To know that no one needs you. "No one needs it"

The state of depression is one of the most destructive. And, unfortunately, not so rare. It is especially common in women. It is they who ask in terrible hours of loneliness: “How to live on? How to live if no one needs you? Maybe it’s better then not to live at all?”

BUT new love forget it will help ...

Honestly, this question is rhetorical. A person may not be needed by absolutely anyone in extremely rare situations. There is definitely someone on earth who needs to communicate with you. But you yourself reject this communication or underestimate it. "How to live if no one needs you?" - usually asks the one who suddenly realizes that she doesn’t need just one, but significant person for her. And it hurts to realize this at any age: at fifteen and twenty-eight, at forty-five and sixty-three ... In this case, only following the saying can help. That is, it is necessary at this moment to shake things up and go to the “seizure of new frontiers”. Fresh love, new feelings, a lover who has appeared will surely dull the pain and instill in the soul the understanding that a woman is loved again, necessary, in demand. And the question will be forgotten: “How to live if no one needs you?”

Male view on the problem of loneliness and female

But has anyone thought about why the question is formulated in this form: “How to live if no one needs you?”, And not in this way: “How to live if no one needs you?” Why do they suffer more acutely than men? But this happens most often because it is the representatives of the weaker sex who project their entire inner world to the chosen one. In men, besides love, there are usually other priorities, such as career, friends, hobbies. So, to prevent this from happening to you, you - a woman - must take care of yourself in advance. You should not "dissolve" in your beloved without a trace. You also need to provide yourself with a rear: to lead active image life and after marriage, not be limited to family interests, not lose friends, have hobbies, strive for self-improvement, read, go to theaters, go to festivals and sports competitions. In no case should we allow the loss of the meaning of life! There is nothing in the world more precious than life - and you have been given it. So, you are already the chosen one, and not some ungrateful and unworthy mortal, but God himself.

Death loved one- the hardest test

Another question is when close and native person dies. This loss is hard to accept, hard to comprehend. It is especially painful when children are lost... A mother who has dedicated herself to her children feels after their death that now there is no meaning to life. But even in this situation, the above tips help. It is easier to survive the loss of those who, in addition to children, had other interests in life: favorite work, hobbies, friends, creativity. But if life is already at sunset, and the woman has lost all the listed outlets, what should be done in this case? Then we will apply the “wedge by wedge” position. No, in this situation, no one advises looking for a lover, although this option is not excluded. But there is such a way of "survival" as helping those who are worse than you. Lost souls often find a way out in helping the disabled, abandoned animals, suffering from care, affection, love. Those whom you warm in difficult times will respond with such a vivid reciprocal feeling that loneliness will recede into the background. And now someone who really needs you will appear in fate. Love and be loved!

First of all, you need to understand that loneliness and despair are just temporary states with negative emotions. It's actually quite easy to feel needed and not so lonely. One has only to turn to face other people and do something pleasant for them.

Ask other people for help

Quite rarely it can happen that a person has no relatives or friends at all. Rather, it is a terrifying exception to the rule. Therefore, if you still have relatives or friends, then in a difficult situation, you must definitely contact them and tell them about what is tormenting you. If you sincerely ask them for help, they will definitely help you. In this difficult period of life, it is worth forgetting all past grievances that could be accumulated against relatives and friends, and remember how happy you were with them in the past. These are not strangers, they know you better than anyone else, so in a state of depression from loneliness, it is best to turn to them.

Communication with a psychologist is another option to sort out your own problems, speak out and get professional advice. You can contact the psychological help service by phone or make an appointment.

A good option would be to make new acquaintances, moreover, as in real world, as well as on the Internet. It is impossible to imagine that such huge amount people, at least someone did not respond to your request to communicate and would not accept you for who you are. For more successful communication, you need to contact groups of those people who are close to you in some way: go to the library or bookstore if you like books, look at the match if you are a sports fan. This kind of networking can be a great way to defuse the tension, and it's also a great way to find someone who understands you.

Make yourself necessary to someone

If the ways to make new friends don't work, or until you can't find the right person, try helping people. This is one of the best options to feel needed by someone. You can help in animal shelters, nursing homes, hospices, orphanages, shelters for the homeless. You can participate in volunteer campaigns to clean up the city or raise money for treatment. Any help will be needed by others and will help to feel better.

Ultimately, you can get yourself a pet or even adopt a child. After all, there is no one more faithful than a fluffy creature and no one more important than a child. It is impossible to feel unwanted with them.

Feeling the fact that no one needs you arises in childhood, when your parents are not up to you, they have their own problems, work, personal life. You seem to be there, but they do not notice you. There is no one to share your childhood joy with, or ask for advice. And really get advice and understanding, and not just another slap on the back of the head and indifferent: "Go away, don't bother." We bring from childhood to adulthood feelings of worthlessness and loneliness. And when a guy leaves you at the age of 18, you feel like the most ugly and disgusting, with whom they don’t want to be together. And when your husband leaves you at the age of 35, everything just collapses: "No one needs ..."

All people the same. We all want to be needed, important, in demand. Being needed by someone is the most pleasant feeling that gives rise to joy, pride, tenderness in the soul, and many more of the same positive ones. But what to do when it is as if the whole world has conspired against you, and you feel so unnecessary?

Offer and demand

Need be in love and being loved is equally powerful, and it is impossible to choose just one. In childhood, we don’t think about it, we already love everyone by definition. But the child often requires love for himself. Capricious, freaking out, stomping, doing some unthinkable things. And all this so that we, adults, pay attention to it. A child's affection is unconditional, you just give him attention, indicate his importance in your life, and you become the center of the universe for him, the most important person on earth. It turns out that everything is simple? Is it enough to offer a person your attention, and he will answer you in the same way?

Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors

Unfortunately the world adults uncle and aunt is formed from children to whom at one time their parents could or could not instill a sense of "need" in this world. Now the slightest neglect of your feelings raises the childish pain to the surface: "You don't love me!" Uncertainty that people around you need you gives rise to low self-esteem, an inability to develop your talents, a gloomy character, and even aggressiveness. And here is a vicious circle! You do not develop because you are sure that no one needs it, but you do not need it, because you are closed on yourself and your problems, and you do not go towards people.

Really impossible force another person to love you, it will not work to become necessary for him by force. Be capricious as in childhood and stomp your feet? No, I'm afraid this trick will not work. The world- these are strangers to you, everyone is busy with himself. And it’s not a fact that if you reach out to someone and open your heart, he will open his to meet you. Maybe he is just as sure that no one needs you, or you are going to meet him on the wrong road. Do you always reciprocate attempts to please you? I bet you don't even notice most of these attempts by others. What do we give, what do we get? Sometimes it only seems to us that we give what a person needs, but in fact we only amuse our own egoism.

Step forward

Imagine that comes someone to you and says: "I want to be needed by you." Everyone will have the same reaction to such a statement: "So do something for me to become necessary to me!" Probably, we have only one way out: to start working on ourselves and on our attitude towards people. Do you want to be needed by a person? Do something nice for him. Let it be just a compliment and a smile. People like to be approved. Do you want to be indispensable? Do little “pleasures” for a person that no one will do for him in everyday life: prepare morning coffee, do a foot massage in the evening, take care of a warm scarf or a ticket to your favorite concert. Do you want to be asked about your rich inner world? Have you already taken an interest in the inner world of another? Be interested in people more than they are in you. Let this be your selfless contribution to your own future "necessity".

Deaf as in a tank

Do you know what you need fear? Impose your care and attention on someone who really does not need them. If a person neglects you, if not a single gesture of your attention was reciprocated, is it necessary to spend time and effort on overcoming indifference? The best way out is to leave. Not in literally, you can just stop putting your soul into useless relationships, and direct your attention to something else. You can't always get what you give.

You can give a thousand advice, and a hundred times to be open, wise and loving, but when you were offended deeply and painfully, it firmly settles in your soul: "No one needs it."

I recently read an uncomplicated history about a girl who was crying on a bench because her boyfriend left her. When the little one asked her why she was crying so bitterly, she replied: "No one needs me." The boy looked at her in bewilderment: "No one at all? Aunt, did you definitely ask everyone?"
Life not finished yet. Indeed, we have not yet asked everyone ...

Nobody right person How to stop feeling unwanted

July 29, 2018 - No comments

I'm all alone But this is not my choice, it's just that at some point nobody needed me. I don't know if it happened suddenly or gradually, but I extra person on the ground. No one calls, invites me over, asks how I'm doing, cooks scrambled eggs for breakfast, and waits home. There is silence and emptiness around me, but inside - pain. The pain of being over the abyss is thrown away like a worn pencil, like a torn shoe, like a broken chair.

A feeling of uselessness hung over me, like a black cloud over the field - there was no way to run away from it and no place to hide. How could this happen? I'm here, I'm here, I exist, why does everyone around me not care? Why was I left alone and what to do now if no one needs you?

These questions are not rhetorical at all, but quite specific. We will answer them in this article using the knowledge gained in the training " System-Vector Psychology» Yuri Burlan.

Human needs human

All our states are the result of interaction with other people. Despite the fact that we are all different, we see the world in our own way and strive to achieve, often, opposite goals, we are still in the same boat. If we fail to build harmonious relationships in a team, among friends or in a couple, then we experience suffering and ask ourselves why no one needs or needs me.

An aching feeling in the heart, and in the soul - hysteria. This is how the feeling of uselessness is manifested in a person with a visual vector. For some reason, among the millionth city crowd and the seven billion population of the entire planet, for some reason he did not have anyone who would now come up, hug him and say: “ No, you are not redundant. I really need you". These words would instantly dispel all heartache and the world would no longer seem so evil and insensitive.

Nobody needs me: when love is replaced by indifference

A visual person is naturally endowed with the ability to build strong emotional ties with other people through sympathy, compassion and the highest earthly feeling - love. If, for some reason, these ties break down, then he falls into black melancholy and there is a feeling that he is a useless person. The reason for this may be a move to another city or country, a break in paired relationships, or the death of a loved one. All these events are very hard experienced by a person with a visual vector.

But loss is not only rupture or death. It also happens that, for example, relationships in a couple have turned into an ordinary neighborhood. Instead of compliments, care and heart-to-heart conversations, all interaction between spouses comes down to two phrases: “Good morning” and “ Goodnight". The spectator, for whom emotional manifestations are as necessary as air, feels indifference towards himself. But he really wants to love and be loved, bathe in the care and attention of his wife or husband, give each other joy, arrange surprises and never, ever part. If this is not the case, then that same unbearable feeling arises in his soul: no one needs or needs me.

I see the real you

To get rid of it, it is important to learn how to build harmonious relationships. Training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan is just about this. You will involuntarily see not the outer shell of a person, but his inner world, which will allow you to speak the same language with him and understand like no other. In addition, you will understand yourself, realize your nature, and you will change internal states. Instead of black longing from loss, you will feel light sadness and gratitude for the fact that this person was in your life. The same will happen with the feeling of uselessness - it will be replaced by strong emotional ties with loved ones.

Hundreds of people share their results after completing the training:

“... Now a new relationship is developing with my husband. On a completely different level! And this is after twenty years life together, which led to complete misunderstanding, resentment. How is this possible???
Not only was there no trace left of resentment and misunderstanding ... Such an unreal closeness appears in our relationship (sometimes even after long silence We start talking about the same thing! After 20 years - getting to know each other again! Isn't that a MIRACLE?!

“... I began to understand others much better, the reasons for their actions and stopped being offended for every reason ... Resentment and “chewing” them is what poisoned my life for many years. Miraculously, people with whom I had serious conflicts reached out to me. Genuinely stretched. I saw in their eyes a desire to be in my company, which has NEVER been before ... "

When nobody needs you: one against all

The same wording, but a different meaning, carries the words I don’t need anyone from a person with a sound vector.

Unlike an extrovert viewer, he is an introvert by nature, observing the world within himself. Questions pop up in his mind that go far beyond material world: « Who am I?», « Why are we here?», « What is the meaning of everything that exists?»

The everyday worries of most people about what to eat, how to achieve success, where to meet true love and so on, seem to him trifling and not worthy of attention. But philosophical reasoning, brilliant ideas and unprecedented theories of the sound engineer are not interesting for other people either. The sound engineer understands that no one needs it except himself, that it is difficult for him to find like-minded people. This misunderstanding creates a whole abyss between him and the outside world, where he stands on one side, and everyone else on the other.

As a result, a person with a sound vector becomes more and more withdrawn into himself. He decides that he does not need anyone, and as a result - he does not need anyone. He does not strive for people, but at the same time he can suffer greatly from loneliness.

Me and other people: enemies or part of a single plan

But whatever one may say, but we - people - are one whole and we cannot survive alone. Only by uniting we create collective system security and compensate each other for the lack of any qualities. For example, a person with a skin vector organizes the extraction of food, the owner of the anal vector observes the traditions of past generations and passes on knowledge to descendants, spectators care about humanity and create culture, and sound people, with the help of their powerful abstract intelligence, contribute to the process of cognition.

We need each other, and so it was conceived by nature. And all our negative states, like the feeling of being useless, are the result of our misunderstanding of each other, our inability to interact with the world.

How to get out of this feeling of loneliness and take place in pairs, in social relationships, knows the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. About it