attraction theory. Attraction is a special mechanism of psychological influence

In the question of attraction, the question of how people like each other is actively addressed. A person lives in a society where he has favorite people, friends, idols and role models. Also, a person wants to be interesting to someone and an example for copying. The article will consider in more detail the formation and factors of interpersonal attraction.

Speaking about the sympathy of people for each other, few of them focus on the fact that no one person can be liked by absolutely everyone. Each individual will have admirers who admire his beauty and intelligence, as well as haters who do not see anything remarkable in him. You can’t talk about what kind of person you like without noting who exactly likes him. The individual is not good in general, but only in this moment and for specific people.

This understanding allows any person to feel calm, because if someone does not like him, it means that a particular individual does not like him, and not in general. One person doesn't like it, and another person likes it. This does not mean that he is good or bad in general.

A person likes just the one who says good things about him. But this does not mean that the partner who listens to the admiring words of the interlocutor will treat the person in question in the same way. Don't fall for just one person's subjective assessment of the goodness of some individual. You are free to decide who you like and who you don't like. And also remember that any person can be liked by someone and someone can not like it.

What is attraction?

Attraction refers to the attraction of people to each other. What it is? This is based on the ability to arouse interest in others, as well as on the abilities of others to be interesting to a person. This causes various emotions and feelings in people: affection, interest, love, commitment, friendship, etc. Based on the attraction, people are included in joint activities and work hard for each other.

In psychology, attraction is the friendliness and sympathy of people for each other. Other sources say that attraction is the emergence of an individual's attractiveness in the process of his perception by a partner. It is formed on the basis of value judgments that occur in a person’s head, causing specific emotional experiences: hatred, sympathy, love, etc.

The main factors in the formation of attraction are:

The closeness of partners in communication.
Distance between interlocutors.
Influence of the circumstances of the situation.
Meeting frequency, etc.

Attraction means to win over, to evoke a positive attitude.

Are you trying to please someone? It may turn out that while you are trying to attract the attention of one, a completely different person will pay attention to you, who corresponds to the same social, material, behavioral, psycho-emotional level as the one you like. Be aware of this idea so that you don't get upset at those moments when you are trying to attract someone to you, but he is not attracted.

Around you is constantly a large number of of people. But since you are interested in a particular person, you may not notice how some strangers pay attention, are interested, stare at you. It is quite normal not to notice anyone around you when you are already interested in someone. But the most interesting thing is this: while you are trying to change yourself in order to attract the one you are interested in, you begin to interest other men / women whom you do not pay attention to. Moreover, these people are often at the same level as the partner of interest. By preparing yourself for a rich man, you may end up attracting another rich man. By trying to be romantic for one woman, you attract the attention of another who also desires romance.

While you are trying to please one, other people are paying attention to you. You have nothing to lose while trying to please someone. You intentionally raise yourself, improve, do better in order to attract someone who is interesting to you.

Do not worry that sometimes those who like you do not pay attention to you, because at this time others notice you. By trying to please, you make yourself better and more interesting, especially for the category of people that includes the one you like. This means that from the same category of people there may be those who like you. Not alone, so the other partner will turn their attention to you. Moreover, the second partner will be at the same standard of living as the person you are interested in.

Interpersonal attraction

Attraction (its other name is interpersonal attraction) is a positive attitude of people towards each other, where they form certain feelings. This unites them, forcing them to form relationships of a certain type. In them, people perform two functions: communicate and give each other what they want. A positive attitude is usually caused by the fact that people try for each other. This creates a strong and stable interpersonal attraction.

Any person who wants to achieve success in work, business, love, friendship, needs to ask a simple question: how is he useful to other people? When you come into contact with other people, in one way or another they evaluate your opportunities and the benefits that they can receive from you. No matter what people say, men and women evaluate each other in terms of benefits: what will they get personally for themselves if they agree to build relationships together? . Remember the saying of many people that "a friend is someone who is always ready to help."

In any relationship between two or more people, each participant agrees to cooperate only when he sees a benefit for himself. He can get something valuable and useful if he gets along with specific people and start building relationships with them. If there is no benefit from the relationship, then people do not converge. No one will just be friends, love or communicate. This should not be offended, since everyone acts from a position of benefit, which can happen unconsciously.

Each person should ask himself: what benefit can he give to other people? If you are dating a man (woman), what can you give him (her) useful? If you want to be friends with someone, what benefit will the other person get from your friendship? People become business partners when they can use each other's resources or benefit from the profits of another company. You must be useful to others, then they will want to have certain relationships with you.

This creates the attraction that is being discussed in the attraction. The one who is profitable is interesting, even if the person does not realize it.

If we transfer this strategy to the state level, we can understand why this or that country is poor or rich. Those states that do not carry any value to other countries become poor. Those states whose resources and products are used by others become rich. And how is your country useful to other states? What can you personally do for your country to make it useful and profitable for other countries? That's what patriotism is - it's when you make your country interesting for others. And patriotism in the form of boycotts and Protestantism only destroys the attractiveness of the country.

Attraction formation

How attractive a person is can be determined on a scale that can be represented as a line on which the following values are located in descending order: “I love”, “I really like”, “I like”, “neutral”, “I don’t like”, “I really don’t like "," I hate ":

"I love" - when a partner has great importance for a person, and he wants to be with him constantly.
"I like it very much" - a friendly attitude towards a partner with whom it is interesting to be together and build joint plans.
"Like" - the partner attracts by the fact that it is good to communicate with him.
"Neutral" - the partner does not cause absolutely no emotions, while the person does not avoid him and does not seek meetings with him.
"Dislike" - when a partner calls negative emotions, and the person does not want to communicate with him.
“I don’t like it very much” - when hostility arises towards a partner and there is a desire to avoid him.
“I hate” - the partner unbalances the person and provokes in him the desire to cause harm.

Attraction levels:

Sympathy - attraction, interest, approval, disposition to a particular person or group of people, which encourages to help, communicate, admire, be friendly and affable.
Friendship is the selectivity of partners with whom mutual relations are established, where everyone wants to be in each other's company.
Love is the isolation of the individual general background people and transfer it to life priorities and needs.

To be interesting person you need to be interested in people. It's a simple formula that works flawlessly. Every person wants to be interested. But if he puts himself in such a way that they are only interested in him, and he, for his part, does not show interest, then the relationship will sooner or later end. It is impossible to play with only one goal. If they are interested in you, but you do not show interest, then the person soon also cools off towards you.

Interest is an exchange. It is impossible to be an interesting person if you demand attention to yourself, and you yourself cannot show it to other people. Everyone wants to be interesting, respected. All people want to be questioned, interested in their affairs. But if you are not interested, demanding interest in yourself, then soon all the fans will cool off towards you. It is impossible to be interested in a person if he is not interested in you in return.

Of course, it does not hurt to be a sociable, open, friendly, cheerful person. Attracts lightness and calmness of the interlocutor. If these qualities can be seen and noticed, then interest is an internal attitude towards people. There are people you are interested in and those you are not interested in. This is your personal attitude, not something coming from outside. Attraction is an attitude, a set of positive qualities towards another person. That's why everyone wants to be interested. Interest is an indicator that they have positive feelings for you, and its absence indicates the opposite emotions of a person towards you.

attraction factors

Attraction factors are those aspects that cause positive emotions those around. They are:

Infantile appearance. An adult with childish features does not cause fear and anxiety. Such individuals seem weak, honest, trusting, defenseless, kind. They are treated with kindness. To all this is connected the desire of each person to dominate, to assert himself. This becomes possible only next to weak people, which do not fight back and are malleable. However, under the infantile appearance, a decisive and firm character can be hidden.
The similarity of partners in communication.
Physical attractiveness.
Communication style.
Availability of support.

Sometimes it happens that a person is physically attractive, but when communicating with him, discomfort arises. He admires himself, interrupts, shows aggression, allows others to be humiliated. Attractiveness quickly disappears if comfortable feelings do not arise when communicating with a person.

On the contrary, a situation arises when, at first glance, a person did not outwardly attract, but after communicating with him, they remained good impressions. A charming smile, benevolent deeds, cultural manners and gestures, the mind cause a desire to get to know the interlocutor better.

Website psychological help the site notes that external attractiveness is of great importance only at the first stages of acquaintance. Subsequently, it fades into the background, giving way to what kind of person is in communication, according to the qualities of character, manners, lifestyle, etc.

Outcome

A person lives in a society where he is constantly in contact with other people. There are a lot of them, everyone has their own views, unique features character, complexes and developed models of behavior with others. Establishing relationships with absolutely everyone will require great skill. From ordinary person it only requires paying attention to those who he really needs for a full and normal life. The result of such an attraction is the presence of a strong family, friends and a certain circle helpful people.

You don't have to be liked by everyone. There are only three people who should like you (of course, this also depends on your desire):

This is you yourself.
This is your loved one
This is your boss.

You yourself, your loved one and your boss are the people on whom your well-being and happiness depend. You should like yourself, because you always live with yourself. The people around you may change, but only person that always stays with you is you. All efforts should be directed towards pleasing yourself.

Your loved one is second in the ranking. He must like you in order to receive love, care, support, etc. from him. You build relationships with this person, create a family, realize everything that concerns your desires regarding love. A loved one needs to be liked so that he stays close to you.

If your partner loves you and likes you, then no matter what other people say about you, he will never leave you. An adult is important what he thinks. And if he is still focused on the opinions of others, then either he has not matured yet, or he personally does not like you.

The third highest rating is your boss. Why do you need to like the boss (we are talking more about professional skills here than about personal ones)? Because the boss gives you a job, pays for your work, raises you, and so on. The boss is the leader in the field of work. You need money, so it's better to please the person who gives it.

Your life does not depend on how other people treat you. Only those who are directly involved in the realization of your desires and needs are important. This category includes you, your loved one, and your boss. The people around you can be both happy and dissatisfied. Moreover, what is no longer important is what people around you say about you, but how you yourself, your loved one or boss treat you. The main thing is that people who are valuable and important to you are interested in you and are satisfied. And no matter what other people say to them, all their words will be an empty ring if they personally treat you positively. Try to please only those who you need to feel loved, happy and successful person.

attraction

(from lat. attrahere - attract, attract) - a concept that denotes the appearance of the perception of a person by a person (see) the attractiveness of one of them for another. The formation of attachment occurs in the subject as a result of his specific emotional attitude (see), the assessment of which gives rise to a diverse range of feelings ( from hostility to sympathy and even love) and manifests itself in the form of a special social attitude towards another person.

Karpenko Lyudmila Andreevna

Brief psychological dictionary. - Rostov-on-Don: PHOENIX. L.A. Karpenko, A.V. Petrovsky, M. G. Yaroshevsky. 1998 .

attraction

A concept meaning the appearance when a person is perceived by a person ( cm.) attractiveness of one of them for another. The formation of attachment occurs in the subject as a result of his specific emotional attitude, the assessment of which gives rise to a diverse range of feelings - from hostility to sympathy and even love - and manifests itself as a special social attitude towards another person. The mechanisms of formation of attachments and friendly feelings are experimentally studied ( cm.; ) when perceiving another person, the reasons for the appearance of an emotional attitude, in particular, the role of the similarity of the characteristics of the subject and the object of perception, as well as the situation in which they are:

1 ) the influence of such characteristics as the proximity of communication partners, the frequency of their meetings, the distance between them, etc.;

2 ) the influence of the conditions of interaction - “helping behavior”, joint activities, etc.

Dictionary practical psychologist. - M.: AST, Harvest. S. Yu. Golovin. 1998 .

attraction Etymology.

English attraction - attraction, attraction.

Category.

Installation on another person.

Specificity.

Makes people interested in each other. In accordance with it, the individual is involved in joint activities.

Diagnostics.

Measured using a scale of interpersonal assessments.

Literature.

(Ed.) Huston T. Foundations of Interpersonal Attraction. N.Y., 1974

Psychological Dictionary. THEM. Kondakov. 2000 .

ATTRACTION

1. The behavior of approaching an object or only paying attention, showing interest in h.-l. Wed attraction - a spectacular circus or pop act; entertainment.

2. In social psychology A. is called a friendly type of relationship between people, their sympathy for each other. It should be noted that this concept is not explanatory, but purely descriptive and, moreover, metaphorical. In the theory of equilibrium (balance) F. Haider postulates ( principle of reciprocity) that social A. is mutual: if you find that someone sympathizes with you, then this makes your sympathy for him more likely. Cm. , . (B. M.)

Big psychological dictionary. - M.: Prime-EVROZNAK. Ed. B.G. Meshcheryakova, acad. V.P. Zinchenko. 2003 .

Synonyms:

See what "attraction" is in other dictionaries:

ATTRACTION- (lat. attractio, from attrahere to attract). attraction; force of gravity. Dictionary foreign words included in the Russian language. Chudinov A.N., 1910. ATTRACTION [lat. attractio contraction] 1) psychol. concept that denotes the occurrence of ... ... Dictionary of foreign words of the Russian language

attraction- (Attractio attraction) is a turnover, grammatically expressed in the absence syntactic connection between two members of a sentence. Examples of attraction: "killed by elephants' feet", "carried around with a cup of green wine" instead of killed by elephants' feet, carried around with a bowl ... ... Literary Encyclopedia

attraction- ATTRACTION (Attractio attraction) is a turnover, grammatically expressed in the absence of a syntactic connection between the two members of the sentence. Examples of attraction: "killed by elephants' feet", "carried around with a cup of green wine" instead of killed by elephants' feet, ... ... Dictionary of literary terms

attraction- and, well. attraction f., lat. attraction. 1. physical. Attraction. All bodies and creatures mutually attract themselves according to certain rules. That force of bodies is called attraction. Cantemir Satyr. 7 161. Attraction already needs + and, we need unity and quantity. 31. 12.… … Historical dictionary gallicisms of the Russian language

Attraction is (from English) the attraction of one individual to another. What does it all mean? It means affection for each other. During the positive attitude of one person to another, feelings appear between them. Under the influence of attraction, one person begins to perform joint actions with another. It is measured by the scale of interpersonal assessment.

What is attraction?

In psychology, attraction is the friendly attitude of one person to another. It is also expressed in sympathy between people. It is mainly associated with relationships between people and is realized when one person communicates with another. According to other sources, it means the appearance in the process of perception by one person of attraction to another person.

The main factors influencing the formation of attraction are constant meetings, the distance of one person from another, common topics and interests, the impact of different circumstances. Attachment begins to develop in one person to another under the influence of a kind of emotional relationship. At the moment of evaluating this relationship, a whole gamut of feelings arises. These emotional manifestations include:

love;
sympathy;
hatred.

It is expressed under the influence of social attraction on another person. Attraction is also considered a human emotion. The result of the action is the creation of a reliable family by a person, as well as the appearance of friends and a small group the right people a certain circle. Psychologists and sociologists for a long time conduct a study of the mechanism that causes the development of friendly relations of one person with another. They study the mechanism of attachment at the moment of perception of one by the other, as well as the reasons that cause an emotional state.

Factors

Attraction factors are external and internal. They, in turn, are divided into categories. External factors include factors that are not clearly related to the communication of one person with another:

The emotional state of the individual. Attraction is related to the mood of a person. If he frowns, people's interest in him decreases, and a cheerful and cheerful person, on the contrary, is interesting to many people.
Distance between individuals. If a person is next to another person during communication, the attraction is more active. If the proximity is out of place, one individual may have aggression towards another, since such proximity can be regarded by a person as a violation of his personal space. The friendly zone operates at a distance of one meter, and the public zone is at a distance of three meters.
The ability of a person to carry on a conversation. From his sociability, ability to attract attention will depend on whether he will like another individual or not. How more people tries to please another, the more the other individual will show interest in him. Internal factors include those that are formed at the time of communication.
Appearance. A beautiful-looking person is more liked by people. An ugly person, on the contrary, is not conducive to communication.
Communication manners. It depends on how beautifully and correctly a person communicates whether he can please another individual or not. Bad behavior and the wrong tone of communication repel the interlocutor. Even if outwardly a person looks beautiful, his rudeness and tactlessness will immediately scare off the interlocutor.
A person often chooses a person for communication with those qualities that he himself does not have.
Best of all, people of the same status and the same interests find a lot in common.

Mechanisms

Attraction is the main form of cognition of one individual by another, which is based on the appearance of positive emotions between people. Partners best friend a friend is understood because of the appearance of affection between them. Attachment can be friendly or intimate.

It is easier for one individual to accept the position of another if he experiences positive emotions for him. The whole mechanism is as follows. The signals received through the sense organs may disappear or remain. This is influenced by their significance and the emotional state of the individual. Signals that are emotionally significant for the individual pass through consciousness, and they remain in the pantry of memory, even if the person is not aware of it. Consequently, an individual on an unconscious level has a different attitude towards another individual without being aware of it.

If at the moment of communication a person sends special signals: emotionally significant, positive and unconscious, another individual will form the opinion that the interlocutor was pleasant in communication. Thus, attraction is formed. This mechanism does not allow convincing or proving anything to another individual. It only allows you to positively dispose one person to another.

The mechanism of attraction allows you to create a special setting for another individual. At the same time, emotional components predominate in it. In the mechanism of attraction, emotional attachment appears in people with common views and interests. Such relationships allow one individual to better understand another. The more one person likes another, the more this person knows about him, he is interested and important new information. The perception of one person by another largely depends on the first impression. At the same time, interlocutors often cannot say exactly why they like or dislike the interlocutor. Opinion is formed on the basis of subconscious reactions and emotions.

tricks

Attractions are:

"Proper name" - in the course of communication, address the interlocutor by name, preferably by name and patronymic. This technique makes a person understand that he is interested in you as a person. On a subconscious level, the sound of your own name disposes a person to the interlocutor, and expressive intonation will help you establish verbal contact with your opponent.
"Mirror of relations" ("reception of the monkey") - consists in the behavioral repetition of the movements of the interlocutor (the position of the arms, legs, tilt of the head), as well as facial expressions, facial expressions (sullenness, smile, look). This technique allows you to open a person in a non-verbal way and set him up for contact and a productive conversation.
"Patient listener" - means to listen carefully to your interlocutor, try not to interrupt him, while watching his intonation and personal attitude to the fact or object of the story, to share his emotional mood. Unbeknownst to himself, he will move from a monologue to a dialogue with you, which will allow you to constructively continue communication.
"Personal life" - initially knowing about the hobby, passion of the interlocutor, you can start a conversation with him on an interesting topic for him, which, in turn, will designate you as a person of his environment. At the same time, the maximum result will be achieved if you start a conversation in an appropriate setting. For example, if a person is interested in painting, you can start a conversation with him in an art gallery or at an exhibition.
"Golden words" - the ability to verbally encourage a person's pride with compliments, while it is necessary to think over the options for compliments and praise to the interlocutor or group of interlocutors in advance, so as not to overdo it too much.

There are many examples of attraction using these methods. But to understand how they work, you should study the following.

"Proper name"

The man intends to win over the interlocutor, calling him by name and patronymic: “Hello, Igor Alexandrovich. Heard a lot about you as a specialist high level And I'm glad to meet you in person...

"Relationship Mirror"

Two interlocutors. The person to be won over sits at a table with his arms crossed and with a "sour face". The second person sits opposite and assumes an approximately similar position of the hands and repeats facial expressions. Subsequently, after 7-8 minutes, you can gradually unhook your hands and smile, if the interlocutor repeats the actions after you, it means that he is psychologically disposed and set up for a conversation.

"Patient Listener"

A man after 10 minutes of continuous dialogue: “... You can’t imagine how insulting it is when you are not understood. But I want to correct and improve the process ... ".

The psychologist (interlocutor) after carefully listening to his interlocutor: “I absolutely agree with you. They just underestimate creative personality like you and your skill. But what can you say about such a problem as ....».

The main thing here is to listen carefully to the interlocutor, and not to intuitively nod your head in silent agreement.

"Personal life"

Psychologist (interlocutor): "Vladislav Ivanovich, I heard from our friends that you are fond of entomology."

Man: I don't know who told you that, but it's true. You have no idea what a collection of butterflies I have.”

Psychologist: “You know, I also used to be fond of collecting interesting butterflies».

"Gold words"

Chief in front of the team: " Dear friends and colleagues. I want to express my gratitude to you all for the work and achievements of our colleague Alexander Alexandrovich. I want to note that his achievement is the merit of the whole team. I wish him further creative success in his work."

Firstly, in this case, by encouraging the conditional Alexander Alexandrovich, you motivate him to new achievements, and secondly, the whole team - and improve the quality of your work.

Ivanova E.V.

In structure psychological impact there is a very special mechanism that allows you to “magically” turn the interlocutor into a like-minded person, a random buyer into a regular customer, an outside observer into a desperate admirer, a curious one into an ardent supporter of the idea. Mankind knows many examples when millions of people somehow miraculously began to worship not because of fear and coercion, but because of a certain magnetism of the individual, giving rise to endless sympathy and love. This is the bright image of the "people's" Princess Diana, who was often called the "princess of hearts", this is the infinitely charming first-ever cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, these are great politicians: Indira Gandhi, Mikhail Gorbachev, Yulia Timoshenko, Vadim Rabinovich, and these are even such tyrants of humanity like Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin... What is this amazing mechanism for turning on “love and adoration”? What is the mechanism of its activation and operation?

This mechanism in psychological science is called "attraction". Isn't it true that the word "attraction" is familiar and loved by us since childhood? It is this component that "provides" not only the location, attraction of a person to itself, but also the retention of his attention, interest and desire to interact. Attraction ensures the formation of a positive emotional attitude towards the perceived person: sympathy, friendship, love. Attraction (from lat. attrahere- attract, attract) - a psychological concept denoting the attractiveness of a partner in the process of perception. Attraction is the "attraction" of one person to another, the emergence of an attractive image.

In our opinion, one of the main components of the technology of psychological influence is attraction. As a result of the process of attraction, a system of social attitudes is formed that regulate the relationship of the individual with his social microenvironment. Quite often, it is already present in communication, and the initiator can only use it. In other cases, the state of attraction must be created. The presence of attraction greatly facilitates the "hidden" control of the object, although it does not always appear explicitly.The basis of attraction is the human need for positive emotions. It is stimulated by many techniques: a subtle compliment, the ability to listen, a respectful attitude towards the object, a “reflection” of the interlocutor, positive non-verbal manifestations, a comfortable position for the interlocutor, etc.

It is worth noting the special role positive thinking. In other words, turn to face the world, and the world will turn to face you. All this seemingly “magic” has a tangible biological basis. Discovered in 1992 by the Italian neuroscientist Jacom Rizzolatti, mirror neurons are special brain cells responsible for the ability of the human body to absolutely accurately recognize the interlocutor's reaction, his state and emotions experienced at the moment of interaction. It is they that trigger the so-called mechanism of neurohumoral regulation - the production of appropriate hormones and psychophysiological reactions to every moment of a person's communication with anyone.

It's them who start the mass yawning bored people in one place, the fury of football fans, the delight of the audience in the theater hall, the panic state of frightened people infected with uncontrollable fear. This neurobiological mechanism of turning on charm, joy, love ecstasy works in a similar way. It is skillfully used by professional PR people, sellers and politicians. Generating and translating own state Tymoshenko, Klitschko, Lyashko, Putin, Poroshenko, Lukashenko successfully "turn on" their electorate in their self-confidence, in their exclusivity and "superiority". Sometimes it is difficult for their supporters to find rational arguments for honoring these politicians. In the same way, the contemporaries of Stalin, Hitler, Lenin, Napoleon would not have found an explanation for their “love” for these persons. Only crushing victories on political Olympus strengthened the righteousness of the deification of the objects of popular adoration, the monsters of human history.

This children's song very accurately conveys the implementation of the biological mechanism of attraction. A number of studies by neuroscientists testify to the special role of mirror neurons.

Attractions include a number of psychological phenomena: sympathy, friendship, love, respect. It is under the influence of these phenomena that people are most inclined to listen to the opinion of those who give rise to these feelings and states. The secret is that they create such a neurohumoral background in which the body is literally "high". Happiness is only chemical reaction organism, arising due to special hormones. Happiness hormones serotonin and endorphins are the main substances that affect our positive mood.

Sympathy, as a rule, arises either according to the principle of identity (psychological similarity or unity), or according to the principle of psychological complementarity (addition). not without reason folk wisdom says: “we understand each other at a glance”, “at a glance”, “a fisherman sees a fisherman from afar”, “two pair of boots”, etc. Psychological complementarity, although it requires large mental costs, forms more stable social systems: mutually beneficial partnership, long friendships, successful marriages.

To the main "secrets" of the formation of attraction:

Smile. A sincere, open smile is perceived as a compliment. A friendly disposition gives rise to a corresponding disposition.
Address by name. It is pleasant for a person to hear his name, patronymic in communication. The name was respectfully spoken - an important step in achieving attraction is the unconscious perception of one's uniqueness, personal attention, in biological language this means an increase in status, which contributes to an increase in the desire for interaction, promotes mutual understanding.
Make and maintain eye contact. The eyes are the mirror of the soul. An open, attentive look at the interlocutor is a kind of bridge for understanding each other. Visual contact is extremely important for attraction. Looking at the speaker, the listener, firstly, shows interest, and secondly, focuses on the message, checks and corrects the process of understanding. At the same time, it is a signal in the exchange of remarks, expresses the intimacy of communication and regulates the distance. The look is powerful non-verbal means transferring information, expressing one's attitude towards a communication partner, etc. Benevolently looking at a person, we make it clear that we hear the answer, we support feedback.

The ability to express empathy is one of the secrets of charm. If a person allows the reflections of other people to penetrate into himself when he is not indifferent to their opinions and feelings, then this generates sympathy. We sympathize with those people who are capable of adequate reflection. At the same time, we evaluate, among other things, how congruent, that is, appropriate to a given situation, the facial expressions and body language of people seem to us. People who talk about a sad scene from a movie with a happy expression on their face arouse dislike among outsiders, and people who are able to participate, whose body language matches the situation in which they are, arouse sympathy. The effect of sympathy is born only if the external manifestations of thoughts and the state correspond to its actual internal mood.
External manifestation of feelings - postures and gestures. They play an important role in attraction. For example, an interlocutor leaning towards us is perceived as a more attentive listener. On the contrary, we feel a certain discomfort when the interlocutor leans back, and even more so - he sits lounging. Or "riding a chair" - is perceived as dominant, "sitting on a horse."
Touch. By touch, you can establish contact, attract attention, express your attitude to the interlocutor. Of course, touching is allowed in non-business, intimate communication. Often they allow you to relieve tension between loved ones, to confirm the degree of significance, the value of the partner. Often handshakes, hugs as a greeting set an initially friendly atmosphere in communication, kisses and hugs indicate a certain intimacy of those communicating.
Distance. Studies conducted by E. Hull in the field of proxemics have shown that there is a direct relationship between the process of communication and the location of the interlocutors in space relative to each other. The optimal distance between interlocutors depends on their individual traits and situational parameters. Increasing or decreasing the distance between communicating should be logical. Spatial proximity can be used to establish more trusting relationship. But you need to use this very carefully so that it is not perceived as familiarity or an encroachment on the boundaries of personal space. It has been noticed that people who do not want to communicate for one reason or another tend to increase the distance in communication. So, in order to achieve equality in communication in the audience, it is necessary to easily change the distance, moving around the room."The ability to listen" - this method of attraction includes several sub-methods of listening. The most important of these is the so-called active listening. It lies in the fact that you are trying to predict what the interlocutor will say with his next phrase. An external manifestation of this is an external demonstration of interest in the interlocutor: tilting in his direction, nodding his head to confirm understanding of the message, hint words to the interlocutor when he is looking for the right word. This indicates interest in the listener, his attention and complete mutual understanding. The second technique is clarifying questions that enliven the listening, and the very process of formulating them binds us to the listening. There is also a distinction between reflexive and non-reflexive listening. Non-reflexive listening is the ability to listen carefully without interfering with the speech of the interlocutor with your comments. Non-reflexive listening contributes to attraction in situations where the interlocutor is eager to speak out; wants to discuss what worries him most; has difficulty expressing his worries and problems; is a person in a higher position. Reflective listening is characterized by active feedback. It allows you to more accurately understand the interlocutor, and without this attraction is impossible. In addition, quickly gained understanding contributes to attraction.There is also a very interesting, but most important effective way the achievement of attraction is the implementation of the six rules of D. Carnegie, which allow people to like.
1. Genuinely interested in other people
2. smile
3. Remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor
6. Inspire your interlocutor with the consciousness of his significance and do it sincerely
Thus, we came to the conclusion that in the process psychological influence attraction plays an important role. Its presence significantly increases the effectiveness and attractiveness of the personality of the influencer as a whole, thereby ensuring its charisma. Lack of positive emotional state in interaction inevitably causes communication difficulties. It should also be noted that the study of attraction and the main means of achieving it requires communicative competence, the skillful use of certain skills of visual psychodiagnostics of the object of influence, its psychological features and states.
Literature:

Among the people in our circle of communication, there are always those who we like more, those who we like less, and those who we do not like at all. That is, our perception of other people, as a rule, is accompanied by a more or less pronounced evaluative attitude towards them. The desire to please other people and their mutual feelings towards us are an important part of social life, play a significant role in the well-being of any person.

The process of preferring some people to others, mutual attraction between people, mutual sympathy is called "interpersonal attraction"(from English attract - attract, attract, captivate, seduce).

Attractiveness range one person for another can be represented as follows:

attraction level	Emotional evaluation	Action
	The other person means everything to you	Do you want to be with him forever?
Very like	Do you consider this person your friend?	Do you like to be together, make joint plans
Like	This person makes you feel good	Do you enjoy talking to this person?
Neutral	This person does not cause you any positive or negative emotions.	You are not looking for meetings with him, but you do not avoid him either.
I do not like	This person generally makes you feel negative emotions.	You prefer not to talk to him
Very dislike	He is on the list of unwanted persons	You actively avoid all contact with him
I hate	When you see this person or just hear his name, you lose your temper.	At least in thought, you would like to harm him.

Among the factors that greatest influence on the process of interpersonal attraction, we can distinguish external in relation to the process of direct interpersonal interaction (sometimes they are called ecological) and internal, that is, those that arise in the process of interaction, or actually interpersonal determinants of attraction.

To external, that is, not directly related to the process of interaction, the factors of attraction include the following: degree expression in humans needs in affiliations; emotional condition communication partners; spatial proximity.

As we have already noted, affiliation- this is the need to create and maintain satisfactory relationships with other people, the desire to please, attract attention, interest, feel valued and significant. The severity of this need in different people largely determines the nature of their interpersonal relationships. If a person has a weakly expressed this need, then it gives the impression of an unsociable, closed, avoiding other person. And vice versa, if this need is expressed to a large extent, then a person is constantly looking for contacts with others, strives for people, strives to make himself noticed.

Emotional condition in a specific situation, communication can be considered as an external factor of attraction in the event that a person’s good mood extends to everything around, including the surrounding people. It has been experimentally established that a person experiencing positive emotions more often and positively looks at other people, shows interest in them. For a person with a negative mood, people either do not exist at all (he does not see them), or his negative state is transferred to those around him.

Spatial proximity is another external determinant of interpersonal preference. The action of this variable can be formulated as follows: other things being equal, the closer people are spatially to each other, the more likely they are to be mutually attractive. So, for example, in childhood, a circle of friends is formed from peers living nearby, often people who live close to each other, or those who study and / or work together, often become marriage partners. Spatial proximity also affects the duration of relationships. A huge number of friendships, loves, courtships stop under the influence of spatial separation (the consequence of this is the saying "Out of sight, out of heart"). Another explanation for the relationship between spatial proximity and interpersonal attraction has been proposed by famous psychologist Robert Zajonc (1968): Repeated use of a stimulus increases the attractiveness of that stimulus to the perceiver. In other words, what is familiar is liked more than what is unfamiliar.

To internal, or actually interpersonal determinants of attraction include: physical attractiveness communication partners; demonstrated communication style; similarity factor between partners for communication; complement factor; expression of a personal relationship to a partner in the process of communication(support factor).

Connection between physical attractiveness and attraction is in complex dependencies mediated by other variables. Firstly, views on beauty are subjective, and secondly, based on the preference for beautiful or not beautiful people lies not so much the desire to choose a communication partner of the most beautiful person, but the forecast of his reactions to himself. That is, if a person is confident in himself, he chooses the most beautiful people possible, and in the absence of confidence, he focuses on an average or even low level of physical attractiveness. However, beauty has an impact on interpersonal attraction. According to numerous studies, beautiful appearance provides boys and girls with higher popularity, starting as early as the age of four.

An important factor in interpersonal attraction is manner behavior in communication. Communication with some people brings us more pleasure than with others. Those who show generosity, generosity, enthusiasm, tenderness, liveliness, sociability, determination, as a rule, are liked more. Those who do not demonstrate these traits are perceived as mean, cold, apathetic, "aggressively self-centered" or overly timid.

Similarity factor, the next factor influencing interpersonal attraction. “A nice person is a person who agrees with me,” Disraeli (British Prime Minister in the late 19th century) once said. Three quarters of a century later, this statement was confirmed in scientific research: we like, and we are more likely to like people who are similar to us, and vice versa, we do not like, and people who are different from us do not like us. There are some factors that enhance the impact of similarity on attraction. Among them:

the number of issues on which people reach agreement;

the importance, significance of certain views;

reciprocity.

Addition. We have all met couples in which people get along great, despite the conspicuous differences in their characters and views. The theory emphasizing the differences, rather than similarities between people as the basis of interpersonal attraction, was proposed by the American psychologist R. Winch, calling it the theory of complementary needs. Its basic position can be formulated as follows: in the selection of marriage partners and even friends, we more often choose those who satisfy our needs, and maximum satisfaction occurs when two people have complementary rather than similar needs.

Speaking of support factor, mean the expression of a personal relationship with a partner. Even Aristotle wrote that people love those who do good to them and take care of them. Attraction arises in response to positive actions, hostility - to negative ones. We are more likely to have a positive attitude towards those people who praise us, love us, cooperate with us than those who criticize us, hate us or are our competitor.

Thus, interpersonal attraction is determined by the action of a number of factors. A positive perception of another person may depend on the emotional state of the perceiver himself, on the degree of expression of a person’s need for affiliation, on whether this person next to you or far away from you. People are more likely to like those who have views, education, values, status, similar to their own; those whose behavior and communication style support their self-respect and dignity.