The terrible truth about loneliness. Can a person live happily all his life alone

Instruction

Loneliness as a state sometimes does not depend directly on the fact that you live alone. A person can live in a cramped communal apartment and feel deeply lonely. Similarly, loneliness is keenly felt in the crowd strangers or in an unfamiliar environment. This internal unpleasant state must be forced out, replacing it with more joyful feelings. Happy people do not experience loneliness, and happiness is also a state of mind.

It doesn't matter how you've lived so far, but if on this moment you are alone, try to take advantage of this. Independent life is not a tragedy, but a pleasure. The main thing is to learn to be interesting to yourself. There are plenty of activities that can brighten up loneliness: you can read, listen to music at full volume, lie in the bathroom, invite girlfriends to visit, arrange bachelorette parties - in a word, do whatever you want.

Don't think that living alone is bad. Only married women condemn single women, for whom you are a potential rival, a possible seducer of their husbands. The women themselves, who live alone, are quite happy and happy with everything.

The main disadvantage of a lonely life is the lack of care for you. For example, no one will make tea with lemon for you, and you will have to go to the pharmacy to get medicines yourself. But do not forget that walks on fresh air, healthy lifestyle life and sports increase the body's resistance to disease.

Lonely life is freedom in the organization of life, regime. At first, complete independence brings its own difficulties: you must take on both male and female responsibilities around the house. But the habit is developed to everything. Loneliness brings not only complete freedom of action, but also a great opportunity for self-realization. You can give your all career growth.

Main Rule happy life alone - to love yourself deeply - the way you want someone to love you. Pamper yourself and do not forget to regularly communicate with friends and loved ones, then loneliness will not be scary at all.

People who ask the question "how not to think about loneliness?”, as a rule, are weighed down by this feeling. Most people strive to create strong family relations, and if this process does not add up, you need to understand the reasons.

Instruction

First of all, ask yourself the question: what is loneliness for you? There may be several answers. If this state is temporary for you, then in order not to think about it, treat it as an opportunity to rest and gather strength before new meetings, emotions and relationships. When time without constant relationships and obligations is used as an opportunity to be alone with yourself and, in some way, enjoy your sensations, loneliness ceases to be a burden and begins to bring pleasure.

If you are not one of those people, has become your constant companion, try to write on paper why you are in this situation. In most cases, people answer that this is because they are ugly, unsuccessful, uninteresting, unlucky, etc. In fact, all these definitions say one thing: you do not love yourself. Realize this and accept it as a fact, this is what you have to work on.

Everyone can feel lonely from time to time. It can be pain after parting with a loved one, loss close relative or moving to a new place after many years of living in your home. People can be lonely for a million different reasons.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is most often described as a negative emotional condition, which a person experiences when he notices the difference between perfect relationship which he would like to observe between himself and the other person, and reality. The unpleasant feeling of loneliness is subjective - the researchers found that loneliness does not depend on how much time you spend in the company of someone, and how much - without. It has more to do with the quality of the relationship rather than the quantity or duration. A lonely person may be in the company of other people, but feel that no one understands him, that these relationships with people do not make sense. For some people, feelings of loneliness can be temporary and pass quickly. This feeling is not easily dealt with by others, and this condition can only develop if the person does not have people to connect with.

Basic Signals

From an evolutionary point of view, human dependence on the group has ensured the survival of man as a species. Accordingly, loneliness can be seen as a signal to join someone. And from this point of view, loneliness is very similar to hunger, thirst or physical pain, which are signals that it is time to eat, drink or search. medical care. However, in modern society, neutralizing the signal of loneliness has become much more difficult than satisfying hunger, thirst, or healing. Loneliness can develop in those people who are not surrounded by other people who care about them.

risk factor

Researchers have found that social isolation is a risk factor for many diseases, as well as premature death. Latest scientific work on this topic provide information that the lack of social connections poses the same risk to humans early death like obesity. Loneliness is a risk factor for many physical diseases and conditions, such as fragmented sleep, dementia, and even decreased cardiovascular activity.

biological propensity

Some people may even be biologically more vulnerable to loneliness. Research has shown that the tendency to have this feeling may even be inherited from parents and other ancestors. Much research has focused on exploring how loneliness can result from a combination of certain genes and social and environmental factors(e.g. parental support). Most often, loneliness as a mental condition that can be equated with other mental illnesses is completely ignored. Therefore, researchers still have a long way to go to fully understand exactly how this condition can affect a person's mental health. After all, much of the research on loneliness and mental health has focused solely on the relationship between loneliness and depression. And although loneliness and depression are somewhat similar, they are still very different. Loneliness refers exclusively to negative feelings about social peace and depression to a more general set of negative feelings. In a study in which the state of loneliness was observed in subjects for five years, it was found that it can be a harbinger of depression, but the opposite is not possible.

Loneliness is not a symptom of depression

This condition is often misunderstood as a common symptom of depression, or people assume that the loneliness will disappear as soon as doctors start treating depression. Simply put, "lonely" people are forced to join social groups and make friends, assuming that the condition will immediately disappear after that.
And while creating a social platform for socializing and making new friends is the right move, don't assume that pain like this can be removed so easily. People suffering from loneliness may have certain concerns about social situations, and as a result they will reject the opportunity to create new connections - such is the human psyche.

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In our world, there are many stereotypes about loneliness: they say that it is a disease of modern society and that choosing to live alone is like burying yourself alive. However, not all scientists are of this opinion. Neurologist John Cacioppo believes that feeling alone is a learned skill, while sociologist Eric Kleinenberg says that modern world became ideally suited for solo life.

We are in website Let's talk about 7 myths about loneliness that you should stop believing in for a long time.

Myth #1: We only feel lonely when we are away from people.

About how easy it is to be alone and surrounded by people, many books have been written and many films have been made. Loneliness does not depend on what is happening around a person. First of all, it's just him. internal state. Which means living alone, you can not be alone at all.

An ingrained stereotype says that the peak of loneliness is old age. However, according to a study by European psychologists, people feel the most lonely in adolescence - when there are a lot of people around.

Myth No. 2. The world is now experiencing an epidemic of loneliness.

We all could hear that the world is now swallowed up by a wave of loneliness. This is partly true - modern young people are often in no hurry to start a family.

However, not everyone can be happy living alone. It depends on his character, temperament and many other factors. If the solo life does not suit him, then this can lead to a number of negative consequences. For example, a study from the University of Chicago suggests that the brains of people who experience feelings of loneliness react more vividly to negative stimuli. Nevertheless, everyone has the right to choose whether to suffer from loneliness or enjoy it.

How is your life more comfortable? Have you experienced that society condemns your desire to live solo?

Here, for a start, it is necessary to clarify what the author means by loneliness.

If complete isolation, directly physical - when there is not a soul around, then, most likely, sooner or later - depending on all the given circumstances, such isolation and the character and inclinations of the person himself, he will move a little with his mind - well, at least, as above noticed that a person is a social being, and this will cause significant harm to the psyche. There are, of course, extraordinary cases such as hermit monks or insanely enthusiastic scientists for whom there is nothing but the subject of study (a la Perelman; although strictly speaking, they are not isolated, they do not live on a desert island and there are some everyday social contacts and they), but they are extraordinary, it hardly makes sense to compare them with ordinary people.

If it is precisely the feeling of loneliness that is meant - and it doesn’t matter how many acquaintances and friends a person has, the main thing is that he experiences an oppressively heavy feeling of loneliness - then this is very difficult and has a very destructive effect on the psyche of a person, and the person as a whole, makes his unfortunate. You can live like this, there are enough examples, but life is mostly bitter.

If we are talking about formal loneliness - when a person is such a giraffe, then with a certain level of self-sufficiency and character, this is completely normal. Sometimes such a person may have little social contacts, and another can populate with his acquaintances and comrades some small European country, this is not the point here, it is important that he is fundamentally alone, he does not have close ties, there are no special attachments, and this does not bother or upset him at all. If we talk about such loneliness, then a person can live like this all his life and not experience discomfort, moreover, often the discomfort just gives him the need to get out of this lonely state, if one suddenly arises.

If we are talking about loneliness in terms of relationships with the opposite (well, or your own, depending on orientation) sex, then everything is more complicated than in the previous paragraph, due to several factors at once: physiological attraction (many deceive themselves and confuse it with desire to be with someone; a small percentage of the population, however, does not have it, this paragraph does not apply to them), traditions (relationships and family are taken for granted, like the fact that children at 6-7 years old go to school, and in winter they celebrate New Year), public pressure - both direct (“all your classmates are already married!”, “When will you bring us a bride?”), And indirectly (relationships, weddings, children - all this is positioned as some kind of achievement, a necessary achievement, without which you're almost defective). But in general, if a person really has no desire to start a relationship (many create the appearance that he is not there because it doesn’t work out, well, this, in general, also applies to the previous paragraph with communication and friends) and he has strong enough willpower and independence from other people's opinions, then he can quite calmly live his whole life alone (it is not prohibited by law, 95% safe .. well, okay, this is already subjective).

The modern rhythm of life causes changes in the human psyche. Everything more people prefer individualism. Can a person live alone, how can a man and a woman learn to live alone - these questions are raised in this article.

Yesterday human society was sure that only in a family, a couple, a society can one be fully happy. realities today are such that the number of people who prefer to live independently is rapidly increasing. For many, freedom is more important than attachments. Therefore, loneliness as a way of life is a frequent phenomenon. Individual life for many becomes comfortable and easy. evolutionary development allowed to eliminate many negative factors of a lonely life. It used to be almost impossible to survive alone. Now the values of the family are inferior to the values of self-realization. They become loners not out of necessity, but out of convictions and desires.

The other group is made up of people for whom loneliness is not a conscious choice, but a forced state. They are waiting for deliverance from loneliness and are not ready to put up with it.

How can a woman learn to live alone?

The need for emotional attachment and emotional contact is inherent in us by nature. This is especially pronounced in the female sex. Women in adulthood who do not have a husband and children are at risk. How to survive loneliness and depression if you are completely alone is a topical issue for many. How to survive loneliness after the death of a husband? - no less painful question. Because the woman who lived most life is not alone, it is much more difficult to come to terms with it. In this case, it is necessary to give free rein to feelings, i.e. burn the way your heart asks.

Be sure to seek help from family and friends. You can't shut yourself up in yourself and your grief. A new business, caring for other people will allow a woman to “reborn from the ashes” again and be happy.

An important step towards overcoming yourself is the realization that loneliness is not a punishment. You can and should learn to be happy without outside participation. It has been proven that singles are more active in life. They have time and opportunity to enrich themselves spiritually.

They can afford: visiting exhibitions, museums, traveling, participating in social movements and social work. There is an opinion that they compensate for their state of loneliness with increased social activity. Therefore, it is individualists who stimulate the development of society today.

A single woman should use all available means to alleviate the condition.

Loneliness after 50

A few rules on how you can survive loneliness for a woman after 50:

As a rule, women at this age have girlfriends, friends, relatives. In order not to have time to suffer, you need to make the world revolve around you. Let people into your life and it will shine. Arrange meetings, plan holidays and weekends.
Enjoy your purchases. Treat loneliness as a temporary and highly attractive state. Tell yourself that now you can afford to update your wardrobe every month. Medicines are more effective than shopping have not yet been invented. Feel free to go to the store and remember that life is one.
Do not refuse any communication. After all, the Internet is a great way to get rid of longing and loneliness. Virtual dating in most cases become quite real. Modern society meets and creates families mainly in this way.
An important means of getting rid of boredom still, is occupational therapy. Favorite work is a source of inexhaustible inspiration and vitality. And if the work does not suit you, it's time to change it.
Find something for your soul and hands. You can sign up for courses foreign language, learn to drive, learn to felt wool or do modeling. Hobbies are a great way to express yourself and fill an inner void.
optimism and positive attitude- the main thing in the fight against loneliness. The correct position in life is expressed in the fact that there is knowledge of how to live alone when a woman is 50 years old, but there is no understanding why. A clear realization that individualism is not yours will bear fruit sooner or later. And then the void around will be filled.

What not to do

Loneliness is a state when you can and should think. However, there are points that should not be allowed:

You don't need to feel sorry for yourself. Self-pity is destructive. Nothing but tears, regret and prolonged depression can be extracted from this feeling.
You cannot engage in self-digging. One moment when a woman draws adequate conclusions about her life. Another thing is if there is a self-deprecating assessment of oneself and one's capabilities. Loneliness is a temporary phenomenon and it did not happen because you are not the way you should be. Every person has the right to be himself. And he is not alone in this.
Illusions are the wrong way. We take off the “rose-colored glasses” and clearly realize that we need to act. As you know, water does not flow under a lying stone, therefore own life is only in your hands.