Good manners: etiquette and manners - Culture. Basic rules of etiquette in society

About 100-200 years ago, the issues of ethics and behavior in society in the education of boys and girls were given great attention. Each noble family considered it their duty to hire a tutor for their son and a governess for their daughter, whose main duty was to teach children not science, but good behavior. At that time, the rules of etiquette and good manners children learned, as they say, with mother's milk. Are they needed today? After all, life now makes much more demands on a person related to career achievements and self-improvement than those aimed at forming impeccably courteous relationships between members of society.

Of course, certain requirements for etiquette remained. They are somewhat simplified due to rapidly modern life and an abundance of information that is obligatory for reflection and use, but have not disappeared at all. Let's see what kind of person is recognized by the society of the 21st century as polite and well-mannered.

Basic rules of etiquette in society

The norms of behavior in society can be divided into several subsections. These are the rules of conduct:

at work and business meetings;
when attending business events;
at friendly meetings;
away.

The very first thing that a person who wants to pass for a well-mannered person should pay attention to is this. If, for example, you greeted your friend in time, shook hands with a friend according to the rules, hurriedly jumped up every time a female person entered the room, knew how to conduct small talk in a low voice, and even learned to sneeze almost imperceptibly to others, but at the same time wear a stale shirt, and shoes cleaned last time last week - you will never be recognized as a person who knows the rules of etiquette. In society, it has long been customary to meet by clothes.

Noticed, probably, as in films about spies: main character he just successfully shot back, dodging the bullets of twenty bandits, then crossed through the swamp, and then ran for a long time through the whole city, because he needed to urgently get to the headquarters with a report, but in the end his suit didn’t even wrinkle, his shoes shine like polished , and the hairstyle is not lost? This is how it should be (ideally, of course) with you.

Wear a suit and a light-colored shirt to work. Women may add some jewelry, but not flashy. AT recent times dark-colored jeans are considered acceptable for men. The main thing is that everything should be clean and ironed.

When entering the room, the one who entered is the first to greet. If you are at work, then the subordinate should be the first to greet the boss, the junior in position - the senior. If a woman is in a subordinate position, whose boss is also younger than her, then he should be the first to greet the lady.

Often in small teams, a delicate question arises: is it possible and when can you switch to “you” with colleagues? Previously, it was believed that this was unacceptable, but the current etiquette allows you to find your own solution to the issue, because addressing by name greatly simplifies relationships, makes them more trusting, and therefore the whole team is more united. But you should switch to “you” only if it suits everyone and does not create embarrassment.

A business meeting most often takes place over a cup of coffee or lunch. The main rule here is not to be late. You should not talk loudly, interrupt interlocutors, “wedged” into a conversation that ensued between two partners without warning. If you want to say something, you need to apologize for being forced to intervene in the conversation, and only after that make your comment.

In friendly meetings, everything is somewhat easier. The rules of good manners here are to greet the company at the entrance and behave in the future in such a way as not to stand out too much with your behavior on general background. Smile, be friendly, move chairs to the ladies, offer them wine (if it has already come to a feast).

In no case do not slander and do not gossip! In general, do not talk about those who are absent - unless in a positive way. Discussing other people's shortcomings behind the back of the "heroes of the occasion" is the height of bad manners.

At a party, say hello first to the hostess, then to the owner. Wait for the hosts to introduce you to the audience. In general conversations, do not touch on topics such as politics, money, and religion. What can be said? Start with a neutral: nature, weather, travel. Anecdotes are also quite appropriate, but preferably not from the series about Lieutenant Rzhevsky. Saying goodbye, thank the hosts for the warm welcome.

Women and girls should be especially attentive to their own behavior in society. After all, they have to comply with the idea of men about the beautiful half of humanity as gentle, refined and vulnerable creatures in need of male support. Previously, girls were even specially trained in the art of fainting, so that a man would not dare to insult them not only by action, but simply by an immodest word or look. Particularly quick fell in such a way as to fall into the arms of a sympathetic subject, after which they successfully married.

Fortunately, these days the rules of etiquette for girls have become much easier. They do not need to run away or slap the gentleman who dared to use the word "passion" in a conversation. There is no need to be simpering, to refuse tidbits at the table, pretending that they are eating less birdie heavenly, or leave the male company as soon as it begins business conversations. But some postulates in order to become a true lady are still worth learning.

The girl must learn to emphasize her own. It is better to choose clothes, makeup, hairstyle closer to the classics if you have a first date.

Accessories also should not be brutal.

The task of the girl is to call young man the desire to protect and patronize her, and not to drink together “to brotherhood”. Therefore, a skirt or dress, a small handbag, high-heeled shoes will come in handy.

It will not be so easy for a girl whom a gentleman invited to a restaurant. She must know the following:

A well-mannered admirer will suggest that she be the first to study the menu.
On your knees (on your knees) before starting dinner, you need to put a napkin.
It is not worth greedily draining a glass of wine - you need to drink it several times in small sips.

Of course, it is unacceptable to slurp (even if the soup or roast turns out to be very tasty), to spit fish bones even into your own plate (they must be carefully and, if possible, discreetly removed from your mouth and simply put on a plate with your hand). You can’t sit and enthusiastically “cut” for several minutes fish or meat dish to, so to speak, immediately prepare it for use. Instead, cut it off little by little as needed. The knife should be held in the right hand, the fork in the left.

In fact, these are not all the rules, but you should not get too hung up on their impeccable observance. And remember: if you make a mistake (for example, accidentally spilled red wine on a white shirt of a gentleman), the main thing is not to get confused. To help you - a sweet smile and "Oh, I didn't want to!". If he truly loves you, he will forgive you.

Good manners: a few general remarks

Generally modern rules good tone are simple.

Your task is to be able to learn how to harmoniously combine naturalness and politeness.

This politeness should in no case become cloying and intrusive. For example, in transport, a man must give way to a lady. You gave in, she does not want to sit down. Don't insist! However, you are still obliged to offer the lady your place.

When talking, always be attentive to the interlocutor, listen to him, and only then express your opinion, and preferably not in a categorical tone, firmly, but politely. Ask questions, let the person talk.

Do not be rude in response to rudeness. If you are offended, the best response is an ironic but calm remark made, or simply ignoring the boor.

If you go with a companion and meet a friend with whom you enter into a conversation, introduce your companion and interlocutor so that both do not feel embarrassed.

Carry a perfectly clean handkerchief with you at all times. Do you suddenly sneeze or yawn inadvertently? The scarf will do an invaluable service.

Well, and finally:

Be optimistic and kind.

Do not walk with a gloomy face - it causes negative emotions in others. As they say, smile, be simple - and people will reach out to you!

Is it worth a modern, self-confident and beautiful girl follow any rules of etiquette? Definitely yes! If a girl lives in society, respects others and expects to receive sympathy, goodwill and respect from others, to achieve some goals, then she not only has to, but is even obliged. What exactly should every young person know?!

What is etiquette

Everyone heard it unusual word, and in most cases it is associated with huge amount cutlery or aristocratic manners. Many consider it a relic, not needed in Everyday life.

Indeed, earlier they paid more attention to manners, especially in rich, aristocratic families or houses close to science and art. But even today you need to know and follow the basic rules of etiquette. A lot depends on this.

Etiquette - the rules of conduct that a person in society should be guided by.

One etiquette for all

The rules of behavior dictated by society show how a person is brought up and respects the people around him. From childhood, parents try to give their children a good upbringing. Knowledge of the norms and rules of behavior, their observance will allow the child to feel comfortable in society in the future.

Rules that everyone should know and follow:

Be polite and friendly to those around you.

Do not make noise, do not spit, do not litter in public places.

Men should stand up to greet those who come.

When bringing a companion to the company, it is necessary to introduce him.

At the table, you can’t reach for something through a neighbor’s plate, you need to ask for a serving.

Do not eat on the road or on the street (exception: ice cream or cotton candy in the park).

It is not difficult to remember the rules and norms of etiquette; moreover, a well-mannered person applies most of them daily.

How a well-mannered girl behaves at the table

Eating is one of the physiological needs, but animal instincts should not be shown, especially in society. And even if alone you like to have a snack in front of the TV or stretch your legs for dinner on a nearby chair, sitting with a magazine, then in the company you should limit your weaknesses and remember the rules of etiquette for a girl at the table.

Consider the most "strict" situation - a restaurant:

1. If the trip to the restaurant took place after the phrase "I invite ...", then the person who said it pays. If such an invitation did not follow, and it was common decision, then everyone pays their own income. A man can pay for a woman with her permission.

2. The man takes the menu first, he passes it to the lady and offers to make a choice. A man orders food for two.

3. It is not worth starting a meal until everyone sitting at the table has an order. If those waiting offered not to wait for them, you can take your time to try your dish. This rule is relevant for the first dish, you can proceed to the subsequent ones “without looking back” at others.

4. The basic rules of table etiquette warn everyone: do not rush, champ, put your elbows on the table, wave your fork and talk while chewing!

5. A cotton napkin, which is brought with the cutlery, should be on the visitor's lap.

6. If you decide to try something from common dish, by all means use the devices that you brought along with it. They took it, put it down and immediately returned the common device to its place.

7. Remember that citrus fruits, cake, cookies and bread should be eaten with your hands.

8. Sugar is poured into a mug to taste on its own and stirred with a spoon. After that, the spoon is left on the edge of the saucer.

Away etiquette

Going to visit is often a joyful and useful event. With pleasure we go to visit people who are nice to us and accept us for who we are. But even among friends and relatives, you should not forget about the rules of etiquette at a party. Their observance is a sign of respect for the hosts and other guests.

Seven simple rules:

1. Going to visit without an invitation and a preliminary call is not worth it.

2. Being late is ugly! If you are unable to arrive at the appointed time, call and warn the hosts.

3. The rules of etiquette in society say that if you enter a room where other guests have already gathered, you should say hello first.

4. Even if you have some problems, it is better not to talk about them. Try to have a cheerful, relaxed conversation and “not burden” those around you with your worries.

5. The rules of etiquette at a party tell you what to do when you need to leave before the rest. Be sure to thank the owners, apologize and say goodbye. The rest can not be disturbed and leave quietly, unnoticed.

6. Even if you go to visit for no reason, you should not appear empty-handed, especially if there are children in the house. The rules of etiquette for a girl do not oblige the fair sex to buy a cake or other sweets, but such care and attention will be pleasant to the owners.

7. “Whoever visits in the morning, he acts wisely,” said the domestic Winnie the Pooh. If you are not a bear cub, you should avoid visiting too early and late.

How to behave as a decent girl in society

As you know, society has a strong influence on a person. Being in the company of intelligent, educated, successful people, do not want to be ignorant. The rules of etiquette for a girl are designed to help a young lady "not fall into the dirt on her face in an honest company." Observing this small code, she will be able to conquer others not only with her appearance, but also with her manners and upbringing.

1. If the greeter said "Good afternoon", you should respond in the same way, and not just say "Good afternoon".

2. If you are leaving or entering a room, hold the door for the next person behind you.

3. Be kind, polite and reserved.

4. Do not reprimand either children or adults.

5. If you go to the cinema, theater or concert, then you need to make your way to your seat facing the people sitting. The man goes first, followed by the lady. Don't forget to turn off your mobile phone.

6. Indoors, a girl can stay in a hat and gloves, but she must take off her hat and mittens.

7. It is impossible to speak loudly, laugh, discuss and swear: the rules of etiquette in society forbid this to absolutely everyone!

Rules of etiquette in clothes

The appearance of a woman depends on her age, fashion, activities and internal state. There are ladies who are very closely followed by the press. For example, stars, persons royalty or first ladies can't afford to relax, especially in public. The rules of etiquette for a girl include recommendations for choosing a wardrobe and drawing up your own image so that anyone looks no worse than the duchess:

Once upon a time, etiquette, that is, the rules of behavior in society, was taught as a subject in schools. Children were taught this by meticulous tutors. Today this word has lost popularity, meanwhile, it does not bother anyone to learn at least elementary rules behavior at the table, in the theater, in society. In the end, by doing this, you will greatly facilitate the situation for yourself.

Some good manners

Let's look at some situations that will help you feel at ease.

1. Etiquette at the table

Having invited a lady to a restaurant (or other similar place), the gentleman takes care of her outerwear, helps to take off her coat, puts it in the wardrobe, keeps the number with him, and does not give it to the lady. (By the way, the same applies to a ticket at the theater, cinema, in transport. Having bought a ticket for a lady, for example, on a bus, a gentleman keeps it until the end of the trip and gives it to the lady only if he does not see her off to the end, but leaves earlier.)

If a table is not booked in advance, then all negotiations with the head waiter are conducted by a man. Having escorted the girl to the table, the man moves a chair for her, after which he takes his place. If the glasses are not filled by the waiter, then this is done by a man, after asking permission. When pouring wine, the bottle is turned so that the drops do not fall on the tablecloth.

If there are several people at the table, then the oldest of the women is poured the wine first. If they drink champagne, then the man pouring it starts with himself, pouring a few drops into his glass, then the oldest lady, then you can just go in a circle, finishing with your glass.

If you are in a very fashionable restaurant that serves a lot of utensils, for example, there are several forks and knives near the plate, then you start with those that are farthest from the plate. If the purpose of some devices is not clear to you, then there is nothing wrong with asking the waiter.

If there are unfamiliar people at the table, then it is better to talk on common topics And don't talk about mutual friends. It is not necessary to finish everything that is on the plate, just as it is not necessary to leave pieces. To show the waiter that the plate can be taken away, put the cutlery on the plate "at five o'clock", that is, approximately where the small hand on the dial is at five o'clock.

2. Etiquette in communication

When introducing yourself to a company, state your name clearly and distinctly if no one has introduced you. It is not necessary to shake hands if there are a lot of people, however, if you did one handshake, you will have to bypass all those present.

Only a woman can give a hand in a glove and only if the glove is thin, and not, for example, a knitted mitten.

It happens that a person’s hand is busy or, for example, smeared, if he was caught at work, and he holds it out in order to shake his wrist. This is actually unacceptable.

When greeting, the first to greet is the one who is younger. If we are talking about a man and a woman, then the man greets first. If you are greeted with the words "good afternoon", then it is ugly to answer with the word "good", you must answer with the full phrase "good afternoon".

Now let's imagine the following picture: a group of men is standing, a familiar (or unfamiliar) lady approaches them or (passes by). Who should greet first, men or women? The person who approaches is the first to say the words of greeting, regardless of whether it is one person or a group, a man or a woman. The one or those who are in place respond to the greeting.

"Hush!" James Tissot, 1875

3. The basics of good tone for every day

The rules of good manners in everyday life include the usual courtesy in communication, the absence of grumbling, endless complaints, the ability to say hello without unnecessary demonstrations, express sympathy, congratulate on the holiday, wish good health, thank and respond to gratitude.

Such rules assume that the incoming and outgoing holds the door, regardless of whether he goes alone or with someone. If a man follows a girl, then he always lets her go ahead, with the exception of exiting the elevator, descending the ladder from the ship, exiting the plane or public transport.

L. Afremov

Some prim manners have outlived their usefulness today. For example, it used to be considered right that a man, having put a woman in a car, closes the car door behind her, only after that he goes to his place. Arriving at the place, the driver gets up, walks around the car, opens the door, helps the lady out. In our time filled with cars and saturated with haste, it is difficult to imagine people who would be willing and able to fulfill these requirements.

4. How the rules of etiquette apply to children

A few years ago, parenting books taught young parents that children should not enter into conversations with adults without permission, should not interrupt, speak with guests until they are asked. Today, many educators believe that this hinders the development of the child as a person, that he has the same rights in conversation as an adult. This can be accepted if a child, even a small one, communicates like an adult. But if he whines, cries, tries to manipulate, then this is very annoying. Therefore, parents should limit - not so much the freedom of the child, but their own - taking care of their own child so that it is not a burden to others.

All this also applies to those moments when parents, together with their baby, visit restaurants, cafes, museums, enjoy public transport. The ability to occupy your child in such a way that he feels good and at the same time does not bother the others is a good form, as opposed to trying to explain: "Well, this is a child, what can I do with him."

Should I comment on someone else's child? Not! If you are completely unbearable, then a remark in a very polite form can be made to the parents of the child. But at the same time, you must remember that it is not good form to make a remark.

And most importantly, do not forget that the child first of all sees and repeats the behavior of his parents. Don't forget the golden words "Thank you", "Please" and be polite!

Respect each other and respect again! That's what we learn all our lives. Being educated means not causing inconvenience to other people, not offending anyone with your remarks and looking decent in any situation.

Now I will talk about violations modern etiquette which little is known. Worth checking out for sure!

Rules of etiquette in society

Gross violations

You applaud wrong
Clap your hands at chest level. Never applaud in front of your own face, and even more so in front of another person.
You get into the car ungracefully
Sit on the seat first and only then gracefully place your feet into the cabin. It looks more aesthetically pleasing from the outside and will help you avoid painful and ridiculous head-butting on a car doorway. If your shoes are covered in snow, be sure to shake them off before you sit down in the salon.
You embarrass strangers
Do not stare at other people, this is bad manners. It's not even worth discussing appearance strangers with a girlfriend, even if the outfit is really flashy.
You spread butter or jam from a shared plate
The sequence of actions is as follows: first put some butter or jam on your plate. Then spread a sandwich! That's all. Why is this considered more acceptable and correct? Because the crumbs do not end up on the common plate!
You don't care about those who sit next to you at the table
Polite people do not want to pull someone during a feast once again, and they are also very shy. Take the initiative and pass the salt or pepper shaker first! In the same way, be the first to pass other dishes, politely asking if your neighbor wants to taste them.
You don't pay attention to your posture
Surely you have not thought about it, but looking at a person hunched over a plate at the table is always unpleasant. Keep your back straight in any situation and train yourself to follow it! Posture, it turns out, tells people a lot...
You drink during your toast
Do not drink a glass after the words spoken in your honor! Instead, make a gesture of gratitude towards the one who made the toast, thus showing respect and appreciation. Few people know about this!
You are sloppy with napkins
After eating, do not wipe your lips with a napkin: you just need to blot your mouth with it. Already used paper napkins can be slightly wrinkled, but in no case crumple! Table etiquette rules decorate the feast, making it relaxed, help to avoid embarrassment.
You return empty plates
If you were treated and given a dish in a plate, it is considered impolite to return it empty. Place there cookies, a handful of sweets, nuts - all as a token of gratitude for the treat.
You start eating before the owner of the table
Good etiquette rules they say that you need to respect the head of the family and home. Wait for the owner to start eating first. That's all wisdom!
You cough into your right hand
If you are unwell or choking, you may want to clear your throat. You can not use your right hand to cover your mouth, you need to do this only with your left hand.
You don't maintain eye contact during the toast.
When you touch your interlocutor's glass with your glass, you need to meet his gaze, expressing your openness and sincerity! Looking away is bad form.
You point your finger at an object of interest to you
Pointing fingers is the last thing. It is much better to make a gesture with an open palm in the direction to which you want to attract the attention of the interlocutor.
You are not polite enough
If you are walking along the street with someone and your companion greets a person passing by, by all means say hello. In this case, to remain silent means to appear impolite and repulsive.
You carry a bag on your right shoulder
According to the rules of etiquette, the bag should be worn on the left shoulder, not on the right. The whole point is that right hand- “social”, which is why you can’t hide behind it when you cough. Even if you are a woman and do not shake hands, the right hand is considered a contact.
You leave your smartphone on a table in a public place
Of course it's disrespectful! This is especially unpleasant for those with whom you are next to at a table in a cafe or at a dinner table. It shows how important the gadget is to you and how little you care about what's going on around you.

AT modern world not knowing the rules of etiquette means spitting against the wind, putting yourself in an uncomfortable position. Unfortunately, many perceive the observance of certain norms and rules of communication as something shameful, considering this a sign of highbrow aesthetes who are very far from real life. However, these people forget that rude and tactless behavior can cause the same reaction in response.

In fact, the basics of etiquette are quite simple. This is a culture of speech, elementary politeness, a neat appearance and the ability to manage one's emotions. Both apply to both men and women.

If you say the phrase: "I invite you" means you pay. Another wording: "Let's go to a restaurant" - in this case, everyone pays for himself, and only if the man himself offers to pay for the woman, she can agree.
Never do not come to visit without a call. If you are visited unannounced, you can afford to be in a dressing gown and curlers. One British lady said that when intruders appeared, she always put on shoes, a hat and took an umbrella. If a person is pleasant to her, she will exclaim: “Oh, how lucky, I just came!”. If unpleasant: "Oh, what a pity, I have to leave."
Don't ask a girl out on a date and, even more so, to communicate like that with her.
Do not place your smartphone on a table in public places. In doing so, you show how important the communication device is in your life and how much you are not interested in annoying chatter going on nearby. At any moment, you are ready to leave useless conversations and once again check the feed on Instagram, answer an important call or get distracted to find out what fifteen new levels have come to Angry Birds.
The male never does not carry a women's bag. And he takes a woman's coat only to carry it to the locker room.
Shoes should always be clean.
If you are walking with someone and your companion says hello to you person, should say hello and you.
Many people think that you can only eat with chopsticks. However, this is not entirely correct. Unlike women, men can eat sushi with their hands.
Do not talk on the phone. If you're in need of a heart-to-heart conversation, it's best to meet with a friend face to face.
If you have been insulted, you should not respond with similar rudeness, and, moreover, raise your voice to the person who insulted you. Don't get down up to his level. Smile and politely move away from the ill-mannered interlocutor.
On the street the man should go to the left of the lady. On the right, only military personnel can go, who must be ready to perform a military salute.
Drivers should remember that in cold blood splashing passers-by with mud is blatant incivility.
A woman may keep her hat and gloves on indoors, but no hat and mittens.
Nine things should be kept secret: age, wealth, gap in the house, prayer, composition of medicine, love affair, gift, honor and dishonor.
Arriving at the cinema, theater, to a concert, you should go to your seats only facing those seated. The man goes first.
The man enters the restaurant always first, main reason- on this basis, the head waiter has the right to draw conclusions about who is the initiator of coming to the institution, and who will pay. In the case of the arrival of a large company - enters first and pays the one from whom the invitation to the restaurant came. But if a porter meets visitors at the entrance, then the man must let the first woman through. Then he finds empty seats.
Never you should not touch a woman without her desire, take her hand, touch her during a conversation, push her or take her hand above the elbow, except when you help her get into or out of a vehicle, or cross the street.
If someone calls you impolitely (for example: "Hey, you!"), do not respond to this call. However, there is no need to lecture, educate others during a short meeting. It is better to teach an etiquette lesson by your own example.
Golden Rule when using perfume - moderation. If by the evening you smell your perfume, know that everyone else has already suffocated.
A well-mannered man will never allow himself to fail to show his due respect for a woman.
In the presence of a woman, a man smokes only with her permission.
Whoever you are - a director, an academician, an elderly woman or a schoolboy - entering the room, say hello first.
Keep correspondence confidential. Parents should not read letters intended for their children. Spouses should do the same with each other. Anyone who rummages through the pockets of loved ones in search of notes or letters is doing extremely ugly.
Don't try to keep up with fashion. It is better to look not fashionable, but good, than bad.
If after an apology you are forgiven, you should not return to the offensive question again and ask for forgiveness again, just do not repeat such mistakes.
Laughing too loudly, talking too loudly, intently looking at people is offensive.
Don't forget to thank your loved ones people, relatives and friends. Their good deeds and willingness to offer their help is not an obligation, but an expression of feelings worthy of gratitude.

I am very sensitive to the rules of good taste. How to pass a plate. Do not shout from one room to another. Do not open a closed door without knocking. Let the lady go ahead. The purpose of all these countless simple rules- make life better. We cannot live in a state of chronic war with our parents - this is stupid. I am careful about my manners. It's not some kind of abstraction. This is for everyone understandable language mutual respect.
American actor Jack Nicholson