How to quickly develop emotional intelligence? Ways to develop emotional intelligence.

Emotions can help or hinder you, but you cannot know until you understand their essence. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 will help you deal with your emotional states and learn to deal with them.

We have chosen five tips for you that will help you to correctly perceive your own emotions.

Stop perceiving feelings as good and bad

Humans tend to divide their emotions into two simple groups: good and bad. For example, most people automatically classify guilt as a bad emotion. You do not want to experience this feeling and are ready to struggle with yourself, wanting to get rid of it. In other situations, you unleash your arousal. Sometimes you pump yourself with energy, and sometimes you spray it in all directions.

The downside of labeling emotions is that you can't really understand exactly what you're feeling when you label them that way.

When you give yourself the opportunity to calmly deal with the emotion and understand what it is, you get a chance to find out what causes it. Relinquishing judgment about emotions will allow them to do their thing and disappear without a trace. And constant thinking about whether you should feel what you feel, awakens new emotions to life and does not allow the original feeling to be realized.

Therefore, immediately pay attention to situations when certain emotions begin to develop in you. Refrain from labeling your emotion as "good" or "bad" and then you will be able to understand something important.

Write down your emotions

The main problem in developing self-perception is objectivity. It's hard to get a perspective on your emotions and tendencies when you're trying to start climbing a mountain from the bottom every day. By writing down your thoughts, you can record what events triggered your emotions and how you responded to them.

You can write about what happened to you at home or at work - there are no restrictions on this. In just a month, you will notice a stable pattern of your behavior and the emergence of emotions, and this will allow you to better understand your tendencies. You will begin to better understand which emotions make you feel depressed, which makes you feel elated, and which emotions are the most difficult for you to deal with.

Watch carefully for people and situations that push your buttons and unleash your strongest emotions.

Describe the emotions you experience every day. Don't forget to also describe the physical manifestations that accompany them. You gain the ability to see more clearly because putting your emotions on paper makes it easier to determine what your tendencies are. Your diary can be a great resource to draw upon when evaluating your self-image.

Notice the presence of your emotions in books, movies and music

If you're having a hard time looking inward to understand your emotional patterns and tendencies, you can discover the same information through movies, music, and books that you feel connected to. If the lyrics of a song or its mood resonate with your feelings, then this can tell a lot about your inner feeling, and if you constantly remember a certain character from a book or movie, then this may indicate that his thoughts and feelings are parallel to yours. A careful study of these points can teach you a lot about yourself. In addition, with this tool, you can tell a lot about your feelings to other people.

Finding the reflection of your emotions in the performance of artists allows you to learn a lot about yourself and discover feelings in yourself that are difficult to express in words.

Sometimes you just can't find the right words in order to express the necessary emotions ... and suddenly you hear exactly how the hero of the film pronounces them. Listening to music, reading books, watching movies, and even looking at an artist's painting can open the door to your deepest emotions. The next time a movie or book grabs your attention, try to dig deeper - you never know what you'll find as a result of your search.

Don't let bad mood fool you

We constantly succumb to a bad mood, when it seems to us that the whole world is against us. This state covers our thoughts, feelings and everything that happens to us with a thick and dark fog. Your brain has one focus. As soon as you fall into the power of a bad mood, you lose sight of all the good things in your life. Suddenly you start to hate your job, your friends and family annoy you, you are dissatisfied with your achievements, and your optimism about the future disappears like smoke. Somewhere deep down you know that everything is not as bad as it seems now, but your brain remains deaf to it.

Part of our self-perception is awareness of what we're going through, even if we can't get rid of it. Admit to yourself that you Bad mood is a kind of cloud covering everything that you see. Remind yourself that your mood is transient. Emotions change constantly, and bad mood will pass - you just need to wait a bit.

Bad mood - no best time to make important decisions.

You must be constantly aware of what mood you are in. If you think you can make sound decisions no matter what your mood is, you will end up with even bigger problems. It is important not only to reflect on what events led you to the current mood. Sometimes these reflections themselves (if you do not get hung up on them too much) can be enough reason for a bad mood to pass by itself.

Understand how you behave under stress

If you learn to recognize the first signs of stress, you will be doing yourself a huge favor. The human mind and body speak their own language to you (at least when there is stress). Through emotional and psychological reactions, they let you know when it's time to slow down and take a break. An upset stomach, for example, may indicate that you are overwhelmed with nervousness and anxiety. Indigestion and fatigue are the way your body asks for time to rest. Indigestion may indicate tension and anxiety, and symptoms such as headache, stomatitis or back pain may be an expression of other internal problems.

Your self-perception in times of stress and tension should serve as a third ear, listening carefully to your body's voice or its cries for help.

When you push too hard, your body has a lot to say to you. Take the time to listen to these signals and recharge your emotional batteries before the emotional stress causes permanent damage to your internal system.

Emotional intellect, or " EQ is the ability to identify, evaluate and control one's emotions and to better understand and manage the emotions (or motives) of others. Term » emotional intellect” has been around since about the 1980s and gained popularity and fame thanks to Daniel Goleman, who wrote a bestseller called Emotional Intelligence. The term itself is the subject of much controversy regarding the definition, but since it is such a broad topic, it is possible to distinguish the basic components of EQ so that you can use them if you seek to improve both your understanding and personal implementation of EQ.

You will greatly benefit from having high level emotional intelligence, and indeed, some people believe that having a high EQ is more important than having intellectual ability, although in recent times the emphasis is on achieving balance, not on the assumption that all you need is EQ. Luckily, for those of us who currently lack EQ or simply want to increase our EQ abilities, there are plenty of ways to make it stronger.

Understand the importance of emotional intelligence in all aspects of your life

It is important in life to be intellectually gifted, but having emotional intelligence is considered above this as there are many benefits associated with it.

Having a high level of emotional intelligence can help you lead happy life, because it is easier to speak and understand others, acting calmly and calmly in difficult situations becomes your second self, and this can also lead to better relationships and new job opportunities.

There are four main elements of emotional intelligence that will help you lead a balanced life:

Self-awareness: it is the ability to recognize your emotions for what they are and understand their origin. It's also about knowing your strengths, limitations, and self-esteem.

Self management: it is the ability to restrain one's desires, combine your needs with the interests of others, take the initiative and not be impulsive. It is also about being able to accept change and stay committed.

Social Awareness: it's about how you deal with other people's emotions and concerns, as well as your ability to notice and adapt to social cues. It is also about the ability to see the development of the dynamics of the power of relations in any group.

Relationship management: It's about the ability to get along with others, resolve conflicts, inspire and influence people, and communicate clearly.

Learn to recognize what causes stress and how to deal with it

Life is full of difficult situations - from broken relationships to job loss. During these periods, there are many causes for stress, which can make any problem that we face during the day look more complicated than it really is, and the more vulnerable we are, the more difficult it is for us to ignore many life factors. causing stress.

Highly important part Improving your emotional intelligence is an opportunity to discover the causes that caused stress and recognize them for what they are, calm down and relax.

Be open, curious and pleasant

Openness and agreement go hand in hand when it comes to emotional intelligence. Be open to new ideas - a limited mind usually indicates a lower EQ.

To develop a more open-minded attitude, try to understand and reflect on the emotions and ideas of others. Be open in expressing your ideas and opinions so that you can consider all possibilities. Remember that you cannot always be right, and as you open your mind and consider new possibilities, your mind will expand and become more open and receptive when you find yourself thinking about reality differently than you once thought.

When everything is clear in your mind, you will calmly and confidently resolve conflicts and gain confidence in society and new opportunities will open up for you. It may be difficult for you to change your thinking if you look at everything that happens in your life from an absolute point of view, but if you do so, new horizons will open before you. To reinforce this constituent part your EQ, heed these tips:

Listen to debates on television or radio, while always reflecting on the views of both sides, and also do not forget that everywhere there are nuances and subtleties that require more thorough research. Often the answers are not in plain sight, they are hidden in the shadows of what is happening.

If you feel like you have a "mess in your head", write down your thoughts and ideas and criticize them, thinking about why you have such an opinion. Getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper will give them concreteness and allow you to play many variations with them and present them more clearly.

To free your overburdened mind, take a stroll along a deserted beach. Taking a break from work can help you cope with a stressful situation, inexorable changes, or boring daily routines.

When you hear something you don't agree with, think about it before you decide you don't like the idea. When someone doesn't react as emotionally as you do, consider why that is.

To improve your ability to be pleasant, show more trust in others. This does not mean being naive or overly gullible, but you are required to be ready to see the best in people and not tune in to the worst.

Be sociable and empathetic

Those who have the ability to understand others and have a direct interest in external qualities (i.e., being focused on what is outside of the self) instead of being self-centered (egocentric) have the qualities of extroversion and empathy. To better understand this, being selfless is extroversion (note that this is not the same as extrovert) and understanding others is empathy.

Extroversion and empathy appear at the same time - when they are combined, an understanding, selfless person appears before us. A selfish and self-centered person usually lacks empathy, and a person who lacks empathy usually requires much more interest in himself, seeing life through the prism of his needs and desires.

If you strengthen this element of emotional intelligence, your communication skills will increase, allowing you to experience stronger and more satisfying relationships. Being able to communicate clearly will help you better manage conflict and increase your ability to effectively influence others. To acquire extraversion and empathy traits, do the following:

To show empathy, put yourself in the place of others. Choose a person who is having a hard time (for example, someone in need of shelter or your friend is in deep trouble) and think about how you would feel if you were in their place. Imagine what it's like to go through what they're going through and what can ease some of their hardships if you show them support and care.

Show empathy to friends and colleagues.

When you see someone else's experience, ask yourself: "How would I react in the same situation? ", " Do these people deserve to experience such hardships? “, “Should I feel sorry for this man? ", " Were they treated fairly? and “Do I want to be treated this way?”

By doing this, you will begin to understand others and show empathy for people.

Be open and ready to discuss the problem

Rational thinking and rational action important aspects emotional intelligence. While you can understand the situation well and form a clear picture of it, but cannot act rationally in this case, what can be the use of an analytical understanding of the situation?

Thoroughness is the act of analyzing the situation and discussion is our rational response to what happened. In other words, this is how we perceived the situation, analyzed it and acted accordingly.

Often a person can "see" what is wrong, but stops there and does not move on to subsequent positive actions. By thinking rationally and acting after discussing the situation, you will be able to make more thoughtful decisions and your ability to endure difficulties will increase dramatically. Along with an open heart, you will be able to find the best way out of any sticky situation. Ways to improve this element of your EQ include:

When something happens, analyze it. Sometimes it's not bad to analyze, criticize articles, of course, if you adequately perceive criticism. Speaking of essence, be prepared to act on what you have discovered.

Imagine yourself in similar situation and think about how you would react in their place. Imagine yourself in both simple and difficult situations so that your brain works hard on options for getting out of these situations. Thinking about difficult situations before they happen to you will help you practice making responsible decisions in these cases.

Be purposeful. Being conscientious means being focused on achieving the goal and taking all the necessary steps to achieve this. The best thing you can do is think through your goals and write them down so that they begin to shape your thought process. It's hard to go anywhere if you don't have a map, and that goes for your life as well.

Before making a decision, make sure you have considered all the possibilities. If you want to be reasonable, then hold back your temper and take your time with an answer until you have all the facts, and only then can you carefully make a decision.

When making a decision, never be guided by mood. For example, if you are angry at the moment of making a decision, this is bad, because anger is not a good adviser, especially if you are about to make an important decision. You need to do this with a clear head.

Be Mindful and Self-Aware - Know Yourself

Being mindful means paying attention to yourself and your surroundings in a friendly manner. This is where knowing who you are plays an important role. If you don't know this, how can you understand others? Worst of all - the desire of others to define who you are in order to get rid of your originality and meaning. life purpose by drawing their own path for you.

Finding yourself is an exciting journey, sometimes a lifetime - but it is the guarantee of your personal growth, changes and that you will learn more about yourself and what keeps you afloat. Find out who you are and you will be much more aware of the dreams, aspirations, strengths and weaknesses of others. In addition, knowing how the people around you live is important, because you must be able to analyze the outside world.

Once you know yourself, begin to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior, which is self-awareness. This will allow you to manage yourself in an effective way, and you will be able to control your emotions and behavior in a healthy way. Later, this will help you see other people's emotions and behaviors clearly. To improve this EQ element, use these tips:

Ask yourself questions like: “Why am I behaving this way? “, “Why do I have certain beliefs?”, “Why do I find this so contradictory and challenging my beliefs?”.
Recognize your strengths and weak sides and rely on strengths while working on how to either supplement or circumvent your shortcomings.
Develop beliefs and evaluate them. This is best done by reading, teaching and listening. large group people, including those who have challenged your view of the world. Do not take for granted what your parents, teachers, colleagues say, your beliefs should be based on what you have learned by exploring the world.
Leave room for personal growth. An intellectually curious person will always be interested in self-improvement through learning, discovering and reinventing something that may be needed in a lifetime. Nothing is permanent, and a person who adapts to life's trends will lead a far more fulfilling life than someone who resists change.

Improve your communication skills

Having good communication skills leads to better EQ. A high level of communication skills makes it easier to send and receive clear and relevant messages.

It is important to be able to communicate not only with words, but also to take into account your body language. You can learn a lot about a person and their emotions by studying their body language, just like you always send certain messages with your body depending on how you control (or don't control) it. Pay attention to:

Comfort zone: Every person has their own comfort zones. Explore how close people are to you and how much they want to connect with you on a physical level. Respect their comfort zone to reduce their discomfort; in turn, you will be in a better position because you understood them and determined their preferences.
Follow sincerity: when someone smiles, how sincere is that smile? You can tell a lot about a person by their smile.
Body position: Explore body position to better understand others and to see cues that are not being talked about. If a person takes an open pose towards you, his gestures and the way he looks into your eyes indicates that he enjoys being around you.

Some people hide by assuming a closed body position; you don't have to be the reason for this, as many people are just afraid to reveal their true selves and use body language to stay closed in their "shell", believing it's safer that way.

You can help these people open up by trusting and showing that they can trust you, as well as being sincere and compassionate.

Be optimistic

Optimists tend to have happy and successful lives. It is easier for an optimist to see beauty in life and everyday things. In a way, if you are an optimist, it manifests in your open soul, and this is one of the essential elements improving your emotional intelligence.

If you see everything in black light, how can you expect to become emotionally intelligent? Negativity forces us to remain closed to other people and focus only on what can go wrong in our lives, rather than making our circumstances stand up to life's vicissitudes. The result of optimism is emotional well-being and greater opportunities - people want to be around an optimistic person, and this draws them to you, with all the opportunities that having great established connections provides you.

Be sure to take some time to practice optimism by:

Identifying and evaluating your positive traits
Recognizing the good in others
Recognition and acceptance of shortcomings
Making the most of difficult situations
Using difficulties as a means to improve
Improving your sense of humor and the ability to see the bright side of life's difficulties.

Be open to new ideas and don't limit yourself.

Some things need to be analyzed in more detail than others.

If you have a high EQ, consider work that requires constant interaction with people, as well as work that involves other people.

Don't despair - always remember that emotional intelligence can be improved, no matter how low or high it is, through concerted effort and your willingness to be open to change.

Emotional intelligence is about more than just controlling your feelings. It also implies self-control.

Warnings

If some of the ideas you've tried didn't work, learn to be grateful for that lesson as well, but don't settle for accepting this state of affairs. Keep working.

Just be careful - having emotional intelligence has reverse side. Some people are so deeply attuned to others that it is difficult for them to work in an environment where there is constant difficulty in building relationships. In this case, your emotional intelligence requires balance so that you don't overwhelm yourself.

Being open does not mean giving equal weight to such things as bigotry or the pursuit of sound thought. It means understanding why someone else is so afraid of certain categories of people that they feel the need to try to eradicate them.

Having a high IQ does not guarantee a high EQ. The desire to maintain a balance between the two is worth the effort, but don't let your seemingly lower IQ stop you; most people with high IQs are lonely, drifting, and unconnected because they rely too much on their genius to get them through life, rather than seeking close fellowship with other people. Although their incredible insight can take place here, they can also be very lonely and not find a place for themselves. EQ implies openness, willingness to communicate and the recognition that there is always something to learn, even if you are a genius.

School of Yuri Okunev

Greetings to all readers of my blog. With you Yuri Okunev.

What personal quality do you think you need to have in your arsenal in order to become a good leader? Honesty? persistence? discipline? Yes, it should be. But first of all, the leader must have a powerful emotional intelligence. Today we will talk about how to develop emotional intelligence.

In the article, we have discussed what IQ is and how to increase its level.
Knowing your aikyu is, of course, good. It is even better to have a fairly high level of intelligence. However, this does not guarantee success.

Life shows that people with fairly high aikyu rates often work as janitors, drivers, and ordinary workers. And, conversely, to become, say, the president of the United States, it is not at all necessary to have an outrageous IQ.

If we analyze who is in the organization MENTA (closed society, which includes the most intelligent people from all over the planet), then the conclusion suggests itself that it is possible to have a sufficiently high level of intelligence and, nevertheless, live your whole life “with a hole in your pocket”.

So what's the deal? It turns out that IQ does not provide objective data on the level of success and wealth of an individual?

The Secret of Leadership

In the mid-1990s, US psychologists D. Goleman and L. Gardner asked just such a question. Then the concept of "emotional intelligence" (EQ) was introduced.

Until now, it was believed that emotions are some kind of uncontrollable substance, under the influence of which a person loses his mind. In his book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman/urlspan] takes the opposite view. Emotions, the author says, can and should be controlled.

To do this, you need to learn to understand your feelings and get out of their sphere of influence. This will allow:

Win own fears and experiences;
Understand the motives of other people's actions;
Influence those around you.

A leader does not have to be highly intelligent. Due to emotional superiority, he will be able to surround himself with smart and gifted people and use their genius. This determines the effectiveness of actions.

Four spheres of influence

Emotional intelligence is divided into four components:

Understanding yourself;
Self-discipline, the ability to restrain negative emotions;
Understanding others;
Interaction with others.

To develop emotional intelligence, you need to master each of these steps to a sufficient degree. Let's analyze each of them in more detail.

Understanding yourself

Feelings come and go. There are negative emotions and there are positive ones. Sadness, joy, fear, anxiety, boredom - all this is a figment of our imagination. And yet, they can help us, or they can interfere with our daily activities.

In the book of psychologist V. Sinelnikov "Love your sickness" describes in detail what negative emotions are and where they come from. Every negative emotion has a sub-goal, a positive intention.

For example, for the emotion of anger, such an intention would be the desire to change the world in better side. It is important to realize why, for what purpose this emotion arises, and to learn how to achieve the same goal in a more positive way. By the way, in the same book you can find information about what kind of chronic diseases this or that negative emotion or experience can lead to if you do not work with it in time.

Without learning to understand ourselves and the nature of our feelings, we will never be able to understand the motivation of the actions of the people around us: work colleagues, friends and those who are dear to us.

self-discipline

Have you ever interacted with a person who has a stony and impenetrable face? How does it feel? Perhaps, we are equally uncomfortable, both in the company of an interlocutor who is not at all emotional, and too emotional when emotions reach the level of falsehood and lies.

The necessary level of emotions - a polite smile, friendly intonations in the voice - must be present in official communication. Well, in a friendly close circle, living emotions - joy, surprise, interest - are part of the exchange of information with each other.

The ability to control one's facial expressions, intonation, and gestures is a privilege of people with a well-developed emotional intelligence. People who are good at this skill are respected in any team and become an example to follow.

Understanding others

Everything is clear here. If you want to understand others, be able to listen and understand. Pay attention to the interlocutor. To be able to guess the train of thought by the smallest movements of facial expressions and intonation.

But that's not all. Non-verbal methods of communication carry a significant amount of information about whether a person is telling the truth or lying, whether he feels hostility or distrust during a conversation.

Goleman introduces the concept of empathy - conscious attention to the behavior of the interlocutor. Thanks to developed empathy, the leader can:

Maintain authority in the eyes of others;
To achieve trust and location to itself;
Always know what employees think, be able to talk to a person in time and find out additional information;
Remove obviously dangerous people from your environment.

Interaction with others

Mastering all the previous steps - recognizing one's own and other people's feelings, mastering the methods of self-control - allows you to exercise influence on others.

emotionally developed people always become leaders. They know how to rally a team around them, inspire with an idea, and resolve emerging conflicts. Even in an ordinary company of friends, such people can always be seen. They are usually in the spotlight: they poison jokes, give an assessment to others, their voice always stands out from the crowd.

The job of a leader is to lead. It is important to choose and put into practice the right policy of interaction with others. Goleman considers six basic management models.

Four resonant (constructive):

Democratic;
Educational;
idealistic;
Friendly.

And two dissonant (destructive):

authoritarian;
Ambitious.

In general, many books by domestic authors are devoted to ways of interacting with others, ways of resolving conflicts and methods of communicating with unpleasant people. For example, I like books by psychologist N. Kozlov With detailed analysis every life situation. In particular, you can read his "Book for those who like to live" - this is about how to show emotional intelligence in Everyday life and personal relationships and the book "17 Moments of Success: Strategies for Leadership" - for those whose work is related to the field of management.

Take the test

At the moment, the problem of emotional intelligence is mainly dealt with by Western psychologists, and therefore tests to determine the level of EQ (there are more than forty of them) are mostly in English. Of the Russian versions, we can offer the MSCEIT 2.0 test, edited by E. Sergienko and I. Vetrova, the most accurate and objective Russian-language test. You can go through it yourself here.

Work on yourself

Perhaps you are waiting for a list of exercises from me, after completing which at home, you will immediately ascend to the pedestal of emotional intelligence? There are no such exercises.

The fact is that the development of emotional intelligence is a long-term process of constant work on oneself, self-improvement and discipline.

Read books, study video courses on practical psychology, positive thinking, introspection. Something that can be gleaned from Eastern philosophy. You can read the book of the same V. Sinelnikov “A stress reliever. How to become the master of your life, containing a series of tips for mastering empathy and effective communication.
Go in for sports. Active movements perform the function of dynamic meditation. When exercising, attention shifts to correct work muscles, while the brain is completely freed. It often happens that the solution to the most difficult issues comes by itself during or after training.
. Planning makes the brain constantly work, get rid of internal complexes, barriers and fears.
Study the typology of personalities, body language, the art of rhetoric - everything that helps to communicate effectively. Learn to listen to who you are talking to.
Try to analyze your emotions. When faced with another problem, place a piece of paper and a pen in front of you. Divide the sheet in half. On the left side, write the solutions to the problem that emotions suggest to you, on the right side, write what the mind says. Even before you finish writing, the right decision will come.

Afterword

That's all for today. When developing emotional intelligence, do not forget to devote time to logic. This service will help you Brinapps, which provides a set of simple and highly effective simulators that are accessible to children and interesting for adults.

I hope that the article was useful for you. Write comments, leave feedback. Subscribe to blog news.

Goodbye. Yours, Yuri Okunev.

Victoria Shimanskaya is a psychologist, a leading specialist in the field of research on emotional intelligence (EQ) in Russia, the author of the Monsiki methodology for developing the EQ of children, partner of the EQ-factor Laboratory, a leader of master classes and trainings on the subject of EQ - about the intellectual-emotional profile of a personality and its role in organizing and running a business.

Key Factors in Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is talked about a lot these days. The need to develop emotional intelligence has been repeatedly proven by scientists and various examples from life and business.

Obviously, a person with a higher level of emotional intelligence perceives reality more adequately and reacts to it and interacts with it much more effectively. This applies to almost all communications - both interpersonal and social; subjective and objective experiences; abstract and concrete concepts. Thus, emotional intelligence has become one of the new tools for business management, building effective communications and management.

The perception of information occurs through sensory systems. In this case, key areas of the brain act first, and then the reactions of the autonomic nervous, muscular and other systems take place. Interaction with information, with oneself and the outside world is built depending on the degree of development of the key drivers of emotional intelligence: awareness, self-esteem, motivation, adaptability.

Drivers actually contain basic personality traits, but they are not immutable and can evolve.

Each driver can be unlocked through four skills:

awareness through awareness of one's thoughts and emotions, one's body and behavior;
self-assessment through positive perception peace and decisiveness, as well as through acceptance and assertiveness (a person's ability not to depend on external influences and assessments, to independently regulate their own behavior and be responsible for it);
motivation through the desire for self-actualization and determination, as well as through open perception of the new, strong goal-setting and objective experience of failures;
adaptability through conscious empathy with another person - empathy, stress resistance, decision making and sociability.

Emotional quote

It is necessary to pay attention to the fact that emotional intelligence does not exist separately from the intellect. Over the past three decades, science has advanced significantly, studying the interaction of the emotional and intellectual spheres (IQ and EQ) in terms of brain activity, psychology and business.

“It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of the heart over the head - this is the only way for the intersection of both,” David R. Caruso, a psychologist, professor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University (USA), once said management and co-author of the concept of emotional intelligence.

Along with the well-known abbreviation IQ (English Intelligence Quotient - intelligence quotient or coefficient mental development) there is a concept of emotional coefficient EQ ( English. Emotional Quotient), which was introduced by clinical physiologist Reuven Bar-On back in 1985. In 1996, at a meeting of the American Psychological Association in Toronto, he presented his EQ-i (Emotional Quotient Inventory) test, which contained a list of questions to determine the coefficient of emotional intelligence, from which the now famous Bar-On model of emotional intelligence was born.

Despite the fact that the interaction of IQ and EQ is recognized by many researchers, the first model that clearly showed the interaction of these two coefficients was developed by Russian scientists at the EQ-factor Emotional Intelligence Laboratory under the leadership of N. Koro and V. Shimanskaya.

Intellectual-emotional profile of the leader's personality

This model is an integral part of the intellectual-emotional profile of the IEPP personality. According to this model, emotional intelligence EQ is a kind of base of the personality pyramid in the coordinate system. The vectors of this system are EQ drivers and form different strategies of behavior in various spheres of life:

awareness - the "strategy of philosophers";
self-esteem - the "strategy of the stars";
motivation - "strategy of heroes";
adaptability - the "strategy of leaders".

When emotional intelligence connects with the IQ intelligence vector, the “strategy of creators” is formed - a strategy that is key in all areas of life, and even more so in business.

It is the “strategy of the creators” that makes it possible to realize the potential of a person to such an extent that in the end he reaches the highest level of self-realization. Therefore, the larger this pyramid has (due to the development of EQ drivers and IQ itself), the more possibilities a person will have an impact on his life, the lives of other people and the world as a whole.

AT modern world any leader and entrepreneur must be a creator - to create not just a product or service, but the best product, best service, best service and best experience. And this is almost impossible without the ability to manage your emotions.

How to develop EQ?

As already noted in this article, the development of EQ occurs through the development of its main factors - drivers. Therefore, it is necessary first of all to develop them.

1. Exercise for the development of "mindfulness"

Close your ears and concentrate on the surroundings, try to see all the details. How the picture will become "brighter" and you will notice something that you did not pay attention to before.
Then close your eyes and concentrate on the sounds. In a normal situation, we subconsciously concentrate on a zone of no more than 1.5 meters around us. “Expanding” our hearing, we begin to notice the nuances of natural and mechanical.
Close your eyes and ears together. Feel how your body interacts with the world around you - for example, the touch of wind or grass on it, if you are ready to take off your shoes.

It is enough to do this exercise once a week so that the ability to recognize the voice intonations of interlocutors, the nuances of facial expressions become much higher. This will allow you to more accurately determine the explicit and hidden messages of the interlocutors and, most importantly, your own reaction to certain processes, as well as understand how your body reacts to information, how it experiences emotions.

2. For the development of “adaptability”, a simple training on “emotion cards” is suitable

You depict anger, joy, sadness or interest - depending on which card you draw. It's simple and effective method"work out" your emotional expression. At the same time, your efficiency as a negotiator increases several times.

3. To develop “self-esteem”, you should first master the poses of power

Power poses are postures of the human body that "start" the production of dopamine: a straight back, arms raised up, head held high. The production of this hormone contributes to a better memorization of material and information.

One minute of this exercise before negotiations will make you feel much more confident.

4. To develop "motivation" do the following right now

Write down ten things you enjoy doing. Then reformulate them so that only the verbs remain. Find the exact verb the best way will transfer one or another occupation.

Use these verbs to create a plan for the month. And during this month you will need to live ten days under the motto of this word. Traveling or laughing, tasting and learning new things, jumping or counting - there are many options.

For example, under the motto of the verb "tasting", you can go to a specialty restaurant or wine boutique - or maybe have a party at home. And it can also become a concept for the presentation of goods and services of your company.

Just live each of these days 200% with the ten words of action that really make up your essence of growth - what you can give to the world.

When you do these exercises, you will definitely move towards your true goals closer than in the past few years, because you will be doing the most important thing successful businessman or leader - the implementation of the "strategy of the creator."

We want ourselves and our children to be successful and happy. But we often forget that it is impossible to put an equal sign between these concepts. You can be successful, but at the same time constantly feel unhappy. Or you can constantly experience difficulties in your studies or career, but treat them not as a tragedy, but as a step forward.

Why are emotions so important?

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
Charles Swindoll, writer

The modern world is full stressful situations which are difficult to handle even for adults, not to mention children. They do not understand and do not know what emotions they experience at one time or another, how to manage them, therefore they have a distorted idea of what is happening. This leads to neurosis, apathy and other depressive states.

Exaggerated demands of teachers, instilling in a small personality the importance of victory and superiority (many want to be the parents of winners) - all this is too heavy a load for fragile children's shoulders. The heavier this burden, the more important it is to deal with the feelings and experiences of the child.

Already in adulthood we see that people who cannot control their emotions have trouble in all areas of life, including in their careers.

When a person is engulfed negative emotions and cannot objectively assess their feelings, desires and possibilities, a devastating effect is guaranteed.

Relations with others deteriorate, a person withdraws into himself, loses faith in himself, his strength or his professionalism, becomes irritable, becomes even more confused in his feelings. And then the question arises: “What level of emotional intelligence does he have?”

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is responsible for recognizing and correctly interpreting emotions. It is he who gives a person psychological flexibility and the ability to effectively interact with the outside world.

That is why the concept of "emotional intelligence" was first voiced in relation to career building and self-realization. However, psychologists immediately caught the infantile subtext in this, because the fundamental development of the personality occurs precisely in childhood.

For a child, the development of EQ is an opportunity to create a streamlined and understandable system of perception that will allow you to effectively interact with people around you, perceive criticism correctly, recognize the feelings of adults and peers and adequately respond to them.

aggression, apathy, bad dream, absent-mindedness, inability to establish contacts with peers and other disturbing manifestations in the child's behavior are obvious signals that indicate the need to develop emotional intelligence.

How to develop emotional intelligence from childhood?

The most important thing in the life of any child is parental love. Love your child, show him tenderness and care. Tactile communication between mother and child does not lose its significance for children older than infancy.

Love makes every person feel secure and confident. This is a reliable foundation for the development of a successful personality.

In addition, it is very important to create the right associations with different emotions. Show your child real example what is joy. Maybe it's the smell of the cake? Maybe ringing a bell? What about friendship? Do you associate friendship with hugs? If not, then what does it look like in your imagination?

Create a colorful and vibrant world around your child, in which every feeling and sensation has its own color, aroma and taste. So you will not only open the doors to the world of emotions for the child, but also get closer to him, further strengthen the trust between you.

A similar method works for . Do not just read, but play fairy tales, tell children magical stories through a game or a small performance. Play a scene in front of them, use tactile sensations, aroma oils, appropriate intonation - this will allow the child to feel the whole gamut of sincere emotions that a magical story evokes.

Each of these methods is well described in our book Monsiki. What are emotions and how to deal with them. Ours, because we created it together with my son Gleb, based on our own experience. It can be safely called a detailed guide for parents, where one of the most effective methods EQ development is shown through interaction with fairy tale characters Monsic. Each of them represents a certain emotion and has skills that will help children understand these emotions and deal with them with various difficulties. Monsics are kind fairy creatures and a fairy tale is best perceived by a child.

Working on emotional intelligence in childhood is the key to successful development and well-being in the future.

Most likely, such a child, as an adult, will be able to avoid most of the psychological problems that modern society confronts us today.

Children are more receptive to everything new, their psyche is like plasticine - flexible and ingenuous. But what will be molded from this plasticine often depends only on adults. So let's start with ourselves.

Simple EQ Exercises

The EQ development methodology is simple and straightforward, but requires care and regular practice. Here are the most simple and effective exercises.

Mindfulness exercises

emotional diary

To learn to be aware of yourself here and now, write down every three hours the emotion that you experience in this moment. At the end of the day, isolate the prevailing emotion and think about what needs to be worked on.

After a couple of weeks, you will learn to feel in real time without any difficulties.

More effective this exercise will make a kind of check - analysis physical condition when experiencing a certain emotion. This practice is also good for improving health.

Stop!

How often are our actions accompanied by ? We do not think about what we are doing, but simply perform some familiar, regular manipulations. Exercise "Stop!" is to abruptly stop any action in order to get rid of inertia and allow yourself to think about the situation. Only in this way can you feel yourself here and now, begin to control your reality.

Self-Esteem Exercises

What a luck!

Teach yourself to think positively, reacting even to unpleasant events with the phrase: “What luck!”. Such a reaction will come as a surprise to others, but this fact will also benefit you, because then you will find even more advantages in the situation. To enhance the effect, you can use the phrase: "It's so great, because ...". Why? Think about it.

Sell your flaw

An effective technique that allows you to interpret even negative sides personality in a positive way. Tell the audience about your shortcoming in other words, give it a different color. For example, can caution be considered cowardice, and courage recklessness? But it all depends on which side you look at. The synthon approach relies on a positive approach to development. He says: you have no flaws, you have features.

You need to develop your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

With this approach, you can sell any of your shortcomings. For example, sell insecurity. Tell the audience honestly and truthfully how you, having this quality, before taking an important step, consider all options for events, look at various solutions, and only then take the most beneficial step for you.

Motivation Exercises

Openness to new

To develop this valuable quality in yourself, you can use a simple, but very effective exercise, which is to find as much as possible more options applications for the most common things. Let it be an ordinary towel, an old bucket, or just a piece of cardboard. come up with the largest number options for how to use these things. It is not only interesting, but also fun. Therefore, practice this exercise with your family and children. They will have a great time and work on their imagination and ingenuity.

Two random words

Open any book or magazine, randomly select any two words from the text and try to find something in common between them. Compare them, analyze, reflect and make relationships. It's efficient and fun.

An exercise to increase adaptability

Finally - the well-known Elevator Pitch method - the presentation of your business project in 30-60 seconds. Imagine that you are your own business project. Start presenting yourself as brightly as possible, while remaining honest with yourself.

To get started, use this template:

Profession.
Hobby.
How do I change the world for the better?

Each of these exercises will help you become better emotionally and psychologically. However, do not take emotional intelligence as a universal key to success. Life is quite multifaceted. Therefore, improve your mind, body, soul and love yourself. After all, the only thing we have control over in this world is ourselves.