meaning of life. Such a person in the team is considered arrogant and strange. But in this case, the complete disregard of some person by the sound engineer is not psychological reception, but a feature of the worldview.

Ignoring a person: benefit - benefit

Some will ignore a person that they simply will never need again for anything. He is used material, and you can walk past him as if it were empty space. Such people are found among the owners of the skin vector. For them, the main thing is “benefit-benefit” - therefore, there is no need to waste emotions, even in the form of a simple “hello”.

A skin person, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology shows, can save on feelings. He may ignore the requests of his relatives for emotional intimacy and the manifestation of warmth in relationships. The child, in his opinion, should not be pampered, and the wife should already know that he loves her. At the same time, he gets pleasure from the very fact of restriction and refusal. “No” and “no” are the key words of the skinner.

To punish by ignoring for the committed, in his opinion, misconduct - the skinner can also. After all, it is necessary to somehow comply with the law in a single cell of society: a family or a work team. Ignoring a person, in this case, is one of the ways to force obedience.

Psychological neglect - I want to hurt

Some people with an anal vector are capable of completely ignoring a person. The owners of the anal vector are naturally given a phenomenal memory. According to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, they are focused on information about the past in order to fully transfer the experience and knowledge accumulated by mankind to future generations.

But when a person begins to live in the past, he slows down the present. And in the past - resentment and resentment. And he will remember them for a long time. The reasons are different - slippers were not in place, dinner was cooked at the wrong time, received insufficient attention. He will find a million reasons to be offended.

Unfortunately, in order to ignore a person, some of these people go into silence, thus demonstrating their resentment. Although the offender is actually not an offender at all, because he did not want to offend. Such stories occur most often in families between husband and wife or parents and children.

What matters is the intention with which the person with the anal vector chose to ignore the other person. If he wants to hurt, cause suffering, then this can be called emotional abuse or a kind of sadism. In this way, he seeks to take revenge on his offender, to punish him. Most often, he punishes those closest to him in this way.

It's always frustrating to be ignored, whether it's your friend, sister, or boyfriend. In order for this person to stop ignoring you, you need to take a step back and think about what caused it. After that, talk to the person, apologize if necessary, and find a mutual solution. If that doesn't work, it might be time to break off the relationship and move on.

Steps

Part 1

1. Give this person more personal space. If a person is ignoring you, then the worst thing you can do is call, text and VKontakte every five seconds, or even follow the person, asking him: “What happened? What I've done?" Perhaps you want to make every effort to build relationships, but you should not do all of the above. Instead, step back and let the person cool off or just move away from you a bit and think about what you can do.

   • The desire to get instant results and solve problems in the same second is quite natural. However, it's worth letting the person cool off so you can both think about what happened instead of starting a conversation you're not ready for.

2. Make sure the person is really ignoring you. Perhaps not everything is as it seems? Are you sure the person is actually ignoring you and not just too busy to answer your calls the second you dial them? Maybe the person is really bad mood or found himself in an unpleasant situation and thinks that ignoring everyone - The best way deal with her.

   • See how this person behaves with other people. Is he open to chatting, acting friendly and familiar with others? If so, then yes, it's most likely you. But if it seems that a person has moved away from the world around him a little and behaves in a closed way, then most likely you have thought too much for yourself.

3. Think about why the person might be angry with you. Well, if you have decided that the person is really ignoring you, then it's time to dig deeper and determine what you could have done to make this happen. In some cases, it's quite simple - maybe you really offended the person by not inviting him to the party, maybe this person heard you spread rumors about him, or maybe you said something hurtful, although you didn’t want it, but the person frustrated because of this.

   • If you identify the reason, you will be more prepared before starting a conversation than if you simply ask the person directly why he is ignoring you. Knowing the reason will allow you to choose the right words and defend yourself if something happens. Forewarned is forearmed.
   • However, keep in mind that the reason may not be a good one. Perhaps the person decided that with your harmless act you wanted to harm him. Even if you think you're right, it's helpful to know what the person really thinks.
4. • Of course, you shouldn't contact every mutual acquaintance to find out why this person is angry with you, otherwise the information will reach him, and then he will become even more angry.

5. Don't let this problem consume you. Yes, no one likes to be ignored. This can be especially painful if this person is yours. best friend or other half. If you are used to spending a lot of time with this person or just chatting in the same company, then yes, it is unpleasant when you are given a cold reception for no reason. It may infuriate you, cause bad thoughts about yourself, or provoke embarrassment, especially if the person intentionally does this in front of other people. However, no matter how unpleasant the situation, you should focus on your life and your goals, on what makes you happy - do not show the person that your happiness depends only on your relationship with him.

   • Of course, it will annoy you, but life goes on. Tell yourself, "I'll be angry that my friend doesn't talk to me from 5:00 pm to 5:15 pm, and then I'll get back to my life." If you think about it over and over, you won't get better.

   Part 2

   Take a step

   1. Talk to the person. Once you've given the person some space and have an idea of ​​why the person is mad at you, it's time to try starting a conversation. Don't do it in public place or in the middle of the day, when there is a possibility that this person will be busy or tired; instead, ask the person if you can meet later and choose a suitable place and time to talk. If the person doesn't really want to do business with you, then choose a time when you can talk alone without being too annoying.

      • Tell the person that you are offended by being ignored and that you would like to talk about it. Let him know what your relationship means to you and how you want to connect with him again.
      • If you genuinely don't understand what's going on, ask. Tell him that it will make both of you feel better if he reveals his reasons for ignoring you.
      • If you have romantic feelings for this person, be prepared for the fact that he no longer likes you, or that he no longer shares your feelings. Yes, it hurts, but it's better to know about it than to guess what a person really thinks.

   2. Make an apology if necessary. If you know or have been told why the person is ignoring you, then look the person in the eye, be serious, and tell them that you are really sorry that you did this. Tell the person that you are truly sorry for what you did and that it will never happen again. Show that the relationship means a lot to you and that you have thought long and hard about wishing it never happened. Don't get distracted, let the person see the pain on your face, show how sorry you are.

      • If the person is upset about what you did, but you really think that there is nothing to apologize for, then you will have to make a decision. Do you want to stand in a pose and not ask for an apology, because nothing catastrophic happened? Or is it better to apologize to mend the relationship and stop being ignored? The choice is yours.

   3. If apologizing doesn't help, then back off. Okay, you've already apologized, and the person isn't moving, or he or she still feels offended. If you did something really hurtful - changed, spread rumors, or upset a person - then an apology alone will not be enough. Maybe the person is telling you that what you have done is unforgivable; perhaps the person will tell you that they want to be friends with you, but it will take time for the pain to subside. Whatever you hear, respect the person's needs and back off.

      • You probably want to return everything to its place overnight, even if the person says that he needs more personal space. However, keep in mind that emotional wounds do not heal immediately. Don't rush, give it time.
      • The endless "I'm sorry" will not be of any use. It's time to give this person time and space to sort out themselves and the situation. It won't be easy, but there is no other way.

   4. Determine if it's worth it to keep putting in the effort. Maybe this person is really stubborn. Perhaps he no longer wants to be your friend or partner. If you feel that only this person has problems, and you did everything you could to get him back, and nothing worked, then it's probably time to move on and forget about him. It may sound harsh, but if you understand that a person only does what harms you, why waste time trying to make peace?

      • Think, listen to yourself. If a person is not worth your effort, then you will feel it in your heart.
   • Just ask him if this person wants to be friends or have a relationship with you.
   • Understand that you may be ignored because of your words.
   • Do not make an elephant out of a fly - perhaps everything is wrong. as it seems, and you are not ignored at all.
   • If someone ignores you, don't ignore them back. A wedge cannot always be knocked out with a wedge. Give the person time - perhaps he will reevaluate his views and understand what upsets you.
   • Be polite and caring towards this person, even if he does not like it.
   • Tell the person that they are important to you and that they are upsetting you with their behavior.
   • Leave him alone and move on. People who deliberately ignore you should also be ignored.
   • Find someone who wants to be with you and who will always be with you and communicate with you. Be happy, don't forget your self-respect, do your best for your relationship.
   • If you do not know the reason, and they do not want to voice it to you, then this is at least impolite.
   • Do not show your weakness and vulnerability. Otherwise, you may be taken advantage of. Be decisive. If a person doesn't want to be your friend, well, they don't deserve it, and you deserve better.

We are all very different. Therefore, we strive to communicate with some people, and we don’t even want to look at some. Sometimes contact with a person brings us only disappointment, pain and irritation. Sometimes we try to build a relationship, but this again leads to negative emotions. So what to do? To endure further or stop communication? Of course, the second option. And if the “unpleasant” is trying to impose his society on? The only way out is to learn how to ignore him so that you stop any attempts to communicate.

The meaning of ignore

Usually, people start ignoring someone for one of two reasons:

• Desire to stop talking.
• The desire to show their resentment, point out mistakes and restore relationships (teach a lesson).

How to ignore a person

So you've decided to show your boyfriend or girlfriend that you can't take these antics anymore. How to do it:

• To begin with, you should understand that to stop noticing a person is a serious matter. Firstly, it is not easy, and secondly, the “unpleasant” may in fact never communicate with you again. It is better not to resort to the method of ignoring for an hour, a day or a week to get someone's attention or point out the fault of the offender.
• Before you stop noticing a person, try to get into his position and understand why he behaves this way. Did he have good reasons for doing so? What if you provoked this behavior by doing something wrong?
• Before ignoring a guy or a girl, ask what is the reason for such a wrong attitude towards you. There are situations when you can discuss everything and forget. At the very least, make at least an attempt to talk, because it's not every day that you throw a person out of your life without warning.
• So, you firmly decided that without this person you will be better off. Be direct. Unable to build a relationship, firmly tell the person that you do not want to know him anymore. Do not show your anger, just put before the fact. Maintain courtesy. Some people don't realize that before you say something like that, you've thought through your position clearly and are sure of your decision. Therefore, after such words, they will continue to seek communication with you. How to ignore a girl or guy? The main thing is to be consistent. Do not read this person's messages, do not pick up the phone when he calls, do not answer anything. It happens that meeting with the “unpleasant” still cannot be avoided, if, for example, this is your colleague, you will not change your job because of some intriguer. Do not argue at these meetings, do not pay any attention to this person at all. If she is too pushy, tell her to leave you alone, once and for all.
• You must be ready for the siege. When the bore realizes that she has been ignored, she will be very angry. Perhaps rumors will begin to circulate about you. Do not hide from your friends that you do not like this person, and you are trying to get rid of his unpleasant society, then they will not believe in various nasty things that may be said about you. Just do not try to win friends over to your side, let them form their opinion about this person.
• When meeting, try to feel normal. Get over the awkwardness. Forget about etiquette, if you don't want to say hello, don't do it. When, for example, you need to communicate with him at work, try to keep this communication to a minimum. And when faced somewhere in a store or on the street, generally pretend that you did not notice this person. If he comes up and starts talking to you about something, as if nothing had happened, tell him that you are in too much of a hurry and you don’t have time to talk.
• Restrict access to yourself and your data in in social networks. Privacy settings give you the ability to make sure that you are only available to your family and friends.

Now you know how to ignore people and there will be no more unpleasant, obsessive personalities in your life.