What to do on Parents' Saturday: all the important rules. What to do on parent's day

Parents' Day or, as it is also called, Radonitsa (Radunitsa) is a spring church Orthodox holiday of special commemoration of the dead. Po, Radonitsa is one of the most important memorial days, when it is customary to visit cemeteries where the graves of relatives and friends are located.

This is a day of blessed memory and, oddly enough, joy, because this joy is for the birth of the deceased in new life- eternal life. To get ready for this Orthodox holiday, need to know, what date is parent's day in 2017.

When is Parent's Memorial Day celebrated?

There are eight parental days in a year, and seven of them fall on Saturday and therefore they are called parental Saturdays. But among parental days there is the most important, the most important holiday of commemoration of the deceased (Radonitsa), which always falls on Tuesday.

The holiday of Radonitsa does not have “its own” date, it is always celebrated on different time, depending on which date falls. In the second week, or to be more precise, nine days after bright resurrection Christ, on Tuesday, the day of commemoration of the dead comes - the first parental day after the feast of Easter.

Memorial days are extremely important for every Orthodox Christian. They are also called "parent" so that we remember the need to take care of the souls of our ancestors.

It is imperative to know the dates of all memorial days so as not to miss the opportunity to remember and commemorate your deceased loved ones, relatives and friends in time, go to the cemetery and clean up the grave.

History and customs of the holiday of the main parental day

According to the testimonies of John Chrysostom, this holiday was celebrated by Christians in antiquity. The very name - Radonitsa - was instilled in us from the all-Slavic pagan spring holiday with the indispensable commemoration of the dead, which was called Radavanitsy, Graves, Trizna, Navi Day.

The word "radonitsa" comes from "joy" and "kind", in addition, this holiday takes a place of honor immediately after the celebration of the Bright Easter week and, one might say, obliges Orthodox Christians not to go too deep into sadness for the dead, but to rejoice at them eternal life together with the Lord God.

Whole christianity celebrates Christ's Resurrection, His victory over earthly death, and then, nine days later, believers celebrate the rebirth to a new life of their ancestors, relatives and friends, commemorating them on a special day - Radonitsa. The Resurrection of Christ, as a victory over death, displaces the sadness of separation from loved ones, and therefore on the ninth day from Easter we, as Metropolitan Anthony of Sourzh said:

"... with faith, reliable and Paschal confidence, we stand at the tomb of the departed."

What to do on parent's day

Enough a large number of people visit relatives and friends at the cemetery on Easter. Many, unfortunately, adhere to the blasphemous custom of accompanying visits to the dead with drunken wild revelry. And those who do not do this very often do not even know when it is possible (and necessary) to commemorate the dead on Easter days.

The first commemoration of the deceased after Easter takes place on the second Easter week (week), after Fomin Sunday, on Tuesday. And the spreading tradition of going to the cemetery on the Easter holiday itself, sharply contradicts the establishment of the Church: until the ninth day from Easter, the commemoration of the dead cannot be performed. If a person goes to another world on Easter, then he is buried according to a special Easter rite.

Like many Orthodox clergy, priest Valery Chislov, rector of the church in honor of the Assumption Holy Mother of God at the Assumption Cemetery in Chelyabinsk, warns against rash acts and other actions committed out of ignorance on the feast of Radonitsa:

“It should be remembered that a cemetery is a place where one should conduct oneself with reverence. It is sad to see how some people drink vodka there and sing worldly songs. Someone crumbles bread and eggs on the grave mound, pours alcohol. Sometimes they arrange a real revelry. All this is more reminiscent of pagan feasts and is unacceptable for Christians. If we have already taken food from the cemetery, it is better to distribute it to the poor. Let them pray for our dead, and then the Lord, perhaps, will send some consolation to our relatives.”

Arriving at the cemetery on the feast of Radonitsa, you need to light a candle and make a lithium (pray hard). To perform litia during the commemoration of the dead, a priest should be invited. You can also read the Akathist about the repose of the dead. Then you need to clean up the grave, be silent for a while, remembering the deceased.

It is not necessary to drink and eat in the cemetery, it is unacceptable to pour alcohol on the grave hill - these actions offend the memory of the dead. The tradition of leaving a glass of vodka with bread on the grave is a relic of pagan culture and should not be observed in Christian Orthodox families. It is better to give food to the poor or the hungry.

How to remember the dead

Prayer for the departed relatives and loved ones is the most important and the greatest thing that we can do for those who have departed to another world. The deceased, by and large, does not need either a coffin or a monument - this is just a pious tribute to traditions.

A simple wooden or metal cross is more befitting of a true Orthodox grave. But the soul of the deceased feels a great need for our unceasing prayer. Saint John Chrysostom wrote:

“Let us try, as far as possible, to help the dead, instead of tears, instead of sobs, instead of magnificent tombs - our prayers, alms and offerings for them, so that in this way both they and we will receive the promised blessings.”

And the commemoration of them in the Church renders special help to the departed.

On Tuesday of the second week after Easter, which is called St. Thomas Week, the Orthodox Church celebrates Radonitsa - the day of special commemoration of the dead, the first after the Easter holiday.

9th day from Easter - parental day, it is customary to visit the cemetery and commemorate deceased relatives.

Day of Special Remembrance for the Dead

Initially, Radonitsa (radonitsa, feast) are the names of deities personifying the veneration of the dead, the guardians of the souls of dead people. Sacrifices were offered to the Radonites and their wards from plentiful feasts and libations on burial mounds, so that the soul of the deceased, who had not yet flown away, could enjoy the spectacle of the respect that the living show her. Gradually, the word "trizna" began to mean a commemoration, and "radonitsa" - a spring commemoration of the dead. It was spring, because the living especially tried to appease the dead at the time of the flowering of nature, the final retreat of winter, the time of the dead sleep of the whole earth.

customs

It is on Radonitsa that there is a custom of celebrating Easter at the graves of the dead, where colored eggs and other Easter dishes are brought, where a memorial meal is served and part of what has been prepared is given to the poor brethren for the memory of the soul. This real, living, everyday communication with the dead reflects the belief that even after death they do not cease to be members of the Church of that God who "is not the God of the dead, but of the living" (Matthew 22:32).

There is a marvelous example of how our dead share with us the joy of the Resurrection of the Savior. Once a pious elder of the Kiev-Pechersk Lavra went on Pascha together with a deacon to clean the caves where the dead rested. And as soon as they exclaimed: “Christ is risen, fathers and brethren!”, as a loud exclamation was heard in response: “Truly He is risen!”

“Let us try, as much as possible, to help the departed, instead of tears, instead of sobs, instead of magnificent tombs, with our prayers, alms and offerings for them, so that in this way both they and we will receive the promised blessings,” writes St. John Chrysostom.

The history of the holiday Radonitsa

According to the testimony of St. John Chrysostom (4th century), the feast of Radonitsa was celebrated in Christian cemeteries already in antiquity. Its very name was taken from the all-Slavic pagan spring holiday with the commemoration of the dead, called Navi Day, Graves, Radavanitsy or Trizna. Etymologically, the word "radonitsa" goes back to the words "kind" and "joy", and special place Radonitsa in the annual circle of church holidays - immediately after Easter Easter Week - obliges Christians not to delve into feelings about the death of loved ones, but, on the contrary, to rejoice at their birth into another life - eternal life. The victory over death, won by the death and resurrection of Christ, displaces the sadness of temporary separation from relatives, and therefore we, in the words of Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh, "with faith, hope and Paschal confidence, stand at the tomb of the departed."

According to tradition, "they plow on Radonitsa in the morning, cry in the afternoon, and jump in the evening", that is, they start agricultural work, visit the graves and then have fun in the evening. This day has long become a secular Day of Remembrance or Obedience, in contrast to Trinity Parental Saturday.

From deep pre-Christian antiquity, there is a custom to mark the place of burial with a hill above it. Having adopted this custom, the Christian Church decorates the grave mound with the victorious sign of our salvation - the Holy Life-Giving Cross. The cross on the grave of an Orthodox Christian is a silent preacher of blessed immortality and resurrection. Planted in the ground and rising to heaven, it marks the Christian faith that the body of the deceased is here in the earth, and the soul is in heaven, that under the cross there is a seed that grows for eternal life in the Kingdom of God.

The now widespread custom of visiting cemeteries on the very day of Easter contradicts the most ancient institutions of the Church: until the ninth day after Easter, the remembrance of the dead is never performed. If a person dies on Easter, then he is buried according to a special Easter rite. Easter is a time of special and exceptional joy, a celebration of victory over death and over all sorrow and sorrow.

We sincerely congratulate all Christians on the holiday of Radonitsa!

Vitaly Alexandrovich Yavkin, catechist of the Resurrection Cathedral in Semey, talks about this and many other things.

Many people visit the cemetery on Easter, where the graves of their loved ones are located. Unfortunately, in some families there is a blasphemous custom to drink alcohol on this day. But even those who do not do this often do not know exactly how it is possible and necessary to properly commemorate the dead. And even more so, not many people know why the parental day is called Radonitsa and is celebrated exactly on the 9th day after Easter.

On Tuesday of the second week after Easter, which is called St. Thomas Week, the Orthodox Church celebrates Radonitsa - the day of special commemoration of the dead, the first after the Easter holiday. This is an ancient Christian holiday, which John Chrysostom mentions at the beginning of the fourth century.

On Radonitsa it was accepted, and this continues to this day, that families go to cemeteries, to the graves of their loved ones and relatives, mourn them, reliving their loss again, remember them, listing their good deeds that the deceased did during their earthly life, remember the good distinctive features their character, as if talking with the dead, believing that they hear us on this day. Etymologically, the word "Radonitsa" goes back to the words "family" and "joy", moreover, the special place of Radonitsa in the annual cycle of church holidays is immediately after Easter Sunday.

Radonitsa, as it were, obliges Christians not to delve into feelings about the death of loved ones, but, on the contrary, to rejoice at their birth into another life - eternal life. The victory over death, gained by the life and resurrection of Christ, displaces the sadness of temporary separation from relatives.

As for the 9th day after Pascha, this is simply a question of the Church Charter. Usually, after the Easter holidays, on the very first weekday, during which we can serve a memorial service, Radonitsa falls. Throughout the Bright Week (week) we rejoice at the Resurrection of the Savior, and only on Tuesday of the second week should we remember our dear departed. First of all, come to the Church, order memorial services, pray for the salvation of their souls, and only then go to decorate the graves of loved ones.

Is it possible to often mourn the dead and often visit their graves? Or is it better to believe that they are already in the Kingdom of God, which means that they are better off than us, and it is not worth bothering them and tormenting ourselves?

And again I will answer that we need not to kill ourselves and cry, but to pray for our dead. You can commemorate them both in the temple and with good deeds in memory of them. But keep in mind, we do not know where the person dear to us ended up after death: in the Kingdom of God or in hell. For this, we do good deeds so that the Lord takes him to himself.

As for tears, there is such a sin called “self-eating”, when a person grieves more than necessary, thinks how much he did not give to the deceased, how much he could have done for him, but did not have time or did not consider it necessary. It is necessary to appreciate a person, respect and protect during his lifetime, so that after death he does not have to ask for forgiveness at his grave. After death, it is no longer possible to catch up.

What is better and more correct on parental day: put a candle in the temple for the repose of the dead, remember them in your soul with kind words, or gather relatives and friends at home and commemorate those who have gone to another world with a dinner with alcohol? And in general, how does the Orthodox Church feel about the presence of alcoholic beverages on the table, both on parental day and on the day of the funeral itself?

Alcoholic beverages at memorial dinners are strictly prohibited by the Church. Commemorating the deceased loved ones with alcohol, we desecrate their memory, do not honor it. They expect only prayers from us, not sumptuous dinners. We must pray for those who are no longer around. This is done because death very often comes suddenly, and a person simply does not have time to prepare for it, reconcile with God, and repent of all his sins. If, however, we confine ourselves at the commemoration to only the arrangement of the table (as often happens), we spend all our strength on this, and forget about the church commemoration, then we will not bring any benefit to the soul of the deceased.

How does the Orthodox Church feel about the custom of eating at the cemetery after people put the churchyard in order? Is it necessary to leave a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave?

We can commemorate the deceased loved ones in the cemetery, but this must be done according to the rules. Having corrected the grave after the winter, we have the right to arrange a memorial dinner at the cemetery. But it must begin with a prayer for the deceased. After the meal, you need to read the prayer again.

Once again I draw your attention to the fact that alcohol is unacceptable. Also, you can not leave alcohol and food on the grave. This is a pagan echo, when it was customary to arrange not only feasts and dances in cemeteries, but also entire gladiator fights. Also, the food attracts crowds of drunkards to the graves, who search every wreath in search of alcohol and cigarettes, followed by packs of stray animals. Both those and others trample the graves of people dear to us, and the dogs do lie on the tombstones. Indeed, during our lifetime, none of us would have allowed a dirty stray dog ​​to lie next to his mother, father or brother. Food also attracts flies and worms to the grave. You can not stick in the grave and light cigarettes just because the deceased liked to smoke. I repeat, he only needs our prayers.

But after all, not only drunken people go to cemeteries on their parents' day in search of vodka and food, but also children - hoping to find sweets, cookies or gingerbread on the grave, which their drunken parents will never buy. Can't you leave food for them?

These children are sent to the cemetery by degraded parents. And each such child is looking for not only a candy for himself, but also a box for mom or dad. They all know that our church has a free refectory where a person of any religion can come and eat on any day of the week. But neither these children nor their parents come to us, because there is only one rule: you must come to the refectory sober and clean. For the most part, such people are drunk, dirty, foul-mouthed. They behave unworthily, just like those people who stand, collecting alms, near the gates of the temple. Many parishioners, out of ignorance of their own, give them this alms, which is strictly forbidden. After all, they take this money exclusively for alcohol.

Yes, we must give alms, do good deeds, feed and clothe the needy, but we must do this wisely. If we see that a person really needs, and even better, if we know this person, we are obliged to help him. But if we see that a hungry tramp is sitting, then he does not need to give money, it is better to buy him food. For he, having drunk the money given by you, will turn your good deed into evil.

Where did the custom of decorating the graves of loved ones with flowers and wreaths and marking the place of burial with a mound and a cross above it come from?

The church has a negative attitude towards decorating graves with flowers and wreaths. This custom came to us at the end of the 19th century from Europe, where they began to decorate graves with flowers and wreaths. At that time, merchants bought entire botanical gardens, and also set up parks on the graves of their ancestors. Even the great Saint John of Kronstadt said that if you have extra money that you want to spend, it is better to distribute it to those in need. Take them to an orphanage, a nursing home, where it hurts, hungry and difficult.

You can not decorate the graves with artificial flowers, this is a deception before God. Even the Church during the big holidays is decorated only with fresh flowers. Fake flowers are a fake sacrifice. If you want to decorate a grave, do it with fresh flowers. But on condition that these are flowers from your garden. If purchased, then do not need them. Better give this money to people who really need it. Your deceased loved one needs good deeds in memory of him, and not a waste of money and not a bouquet. We carry these flowers to soothe our own souls, the dead need only our prayers. The number of colors (even or odd) does not matter. It's just superstition.

Wreaths are also not needed. This is not our custom. He was condemned by the holy fathers. According to all the rules, an Orthodox grave should be arranged like this: you need simple easy a fence so that animals or people would not trample the grave in case the mound is wiped off the face of the earth. The hill means the position of the body of the deceased. The cross means that here is buried Orthodox Christian. During life, we designate ourselves as Orthodox pectoral crosses. After death - a cross on the grave. Planted in the ground and rising to heaven, it marks the Christian faith that the body of the deceased is here in the earth, and the soul is in heaven, that under the cross there is a seed that grows for eternal life in the Kingdom of God. The cross must be wooden.

But he is not durable. Marble slabs look much more beautiful and richer ... Let those around them see that a man from wealthy family, for which they did not spare money even after death, that is, they installed an expensive stone monument, and not a cheap wooden cross.

A cross that has rotted and fallen at the right time is dug in on the grave, then a new one is placed. Stone slabs and steles are not needed categorically. From a moral point of view, the Church condemns such "eternal" monuments. Because they survive the relatives of the deceased. The cemetery may remain abandoned. Marauders destroy it, and then sidewalks are paved with these tombstones. They walk on them, spit, extinguish cigarette butts. As a living example, I can cite a cemetery that used to be where the Spartak stadium is now located. Before the revolution, it was a burial place for Christians. In the early 60s, it was destroyed, and the tombstones were taken all over the city. It got to the point that they paved the sidewalks. Many of these slabs are doused with paint and smeared with cement. They were sidewalks, trampled underfoot. If you want to walk on the name of your mother, father, brother, spit on their names - put such a stove. The Church does not forbid. But this is wrong and not good... People are still digging up these slabs and bringing them to us in the Resurrection Cathedral, where we keep them.

People often put dentures, glasses, coins in the coffin with the deceased to redeem a place in Paradise, even Cell phones. In other words, they bury with a person everything that he often used during his lifetime. Is it correct?

When burying our loved ones, we should not put anything in the coffin other than what is laid down. And this is a veil, a pectoral cross, a halo on the forehead. If you do not know what to put, you need to ask the church. There should not be any foreign objects in the coffin. All of them are an echo of paganism, when they were buried in boats, dumping whole herds of slaughtered cattle there ... With regards to points, then if the deceased had eight pairs of points in his entire life, what, would you order to put all eight? Of course not. It's too much. You don't need glasses or prostheses to meet God.

Not so long ago, one of our priests was invited to the funeral of the deceased, who passed away young. And what was the surprise of the priest when he saw that a cigarette was inserted into the teeth of the deceased, and it was smoking! When the priest asked what was happening, the relatives of the deceased replied that during his lifetime he was very fond of smoking. And this is his last cigarette, because after the funeral he will be interred. The priest refused the funeral and explained to the relatives of the deceased that their actions were blasphemy and mockery of the corpse, which he did not want to join.

What to do when the deceased come to us in a dream and ask for something (belt, socks, cigarettes, glasses)? What is more correct in this case: go to the cemetery and leave this thing on the grave, or still put a candle in the temple for the repose loved one and pray for him?

This happens quite often, if people do not commemorate the deceased, do not put candles in the church, do not order magpie, if they do not even have time to pray for him. It is not the dead that comes into our dreams. Our deceased relative is either in heaven or hell. And they don't come from there. A guardian angel comes into our dreams, sent by the Lord. And this angel takes on the image of our deceased mothers, fathers, in a word, those who had authoritative significance for us. If we do not listen to them, we will not listen to anyone, even if the Lord himself comes to us.

Asking for things is not to be taken literally. The deceased does not ask for a belt, watch or glasses, but a prayer or good deeds in memory of him. After such dreams, you need to order a magpie in the church, put a funeral candle. After visiting the temple, you can put a candle at home in front of the icon and pray for someone who is no longer with us.

If possible, buy the thing that the deceased asks for and give it to those in need. It is not allowed to bury anything on the grave. The burial site is not a dump. This place is holy. It's like a temple. You will not bury anything on the territory of the Church, will you? You can’t do this on the grave of a once dearly beloved or respected person.

Things of the deceased after his funeral should be distributed to those in need. I would also like to remind you that the elderly, who already feel the coming of their own death, need to have time to divide all their property among their heirs during their lifetime, they need to be given instructions on how to live on. The opinion that if a person gave everything away, it means that he will die soon, are superstition. It must not be allowed that after the death of a person, when his body has not yet cooled down, a war arose between the heirs over who will get more and who will get less valuable property of the deceased, the soul of the deceased, looking at this, will grieve. All your material issues need to be resolved here and now, that is, during your lifetime.

- Is it possible to put a funeral candle in the temple if you don’t know for sure whether the deceased person was baptized or not?

Candles can be placed. However, it is impossible to order memorial services and magpies. Also, don't pray for him. church prayer. You can only pray in your own words: Lord, forgive all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, if this is possible.

How often should the deceased be remembered?

It is very important to commemorate the deceased, on the day of his death, on the 9th and 40th days, at half a year and on the anniversary after death, as well as on the day of his earthly birth, on the day of memory of the saint whose name he bore, and on parent days. According to church tradition, for forty days after death, the soul of the deceased prepares for God's judgment. From the first to the third day she stays in the places of the earthly life of the deceased, from the third to the ninth she is shown heavenly cloisters, from the ninth to the fortieth - the torment of sinners in hell. On the fortieth day, God's decision is made, where the soul of the deceased will be until the Last Judgment - when the souls will again unite with transfigured bodies, and the endless life of all mankind will begin in a new, transfigured world, where everyone will take their place in accordance with the passage of earthly life and largely depending from the prayers of the Church for him after his death. Therefore, the Church established a special commemoration of the dead on the third, ninth and fortieth days. And, of course, you need to commemorate the dead at every visit to church. You need to go here as often as possible. This is important for us, the living, and for those who have already died and for whom we pray.

- What is the attitude of the Orthodox Church towards cremation?

Pretty popular right now big cities the method of burial through cremation of the body is completely non-Orthodox. It cannot be acceptable to a believer.

Thanks for the informative conversation. All that you have told can be learned only in the Church, for visiting which, alas, there is not always time. What are your wishes for the family?

Remember, the goal of every Christian's life is the salvation of the soul. That is, the inheritance after the bodily death and the Second Coming of Christ of eternal blissful sojourn with God. And the more good deeds we do, the more sincere prayers we address to God, the more grace we will receive from him. Love your loved ones in life, here and now. Then, after death, it will be too late. And it is better today to speak words of love to living parents than to cry at their grave tomorrow.

Interviewed by Elena FOMENKO

Parental Saturdays are days of special commemoration of the departed, when with our prayers we can provide great help to our relatives and friends who have passed away from earthly life. Five of them are reserved for the commemoration of deceased relatives, two more and the requiems performed at the same time are called ecumenical. Parental Saturdays involve observance certain rules that all believers should be aware of.

The Deep Meaning of Parental Saturday

Please note that hard liquor, such as vodka or cognac, is not accepted as a donation.

If desired and possible, you can order a memorial service, and after prayers are completed, you are allowed to visit the cemetery, put the grave in order, replace the flowers, thereby showing that you keep the memory of a loved one.

How to spend the rest of the day on parental Saturday and can I clean up? Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko for the online publication Pravoslavie i Mir answers this question as follows: the ban on cleaning the house on this day is nothing more than superstition, of course, you need to start the day with visiting the temple, praying, visiting the cemetery, and after if necessary, you can perform the usual household chores.

Another important question that worries believers is whether it is possible to baptize a child on parental Saturday? Hegumen Alexy (Diocese of Vladivostok) and other priests of the Russian Orthodox Church resemble a simple rule - you can baptize a child on all days without restrictions.

For the period of Lent in 2019, the following parental Saturdays fall:

• March 23 - Parent ecumenical Saturday of the second week of Great Lent
• March 30 - Parent ecumenical Saturday of the third week of Great Lent
• April 6 - Parent ecumenical Saturday of the fourth week of Great Lent.

P.S. Prayer for the deceased is the sacred duty of every Christian. A great reward and great consolation awaits the one who, through his prayers, will help his departed neighbor receive the forgiveness of sins.